Help!

[HairToday]

I don't know if this is the place to post this, but I figured I'd reach out to all of you.  I'm 23 years old and I think I'm going bald.  Nobody in my family seems to believe me, but my hairline is receding and my long blonde hair is very thin.  I have only one bald guy in my family, my mom's brother, so I never even considered the possibility until a few months ago when I noticed I had no hair at my temples.  I've always had my hear really long so I don't know how long it's been happening but it's probably been at least a year.  I'm still in denial about it sometimes, while at other times I accept it and even come to terms with it.  For a few minutes each day I think, I should just buzz it all off, and a feeling of great calm comes over me... but then the crippling fear comes back.

See... the thing is, I'm in kind of a bad place right now already.  I know there's a never a good time to have to deal with this sort of thing, but it really couldn't be happening at a worse time for me.  I've got no girl, no home (renting out a room from a family member) and I've been dealing with bipolar depression for years.  I have a great capacity to feel joy but also a great capacity to feel pain, and nothing scares me more than the thought of slowly dying inside, alone.  My mom passed away last year and it really threw me for a loop (she died of cancer, her hair never grew back after chemo), and I'm not very close with my dad (who has a full head of hair).  The one upside is that I am working now though, as a long-term substitute at a local high school.  I love it, I never thought I wanted to be a teacher until I started doing this, I think I've found my dream job (although I want to travel the world more before I settle down to teach).

I talked to my (bald) doctor, who agreed that I had MPB and he prescribed me Propecia.  I've been taking it for two days but I'm starting to wonder whether it's worth it.  If I keep the hair I have now I might get by OK but I'll always be wondering if other people know.  My friends have never said anything but I think my best friend knows, his dad is bald and the last time I was over at his house his dad was giving me this look that said, "I know you're losing your hair" and I figure he probably told my friend.

I'm really worried about what other people will think of me.  I'm worried that I'll lose my hair and then in a few years there will be some miracle cure and I'll have missed it.  I'm worried I'll get skin cancer.  I'm worried that people who knew me with long hair (think Robert Plant from Led Zeppelin long) will laugh at me, ridicule me.  I'm worried I'll look absurd... I'm 6'2" and about 160 pounds, muscular but very lean, and I'm afraid I'll look like a cancer patient.  I'm worried that the kids at the high school, who view me as the "young cool teacher" and almost all love me, will turn on me and tear me apart.  I'm worried people will judge me, my life isn't too put together right now and the only thing I have going for me is my youth... if people start to view me as much older, they'll give up on me completely.  I'm worried I won't know who I am anymore.  I already feel like a loser, so I really don't want to feel like a bald loser.  But on the other hand, fighting it is killing me, I'm not sleeping, I'm having anxiety attacks, it's terrible.  I'm in good shape... I swim a mile a day and do yoga, but lately I've been so torn up I haven't been able to do that.  I worry a lot about the future... I want to live life, go a little crazy, see the world, then settle down and have a family, kids, teach, maybe a little farm... but all of those things seem so remote, and now next to impossible.  I can't imagine girls liking me if I'm bald, I see nothing but rejection in my future.  I have friends and family who are bald and married and successful, but they were already in relationships before their hair was gone.

So what should I do?  Stay on the drugs, save my hair and hope for a turnaround?  Or just say f**k it, shave it, work at the school until the end of the semester, buy a one way ticket to Hawaii or Spain or Fiji and make a new start?  Have you guys felt these same feelings, or am I really a hopelessly foregone basket case?

[Tyler]

First off, welcome to Sly Bald Guys!  You've come to the right place.

Now that's out of the way, go throw away your propecia!  Do it!

Did you tell your doctor that you are bi-polar?  Does he not know that propecia can send people into depression?  It's really bad stuff.  You say you want to live and be free, but taking propecia will not help you with that.  It can cause depression and loss of libido - two things that will kill any chances you have with a woman.

You're going to be OK.  Men around the world deal with this every day, and the guys here have gotten through it and live plentiful lives.  In my opinion, you should shave it.  Don't worry about what others think, because it doesn't matter.  When you have confidence in yourself, they'll all want to know how to get the same thing. 

[Papa Don]

Dear Hairtoday, listen to Tyler,  he knows what he is saying.  And by all means get off the drugs.  The side effects are working against you.  So what if you shave the head.  It's yours, do what you want to do and be happy.  You said you wanted to have adventure.  Well, here's your chance.  Adventuresome and happy.  The kids at school?  They are very understanding and more than likely will think you are the coolest thing in the halls.  Good luck on your decision.  If you need to talk-e me any time.  All the guys are here for you.

[The Noggin]

Welcome!
Besides the possible side effects, I think taking drugs only makes you suffer even more because it enhances the feeling that some cruel fate is happening to you.
Many have said it here that after shaving it all off they felt liberated because they took back control.
As often, the first step is the hardest. But with every day you're pulling it off you become more confident and comfortable with yourself, I hope.

I think, the sooner you start shaving, the better. Remember the 30 day rule because you (and the others) need some time to adjust to your new look.

And when you've left this problem behind, you can focus on the really important things in your life. Good luck.

