I'm going to address the "Members Leaving" phenomenon.......

[Mikekoz13]

So we all know that recently we've had several long time members leave the Forum. Two that I know of were good guys that post regularly or fairly regularly. I'm going to say right up front that one of these guys I know well and they other I do not.
The following  thoughts are not a defense or criticism of these two guys or anyone else that is a Forum member. These are only my thoughts on the topic and by posting them I hope to give both long time members and new members some things to think about as far as making the Forum something that can be useful and relative.

I've noticed, as have others I've spoken to, that the tone of the Forum has changed quite a bit over the last several months. The question is why. I think there are several reasons:

1) It's the natural ebb and flow of things. Some will come,some will stay, and some will go. It's the natural progression of things.

2) Spats between members. This happens occasionally but I think the Mods here do an excellent job of squashing these things quickly. But I've noticede that sometimes guys take things too personally. Remember....it's a Forum and you most likely don't know these guys personally so don't take things personally. Work things out with other guys in PM's if you can and if you cannot forget about it and enjoy the Forum for what it is.

3) When I first came to the Forum there was an amazing feeling of Family. I think some of that has gone away. Why? Well I think there are a lot of "Welcome" and "Happy Birthday" threads, which are great, but not a whole lot of substantive, interesting threads. I remember, in the past, reading so many great threads about what members kids, wives, and friends were doing or had done. The strories were often funny, moving and personal. Many of these threads made me laugh out loud, feel frustrated and even shed a tear. I think these threads nurtured that feeling of Family but I rarely see these types of threads anymore.

When I went to SlyBaldCon 2009 this past July I met Timmay, PBurke, Jer, SaintC, Mel. When I first met them there was NO feeling of awkwardness......there was a feeling of seeing old friends that I had not seen in a long time. Instant comraderie. Why? Because I already "knew" these guys from all their postings of things in their lives. Now these guys are my "friends" for life.
Even guys that I've never met from the Forum but that I know thru the Forum and thru PMs with them I consider "friends". Strange but true.

So my point? Well just like everything else in life, you get out what you put in. So if you want this to be a place where you can come and air out your feelings, ask for advice on ANYTHING in your life and make real friends put some effort into it. This goes for old and new alike.

Post up guys!! Post up the funny, sad, embarrassing form your lives past and present. Get to know each other.

Examples? Search the threads for the posts a year or so back on Little League. Or when Tim's Dad's friend passed away. Or when my daughter injured last year. These threads, and many more, will give you an idea of what I'm talking about.

Sometimes, as men, we need a place to turn for the opinions of other men. With such a diverse and definetly interesting array of guys here this can be that place if you choose.

Let's revive the vitality if the Forum!!!!!

[Nonick]

Amen!

[marshd1000]

Mikekoz, you said it very well.  But I also want to add my 2 cents worth.  For some people, other things take priority.  Some people are internet addicted and miss out on real life.  I am not pointing fingers at anyone here.  Just noticing the trend on social networking on the web.  So for some, it might be a GOOD thing to take time away from here or other places on the net and just have a limited presence.  While I love this place and have had fun here, I think that if this site or others cause one to withdraw from real life, flesh and bone relationships, then one should become scarse here!

[Hook'Em]

I actually find the opposite to be true Marsh. Through Facebook i have rekindled long ago friendships with high school buddies that I wouldn't normally have any communication at all. That communication has brought about actual social activities and get togethers. SBG has afforded me the opportunity to meet guys from literally all over the world that I would have not met otherwise.  While I haven't attended a Sly Con I might one day and I do consider many here friends like Koz said. I think the internet and wonderful sites like this one has allowed alot of people to get past their front doors and open themselves up to people, past and present, and share their experiences.  It is great to be able to come to a place like this and share your similar experiences with guys who don't necessarily judge you, but want to understand and help you with whatever problem/issue you might be having. Yes this a forum about head shaving, but it's also a place where we can come to discuss what makes us do it and how that makes us feel.  Let's get back to lifting each other up and stop the all the slamming and putting down. Just my 2 cents.

[Timmay]

Thanks Alot Mike!  What a way to make a soft heart, softer....you did it buddy!

I agree with everything Mike has said and want to add my view (s) to it.   Mike hit the nail right on the head when he said FAMILY.  We are a Family here if you realize that or not.  To those of you who are new members, I hope  you get to recognize and feel what it is like to be part of a family here in this forum.  Some may say that it cant happen, well I am sorry to say...but this forum is living proof.

