My Story...Being Inferior, Having Low Self Esteem Among Ppl Who Have Hair

[dexter]

i m currently 24 yrs old Chinese. been having hairloss since 21 n its been getting worse.

over these few yrs i became very inferior, i couldnt look face to face with anyone especially girls, i became very paranoid about my surroundings. i would be very afraid to sit down under a bright light with ppl standing near me cause they would notice my hairloss. to make matters worse i slutter which worsen my ability to struck a conversation.

i m so sick n tired of this sh1t that is happening to me, i m going into my mid 20s , have never dated/touch/talked to a girl before, have very few friends. ppl that i know off r making fun of me. 


just last week, i had a causal conversation with a female colleaque of mine. shes happily married with kids n she told me she can tell i have a low self-esteem. at the point i was shocked cause ppl could tell even though i try to be cheerful n talkative.

it seems that having low self esteem is pretty obvious to the ppl around u.

i dono if shaving is a option for me since i have black hair n horseshoe hairline would be very obvious. i m short too with a pale lips complexion due to thalasemmia minor. in addition i do have minor excema. with so much other health prob, i dono if being bald will worsen my already screwed up look

however even before i started hairloss, i m a pretty regular gym goer n i do have a fit n a relatively muscular physique. my colleaques did commented i do look fit n any bigger i get, it will look ugly

i know alot of u guys will suggeest i shave but i just couldnt bear to do it. wad if i look funny? very few ppl around me at my age r bald which means i will atrract lots of stares.
which i think will worsen my self esteem. i m even losing motivation to be muscular cause no matter wad i do hairloss will still ruin my entire image

[dexter]

just today, i couldnt bear myself to attend company's annual dinner n dance . this is not the 1st time, i have been rejecting get togthers, gatherings  i feel so bad having to decline so much outings

[surfboardnyc]

First of all, I think it is great that you work out and just don't pay any attention to people making negative comments about that because they are just jealous.  I have been going to the gym four times a week for the past eight months and I received a lot of positive comments from people who noticed how my physique has been changing but some criticized me ... typically those who were unhappy with their own body shape.  Instead of focusing on what you can't change (your hair loss), you should focus on what you can change (your physique, clothing) and you will notice a huge boost in self esteem.

As far as your hair is concerned, I would give it a go by initially buzzing it down to a #1 to see how you like it.  If you don't like it, it will grow back faster than you think.  If you do like it, you can either keep it that way or shave it.  You will most likely feel another huge increase in self esteem.  Instead of focusing on your hair looking worse and worse day by day, you are taking care of the situation.  Don't be afraid of other people's reaction ... your action will send a strong signal of confidence to them.

Instead of being the sad looking balding guy with low self esteem, you will be cool looking and people will notice your new level of confidence.  Don't lose your motivation of being muscular... there is nothing worse than being out of shape at your age and a shaved/buzzed head looks very cool on an athletic guy.  As you start receiving the first positive comments, your self esteem will increase faster than you can imagine.

Finally, pay some attention to your outfit.  Try to buy some trendy clothing and wear them the first day after you buzz/shave your head.  This will not only support your self esteem but also send an even stronger signal of change to the people around you.

[dexter]

First of all, I think it is great that you work out and just don't pay any attention to people making negative comments about that because they are just jealous.  I have been going to the gym four times a week for the past eight months and I received a lot of positive comments from people who noticed how my physique has been changing but some criticized me ... typically those who were unhappy with their own body shape.  Instead of focusing on what you can't change (your hair loss), you should focus on what you can change (your physique, clothing) and you will notice a huge boost in self esteem.

As far as your hair is concerned, I would give it a go by initially buzzing it down to a #1 to see how you like it.  If you don't like it, it will grow back faster than you think.  If you do like it, you can either keep it that way or shave it.  You will most likely feel another huge increase in self esteem.  Instead of focusing on your hair looking worse and worse day by day, you are taking care of the situation.  Don't be afraid of other people's reaction ... your action will send a strong signal of confidence to them.

Instead of being the sad looking balding guy with low self esteem, you will be cool looking and people will notice your new level of confidence.  Don't lose your motivation of being muscular... there is nothing worse than being out of shape at your age and a shaved/buzzed head looks very cool on an athletic guy.  As you start receiving the first positive comments, your self esteem will increase faster than you can imagine.

Finally, pay some attention to your outfit.  Try to buy some trendy clothing and wear them the first day after you buzz/shave your head.  This will not only support your self esteem but also send an even stronger signal of change to the people around you.

thks for yr reply..i tried a crew cut, n it reveals a great portion of my scalp esepcially the top, looks terrible,

i then when futher with a buzz cut, makes my hairloss even more obvious..

do u think its time for me to go for a full shave? if i dont like how i look with a buzz and crew cut, would i look better bald? i just can find any motivation to shave here, cause every one around me has good n decent hair

i m so sick n tired of my current lifestyle.

[TheSlyBear]

OK, look at it this way. You don't like how you look now, and you don't like how it's making you behave.

How could shaving possibly make it worse? What have you got to lose?

My advice is to just do it and see how you like it. I can guarantee it won't make you feel any worse, and, if you can force yourself to evaluate it objectively, you're likely to consider it a vast improvement.

[surfboardnyc]

A crew cut or buzz cut only works if your hair loss is very moderate.  I started with a crew cut, then buzz cut, and continued cutting it shorter and shorter.  I buzzed it down with no guard for while and now I shave once a week as I am too lazy to shave every day.  Sometimes it's too much of a plunge to go immediately from hair to completely shaved in one step.