[Razor X]

I'm really worried about what other people will think of me.  I'm worried that I'll lose my hair and then in a few years there will be some miracle cure and I'll have missed it.  I'm worried I'll get skin cancer.  I'm worried that people who knew me with long hair (think Robert Plant from Led Zeppelin long) will laugh at me, ridicule me.  I'm worried I'll look absurd... I'm 6'2" and about 160 pounds, muscular but very lean, and I'm afraid I'll look like a cancer patient.  I'm worried that the kids at the high school, who view me as the "young cool teacher" and almost all love me, will turn on me and tear me apart.  I'm worried people will judge me, my life isn't too put together right now and the only thing I have going for me is my youth... if people start to view me as much older, they'll give up on me completely.  I'm worried I won't know who I am anymore.  

You're worrying about this way too much.  From what you've said, you've had some serious issues to deal with, so if you can take a step back and try to put things into perspective, you'll realize that hair loss isn't a major problem.

Just take a deep breath and try to relax.  No one's going to ridicule you -- especially not your students.  If anything it will make you look even cooler in their eyes.  It's not going to make you look like an old man -- a 20-something with a shaved head doesn't look like a 30 or 40 year old, though thinning and receding hair can add years to your appearance. It may take a while to get used to a new look, but ultimately, you'll feel better about yourself if you shave it all off.  You won't get skin cancer if you use sunscreen and take reasonable precautions when you're out in the sun, and nobody who truly cares about you will treat you any differently.  

I'm worried I won't know who I am anymore.

 

There is more to you than just your hair.  If you shave your head, you're still the same person, just a new and improved version.  You really seem to be tormenting yourself over this.  The only way to end the torture is to just do what you know you must.  The relief is instant.  Take it shorter in stages if that makes it easier for you, but once you tackle the problem and put it behind you, you can get on with living your life.

Good luck.  Be sure to stick around so we can offer you support.

[Mikekoz13]

Welcome to the Forum HT!

If you spend some time on the Forum looking around you will see many stories simlilar to yours. And many of those guys shaved and it helped to change their lives.

Dude when you have to "deal" with something that usually means you have no control over what it is...... but you DO have control in this case.
First of all.... it's only hair... it shouldn't define who you are.
Secondly, YOU have control over this situation and don;t even realize it..... you can buzz it, shave it, or enjoy it the way it is. The right choice will be the one that makes YOU happy.

Be done with the Propecia.... as Tyler said, it can cause or deepen depression and there's a chance it will keep your pecker in limp mode.

Please continue to come here and ask any questions you have.

[Polarbear]

Welcome HairToday. Good to have you here!

That's a long story. Try not to feel sorry for yourself though. You are not the only one who is balding at a young age. You have to remember that. There are a lot of guys on this forum who went through the same, of who are going through it right now. Myself, I started losing my hair when I was only 17! Can you believe it?!

You have a fear of shaving it off. Well, you've come to the right place, because that's what this forum is for. It really is nothing but fear. We are here to give you advice and help you with it.

It's really great that you have found your dream job. and that your students look up to you and think you are cool.
Remember: Your coolness comes from inside. It is not determined by the way your wear your hair of what shoes you wear. That is always the top of the iceberg. The main ingredient of coolness is confidence. I would say that all the bald guys here take pride on their bald head mainly because of their decision, even more than the look itself. (Although it's of course one of the best looks to carry) But that's exactly what makes a person confident: taking action to overcome fears.

All the guys that have dealt with it wished they had done it a long time ago: to shave it off. I think your students will still love you with a bald or shaved head: probably even more. It is one of the best looks you can have in the 21st century: it radiates confidence.
Also, kids need examples. Everyone needs examples. I think that all of us on this forum are very thankful of famous people like Michael Jordan, Andre Agassi, Zinedine Zidane et cetera of setting the example. Because of examples it is considered a great look. You can set that example too. There will be students in your class that might be balding in the next ten years. Wouldn't it be great if they did not have to doubt whether to shave or not (like you 'did'), because their former teacher set the right example!

I say shave it off, lose the drugs. Begin with a buzzcut. You will be relieved. And also, moving to a new location is also a great way to make a new start in life. It you feel like you need to do that, why not do it. I have had an internship on the amazing island of Sint Maarten (Carribean) and I learned a lot. Came back as a new man

If you have any questions. Feel free to ask: I feel like I can relate. I am 23, I love travel as well and I also have my mood swings

Kind Regards

Polar Bear

PS. As you can see on my photograph, don't worry about women

[stasiu]

Hey HairToday !

Welcome !  I really think Professor "Polarbear"  gave you the BEST BALD lecture yet ! He said everything I would of said!  I think you two should become Sly Bonding Bald Buddies !  This is a great site for young balding guys !  ---Stasiu

[OzPete]

Welcome to SBG!

[Tennessee]

First of all welcome!!

I ditto what most of these guys said.  Remember it is only hair!  You sound like a good guy and if you can portray confidence (hair, no hair, or balding) then the rest doesn't matter.  There is a proverb that says "he who can control his attitude is greater than he who can take a city."  That is what this is about.  If you don't like MPB the go sly.

