Fatherly Advice

[BALDANDRE]

I turn 30 in June and our baby is due in Oct.

Congrats dude! It's such a cool thing....

Here's my one piece of advice for dealing with the new baby in your life.......

This is the truth....just right off the first two months as horrible...for reasons that will reveal themselves...jst remind each other it wont last forever and BOOM, just like clock work and seems the case for most new parents, two months rolls around almost to the day...

things mellow out, and you all get a rhythm......

Oh, and most babies you see on t.v. or ads ect are usually 3-4 months...that knowledge is helpful in putting things in perspective....trust me, you'll see what I mean!

Good luck buddy and enjoy the process and the whole experience.

Oh, one last thing that helped with the whole delivery....me and the wife took Bradly Classes for the whole birthing thing.......so important to know what is going on....the classes we're the best to understand everything that is going on....way more than the Lamaze only classes...we took those too...

in fact we took everything......!

[Blagadan]

We didn't take anything before our first ... we had good midwives though and although they didn't speak English they were able to guide me through the process.  What an experience I tell ya! 

[Tyler]

Thanks for the advice guys!

[Tyler]

We have quite a few fathers on this site and many who will be fathers in the future.  For all of you that are already fathers, what wisdom can you part on us guys that are new to the game or will be joining the game soon?

[BALDANDRE]

Hey Tyler ...good topic to start..

...any way of throwing over my reply to you from "guess i have the shadow thing"...over to this subject, if not I'll rewrite it and give maybe a couple more tips....

listen to me, thinking I'm an expert..... at only 8 months with a little dude!

[Tyler]

Done!

Hey Tyler ...good topic to start..

...any way of throwing over my reply to you from "guess i have the shadow thing"...over to this subject, if not I'll rewrite it and give maybe a couple more tips....

listen to me, thinking I'm an expert..... at only 8 months with a little dude!

[schro]

You already know my position as it relates to you & Mrs. Tyler...

As far as kids go, if they were born with an owner's manual, and they were all the same, it'd be easy. One thing to remember is patience. When I look back on myself as a single guy, a married guy without kids, and a dad, I know I am a much more patient guy. Everything is new to an infant, they initially don't have the ability to reason.

One funny thing, I've realized that I'm definitely a lot like my dad (mannerisms, reactions, etc.)

Enjoy.
Schro

[VFRWolf]

We have quite a few fathers on this site and many who will be fathers in the future.  For all of you that are already fathers, what wisdom can you part on us guys that are new to the game or will be joining the game soon?

Enjoy them while they're little.  I know you've heard it before, it goes by fast, and at this time, 18 years seems like a long time.  But it was just yesterday that I was changing my daughters diapers, and she's finishing up her freshman year at college soon.  Patience, looking back, I lacked it, wish I had it.  Communications, talk about everything, including sex, don't just pass it off to your wife cause shes a girl.  As a single father for 3 years, I talked to my daughter about everything.  Trips my now mother in law out that my daughter will openly discuss sex with me, even now at 19 years old.  ("all guys are dogs, they only want one thing" was one thing that stuck with my daughter during high school)

[tomgallagher]

It's a good thing. I have had three but from the instant they pop their little heads out your life will never ever be the same.....

[tomgallagher]

Trips my now mother in law out that my daughter will openly discuss sex with me, even now at 19 years old.  ("all guys are dogs, they only want one thing" was one thing that stuck with my daughter during high school)
[/quote]

Let's face it guys, we spend nine months trying to get out and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

[Blagadan]

My advice ... use contraceptives!  Nah seriously, kids are great, apart from that 1-18 yr period, other than that they're great!

They're hard work but worth every second of pain/stress/hardship/worry that they will cause you.

[Cam]

Congrats, Ty!

