19 and very on the fence

[cope9]

so ive been a lurker for a little while and read quite a few posts, i gotta say u guys r awesome and could quite possibly be the best inspiration ive got goin for me. well anyway with that being said... im 19, about to be 20 and ive been rapidly losing my hair since i was 16. it wasnt noticeable until a few months ago so i just did my thing and hid it for a few years. not ashamed of it no teenagers should have to deal with that sh*t. but anyway ive been wearing hats all my life and over the past years more than ever. its to the piont now where if im in public or anywhere outside my own home ive got my hat glued to my head. ive kept my hariloss on the down low for all these years and not even my closest friends know about my it. my problem however is not about that. i have a 17 year old girlfriend who is still in high school, she obviously knows about my hairloss and is cool with it but the fact that she is still in high school (11th grade so get another year and a half of this sh*t) and she has dances and stuff. being a good boyfriend unfortunately, im obligated to go to these. i just find it weird that ill be at a high school dance (and also everywhere else to be honest) sticking out like a sore thumb and looking like a 30 year old both with my current hair state and possibly sly. im not quite ready to take the plunge to slyness i guess is what im trying to say. at least with the hats i can appear to have hair (which i could wear to the dances i guess) and if the illusion of having hair is others ignorance to thinking ive got it, then ignorance is bliss... or am i just talking out of my ass? i dunno... any advise would be greatly appreciated... im not trying to make excuses for not going sly, im just not quite comfortable with the whole idea yet

[shojon07]

I had the same situation... frankly i found it terrifying at first but hey now that ive done it im getting alot of attention from women... you have a girlfriend that "is cool with it" I say own it brother, nothing speaks more about how confident you are and your personality stick out more with a sly noggin. I had hair loss in the front and a bald patch in the top back, on top of that i had thinning hair all on top. Hope you can find it in yourself to let go and feel the relief and confidence boost i got with accepting mine and goin sly.

[Mike]

I shaved my head when I was 19 but by then I was done with school. When I went to school for 2 years in the city there were always a couple guys that were smooth bald out of the 2000+ students. When I started going to a smaller (600) high school there were quite a few that kept it buzzed down to a #1 or so and a couple that were smooth. It makes you stand out and not in a bad way.

[Mikekoz13]

Welcome to the Forum Cope! The nervousness is normal! Shaving your head is a bold step for any man. The way you have to look at it is that you've figured it out a lot sooner than many of us did.

And by the way..... standing out in the crowd isn't a bad thing........ unless you've committed a crime. 

[cope9]

I had hair loss in the front and a bald patch in the top back, on top of that i had thinning hair all on top.

wow shojon thats my exact kind of hairloss as well. anyways thanks so much guys, im still not convinced for some reason though. i actually just got a haircut yesterday and my girlfriend wont stop talking about how great and sexy it is haha. although i dont feel the same way, i think she likes the ignorance is bliss part i was talking about earlier, if i walked into a room full of her friends without my hat on im sure she wouldnt find it quite as sexy. now ive got my mind set on going sly one of these days, im just not sure that day is today. i can definitely deal with sticking out, it just depends on the crowd, and a high school crowd is definitely not one of them.

[(|8-)]

You are almost 20 years old and you are making decisions based on what high school kids think?

I understand your girlfriend is in high school and you want to pay attention to what she thinks, but just random kids at her school?  It would be one thing if she had an opinion one way or another, but if her happiness depends on what random high school kids think of her boyfriend's hair or lack thereof, she's probably not mature enough to be dating a 20 year old.  Are you sure that's the case, though?  It doesn't sound like you've asked her if the reaction of her friends matters.  Maybe she is more mature than we are giving her credit for.

[cope9]

oh no, i get what you mean but im not really talking about from her point of view. it sounded differently in my head than how it came out. trust me she is mature and whether or not i shave my head it doesnt matter because i know she will support me 100%. im not worried about her maturity level i was more commenting on my whole "sexy" haircut situation and how it is definitely not very sexy. hopefully that makes more sense now. but you are right about the whole caring about what high school kids think thats kind of ridiculous, i mean im in college, so are all of my friends, except my girlfriend, and outside of those people and my family i dont care what any of them think... so then i cant quite figure out what is stopping me

[chgobuzzbald]

Time for a girlfriend the same age.

[deadohsky]

Depending on how many dances you have to go to yet, either invest in a stylish hat i.e. fedora or something or borrow something that'll go well with dance attire from a friend if you don't have anything.

