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Aggrieved at loss of sly over Christmas
by
KentBaldGuy
on 30 Nov, 2009 12:01
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Having just returned to the world of Sly, I already have to take a planned absence and it is not one I want to take but have to do so. Because of my Mums strong and bad reaction to my shaved dome, I have to let it grow out to a burr for Christmas, so 2 weeks before Christmas I have to stop shaving - grow it out whilst I go see my parents 25th to 28th - and then on the 28th the moment I get home I can go bald again.
If it was anyone else I wouldn't care about what they thought, but I wouldn't want to alienate my parents as they mean so much to me - yet at the same time I feel aggrieved that I have lose the look for two weeks.
Is anyone else here in this same position and feel the same as me?
Tony
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#1
by
Razor X
on 30 Nov, 2009 12:08
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I've been there. I've found that in the long run, it's better to stand your ground. There may be some initial awkwardness, but eventually your parents will get used to it and it won't be an issue anymore. They aren't going to disown you over something as trivial as a haircut. It's really best not to let them -- or anyone else -- have this type of control over you. What are you going to do, grow back some hair every time you see them, and experience the feelings of resentment each time, or take the bull by the horns, face the problem head on and put it behind you?
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#2
by
Timmay
on 30 Nov, 2009 12:08
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nope....This is me and this is who I am. Take it or leave it. im almost 40 years old...time I grew up and be who I want to be
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#3
by
Timmay
on 30 Nov, 2009 12:09
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bravo to Razor!
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#4
by
D.A.L.U.I.
on 30 Nov, 2009 12:10
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My wife, primarily, and daughter wanted a "grow out" for my daughter's wedding. When my daughter saw what little was left to grow out and how miserable I felt walking around looking like a half plucked chicken, she relented and said I didn't have to do it--10 minutes later I was sly again. Those 6 or 7 days were the longest I'd ever gone w/o shaving since my slydom. Wife--screaming--but she wasn't the bride. Maybe you need to let your parents know how bad you feel about this--it's your life, and you're not a little boy anymore. Respect is a two way street.
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#5
by
tomgallagher
on 30 Nov, 2009 12:18
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I've been there. I've found that in the long run, it's better to stand your ground. There may be some initial awkwardness, but eventually your parents will get used to it and it won't be an issue anymore. They aren't going to disown you over something as trivial as a haircut. It's really best not to let them -- or anyone else -- have this type of control over you. What are you going to do, grow back some hair every time you see them, and experience the feelings of resentment each time, or take the bull by the horns, face the problem head on and put it behind you?
What he said.
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#6
by
KentBaldGuy
on 30 Nov, 2009 12:28
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I hear what you guys are saying - I really do. But for me I seems like getting into confrontation for something as relatively trivial as a haircut. I do bow easily to emotional blackmail and do anything for the easier life
The one time I tried to take this in hand a few years back, I turned up with bald head. My Mum said little but went quiet and my Stepdad took me for a walk and said although he didn't care about my head, my Mum had been crying and that she had also said that she wouldn't want to see me again if I looked like that. I know that he wouldn't say that sort of thing for the sake of it, so believe that it had been true.
So for a quiet non-confrontational life, I do plan my visits and grow it out every time.
Not for anyone else though, just them.
Tony
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#7
by
schro
on 30 Nov, 2009 12:34
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I'm right with Razor & Tom.
The Lovely Mrs. Schro still hates the look on me, but has not said a thing about it for almost a year since I went off on her when she criticized the Schrodome. Yeah I didn't like getting ticked off at my wife, but how I wear my hair (or lack of it) is finally a non-issue as she finally "gets it".
I'd have to agree. Stand firm and stay true to your preference.
Good luck!
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#8
by
Tyler
on 30 Nov, 2009 12:45
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The truth will set you and your mum free. Your mom wants you to be happy, and if you're happy with a shaved head she really can't say anything else. I think you just need to explain to your mom how happy it makes you feel.
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#9
by
Mikekoz13
on 30 Nov, 2009 12:46
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I hear what you guys are saying - I really do. But for me I seems like getting into confrontation for something as relatively trivial as a haircut. I do bow easily to emotional blackmail and do anything for the easier life
The one time I tried to take this in hand a few years back, I turned up with bald head. My Mum said little but went quiet and my Stepdad took me for a walk and said although he didn't care about my head, my Mum had been crying and that she had also said that she wouldn't want to see me again if I looked like that. I know that he wouldn't say that sort of thing for the sake of it, so believe that it had been true.
So for a quiet non-confrontational life, I do plan my visits and grow it out every time.
Not for anyone else though, just them.
Tony
Look at the part of your post that I high lighted above. That is exactly what you need to explain to your Mum. A trivial haircut is not something to get upset about at the expense of a loved one.
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#10
by
KentBaldGuy
on 30 Nov, 2009 12:54
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Reading all the posts here, its obvious what I need to do - or at least try to do. I must talk to her about this whole issue.
However, I don't think e-mail or phone is the way forward. I will grow it out a bit for this Christmas (hopefully for the last time) but find time while I am staying with them to talk it through with her quietly face-to-face. You guys are really inspirational so thanks ever so much.
Tony
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#11
by
D.A.L.U.I.
on 30 Nov, 2009 13:00
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Reading all the posts here, its obvious what I need to do - or at least try to do. I must talk to her about this whole issue.
However, I don't think e-mail or phone is the way forward. I will grow it out a bit for this Christmas (hopefully for the last time) but find time while I am staying with them to talk it through with her quietly face-to-face. You guys are really inspirational so thanks ever so much.
Tony
It sounds like a plan. She'll be upset, she's your Mother, but as she loves you she should see your sincerity and unhappiness. Good luck.
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#12
by
ozzie
on 30 Nov, 2009 13:13
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I, for one, am with you Tony. My aged mother would be distraught if I turn up back home sporting the sly look. It's just not worth it. My mother has been totally supportive of me, and my ofttimes perplexing behavior, my entire life. The very least I can do is make our visit as enjoyable for her as I possibly can. I want her memories of our latest, very infrequent visits (since I live 8000 miles away) to be happy and full of joy for her. Who knows how many more visits there will be. Fer crissake, it's only a few weeks you guys. Get over it.
Funny story. In the late 60s, early 70s I wore my hair down my back. Mother was NOT amused. Ever. Then, first time I cut it off, she burst out with a hugely disappointed "ohhh...... you cut off your lovely hair." Too funny!
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#13
by
RyanJP
on 30 Nov, 2009 13:17
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Do what makes you happy and go with your gut, you're family should love you for who you are and not how you look. I'm grateful that all my family and friends support all the choices I make so I can't sympathize or agree with the predicament your in. Stand your ground, and why do you have to grow it out to a "burr" ?? because it displeases or makes a close loved one upset, there's got to be more to the story but I'm not Dr. Phil, no offense but tell her to get over it and stop trying to be a pleaser.
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#14
by
Timmay
on 30 Nov, 2009 13:51
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thats the thing...being someone you are not. Why put up a false front? it only ends up in a lot of disappointments..........