But, I'll tell you this. My son was a WONDERFUL baby. He didn't put anything in his mouth, only cried when he was hungry or needed a new diaper. He was the perfect child (still is in my opinion!) But My daughter, that is another story entirely (still perfect, just a lot more difficult, lol). From the day she was born, she started scream at 9:30 PM SHARP, every night. She would go to sleep at 6:30 AM, on the dot. It was very rough on me and my ex-wife. She couldn't take care of Bella by herself at night, so I had to quit my job and we had to move in with my mother in law, which wasn't near as bad as it sounds, my ex-momma in law is badass. So after dealing with this for 3 solid months, just like Andre said, like clockwork, she stopped. But the hard times didn't stop there. She put EVERYTHING in her mouth, and my ex-wife is legally blind. So this was a trying time for both of us. I went back to work and she watched Bella all day by herself, but I completely trusted her maternal instincts. Bella is now 18 months and lives with her momma full time. I still have an excellent relationship with my ex-wife and I get to see my little girl anytime I want. Bella is still totally insane and likes to eat damn near everything, but she hasn't reached 2 yet so I'm sure she'll get worse, lol. I guess the moral of the story is this: Kids are hard. Not all kids, but some. Prepare yourself and I hope you have it as easy as I did with my first one.

[Beer Barron]

Where to begin huh?  Already these guys have provided some sound advice.  I will echo a few myself. 

Patience is key!  I never really had it and I know I still get worked into a shoot sometimes still, but I'm way more patient now because of my two kids.  As someone already pointed out , they don't have the ability to reason and that can be way frustrating.  Also, they are just little scientists, ready and willing to try anything it seems like.  That can be kind of fun to watch.

It is so true that there is no manual on how to do this, you and the Mrs. have to figure it out as you go along.  As The Funnel Weaver pointed out, each one is different.  Looking back, my daugther (my first child) was way easier in some respects than my son has been.  And vice versa.  KWIM?  Anyway, after a few months, you all will settle into a groove and it does get easier. 

My best advice would be to take it one day at a time, enjoy each day because it will fly by.  I can't believe my daugther is already 3.  And the things she says!  What a hoot.  Congrats again Pops!

[BALDANDRE]

Tyler...

Here's a funny thing YOU might find that happened with us....

Me and the wifey were the FIRST to give advice to parents when we didn't have a kid....we're not slackers and pretty motivated, so we THOUGHT of course, we'll raise or baby the structured, "On becoming Baby Wise " way( we couldn't do it very well at all)....I still know people that have had wonderful success with it and wish we could do it...

but you know what, until that cute little thing is actually in front of you and your now THE parent, you don't know, how you'll feel about ways of doing things or what you really want to do to or for them....

Long story short...

 all my brothers and sisters have  much more structure than we do...so in that respect, everything flipped ...the motivated, get ahead couple (us) became the hippy freestyle, take it as is comes and the hippy people are the scheduled , structured family people....

go figure, but we're totally very happy with it all.....and I'll agree with the Beerbarron...you learn patience for sure, I'm a lot calmer now...

Ultimately do what feels right for YOU guys!

[schro]

I think Andre & I are becoming more similar with every post of his that I read. Taurus, 1 yr apart in age, sly, and thoughts on kids...

Kids really changed my outlook on things as they relate to my career. I do fairly well in my current position (though looking to make some changes in financial planning), but was very motivated to get ahead before kids. I was never about having the "biggest & best" of everything (houses, cars, toys), but wanted "the good life" and was willing to put in the hours to get there. However once Nicole was born, things changed. I never met my mom-in-law (she died in 1989...mis-diagnosis by some Doc), but old movies, scrapbooks, and family knick-knacks made it clear that she was Super Mom. My wife & her had an incredible bond and she really followed in her footsteps. When we became parents, my wife's desires to be employed outside the home ended (notice how I phrased that?...I didn't say she didn't want to work...how PC of me). We've definitely made some adjustments in priorities. To help with the loss of her income, we moved to an area with a lower cost of living, extravagant vacations are now road trips, and I drink beer out of a can (ok, I did that anyway ...just being Schro). But, it's all worth it.

Like BeerBaron & Andre said previously, patience is a key. Also, the good times DEFINITELY outnumber the bad. Oh, one last piece of advice.....leather furniture cleans up a heck of a lot easier than fabric. I know the use of that material is going to piss off some people (personal choice), but I swear by it. Also, get darker carpets and tile floors as opposed to hardwood.

Lastly, that wise old sage Phyllis Diller once said something quite profound, "Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling your driveway during a snowstorm".

Enjoy Daddyhood.
Schro