Otherwise, just say 'screw it' and shave it off.  I know you said you aren't sure about it yet, and you won't be right after you shave it all off, but it really shouldn't take long to get used to it and comfortable in your own skin again.  Took me about two weeks after shaving my head to get rid of the hats and i haven't looked back, except during the winter of course.  Hats just feel weird now, and i just dont want to cover up my beautiful slick head 

[(|8-)]

...i know she will support me 100%.

... but you are right about the whole caring about what high school kids think thats kind of ridiculous, i mean im in college, so are all of my friends, except my girlfriend, and outside of those people and my family i dont care what any of them think... so then i cant quite figure out what is stopping me

If shaving means you no longer pass for a high school student, it would make it obvious to everyone that you are the "older man," an age difference that no one would care about if you were both just two years older, and that will be completely irrelevant in five years, but somewhat of a big deal when high school graduation and legal adulthood separates you.  But everybody realizes that; high school kids and your own friends and family would see plainly that you are older and obviously willing to wait a couple of years for her to come along with you into the adult world of college.  This public demonstration of your commitment to her despite your age is as bold as buying her a ring.

OK, I'm exaggerating.  But maybe it's something like that holding you back, and you can laugh at it in its exaggerated form.

[cope9]

well... wow... as exaggerated as that seems to be, its definitely on the right track i gotta say. what exactly that track is im not sure, but that definitely sounds very logical.

Depending on how many dances you have to go to yet, either invest in a stylish hat i.e. fedora or something or borrow something that'll go well with dance attire from a friend if you don't have anything.

Otherwise, just say 'screw it' and shave it off.  I know you said you aren't sure about it yet, and you won't be right after you shave it all off, but it really shouldn't take long to get used to it and comfortable in your own skin again.  Took me about two weeks after shaving my head to get rid of the hats and i haven't looked back, except during the winter of course.  Hats just feel weird now, and i just dont want to cover up my beautiful slick head 

thanks for the advise deadohsky, i appreciate it, its gonna be a classy fedora or a chrome dome, just gotta figure out which

[Razor X]

i just find it weird that ill be at a high school dance (and also everywhere else to be honest) sticking out like a sore thumb and looking like a 30 year old both with my current hair state and possibly sly. im not quite ready to take the plunge to slyness i guess is what im trying to say. at least with the hats i can appear to have hair (which i could wear to the dances i guess) and if the illusion of having hair is others ignorance to thinking ive got it, then ignorance is bliss... or am i just talking out of my ass? i dunno... any advise would be greatly appreciated... im not trying to make excuses for not going sly, im just not quite comfortable with the whole idea yet

Hiding under a hat only prolongs the agony.  Personally I think you'll look far more out of place wearing a hat during the entire dance. 

Hair loss does make a guy look a bit more mature but honestly, that's not a disadvantage at your age, and not shaving a thinning mop is not going to make you look any younger.  You won't look like a 30-year-old with a shaved head, but you might look like a 25-year-old, which isn't such a bad thing.   

I know it's hard to do at your age, but try to keep a long-term perspective.  A bald head may add a few years to your appearance now, but in a few years' time it will actually make you look a bit younger than your actual age.  If you take good care of yourself and stay in good physical condition, you may be able to pass for a 30-something when you're in your 40s.

For now, look at it as the transition from a child to an adult.  Shave your head, hit the gym and start lifting some weights.  You'll be surprised at how much you like the results.

[cope9]

I agree 100% with looking more out of place with that hat during the dance, and as for the gym lets just say im already very well on my way in that category . I talked to my girlfriend and she thought i was crazy for even asking her (in a good way), not like i was really asking her i was more telling her its gonna happen. so ive decided when i get a chance this week, im gonna go for it and try out the 30 days! im sure ill be loving it after the first week. thanks so much all you guys, i probably wouldnt have done it without all of you.

[Razor X]

You'll be fine.  Believe it or not, you're lucky to be going through this at an early age.  It's easier to experiment with your appearance when you're younger, before you're settled down in a job and entrenched in your ways.  People cut you more slack.  Going bald young sucked in the days when everyone had long hair and the combover was the preferred method of dealing with the issue.  Nowadays it's perfectly acceptable to shave.  If I were a 19-year-old facing MPB, I certainly wouldn't hesitate to ditch the mop.

[Justin]

Awesome choice, keep us updated