Balding as an opportunity for personal growth

• Balding as an opportunity for personal growth by Arekeon27 on 06 Aug, 2010 09:10
• When I first started to notice my thinning hair at 25, my first reaction was "why me?" I spent most of my life as a nice guy, thinking that if I was just nice enough, good looking enough, and was a "good" person, people would give me the respect I wanted and girls would take notice of me. Now, with the prospect of going bald, I thought my life would be over since I would no longer be good looking enough to get what I wanted. I would be a laughing stock. Sure I could shave my head, but that's just for other guys, it won't work for me and I'll just look even stupidier.
  
  Intellectually, I knew that respect from peers and feminine interest really didn't have anything to do with how nice you were to people, how attractive you were, or how much of a good person you are. There are plenty of ugly looking dudes and people who were a mix of good and bad (which is all of us really) that had respect from their peers and more women than they knew what to do with. I knew this since high school, but the sheer counterintuitiveness of it just made me dismiss it and try to be even more nice, attractive, and good.
  
  Now I understand shaving your head can be hard even for some alpha males, but I'll wager that at least some people on the fence in this discussion have the same feelings that I had. Why else would someone pay 20,000 dollars for a doctor to painfully staple hair to their head if they didn't think hair was a dire necessity to a happy life? I believe that you can use baldness as an opportunity for personal growth. Rather than believing baldness is the end of your ability to get the things you want, reframe it as an opportunity to realize the real reason people get what they want.
  
  1) From observation in the world, you must see that plenty of bald men have lots of sex, girlfriends, wives, etc. Obviously baldness is not what keeps men from women or it would not have remained in our gene pool (if you believe in evolution as I do).
  
  2) You've probably had a childhood friend who randomly shaved his head. I had two who did it in 9th grade and I found it remarkable that it really didn't seem to bother either of them. They acted the same and people treated them the same. At the time I thought to myself "I couldn't do that". But why couldn't I? What was so different between us? Honestly, it was the way we thought of ourselves. I thought that without hair I couldn't have the things I wanted while they didn't see hair as important in getting what they want.
  
  Thus, you can use baldness as opportunity. It will now force you to confront the reality that your hair really isn't all that important. I think back on all the times I used to avoid open windows in the car, spend 20 minutes on it a day, and worry whether it looked okay and laugh. It was mostly a waste of time. It was only actively deciding to get the bottom of why I didn't get what I wanted when things began to change for me. Interestingly that was also around the same time I noticed my thinning hair. Rather than fret about your thinning hair, make committment that as your hair goes, you will eventually shave it. It's liberating (not to mention lookds awesome!) and with all your hair gone you have only two choices. Try to find out the real reasons people get what they want or withdraw from society. I did the former and was successful, and there is NO reason you can't be either.
  
  Some great resources:
  
  1) There is a whole dating community and numerous gurus who help men understand datin, women, and incidently themselves. Some of them are douchebags and others are genuinely very interested in helping and knowledgable (I always kinda liked David DeAngelo personally, he really drives home the point that its beliefs and counterintuitive action not looks that gets the girl). You just kinda have to pick and choose what works for you. Personally, I had to shed my nice guy personality and learn to put myself on equal terms with other women (exactly the opposite of what a nice guy does). Oh and if you think its weird or embarrassing to admit you need help with dating, trust me you're not the only one. And frankly, if everyone else is leaving you in the dust, you need the advice.
  
  2) Cognitive pyschology. I really like Dr. Albert Ellis. Pick up some of his books on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy or go see a psychologist who is trained in cognitive psych. I prefer cognitive pyschology rather than fruedian analysis theory. I think sitting on a couch 4 times a week talking about your childhood can make you feel better, but I don't think it will change your present beliefs or thinking.
• #1 by kenny57028 on 06 Aug, 2010 09:43
• I've had lots of personal growth from going bald. At first when I started balding of course I did the "why me" and "god ill be better if you just let me keep my hair." However when I had hair I was a much more quiet and shy person and with shaving my head I almost feel like its made me into a more outgoing person. In some physcological way shaving my head has been much better for me than having hair. Although there are times wehn I would think if I would look better with hair, but now I'm to the point where I can't even imagine what I'd look like with hair anymore. Also on a side note, while going bald at 17 sucks ass I'm glad that I got it out of the way and didn't have to suffer thru it as a midlife crisis. 
• #2 by Ming the Merciless on 06 Aug, 2010 12:48
• Fully grown by the time I shaved.  The general consensus is that no matter how really old one is, you think of yourself as about thirty-five (for those who are really older than that, of course).  So, when I first shaved, at ca. forty, I was beyond that mark; now, a quarter of century later, I still am surprised I'm not thirty-five anymore.  So the hair came off after I became "me."  Of course, for those who shave before thirty-five, there's some growing to come, some acceptance to come.  I was lucky.
• #3 by mangosink12572 on 06 Aug, 2010 13:18
• Very interesting
• #4 by BigRon on 06 Aug, 2010 13:26
• Good post.  I'm just recently struggling with balding, haven't gotten over it yet.  Soon I'll shave my head completely and I guess it's sink or swim, but I hope personal growth and more confidence is what I achieve from this.
  
  I shouldn't say more confidence, because I'm extremely confident.  I think maybe I'll just be less superficial, and more proud of what I have to offer other people on the inside... the real me.
  
  I never bothered styling my hair anyway.. I was the kid who never bought gel cause I didn't know how to use it haha.  Don't know why I'm so sad to lose it all. 
  
  I think the media definitely brainwashes us into thinking bald guys look unhealthy, etc.  When in real life you see tons of good looking confident bald dudes, as well as on this site =)
  
  
  
• #5 by Rob on 06 Aug, 2010 14:52
• definitely 'grown' personally since shaving: I know what i want, who I am, and where I'm headed (sorta!)   Much more confident, been working out more and changed my style quite a lot clothes-wise...
  
  Yep: guess you could say I used the SLY look as a definite opportunity for personal growth.   A lot of that growth also had to do with hanging around with these guys at SGB!  Thanks guys!