Side note:
    The first person to notice and point out my MPB when I was 19 was a beautiful young lady.  Three years later she went out with me and 9 months after that we got married.  Women don't really care about MPB they care about the man you are.

[ozzie]

Welcome to the forum. The guys have given you some great advice. I look forward to seeing your follow-up posts.

[revived]

Hey HairToday,

Everything thats needed to be said has been said, jump in, take a leap, and be done with it!

If you love your job which it sounds like you do (lucky you) then DON'T be running off to make start fresh, thats madness! I have had similar feelings, but staying close to friends and family is a better option, and knuckling down makes you all the better for the fight once its all over, and you will get through it (speaking from experience having been a tough position myself not long ago)

You don't need to shave to the skin immediately, do it gradually.. (not cos you have to but cos you'll want to once you start buzzing, its quite damn infectious).

As far as the ladies are concerned - read a book called 'the game' for inspiration (and also google the not so great looking dude that wrote it)

Good Luck Mate!

[HairToday]

Thanks for all the responses everybody.  I didn't see them until now, but a few hours after I posted here yesterday...

I did it.  I just said to myself, screw it.  I called up the barber shop (where I had my last haircut a few weeks ago which made me realize I was losing my hair) and asked for an appointment.  When I got there, I told them the truth: I was losing my hair, I was sick of worrying about it, and I just wanted to get rid of it.  They looked at me like I was a little crazy, and asked if I was sure.  I said I was.  So they put the smock on me, got out the buzzer, and buzzed it off.  It's the shortest my hair has been since I was born.  They told me it looked good on me, and that most women don't care about guys hair nearly as much as guys think they do.

When I got home, I got in the shower and shaved it all the way off.  It took about half an hour, and I had a few nicks and missed spots, but it didn't look too bad.  Afterwards I met up with a friend and his girlfriend for dinner.  I walked around the side of their house to the backyard, and the first thing they said was "holy sh*t!" and my buddy's girlfriend started laughing.  But within a few minutes they were saying they liked it, and his girlfriend said she wanted to shave hers off too! (although I doubt she will).  At the restaurant I got a few double takes and weird looks, but my friend said the hot Latin waitress winked at me... I didn't catch it though.

When we got back to his house, his girlfriend insisted on finishing up a few spots in the back for me, and I drove back home.  I threw out the pills (luckily, the pharmacy only had enough for four days, so I didn't blow $70 on a month's prescription) and slept well for the first time in weeks.

When I woke up this morning, I felt a little weird, a little different, but still better than I had for a long time.  I got dressed, made breakfast and coffee, and drove to the school.  As I walked in, I got LOTS of looks.  When I went to the main office, the secretary looked like she was gonna have a heart attack.  She said she liked it, and she asked why I did it, and I told her... sort of.  See, yesterday also happened to be my mom's birthday, and I figured it was a sort of present to her, because she lost her hair from the chemotherapy and it never grew back, even after she stopped treatment.  Plus, if she could deal with having cancer and being bald, I should be able to deal with just losing my hair.  I figure if anyone asks if I'm going bald, I'll tell them the truth, and I'll tell my friends... but I'm not ready to tell the whole world just yet.  Maybe that's a bad idea, I don't know...?

The kids thought it was pretty cool.  There were a few snickers and laughs, but mostly just wide-eyed stares, which didn't bother me.  I did my best to project confidence, and I think I pulled it off because I felt great up until lunch... although towards the end of the day a combination of exhaustion and anxiety about the future (not being bald, but other stuff) made me feel pretty nervous.  I think I hid it pretty good, though... didn't have to do much today anyway except put on Dead Poet's Society for the students to watch.

Next I went back to the pool for the first time in weeks, and the lifeguards, who I know pretty well, were just as shocked.  Not as many compliments, but I didn't care, it felt really good to be back in the water, although weird to not feel it flowing over my hair anymore.

After that I went back home and hung out with my cousin, ... he was pretty shocked too but isn't treating me any differently.  So overall, I feel good.  I'm glad I made the choice, and I'm really and truly thankful for this place and all of your responses (although I didn't see any of them until after I did it!)  I don't know what the future holds, it's going to be different and probably tough sometimes but I feel a lot more hopeful.  I feel like I "manned up" in a way I haven't in a while, maybe not since I took care of my mom when she was dying.  Honestly, I miss my hair, but I still feel like myself, and more like myself than I had recently.  If a cure comes along, I can't rule out trying it.  I'll miss being a hippie kid, feeling my hair blow in the wind.  I'll miss looking younger than I am and feel, and being carded at R-rated movies.  But youth is overrated, anyway.  There's a lot more to life.  I think in a way this whole thing has forced me to face my own mortality, I feel like I had a mini mid-life crisis at 23 and it's made me re-evaluate what my priorities are and changed me... hopefully for the better.

Anyway, I gotta go, gotta wake up early tomorrow morning.  But I'll be back soon, with pictures.

Thanks again everybody.
- Alex

[Mikekoz13]

Very nice testimony Alex. And a very nice tribute to your Mom.

Way to take control of your life..... the first step in being the Man that your Mom would have been proud of.

Peace..........

[Razor X]

Congratulations.