Is This Wrong?

[HairToday]

So it's been a few days since I started shaving and while it has made me feel a million times better about myself than I did while I was losing hair (thank God for SBG and all you guys, you really saved me from the abyss), I'm still worried about how the world will react to me.  I've been doing a lot of thinking about this lately, and I think I just realized why MPB is such an issue for me and maybe for other people too.

The biggest problem with MPB and what gives it so many negative connotations isn't that it happens, but that it starts for different people at different ages.  The fact that most men are at least partially bald by the time they're in middle age is precisely what makes it so awful for guys who are partially bald at 25.  If everybody who was destined to go bald in their life started balding at the same time and at the same rate, I don't think it would be nearly as much of an issue.  Baldness indicates maturity, which isn't a bad thing at all.  The problem is when you start going bald at 25, or 20, or god forbid 15, when you may not feel like you've accomplished much in life, when you might not feel like you're truly a man.  I'm OK with myself and how I look now.  I've made peace with not having hair, never feeling it blow in the wind or being able to run my hands through it.  In fact I like the way a cool breeze feels on it, I like when people rub it and kids laugh at it.  I look forward to buying lots of interesting hats.  I'm not losing sleep over having no hair.  I'm in good shape and I feel healthy.  And I'm able to project confidence on the outside.  But I still feel like people are going to look at me as a "bald loser"... not because I have no hair, but because they know I have MPB.  I mean, to be 23 years old and have a job as a substitute teacher isn't something to be embarrassed about, I think, especially in this bad economy.  I've got friends my age who've got hair but don't have jobs.  To be a 23 year old without any hair in an image-obsessed culture isn't that bad either, I feel like I've already gotten over that.  But to be a young man with MPB and all it's negative connotations, people look at you like you're a failure, a joke, a loser, unless you've got everything figured out and are living the good life (like Michael Jordan, or Chris Martin, or whomever).  I'm thinking about making a move to Hawaii soon, and looking for jobs out there, and I'm just so worried about what people will think of me when I go in for an interview.  Not when they see my bald head, but when they realize I'm GOING bald.  I feel like this negative connotation is going to close off so many opportunities in life... work, relationships, etc.  People are going to reject me before they even get to know me because of it.  It's not that I haven't done anything with my life, I've graduated from college, done lots of volunteering, working with kids and traveling, I've got lots of friends.  But there's so much more I want to do.  There's a great poem with the title, "the purpose of time is to prevent everything from happening at once."  I sometimes feel like time has passed me by, like I've suddenly gone from 23 to 50 without the chance to make something of myself.

So I would be so much happier being BBC.  If only that shadow in the front of my head would move forward a few centimeters.  Or... this might sound really weird... but I'm starting to wish I had alopecia universalis.  I know that many people have it and would give anything not to, and probably look at me like a fool or worse for saying that I want it, but I would so much rather have AU or AA, something with not nearly as much social stigma wrapped up in it, than MPB.  It's not because I want people to pity me or anything like that.  Yeah, I've had a rough time, I lost my mom when I was relatively young, my dad wasn't really there for me, I had some terrible things happen to me as a kid.  So what, 99% of the world has had it worse.  But I just would feel so much more at ease if there was a reason I didn't have hair besides MPB, you know?  All the looks that people give me wouldn't mean a damn thing to me if I was bald for any other reason.  And I wouldn't give a crap if I had MPB if my life was in a better place than it is right now, or if I was 5 years older, in a relationship, had a career, etc.  But where I am right now... I just don't want people to look at me like an old bald loser.

I just wish there was some drug I could take that would make ALL my hair fall out.  There's chemotherapy of course, my mom permanently lost all her hair because of it before she died, and I know it's crazy to want to take chemo if you don't have cancer.  I feel like such a fucking terrible person even thinking about it.  But there most be something else out there that does the same thing, right?  I don't have much body hair anyway, so it wouldn't take too much getting used to for me.  Can anybody else relate to feeling/having felt this way?  Does this make me pathetic or cowardly or ridiculous or sick?  Does it make me a bad person?

[D.A.L.U.I.]

You need to really think about the reality of MPB, it's a genetic trait, not a disease or disability--bald or hairy as an ape, if you can relate to students and bring the best out of them--hair is irrelavent.  But, as a lot of us here know, going bald is the sh_ts, being bald is great.  Time and mpb will take care of itself, a little sun you'll be fine.  At some point in the not too distant future I would think that you're going to catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, a window, whatever, and the "Who's the dude in the mirror?" reflex will be gone, and you're going to think, "Damn that looks good!"  It will happen, your hair days are over in your journey in life, but your days as a teacher or whatever are only starting to grow.  Enjoy life, forget hair--everyone you meet from here on out will just think you're another guy w/ mpb that took the natural solution.  Believe me, also, you're going to see a lot more sly guys now that you're sly. 

