new here... 22, balding, need support

[Trey22]

Hello, my name is Trey and I have been very depressed for awhile now about my male pattern baldness. I feel cursed dealing with my apparent baldness at the age of 22. Why me?

I’m way past the denial stage now, I know that my hair looks completely stupid in its current state, but for some reason I just can’t work up the guts to do something about it. I don’t think I would look good bald, I really don’t, so I have not given into shaving my head yet. I’ve been thinking all week about taking the plunge and going all Mr. Clean, but I’m afraid of what people will think of me and I’m afraid my hair will never grow back to what it was before - to its semi-manageable state.  My self-esteem has gotten so bad lately that I have completely stopped doing a lot of things I enjoy; the simple task of even going outside is hard on me just because I'm always thinking about my head, which direction the wind is blowing, and where i misplaced my hat.

I’ve done the hat thing for a year, but it just makes my hair get dry, dull, and itchy even more. Last month, things got so bad that I completely stoped showing up to work just because my boss told me I could not put on a hat anymore. My co-workers who saw me after this new rule continued to talk behind my back about my goofy appearance and I cracked up one day and just quit. I hate that I deal with such a trivial issue with my body and I hate the uneasy looks I get when I’m at work/school/church just because they expect you to take your hats off when you walk into the building. 

When I do take my hat off, I constantly have the feeling that people look at me funny and I can't count the number of times people have straight-up laughed at me just because I was born with a receding hair line. I’m at the point now that even strangers will tell me that I need to shave my head. I know, I know, I should listen and just shave it off right? I wish it was that easy… but it’s not to me…

My hair has taken a toll on my love life, my job hunt, and my happiness. What should I do? Going bald terrifies me. 

[schro]

Trey,
Hang in there. The fact you are depressed, and your hairline is a leading factor, is one of the main reasons the website was created. Going SLY is all about a positive attitude. Does MPB (male pattern bladness) suck? It can be a downer if you let it.

On a personal note, I hated the fact I was losing my hair at a young age (about your current age...I'm 45 now). As I got older, I worried less about it. That being said, I was still subconscious about my hairline....I went SLY, didn't give my hairline a second thought, and now walk around proudly as a SLY guy!

If it's truly bothering you, I'd get some clippers (or go to the barber), and buzz it down to a #2 or a #1. Give it a run at that level. You might find that you like it right there. Who knows, at that point you might want to go to the next level and shave it down. If you do, check out all the suggested products and methods of shaving.

There's a lot of good info on the website. Cruise around and check it out.
The SBG community is very supportive.

Good Luck.
Schro
SBG Moderator.

[TheSlyBear]

While it's not unusual to freak out over hair loss -- it's completely needless. It's just hair. In the grand scheme of things, it's so minor that it's not funny. The fact that it's having such a profound effect on your life is needless.

Many of your fears are unfounded. You can clip your hair short, or shave it, and if you decide to grow it back (unlikely) it'll grow back to its current state.

My advice: buzz it down and see how you like it. There's no downside.

[Laser Man]

The fact that it's having such a profound effect on your life is needless.

Many of your fears are unfounded. You can clip your hair short, or shave it, and if you decide to grow it back (unlikely) it'll grow back to its current state.

My advice: buzz it down and see how you like it. There's no downside.

Trey -

This is sound advice.  You have MPB which is not a life-threatening condition.  If how your hair looks is overtaking your like - get rid of the hair.  Yes, you may feel self-conscious being bald, but you and everyone else will get used to it pretty quickly.  Give it a try.

[Arnie]

Just shave it off and you will see.

Honestly, both me and my best friend have a similar hairline and always told each other "I know why you wear a hat"...

Now we are both SLY and can't believe it took us so long to do it.  In fact, we should have went SLY even before your age.

I bet you will like it...and as far as what anyone else thinks, so what.  After 48-72 hours of going SLY you will be feeling a lot better about that aspect.

Just do it!!!  Welcome to SBGs!!!

