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New here, need help from those with experience by Coach7 on 31 Dec, 2010 09:04
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Hello everyone. I love Sly Blad Guys. A great place to build confidence and get advice from those that have "been there". I've been reading lots of the posts for a few weeks now. I would really appreciate any help you guys can offer, especially from guys that may have been down my path and reached the point of FREEDOM.
My path is not one which makes me overly proud, but here it is.....
Started with MPB at about age 18. It was brutal on me psychologically. I really let it get to me, as I felt like I was the only one in my circle of life (of a similar age, at my college) that had this issue. Tried different haircuts to help with it, and at about age 19 I just shaved it all down to the skin. I enjoyed the freedom this gave me (athletics, peace fo mind, etc), and it was mostly well-received at my school. But when I went home, it was not well received by my family and friends. I also heard a lot of people say "you'll never get a job like that." It seemed like decent logic at the time.....I was targeting a professional conservative field, and back in the late 80's the shaved look was not nearly as accepted as it is today.
So I started trying to figure out what to do. Then it got bad enough that I got sucked into having one hair transplant in 1990. (I know --- dumb. Likely the biggest regret of my life). That helped for a while, but only a short while. I lost more hair, and then found myself at Hair Club at about age 21. Had a rug for the last 20 years. Maybe it helped for a while, but now I find myself very much wanting to go back to the full shave. But I have a major dilemma (or at least it appears major to me)....
If I shave and ditch the rug (which I really would LOVE to do), I have the issue of the scars. The top of my head is not so bad. Shave it down and get some sun, and I really think it is not very visible. The tough part is the back of my head. I have 1/8" small white-ish scars that run in a dotted pattern (not a strip). They are not horrible, but noticeable. Shave it down, and they are there. The slight shadow looks patchy with little holes, and if skin-slick the scars are a slightly different shade than the surrounding skin.
Has anybody with this type of scarring been down my path and shaved their head? Are you able to tell me how you have coped with this issue? I am almost certain I am not willing to have additional surgery or even lasers (etc) to have it fixed.....sorry, I am just done. Does a self-tanner help with the scars, or does it make it worse? Anybody use a scar concealer (make-up)? Any other ideas? Of course I would like to go as simple as possible, shave it, and forget about it, but I am pretty certain it will not be that easy.
I really want to shave and get rid of the rug, but I can't trade one issue (the rug) for another (obvious scars from a HT) easily. I have sons that are in junior high and I don't like the example I am setting for them with the rug. I want to be more real, and teach them that their approach to life should be to be themselves. But I also don't want to be "the dad with the scars on his head from a HT)."
So anybody with real life experience for a guy with some regrets, but also some real hope for moving past this point in my life with confidence.........please let me know. I really need to know how someone in this situation coped. This is one of the hardest transitional issues I have ever faced in my life.
Thanks guys. -
#1 by chgobuzzbald on 31 Dec, 2010 17:50
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Hi,
Email me and I will tell you about my HT scars and using the Pixel laser on them. -
#2 by Arnie on 31 Dec, 2010 19:31
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Welcome to SBGs!!!
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#3 by Coach7 on 01 Jan, 2011 20:14
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Hi,
Email me and I will tell you about my HT scars and using the Pixel laser on them.
Chgobuzzbald......I really appreciate your kind offer, but I am at this point just too hesitant to go that route. Thank you so much for trying to help. -
#4 by Coach7 on 01 Jan, 2011 20:15
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Welcome to SBGs!!!
Thank you Arnie. This forum is much-needed and I enjoy learning from all the great posts> -
#5 by Jack21 on 01 Jan, 2011 21:43
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I had a HT a few years ago and then was a slave to the hair club for two years. I always felt that there was no way I could ever just yank the rug and shave my head - which I SO BADLY wanted to do - because of the scar (I have a very, very obvious and long strip scar). Finally I did just that. I couldn't take the rug anymore. It was too miserable to bear. I pulled the piece and shaved my head. Initially there was a lot of shock on the part of my coworkers and students (I am a HS teacher) but as time passed the shock passed and people got used to it. Nobody has said anything negative about my shaved head in weeks maybe even a couple of months (except for a stupid bimbo at the gym). I don't like the scar obviously. It reminds me of the WORST decision of my life, but its there. With the rug gone so too is all the anxiety associated with it. The constant worry and insecurity not to mention the physical discomfort and the limitations on exercise, showering, and general hygiene are all gone. I may not be as pretty as I was the one day in 50 that the hair piece looked ok but life is infinitely better for me. There are places - Artistry Concepts is certainly the one that seems the most reputable - that perform "medical tattooing" to camoflauge scarring from HTs. They recreate follicules with a non-cosmetic ink. If the scar is really the sticking point you might want to contact them. Just google them. Finally, I just thought that I'd mention that the hair club has actually released me from my contract. I will now be saving over $500/month. I hope this has helped. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
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#6 by chgobuzzbald on 02 Jan, 2011 01:47
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Perhaps my experience will be helpful in any case tp others... last Wed. I had a session with the Pixel brand fractional laser set at level 200 I believe. This was passed over twice an area on the lower neck where a number of HT grafts were removed leaving raised scars. This is the 2nd time we have done this and each time the laser is set at a higher intensity. It burned of course and they had someone with a vacuum type hose there to suck up the smoke and the smell LOL (burning skin). First I offer this to 1) convince ANYONE never to try a hair transplant and 2) for those that did, and now regret it, there is hope of at least reducing the appearance of the scars with a number of passes of this type of fractional laser. It is tremendously helpful for ANY kind of scar or skin damage in any case. The doctor here in Chicago has never had an HT patient and is happy to try this at minimal cost to me. Im also using it on my nose to reduce large pores and some acne scars. So for anyone reading this there is hope of "erasing" our mistake at least to some extent. They tell me the more sessions the better the result and the skin takes 6 months to fully regenerate Collegen which has the restorative effect. This can be done once oper month. So ease up on yourself if you had an HT and if the scars bother you then find a doctor who owns a fractional laser and let him get to work.