Over time as one becomes more active in this forum, you begin to see who and what other members are made up of.  Keep in mind, what you see and experience here in this forum are just words.  It is not until you actually meet these members is when you can really experience and get to know who they really are. But, in the same breath I can also say that I have gotten really close with a few members and I have only spoken to them over the phone, texting or thru this forum.  To those members, you know who you are, I have become very close to them and consider them as brothers...and there are a couple who have wives/gf's that I respect and grown to love as well.

...so this brings me to this, Who is Timmay?  Have you ever just stopped for a moment and thought about who you really are?  I mean really sat down and gave it a true hard thought?  Its hard to do.  Each and everyone of us are made up of so many different things.  We all come from different walks of life, different countries, and different values.  I could sit here and just jott down everything about me and who I am but that would become very lengthy, not to mention boring the crap out of each and everyone of you.  In a nut shell, Timmay is a family guy who resides in the Ohio Valley with his wife and three kids.  He is a very caring Husband, Father and friend.  What alot of you may have found is that Timmay is very soft hearted.  I know, most guys would not admit to that, but I have no shame to admit it.  It is just a part of who I am.  I often find myself becoming very defensive in what may be thrown at me, especially when it is something I do not like to hear or want to admit about myself.  Sometimes I may view comments taht are thrown at me as insults, but in reality...is it true?  It makes you take a step back and look at yourself.  Strip yourself down and sort out all the pieces and you will find that maybe you really are a mess.  I get so angry sometimes when there is something I hear that I do not like or want to accept.  Its easy for me to say to the person(s) who make those comments that if they do not like what I post...then dont read them, which in fact...thats what I need to do as well.  I need to understand that what one person feels is right doesnt neccessarily mean that it is right, but who am I to judge that.  I often hear from some members that they do not read what I post, because they really do not care to see what I have to post.  Do I take offense to that?  Yes I do, but that is their opinion and I just have to realize that not everyone is going to like me.  No matter how hard I try, there are going to be people I do not like and people who do not like me.  We do not have to be friends with everyone we come in contact with, but we are required to show respect.  I think that is the biggest thing that becomes lost in alot of situations like this..Respect.   If there is something I do not like about another person...keep it to myself.  If there is something you dont like about another person , keep it to yourself.  What are you gaining in making the other person feel bad.  Now if this other person has come at you directly, yes you should stand up for yourself, but other than that....let it go.  It happens, people are different.  If we were all alike, how boring would that be.
....now on the flip side, I like to come in here and have fun.  I do not mean to make insults to other people in a cruel way just to get a laugh out of it.  If I have done that, I apologize.  Sometimes it has been said, things get carried away.  I am very open minded and not to much can embarass or make me feel awkward.  It is so much easier to be more open in a form than it is in person.  Ask Mike, he knows what I am talking about.  He met me this summer and from what I have heard, he said that I was not the person he thought he was going to meet.  They way I present myself in this forum is not who I am in everyday life.  The life I have here in this forum can easily be done away with...with a click of a button.  My life that I have here and now within in my community  is really taken on a more serious note, but still I have fun. 

I have no idea if what I have just posted makes any sense at all.  It may be all a bunch of jibber jabber, but what I am trying to convey to you all is this.  There are alot of times I take too many things to heart.  I often try to make everyone like who I am, when that fails, I get frustrated.  Not everyone is going to like me and I accept that.  I am a fun guy to be around, but I understand how I hold up my reputation in here can effect how I am treated in person. Do not judge me completely by what you see here, because you will be led astray.  Sometimes I just wish that my heart would be hardened somewhat.   A great friend in here told me the other day that God can only work with soft hearts...hardened hearts are useless.  For that I am sorry if I take things personally, that is me, I cant help that.  It may not seem like it, but I do respect alot of people in here.  Some of those that I have had run ins with...they have noticed that I have been trying really hard to get past those feelings that I have locked in about them.  You know who you are...I occasionally talk to you on FB...that is my way of trying to mend things.  My only fear is that it isnt getting a very good reception.  At least I am trying.  Thats all that matters

Now to Tyler.  Dude, you have an awesome forum here and I know you probably often just want to throw you hands up and just say to hell with it. Thanks for not doing that.  This place means alot to many of us here, including myself.    I took a step back from being here and it was one of the hardest things to do.  Not to come in here and want to read up and post.  I did come back in a few times to retrieve a few personal pm's in my inbox but stayed away from the boards completely all together. People will say it is just an addiction to want to be here.  Well if that is what it is...them I am glad to say I am addicted to one of the best damn forums on the net.  I am proud to say I am a member of SBG! 

