My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me

[timorousme]

After four months of what I thought was a great relationship with a fantastic girl, I got dumped last month for being too immature.

She's 29 and I'm 21, so I should have known it wouldn't work out.

I'm still extremely upset, but I think it's time to try to start dating again.

Does anybody have any advice for getting back in the dating world after heartbreak? How do I meet girls without constantly comparing them to my ex? How do I stop myself from talking about her? How do I simply move on?

I still love this girl. I thought she was perfect. Now that she's gone and I'm single, I just feel lost.

[buddha]

Ahh, the old stand-by.....immaturity!

I have known many women who use this term to describe a man who does the things he loves to do and refuses to stop doing them just because she doesn't enjoy them. I've been in a couple of relationships with women like this and consider myself to be better off now that they are gone. But that's just me.

This is a loss and you have to take the time to grieve it appropriately. I don't know how long this will take but you will. Don't put pressure on yourself to get back to dating before it's time or you will get yourself into a rebound relationship which is the only thing on earth that is worse than death. Plus, if you jump back in too soon you WILL talk about the ex all the time and you WILL compare anyone you meet to her. Feeling lost without her is normal at this point, that's why the danger of rebounding is so great. Any girl you meet is someone you may fall for prematurely because of the loneliness you now feel and anything will feel better than being alone.

This is my truth younger brother, take your time. I know that this hurts like hell now but getting back in too soon will hurt much worse farther on down the road. Give yourself some time to level off and know that the world has not stopped turning on its axis because some woman has labeled you as immature and gone off in search of greener pastures.

Post Script: Right now is potentially a great time for you. Look at this as a challenge in your life that, once you overcome it, will make you stronger. Explore the things you love to do, hang out with your buds, do guy stuff, and out of all of this will come self-knowledge that you didn't have before. Also, explore the pain you are having right now. Just sit with it and feel it. Get to know it like a best friend because that is what it is. This kind of pain is going to help prepare you for other pain that is surely in your future as it has been in mine. We never get over the pain of loss until we die. No quick fix is going to truly help in this situation, no anti-depressant or mood stabilizer, no new relationship. Live through this pain, timorous, and you will experience new growth from the pain. Gloss it over with something new and you will remain stuck in this very time where you find yourself stuck now.

[ShavedForNow]

All I can add to buddha's comments is: never chase. Always have options. No relationship can work if one of you puts the other on a pedestal.

[Alexander215]

Go out and hit the pub, have a dozen pints and get yourself some strange buddy.

I don't think you ever really forget about them, you just forget a little less with time.

[nomad]

The best way to get over one is to get on another one 

Dude don't rush back into a relationship just go for a few test rides until you get past the past

[TANK25]

The best way to get over one is to get on another one 

Dude don't rush back into a relationship just go for a few test rides until you get past the past

Amen Nomad!You are only 21,you have tons of fun and more heartbreak ahead.Just go out and have fun

[hammerdrill376]

Take your time man. I don't advise jumping from one relationship into another because the tendancy is to judge the new girl against the old girl. Take some time for yourself and think about what you want out of life and out of an eventual partner. I almost ended up with the "wrong woman" early in my twenties. Now, almost 20 years into my marriage, I am glad I waited for the RIGHT woman. At 21 there is no rush though I know lonliness can be difficult.

[capthappy8p]

sry to hear that buddy i myself was told to be immature at times, but it never got me down if a girl doesnt want to be with me cause im immature then forget em im who i am... just like u man...

good luck go out on a couple test drives like im doin and ull get over it with time....

btw im in the same boat as u my friend!

[marty22]

Im giving u 30 days to recuperate and then get into the mode after that. No excuses.

[JasonR]

DUDE. I just came out of the same situation except for I just turned 25 she just turned 26. But I broke up with HER, and it just took me a long time to realize I loved her.

I'm not gonna lie, it was hell for 2 months. On top of that i had a ton of family sh*t on me. I broke down crying TWICE because all of the stuff I went through in such a short time. And I can count the number of times I cried on one hand.

But now I feel more confident than ever, and am happier than ever. Sure, it's only been 4 months or so but I am not dealing with HER drama, and I stopped her from punishing me (for letting her go) and the drama she was given me. I woke up and realized there are MILLIONS of women out there, and I need to get off my ass and start meeting them.

My advice: We're both VERY young. Don't settle down. Realize you can have almost any woman you want, you just have to learn the game. Get into it. It's fun, I promise.

[champ007]

timorousme,
I have been gone for a while, and from what I recall you had lost your love of your life last time I was here. So, what exactly was different about this one?? NOTHING!
As you can see you apparently got over that one, fell in love with this one, and here we are again. I see a pattern... do you?
Take a deep breath, exhale, pick yourself back up and get on the freakin horse again. And this time don't fall madly in love with her... dude, you are reminding me of my brother. I swear any girl who paid him any attention, he wanted to marry.... and he is still like that. Why, because instead of finding the one he wanted, he just took whatever came along..... be better than him man! Break this stupid cycle now before your 42 years old and wondering why you haven't been married yet.
Please!