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#7 by Coach7 on 02 Jan, 2011 07:36
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Jack --- thank you for relating your story to me. It offers me hope, and I find your approach to have been very brave. Oh how I want to do the same.
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#8 by marty22 on 02 Jan, 2011 08:47
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welcome. Been there and done that and even corrected a lot of my old hair transplants.
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#9 by xnewyawka on 02 Jan, 2011 10:06
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Welcome Coach7, Good to have you join us. I can only echo what the other fellas have said, and I think if you could only just take that leap, start by ditching the rug, buzz down what you may have left and then try a shave, you'll feel freedom like you've never felt before. It's really tangible, and will save you a lot of time, stress and money, as Jack pointed out.
Check out some of the earlier posts by our member PDXTodd as well, and see how it helped him.
Good luck. Free yourself man, and get on with life!
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#10 by Jack21 on 02 Jan, 2011 12:06
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I have the sense that because you've been married a while (I'm just assuming this owing to your mention of yr kids being in jr high) the change would be less traumatic for you. I am divorced and don't really get much support from my parents. A support network is essential. That's something I did not have save for this site. Furthermore, I do not know what you do for a living but unless you are a teacher like me there are bound to be other bald/ shaved heads around you. I teach at a school of 400 or so with 30 odd faculty members. I am the only bald guy - there are a couple of thinning guys about my age but that's it. Obviously the kids all have hair so I was/ am the only one. It was very tough at first but has become almost a non issue for me now. I don't want to force your hand. Its your decision to make. For so long I said "Oh If only I could just yank this itchy thing and shave it all off - but I can't b/c of the scar". Turns out I could. I've looked into lots of ways of reducing the appearance of the scar. I haven't looked into the laser treatment that Chgo has mentioned. It sounds like your scars as nothing like mine but still a major issue to you. If camoflauging the scars is an absolute must, I again urge you to look into Artistry Concepts. They have large, high resolution photos of their work on their website. Shoot them an e-mail and see if they can help you.
Jack --- thank you for relating your story to me. It offers me hope, and I find your approach to have been very brave. Oh how I want to do the same.
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#11 by Coach7 on 02 Jan, 2011 12:20
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Thank you again, Jack. Yes, the scars (small whitish dots in a pattern, lower back of my head) are my hang-up. I shaved a small section and looked at it, and they are visible. The pattern effect feels like it advertises "HT". I could muscle through it with my close family and friends (and yes, I am fortunate enough to have a great marriage and a support network), but then I will always have to cope with meeting new people in broad social situations, and my fears are large with this. I just wish I could reduce or conceal them in some manner. I worry about trading one miserable thing (the rug) for another (lengthy bouts of self-conscoiusness over the scars).
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#12 by Jack21 on 02 Jan, 2011 12:51
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Do you dislike the hair piece b/c it makes you self-conscious or is it just that it is a pain in the butt that restricts your lifestyle and is uncomfortable? You sound very concerned about the scars and have been in a piece for twenty years. I think that you should contact a plastic surgeon (not a HT hack) about possible methods of camoflauging the scarred area before you go ahead and do anything. Maybe some sort of cosmetic would be all it takes.
Thank you again, Jack. Yes, the scars (small whitish dots in a pattern, lower back of my head) are my hang-up. I shaved a small section and looked at it, and they are visible. The pattern effect feels like it advertises "HT". I could muscle through it with my close family and friends (and yes, I am fortunate enough to have a great marriage and a support network), but then I will always have to cope with meeting new people in broad social situations, and my fears are large with this. I just wish I could reduce or conceal them in some manner. I worry about trading one miserable thing (the rug) for another (lengthy bouts of self-conscoiusness over the scars).
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#13 by Coach7 on 02 Jan, 2011 17:28
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Jack - it is really both. Self-conscious and restrictive. It has been a long time, but it is really just not me. And I don't like the example it sets for my kids. You are likely right that I should consult with plastic surgeon. The tough thing is recovery, etc from anything they might recommend. I have a life that is busy enough that I would not have the luxury of checking out of society for any extended period of time. One really poor decision when I was very young is really making this so much harder.
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#14 by D.A.L.U.I. on 02 Jan, 2011 18:33
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The tough part is the back of my head. I have 1/8" small white-ish scars that run in a dotted pattern (not a strip). They are not horrible, but noticeable. Shave it down, and they are there. The slight shadow looks patchy with little holes, and if skin-slick the scars are a slightly different shade than the surrounding skin.
You've heard from the guys who have the HT scars, I only have one, from a skin cancer. It's irregularrly shaped, it is clearly visible--it's a part of my life. But no one, not one, not my wife who isn't and hasn't supproted the sly look, my friends and associates, no one has ever mentioned that shaving the horseshoe exposed that part of my life. And my bet is that no one will for you either. But your boys will notice, they will see that it wasn't a move that was in the final judgment something that they should follow.
I really want to shave and get rid of the rug, but I can't trade one issue (the rug) for another (obvious scars from a HT) easily. I have sons that are in junior high and I don't like the example I am setting for them with the rug. I want to be more real, and teach them that their approach to life should be to be themselves. But I also don't want to be "the dad with the scars on his head from a HT)."
So what do you do, continue in the circle of futility worrying about the disfigurement, or face the world face first--where of course they don't see anything--and move on with your life. Even the guys who have made a similar early on decision will assure you that it's better than where you are. And in doing the "deed" you guide your boys in the right direction. Move on, life must go forward.