Author Topic: I lack confidence with women  (Read 12708 times)

Offline baldtribesman

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I lack confidence with women
« on: February 24, 2010, 03:59:24 PM »
I grew up with a twin brother and I was the brains and he was the mouthpiece, so I have a natural shyness to me I sometimes think women do not like me, there are things about myself that I would like to change and I am learning to accept myself.  But I lack confidence I am not a well rounded person because I am moslty nerdy I like science especially chemistry and physics.  I also like genetics and antrhopology.  I spend my fun free time doing puzzles and that makes me happy.  I can solve the rubiks cube in 40 seconds.  I can also solve a 4x4 cube called rubik's revenge in less then 5 minutes.  I do several su doku puzzIes a day I do magic I know all sorts of tricks.  I can juggle I studied juggling as a child.  I play the piano.  I love classical music as well as other kinds I am ecletic in my tastes. 

However, However,

when it comes to women I am at a loss because they do not seem to be coming to me and I am to shy to make the first move with them.  So I am lead to the impression that most women do not like me.  Guys I am being honest and spilling my guts so please respect that.



Offline Sly Red

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2010, 04:14:48 PM »
Fred, there's got to be places that nerdy chicks go to, things that they do.  I only know about nerdy guys, so I can't help there.

Is there a business or IT social group in your area.  Let me think some more on this.  Ideas, guys???

You need to get into some sort of social circles where you could play the piano.  I'll bet the ladies would go wild over you.

Red
« Last Edit: February 24, 2010, 04:30:39 PM by SimplyRed »
In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.” Oscar Wilde

Offline Tyler

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2010, 04:57:21 PM »
So much to say, so little time.  I don't have time to respond fully right now, but I will tonight.

The premise of my post will be to focus on your strengths (things you are confident while doing) when in social settings.
People are not limited by the circumstance that they are born in. They are limited by the size of their dreams. Show them that their dreams can have no limits and in turn their accomplishments can be limitless.

Offline Shikantaza

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2010, 05:02:08 PM »
Hi Baldtribesman,

Women tend to like kind, successful, ambitious men who are attentive but not weak. Men ought to take a vested interest in what the woman likes/dislikes, what she is interested in and what her opinions are about things while at the same time being aware that too much eye contact and too many questions will kill the mood for women. You have to be interested while playing it cool like you may know something about what she is saying and strong like she is in charge but you are protecting her.

Where to meet women:

If you are not an exerciser maybe its time you start. Join a yoga class and be patient (tons of women). Join a palates class or a swim class but don't be lecherous (tons of women).

Look into joining some clubs or groups that do some of the things you like. There are likely going to be women in there or at least it creates a window.

Online dating. Always a possibility for (tons of) women.

But kindness is key. KINDNESS without being too gazey. Women want to know that they are safe, so staring can be uncomfortable. Open doors, pull out chairs (if its convenient), offer the woman to go first (almost always) but don't look desperate; just smile and make some minimal eye contact. Be cool and relaxed. And expect nothing.

Another way is to make girl friends. You know, some chicks you are not interested in. You can meet them online or through a club or class or at work and begin to get comfortable around women.

Even when rejected be cool. Rejection hurts but be cool. The more you try (without being a lecherous creep) the more possibilities you will encounter.

Remember that physical exercise always helps you shine from the inside out and women will see that.

Good luck.

Offline bartman

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2010, 07:40:40 PM »
I will try to make this short.

Are you looking for sex, or are you looking for long term relationship or to get married. They really do have different approaches.

First, you sound smart and studious. So read books about women. Like a rubix cube, if you don't understand what makes them work, how the respond, what the like and dislike, you will have a much more difficult time.

If you are looking for sex then http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mystery_Method
It teaches you how to approach women, never straight on, but at the side. How to tell a joke to break the ice and introduce yourself to someone you don't know. How to practice this. How to look for IOI's (indicators of interest) and Kino escalation. It is an instruction book, play by play. Very effective for nerds, the socially inept and those who have no confidence. You practice it on women you don't know or messier want to have a long term relationship. Like a rubix cube, it is a game, you have to keep trying, if something does not work, you try a different way. It also shows what not to do. The TV show proved the method worked as they took nerds, unattractive guys, men without confidence and got them good looking women.
It works, I have used the methods myself although I did not have to use the negs   because I was not going after the hottest women. You can increase your value in other ways.

This worked very well just to meet new women.

If you are against doing this (you sounded like you want a process to follow to get the girl you want and a playbook to get confidence and this is it.) There are more traditional methods but understanding women is key. Read Men are from mars women from venus which will help you understand them better.

You find, women are not as stuck on looks as men are and that if you ACT confident, even though you are not (how many men are nervous on the inside when they are woman hunting but you don't know it because they know how to act)

So, if you look at it as a problem solving excersize, and a woman is a rubix cube that needs to be figured out, you read books, you don't give up, soon you will figure out the pattern to use and that it is fairly simple you will be able to repeat success. Realize even watching the videos, they will tell you if a woman is not giving IOI's then get out and move on to the next because if you don't you will only wallow in your failure. And there will be many failure until you get it right.. Just like a rubix cube.

