Amusing serious site on being a "metrosexual"

[Rusty Shackleford]

Yea, yea, yea.  A metrosexual is really someone who wants to have sex with cities, but this guy believes it's the ticket to having sex with women.  From what I gather really shallow women who'd probably rather have sex with other woman.

http://www.hardgeus.com/index.php?npageid=27

Anyhow, it's a real hoot because the guy is completely serious and seems to have enslaved his life to these draconian rules.  The comments he brings up range from the absurd (he has two articles on the importance of shoes), to sensible, to downright offensive.  Where he seems to make sense is when it comes to the scalp.  He's really against those effeminate boy-band haircuts, and even believes you need to take it off once you start losing it:

I am not a hairstyle expert, so this is going to be brief, but there is 1 unassailable rule: If you are losing your hair lop it the hell off. Nothing is more comical than a comb-over. Nothing so pathetic as a balding guy with a ponytail. It is for this reason that I use #3 clippers on my entire head. I am nowhere near bald, but my hairline has receded enough. I promised myself years ago that I would buzz it at the first sign of trouble. Well, trouble is on the horizen. Don't be That Guy With A Combover. Don't do it.

He doesn't address taking it to the skin, so I wonder how that fits into his rules.  What's strange about this topic is that he dislikes trendy cuts, but likes buzzed haircuts.  But how does that fit into the whole metrosexual thing since the whole point is to come across effeminate?


Now to the offensive part, which is naturally the most fun and the reason I posted this here.  The guy is very much against facial hair:

Goatees are pretty "in" these days, and my suggestion would be to only sport a goatee if it naturally grows in a decent pattern. Don't wear a goatee if you have to manually shave a path in it to show skin. Does your goatee go with your overall look, or are you just a goon with a goatee? These are important questions. Also: thick heavy goatees are quite popular in the scary leather gay community. Be forewarned.

In other words, the better your goatee the more you should consider keeping it shaved because what woman would want to hook up with a guy that's, you know, a guy?  And what about all those millions and millions of guys around the world with goatees?  I guess they must not have a girlfriend... And therefore with all those millions and millions of undateable guys in the world it seems like the numbers would require there to be an even larger number of available women.  A huge surplus of women!  So it would seem to me that any guy with a shaved face would literally have to beat the women away!

The other interesting thing is that he ends his anti-goatee rant with some fear mongering: "thick heavy goatees are quite popular in the scary leather gay community. Be forewarned." But, um, wouldn't this only be a problem for heterosexual heavily goateed men who hang out in leather-clad gay bars and clubs?  If so, shouldn't the author have pointed out that these are bad places to score women?  And call me crazy, but I'd think a woman would be more likely to believe a man is gay she finds him preening over himself, shopping for designer clothes, and fretting over his shoes than if he actually looked like a man.  Maybe I'm wrong here, but it seems to me that becoming an effeminate little sheman is the wrong direction to go if you don't want to be taken as a homosexual.


And, seriously, read his rules on shoes.  Shoes! 
I don't know... Maybe I am just too much of a guy because I see shoes as the most irrelevant part of my attire's appearance but his two articles on shoes just makes my mouth drop:

http://www.hardgeus.com/index.php?npageid=27&nCurrentPage=1

Maybe women really are this superficial, but I get the impression that the only women who'd actually turn down a guy for many of his reasons are just disposable mindless barchicks anyway.

[Mikekoz13]

I'll bet this guy never gets laid. I don't care what anyone else says.... in my mind, real women want real men..... and metrosexuals are NOT real men.

If you have to ask what a real man is then you are NOT a real man....

[hammerdrill376]

May I quote Brad Paisley

"This day there's dudes gettin facials,
manicures, wax and botox.
But with deep spray on tans
and creamy lotiony hands..man you can't grip a tackle box
With all these men linin up to get neutered,
I'ts hip to be feminized.
My eyebrows ain't plucked,
Got a gun in my truck,
Thank God.......I'm STILL a GUY!!!

[Mikekoz13]

May I quote Brad Paisley

"This day there's dudes gettin facials,
manicures, wax and botox.
But with deep spray on tans
and creamy lotiony hands..man you can't grip a tackle box
With all these men linin up to get neutered,
I'ts hip to be feminized.
My eyebrows ain't plucked,
Got a gun in my truck,
Thank God.......I'm STILL a GUY!!!

John gets it! It would be an honor to have a beer and a cigar with you John!!!

[Rusty Shackleford]

John gets it! It would be an honor to have a beer and a cigar with you John!!!

HAHA
I take it neither of you guys rushed out to the latest designer store to check out the trendy Autumn shoe styles before they become out of style with the release of the Late-Autumn models in November?   

If you got a laugh from the self-proclaimed metrosexual warning that a goatee can make you look gay, you should really take a look at the guy's discussions on shoes.  Amazing stuff.  I can't imagine any guy wasting precious brain cells in knowing the details of the designer shoe industry.  I imagine him wandering around a shoe store drooling at all the shoes the way I wander around a Best Buy.

This reminds me of the time I had a marketing person from my company helping me market.  One of the things that drove her nuts was that my black dress shoes were solid black New Balance sneakers.  In my guy mind they looked more-or-less identical to any fancy black shoe, but they had the advantage of having soles that felt better than a plate of plywood and  they weren't made of rigid leather that cuts into the skin. She insisted I try out some brands that were designed to feel good but look like dress shoes.  After my New Balances died I decided to take her advice since she insisted dress shoes were comfortable now.  Those things all cost at least $100!  I ended up finding a pair of dress shoes for $20 at one of those discount shoe stores which were also comfortable.

[Rusty Shackleford]

Uh-ho... I just realized that it's Saturday night but I'm here on this board complaining about a metrosexual and his unnecessary feminine tricks to get women.  Yes, yes, I see I see, but I'm working!  I really did pass up the chance to go out and do something tonight!

[hammerdrill376]

Nope..more of a Wal-Mart type of guy myself. The latest fashion trends and all that type of egotistic need to impress never was my style. As for a goatee making a guy "look gay"my opinion on that is I don't think there is necessarily a style or apperance, except in some extreme cases, that defines a guy looking gay.

[Rusty Shackleford]

Nope..more of a Wal-Mart type of guy myself. The latest fashion trends and all that type of egotistic need to impress never was my style. As for a goatee making a guy "look gay"my opinion on that is I don't think there is necessarily a style or apperance, except in some extreme cases, that defines a guy looking gay.

Uh-ho, are you sure you want to be smoking that cigar?  That's kinda masculine and therefore would be a turn off to women.  You might want to smoke something more metrosexual-friendly like a Virginia Slim or Misty.  You also have a goatee.  Women might mistake you for a man if you continue growing that!

I, like, learned so much from that website on how to be a real man and junk!  Like, OMG!!!

[Alexander215]

May I quote Brad Paisley

"This day there's dudes gettin facials,
manicures, wax and botox.
But with deep spray on tans
and creamy lotiony hands..man you can't grip a tackle box
With all these men linin up to get neutered,
I'ts hip to be feminized.
My eyebrows ain't plucked,
Got a gun in my truck,
Thank God.......I'm STILL a GUY!!!

One of my favorite songs