Shine On Brothers in Baldness,

Timmay!

[SLYinKC]

I don't think I could add a thing to what Mike and Tim have said.. and I am not much for lenghthy writing.. But in short, this forum has meant alot to me in the past 2 and a half years and I have made some great friendships that have truly changed me.

Thank you, Tyler, for all of your hard work.  And thank you, to all of my buddies, and those of you that I may not know yet.  It is all of us working together and sharing parts of ourselves that make this thing work.

Long Live SBG... I hope you will continue to positively effect guys just like the positive effect you have had on me.

Rick

[hammerdrill376]

Still around..not goin anywhere

[Timmay]

WalMart has Kleenex tissues on sale this week if anyone is needing some...................

[Tyler]

Koz, thank you for putting that out there!  I've been thinking of how to properly address the issue and you did a great job of beating me to it. 

Like Koz said, guys will come and go.  Some of them we'll know well, others not as well.  The thing about this site is that it's a lot like life;  you get out of it what you put into it and even more.  Those that have been around long and contributed greatly have benefited the greatest.  Sure, you can come and get advice to help you get past a tough season in life and leave and that will be just fine.  Or, you can stay and teach others what you have learned through your experiences and you will benefit far greater than you would have ever expected.  If you're looking to do something to help people, this is a great way to do it by just taking a few minutes a day. 

A lot of us see helping just one person get through an issue as helping just one person.  Though, in reality we have hundreds of lurkers a day that are looking for morsels of information to feed off of and make them stronger.   A post to one person could actually help many guys get stronger.  Then add in the ripple effect and they could go out and help others. 

This has been one of the roughest years in my life and is now on the up and up.  I haven't been around as much in 2009 because I needed to focus most of my attention elsewhere, but just spending the little amount of time here that I have I get joy.  I get joy in seeing how people are so unselfishly helping others.  I get joy in watching guys that come here in despair start to grow in to very confident individuals and use that confidence to help others.  We truly have something special here.

To keep SBG special we have to remember that SBG is about helping people.  It's not about competing on our differences, but finding our commonalities.  Sure there's going to be spats, but take that to PM and don't forget that sometimes it's best just to put the pride aside and move on.  Let's all make the remaining of 2009 and 2010 the best times that SBG has seen!

[Mikekoz13]

To all my brothers that have posted and read this thread..........

I agree with every comment above...every one. I've thought about making this thread for about a week. It was precipitated by Tim leaving.......he is truly my Friend. Then when Ben left I felt that it was imperative to make it. I gathered my thoughts over the last day and sat down with a cup of coffee and the laptop this AM.

It was hard to get the thread started....the words were there but I couldn't put them down. Then I realized, that's how it is when you have an issue with someone you care about. So I put fingers to keys....... hoping that others that care about not only SBG. but also the actual people here, would respond. I had no doubt that once the responses started, the words would flow from the fine men here. You guys have not disappointed. THIS is what makes this such an amazing place.

Hopefully this thread will allow all of us to remember why we came here initially and why we still come here now. For those who have had a past spat in the Forum.....please use this as a new starting point.
I said it before and Tyler re-iterarted it........ "You get out what you put in".......

Final note:
Just after I posted this thread this AM my wife was on Facebook with Tim. I told her to tell him to check this thread out. I was hopeful he would do it.....and he did. Bravo to Tim for coming back to post what I feel is a very heartfelt and humble entry in this thread. I only hope that time will see him back more regularly.

So go on out into the Forum gentlemen!....And post up those threads that make us laugh, make us cry, and make us think...

[GASlick]

Like Rick, I"m not big on writing lengthy posts.  I agree!

Great bunch of people on here. 

[D.A.L.U.I.]

Glad you started to clear the air Koz.  It's a funny thing, when you check the Forum, at the bottom, there are almost always two to three times the number of guests as members on line.  It's something to think about when you, as a member make a posting--you are in a very real sense speaking for all of us.  It's a responsibility to be lived up to. 

[Jim80]

Well said Koz, to quote Mel, SBG is like a world wide Frat.

[wpruitt]

Let's all make the remaining of 2009 and 2010 the best times that SBG has seen!

Here, here !!

[aarrggh]

WalMart has Kleenex tissues on sale this week if anyone is needing some...................

     Just a new guy whos also not big on lengthy -well thought out- emotional posts........
         Nice too see KOZ stepping up too the plate too get the job done in all aspects of this site.......
         And heck- a splash of humor always helps bring out the point..........