Some may disagree that this is not a good starting point, but it is proven. Some people say that P90x does not work but we all know those are the people that did not take the time to do the workouts because if they did, you would see a difference. That is all the time I have so good luck to you.
No one on this board is going to be able to give you how to be confident lesson in a few short pages. This

Offline Tyler

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2010, 10:15:42 PM »
I echo what Bartman says about the Mystery Method .

What I want to touch on will add to it.  Look at the things you do well and focus on being in social setting (that contain women) where you can focus on doing those things.  For example, a buddy of mine is really good at singing karaoke and will go out often to show off his skills.  He has met more woman doing karaoke which for me would be the last place I tried, but it works for him because he's confident doing it. 

Before getting married I used to meet a ton of women while at the gym/racket club.  The reason for this is that I played racquetball and I was really good at it; usually the top player or close to it.  This allowed me to shine over others (or peacock as said in the Mystery Method) and stand out.  My confidence was at an all time high in this setting.   

I think you get my point that it's best to work on meeting women in setting that you feel comfortable and can shine in.

Like Bartman said, the MAIN thing you need to meet a woman is confidence.  Being nice, kind, chivalrous, will help in the long run if you get in a relationship, but doesn't help in meeting women.  It's all about confidence; even fake confidence. 
People are not limited by the circumstance that they are born in. They are limited by the size of their dreams. Show them that their dreams can have no limits and in turn their accomplishments can be limitless.

Offline Mikekoz13

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2010, 06:39:31 AM »
Fred-

The first thing you need to do is look in the mirror and throw that "I'm nerdy, I'm unusual" attitude out the window. Women love guys that are different, funny, and confident.
Your eclectic taste will make you VERY attractive to a lot of women. You look like a nice looking guy and by the posts you've made on here you seem like a genuine and good guy. Again, things that women like.
Also..... and to me this is one of the keys to meeting women...... women love to be pursued..... it makes them feel good about themselves to know they are wanted.

Remember also that rejection is a part of dating. So don't get down or give up if you are turned down. Just move on.

Look at my avatar.... I'm on the right. Not exactly the world's best looking guy. But when I dated I always had beautiful girlfriends/dates. When my friends would ask me how I always got such great looking women to go out with me I gave them this very simple answer.

"I just asked".

I can't even begin to tell you how many great looking and nice women over the years told me they didn't date much because guys never asked them out. It's kind of the "squeaky wheel gets the grease" thing...... be that squeaky wheel.

Stand tall, be confident, laugh, and simply ask.............
"What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?" W.C. Fields

Offline baldtribesman

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2010, 07:18:07 AM »
Thank you guys for your advise I need to hear this, I encourage you all to put your two cents in and tell me I need the pep talk.

Sly rules,'

Fred

Offline Sly Red

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #8 on: February 25, 2010, 08:06:23 AM »
Get yourself a gay wingman.  We're chick magnets, much like cute dogs.  :*))

Red
In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.” Oscar Wilde

Offline Morthen

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #9 on: February 25, 2010, 08:21:06 AM »
I'm no expert and im pretty young, but with my experience all I have ever had to do is be honest, and be myself. So you could always try that :D
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Offline pdxtodd

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #10 on: February 25, 2010, 09:15:57 AM »
I would bet that there are dozens of available women in your home town who are interested in exactly the same things that you are and who are also shy about making that first move.  In fact, to use the Men's Warehouse CEO's phrase "I guarantee it".   My suggestion - post an ad on Craigslist - focusing on the things that you like to do - and I would bet that within a week you have a date!   

I too was shy around women -- I've always had success in finding dates by focusing on groups that do things that I like to do.   You don't have to be a manimal.     


Offline mangosink12572

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #11 on: February 26, 2010, 12:30:08 PM »
Fred - - -I will let you know when we go on the next cruise   - -and you will go with us  - - -as you know  - you live close enough to walk to the ship - - -

Richard

Offline aarrggh

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #12 on: February 26, 2010, 02:19:18 PM »
Get yourself a gay wingman.  We're chick magnets, much like cute dogs.  :*))

Red

          Your crackin me up Red       :*))   :*))   :*))

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #13 on: February 26, 2010, 03:28:11 PM »
I agree with Bartman and Simply Red!

I've read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It describes the "Mystery Method" and more. Mystery was a social outcast until he decided to test seduction methods and write them down on a forum just like this this, but about picking up women. It is a very well known book, written for shy guys like you and me about the art of seducing women.

It is a very good book, an amazing and also funny story and it doesn't make you feel sorry about yourself, but will give you an eye opener, thinking while reading the book: "So that's how it's done"

Nowadays, I don't have to think about the methods: most of it will go auto pilot. In fact, that is the goal of the book after all.

And you have to have your gay wingman haha. My brother is gay. They somehow have magical skills with women because they don't have the tension that we feel.

Good luck!

Offline Arnie

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Re: I lack confidence with women
« Reply #14 on: February 26, 2010, 03:38:03 PM »
Your the guy...so think about it, they are waiting for you...seriously!!!

Don't be discouraged if someone turns you down...simply tell yourself...NEXT!!!

You will be fine!!! O0

 



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