Don't mess with a Scottish wife

[The Scottish Ambassador]

Don't mess with a Scottish wife..
TO BE READ WITH A SCOTTISH ACCENT!
 
Wee Jimmy had just finished a new book called “How to be the Man of your House” and decided he was taking action.
He barges into the kitchen and announces to his wee Scottish wife, Mary,  that “from noo oan, you need tae ken that a am the man o’ this hoose and ma word is law. Right”.
“So, the ‘nite you’ll prepare me a gourmet meal o’ ma choice and then, when I’m finished eating you’ll serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner you’re comin up the stairs wi’ me an we’ll hae the kinda sex that a want for as long as a want it, and then you’ll run me a bath so a can relax.
You’ll wash my back, then dry me wi the towel and then help me intae ma fleecy Rangers pajamas before you massage ma hauns an feet.
Then the morra mornin, guess who’s gonnae dress me an comb ma hair?”
“Well” says Mary, “the f---ing funeral director would be my first guess”

[Magoo]

    :*)    Can't believe every thing in those" self help" books.

[Mikekoz13]

WOOHOO!!!! I love Scottish women! I dated one years ago and man was she a fireball...... and good looking too!

[tomgallagher]

Ya gotta watch those Celts.

[D.A.L.U.I.]

That's good, the version I heard years ago was of an Italian couple in old New Orleans and the accent was important too, and the wife answered the last question was phrased in a more earthy fashion, Papa said, "And when I taka a c__p, you know who a gonna wippa my a$$?"  , to which she answers "That question I can answer Papa, Lamana Panno Fallo!"  The LPF was the traditional undertaker for the Sicilian population of New Orleans!