I suggest you try a #1 on top and zero on the sides/back.  If that does not work continue to buzz it down with no guard and if you like it you can continue to shave it.  If your hair loss is pretty bad, you probably look much better with a shaved head than a short buzz cut.  If you are unsure, you can always post a picture and get some opinions from other members.

[BaldWriterBob]

A current picture would be a great help in giving you advice.

[aarrggh]

  ^ What he said ^

[Noodles]

Dexter,

First of all - Welcome to SBG!

Instead of worrying about the fact that you are experiencing hair loss.. EMBRACE IT!

         MAN IS NOT DEFINED BY HIS HAIR ALONE!!

Yea.. I know that sounds like an old cliche- but in case you haven't noticed.. SHAVED HEADS / BALD GUYS are the cat's meow these days!

                          

You've taken the initiative to get yourself in shape!!

That one accomplishment alone is something to be extremely proud of!

EVERY woman is NOT going to think you're the man of her dreams.. but then again, you're not looking for EVERY woman to be that SPECIAL ONE, you're ONLY looking for that ONE SPECIAL WOMAN!!

Makes sense?

If not, reread that last paragraph again and again until it sinks in!!

(Just between you and me, my wife says that sometimes instead of being "the man of her dreams", I'm like a bad case of indigestion that won't go away!!)  

Heck-- I was 38 before I met the woman of my dreams. I got rejected more times than I care to remember- but did I let that one fact control my life?

Hell, NO!

Oh, it would have been sooooooooooo easy to just give it to disappointment, and lock myself in a room until the year 2525 - but I didn't - i felt my life was worth MORE than that - which it was - and IS - and NOW BETTER NOW THAN EVER!

Look through the subject matters within the forum, and learn the steps to post a pic and dive into this forum head first

You looking for confidence within yourself, and a higher level of self esteem where you can feel great about yourself EVERYDAY?

Well, you're in the RIGHT SPOT, bro!

We can help you, but you got to do your part too!

You are among a great group of guys here, Dexter! Understand that first and foremost!

Don't beat up on yourself too much- it leaves bruises where marks of great achievement and accomplishment
should be!

All kidding aside, Dexter... yea.. I admit.. LIFE CAN REALLY SUCK SOMETIMES....but we ALL have the power within each one of us to either control our own destiny, OR RE-gain control of our destiny if it strays off the path of happiness and achievement!!


Once again - Welcome to SBG!

I encourage you to stick around and take advantage of the wisdom, encouragement, and advice of a great bunch of guys!

  Take care,

 - Cap'n Noodles -

[Noodles]

Quote from Dexter:

"...do u think its time for me to go for a full shave? if i dont like how i look with a buzz and crew cut, would i look better bald? i just can't find any motivation to shave here, cause every one around me has good n decent hair..."[/i]


Sorry Guys,

Had to chime in once more when I saw the above quote from Dexter in one of his posts.

So... Dex... whatsamatter' with standing out from the crowd??! Hmm?...

Reverse the odds... Would it make you feel any better if all the others were bald and YOU were the only one WITH hair?...

Get my point?

- Cap'n Noodles -

I, for one, stand out, in many of the crowds, that I am in - and I absolutely LOVE it.  
I have had elderly ladies (at one of the local casinos) ask me if they can rub it for LUCK.
i have even been asked by a female cop if SHE could rub it -LOL!  She still gave me a ticket, but I still granted her request anyway!!
Hmmm....I wonder how that will look if the video is played in court!!
                                    
My point is that you seem ONLY to be looking at the negative side of losing your hair, when there is a whole lot of postive advantages that you have not even begin to explore!!

I agree with the majority of the guys here. Go ahead and whack your melon and let that baby shine like there is no tomorrow! Read the forum section on "Head Shaving" to learn the correct way to perform the task at hand!
VERY IMPORTANT to take it slow. NEVER RUSH a head shave when there are things like ears or a brain nearby- for obvious reasons!  

             
 

[BaldWriterBob]

I forgot to say 'Welcome.' Be assured you'll find a supportive group here.

[Rob-Raz]

Welcome to the forum....and a new outlook on life. Your self esteem is going to be the biggest help or hindrance to your life. You can take control of it now!!!!  Go ahead and shave your head. Read up on the 30 day rule here on the site. You say you are already unhappy......whats the harm in spending another 30 days trying to change that? If after that, if you are truly still unhappy with your looks....on to something else...but i am willing to bet the only thing you will be unhappy with is waiting so long to do it!! 

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE NOW!!!!!!!!!!! 

[rcg5227]

I'm married now, so my MPB doesn't bother me. In fact my wife loves my bald head. 

[dexter]

Welcome to the forum....and a new outlook on life. Your self esteem is going to be the biggest help or hindrance to your life. You can take control of it now!!!!  Go ahead and shave your head. Read up on the 30 day rule here on the site. You say you are already unhappy......whats the harm in spending another 30 days trying to change that? If after that, if you are truly still unhappy with your looks....on to something else...but i am willing to bet the only thing you will be unhappy with is waiting so long to do it!! 

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE NOW!!!!!!!!!!! 

am trying to control it, everyday pass by n my urge to shave grows stronger n stronger but i have doubts i would look at least decent. i have yet to see a decent looking bald asian. to be honest bald asians around me though few seem to look funny n odd.

[dexter]

about self esteem, can ppl tell from yr appearance if u have low self esteem? i try to project a cheeful n talkative image at work, but my colleaque did told me she can sense i have a low self esteem.

i was caught by surprise, ppl can tell