[Papa Don]

Trey, listen to the guys for they have been in your shoes.  There is far more dreadful things in this world to be depressed about.  Hair is not one of them.  What if you or a family member (God forbid) should come down with a terrible illness?  Pull yourself up and get on with life.  Try buzzing or shaving.  It doesn't matter.  Over half the men have some degree of MPB and their lives continue.  I know you can do the same.  Sure, you like the rest of us will recieve a few negative remarks.  So what?  It's your head and life.  If you try to live your life for someone else's likes or dislikes, it will drive you crazy.  Only you know yourself.
I am sure that every brother on this site will step up to help you through these trying times.  Best of luck to you.  And remember, your family and friends love you--with or without hair.

[kalbo]

Hi Trey, I have a full head of hair but I prefer to be bald by choice. Let me just say, based on your avatar that you have a handsome face and getting rid of your hair will emphasize your handsome facial features. Best regards.

[warhawk]

hey trey:

1st of all welcome 2 the sly fraternity.  glad that ya joined us.  thinning hair and losing hair can B so "depressing".... however  i can almost guarantee that U will love your new look after U finally decide 2 shave your dome.  i say go 2 a barber and get it buzzed to a zero and go home and shave it clean.  the longer U wait.... the more hesitant U will B.  once U actually... do the deed... U will B saying 2 yourself (why didn't i do this sooner) and also U will B thanking us 4 encouraging U 2 do the deed.

again... welcome 2 the sly forum.  we got your back and support.  keep us posted 2 your road 2 slyness.

WARHAWK

[andrew]

Trey,

You've gotten some great advice and you should seriously consider following it.   Many of us agonized, as you are, before getting the guts to shave it off.  You'll look cool ...   don't worry about it.  Maybe grow a goatee to mix it up a little.

My prediction is that if you just go for it, you'll get through the transition easily and wish you'd done it much sooner.

Andrew

[Acme]

Welcome Trey.

My opinion is to just go ahead and shave it.  That's what I did although I'm much older than you.  I recently did it because I wasn't going to do balding.  I didn't want to buzz real short to see how it went, I just wanted to go for the final result and I instantly loved it.  I used to be horrified at the thought of being bald and it turns out I love it.  No worrying about how the hair looks or what people thought when they looked at it.  It really is a convenience to be bald.

All your feelings are normal.  You just need to decide that your hairline is not going to rule you.  Once you create the new look, you're probably going to feel much better.  Just remember to project confidence.  If you show people you're comfortable with yourself, they will be comfortable too and the transition will be over before you know it.  I only told one person at work before I did it and did not warn anyone before I saw them.  I tried to have fun with it.  I won't lie, even though I liked it, that first week was rough on me due to my own anxiety.  It was really no big deal to the rest of the world.

[Slynito]

Like they all said...you ain't got nothing to loose, right? 

[chgobuzzbald]

If people react strangely to you it is only because they can see you dont like yourself for some reason (balding is not viewed today as negative by most people) but they have no idea what. If you were hiding under a hat you were sending a signal that you are insecure/fearful about balding. So they didnt respect you for that, why should they if you dont even like yourself, why should anyone else ? Count how many buzzed down/shaved headed guys you see in a typically day and you have your answer. Buzz it off, have fun and realize that in itself a buzzed or shaved head is a popular haircut most everywhere whether someone is balding or not. Maybe consider hitting the gym to muscle up and you have truly reinvented yourself at 22. I live near a university and see many guys your age with buzzed or shaved heads uncovered by hats. They cant all be wrong ? This is not 1951 it is 2011, a whole new universe and it is at least 30% shaved headed

[Paul the Headblader]

lemme tell you something.
I live in Romania, where lives all the noobs who are thinking 50 years back!
I've got bad reactions, but, frankly, I don't give a s**t.
don't think about what people say, it'll take you nowhere.
Go ahead and shave it, then share a picture with us, so we can see the great look on you.
No one pushed me to go bald, I am BBC (Bald By Choice), and I'm so proud of having the guts of doing it!

[Mike]

Just a couple things. First, you can rock the bald look, just go for it. When it comes down to it, its just hair and can grow back. You could shave it smooth and say it was for a Halloween costume party that you decided not to go to, etc. Like others have said, grow some facial hair as well just to have something to work with.
 Would you rather have some control over your hair by shaving it off or would you rather be depressed about it and let it control you?

[Slick A]

Trey, hair is completely overrated.  Once you go sly, and I'm confident you will someday, you'll realize it.  It's just hair.  Don't let it control you.  When I finally made that self discovery, I became a confident, good looking, sly bald guy.