[TheSlyBear]

Male pattern baldness is very common.

No one thinks anyone with MPB is a loser. People think that guys with comb-overs, rugs, and obvious transplants are losers.

It's how you deal with your MPB that makes you a "loser" or not.

[HairToday]

You need to really think about the reality of MPB, it's a genetic trait, not a disease or disability--bald or hairy as an ape, if you can relate to students and bring the best out of them--hair is irrelavent.  But, as a lot of us here know, going bald is the sh_ts, being bald is great.  Time and mpb will take care of itself, a little sun you'll be fine.  At some point in the not too distant future I would think that you're going to catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, a window, whatever, and the "Who's the dude in the mirror?" reflex will be gone, and you're going to think, "Damn that looks good!"  It will happen, your hair days are over in your journey in life, but your days as a teacher or whatever are only starting to grow.  Enjoy life, forget hair--everyone you meet from here on out will just think you're another guy w/ mpb that took the natural solution.  Believe me, also, you're going to see a lot more sly guys now that you're sly.  

That's the thing though... the "who's that" reflex is already gone.  I know that I'm me, and I really am okay with how I look without hair.  I don't miss it anymore.  It's the negative reactions to MPB that most other people have that I have a problem with.  Like it or not, many people do pre-judge you if you're young and have MPB, and the terrible thing is that it's very much socially acceptable to do so... unlike, say, judging someone based on the color of their skin.  Not that I'm comparing the difficulties of having MPB to the difficulties of being black in America, but being a racist usually gets you ostracized and outcast... being an MPB-ist gets you laughs.

[aarrggh]

        worry worry worry :: go outside and get a nice tan on your freshly shaved melon . .   
        Thats what i`ll be doing in about 10 minutes . .     

[Rob]

The main problem is that when you're young things worry you far more.  When you get older you realise life will give you a lot more to worry about than MPB.  So you tend to worry less and just get on with living.  That's life.  Just chill out and enjoy it.

[Polarbear]

Hey HairToday,

From all the posts I read from you, you seem to worry a lot. You talk about that someone with MPB is seen as a loser. I have never experienced that to be honest. Of course, when my hair was longer there were people pointing it out and saying it out loud: "You are going bald!"
But you never know what their intentions are for these comments. Let them comment. I think in most cases they're comments coming from curiosity (They have never seen one balding at a young age). Of course, there are always people that like to bully a little. But never with the intension of getting someone depressed. So, try not to take those comments personally.

As booterbear said earlier: it's how you deal with MPB. If you wear a wig of start taking drugs with no research before you do, you might be seen as a loser, or you might see yourself as one. (Ever heard about "Self fulfilling prophecy?") To me you are a winner. Just because you feel or will feel better about this decision. This balding thing is something you have been worrying about a lot and from this point on: you will be less worried and eventually become proud or at least careless about it.

Try to remember that at the end, nobody really cares. We all have those times that we think that everybody is judging us in their minds when we walk by... But these people have exactly the same feelings. Maybe not: "what would they think of my bald head? Can they see my shadow?", but things like "Do these shoes match my shirt?" or "Will they like my new hair colour?"
You could care less whether her shoes match her shirt. You have already spotted her great ass Only she doesn't know and is still worried about her clothes. It's all human nature. Try not to guess what other people are thinking about your appearance. Most of the time, they are thinking nothing really. They might be worrying about their own appearance at that moment.

I hope this helps you.

Polarbear

[mangosink12572]

No one with MPB is a loser  - - -far from it  - -  believe me - -

 Two weeks ago  in my liquor store one of my salesman (Jon)  who is bald   - -29 years old and bald since he was 18 - -and I were talking about having  MPB  - - -I had not  shaved in four days and I get a very noticeable MPB  and Jon only shaves once a week  - so he has a very noticeable MPB shadow  at this point
 We were talking how much we liked having a little fringe and feeling it like we did when we were kids after a haircut  - - -Craig  - a  state trooper hears us
and he had not shaved his melon in five days  and had a real cool MPB look  - - -we all decided to keep our MPB to see what people said  - - -and guess what - - -we have  convinced  six state troopers to grow fringe  for about a week  - - -and it was a week of fun  -fringe talk and MPB teasing

We all meet each other in a diner in the morning and in many ways these are the guys that helped me - - along with SLY BALD GUYS to go bald and stay completely SLY BALD   - - -except when we get lazy around the edges and grow a fringe - - -my melon is back to slick but there is always a slight shadow - - my MPB always shows a little  as it does on alot of us    

And none of us are losers  - -we are all successful business people and tough state troopers  - -who let our hair down once in a while - -Ha Ha  

Best and all  good luck to you
Richard
Wish you could be with all of us  - -bald guys  -it would make you feel good  - -there are alot of us out there

[D.A.L.U.I.]

 Like it or not, many people do pre-judge you if you're young and have MPB, and the terrible thing is that it's very much socially acceptable to do so... unlike, say, judging someone based on the color of their skin.  Not that I'm comparing the difficulties of having MPB to the difficulties of being black in America, but being a racist usually gets you ostracized and outcast... being an MPB-ist gets you laughs.

Well, I have to disagree with you and from what I've read of your musing on the fact of your mpb, you're externalizing your thoughts and opinions to others--frankly without much if any justification.  Certainly there are people who don't like the "look."  My wife is one of them, but sly is accepted in all professions--my Vicki lit professor in college was sly in the 60's--even then no one ever thought anything negative about him at all.  Today, lawyers, doctors, cpa's, IT managers, slys are everyplace.  My office is in a high rise tower and the local headquarters for Capital One Bank are located in the building--at least 5 to 7 upper level managers, one prominent sly guy is a platform officer in the branch downstairs, and do they hide him, not unless putting his office on the main entrance mall to the building w/ glass walls for his office is hiding someone.  I was at a wedding last night, the groom was an investment banker in the Silicon Valley--four or five young, late 20-early 30's guests and one member of the wedding party.  No one thinks all these people have any of the negative aspects you are externalilzing to people.  It just doesn't exist, except in your mind.  Move on, those impressions are a fantasy. 

[Razor X]

Male pattern baldness is very common.

No one thinks anyone with MPB is a loser. People think that guys with comb-overs, rugs, and obvious transplants are losers.

It's how you deal with your MPB that makes you a "loser" or not.

What he said.  When was the last time you or anybody you know ostracized someone because he suffered from MPB? 

[mangosink12572]

I just called my friend Jon who was bald at 20 and had  MPB  - - - I told him about you and his answer was:

To bad the guy has so much time to think about himself and his MPB - -Jon said " when I was 22 I had two jobs was married and making babies"  I had no time to feel sorry  - -I had to support myself my family and new baby  - - -today people have tooooo much time and tooooo much money and toooo much time to feel sorry for themselves  - - -Tell the guy to get himself busy  - -Get another job  - -get a girl friend  - -just keep   busy - - -and the thoughts of MPB will go away " - -

In the end Jon said: "tell  him to shave twice a day and  go out and get a tan on your  head - but be careful   - - -not to much sun  - - -do it slowly "

This friend of mine is a very successful liquor salesman who  I mentioned before - -but I must admit I am with you all the way and if there is anything I could do for you I would  - -
Talk to me if you like
Richard

[buddha]

Or... this might sound really weird... but I'm starting to wish I had alopecia universalis.
 
I just wish there was some drug I could take that would make ALL my hair fall out.  There's chemotherapy of course, my mom permanently lost all her hair because of it before she died, and I know it's crazy to want to take chemo if you don't have cancer.

Mrs. Buddha had a pretty severe flu a few months ago and lost about 10 pounds in a week. A woman friend of hers, who I think is pretty much a f**king buffoon anyway, says something to the effect of "see, there's the good side of having the flu.....you lost weight". So I, in my inimitable fashion, reply that "when my dad was dying of cancer he lost 100 pounds in a month.....maybe you should consider that as a weight loss option".

I am not taking offense at the chemo thing, don't get me wrong. I just think that you are thinking way too much about something that is such a small matter. In one breath you are telling me that you are comfortable with BBC, which is what you are at this point, and then you expend so much energy expressing concern over how the world will view you when they realize that you are MPB. I don't know, something just doesn't smell right to me. I think I smell.....

[DuffRyder17]

these things are in your head!
Anyone who thinks less of me because I have MPB, isn't worth my time. it;s like a filter in that way. sometimes I do run into girls that automatically dismiss me because I'm bald....And that's a good thing, because  I don't need to waste myself on someone like that.
by and large most ppl appreciate me for who I am, baldness included

[The Noggin]

It seems like you are projecting all the uncertainty about your future and unhappiness with your current situation on the MPB and blame it for all that.
You've talked about moving to Hawaii for a new start. I think you should concentrate on that project, so you have a goal you can focus your thoughts on in a positive way.

And yes, there are "Ha Ha!" people out there, but you can't do anything about it. They always find something to make "fun" about. Their comments are not worth thinking about it at all. You will learn to handle it, I hope.

[Mikekoz13]

Dude..... guys with MPB aren't losers BUT guys who try to hide it are losers and guys who obsess over something so insignificant need to take a step back and re-evaluate...........