Author Topic: Anxiety over thinning / shaving  (Read 5718 times)

Offline lawstudent123

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Anxiety over thinning / shaving
« on: December 04, 2006, 06:42:40 PM »
I'm glad I found this site - thanks to whomever started & maintains it.

I started thinning about 3 years ago (at age 23) but lately, as in past 6 months to a year, it has really picked up steam. I am thinning pretty fast in the front, as well as the back. I KNOW that people can notice it, but very few have ever said anything to me about it.

Anyways, I have days when I accept it, and other days when it is very frustrating for me. I have basically resolved that some day, I will shave it. I guess I am reluctant at this stage because I am worried about peoples' reactions to it. For example, when I go home for the holidays and meet up with old friends, how will they react? Will they snicker behind their backs at me, etc? Also, my girlfriend, whom I know loves me dearly - will she see this as a sign of weakness - as in "oh god I'm dating a bald guy". I guess in the back of my mind I'm avoiding it, hoping I can prolong it as long as possible.

I don't mean any offence to anyone on this board, but I'm sure at least some of you have had these types of thoughts and issues.

I'm uneasy about going for the shaved-to-skin look as I just don't know if it would work for me. Should I start out buzzing it down to very short? Even after a buzzing a great deal of my thinning will be exposed for all to see, so I guess I'm a little scared of that too.

Anyways, I'm just fed up with losing my self-confidence down the drain every morning. This sucks. Just needed to vent to a group of guys that would understand. Thanks.



Offline Tyler

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Re: Anxiety over thinning / shaving
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2006, 07:12:49 PM »
lawstudent, you've come to the right place!  Welcome to Sly Bald Guys

Here's my thoughts on your delima, but you should also listen to what all the guys here have to say.

As for your friends, I would have to bet that if they are going to snicker at you, they are already doing it for you going bald, unless they themselves are going bald.  You'll find that most of the guys here had the same reservations you did about shaving their already balding head, but once they did it they were amazed at the positive reaction they got from most people.  There are always a few that will ask why or will vocalize their negative opinion, but I'm sure the majority will rule.

In regards to your girlfriend, be open with her that you are sick of your hair loss and you want to take control of it by shaving your head.  You know her best, but I've heard from a few guys that the shock method (shaving without telling the woman) doesn't always go over the best.  But women are sensitive and will understand that it will cause you less pain by shaving than to keep your hair.

I say just shave it all off.  It will always grow back to a buzzed look in a couple of days if you want to see the buzzed look versus a bald look.

So that's my opinion, what do you other guys think?

People are not limited by the circumstance that they are born in. They are limited by the size of their dreams. Show them that their dreams can have no limits and in turn their accomplishments can be limitless.

Offline David

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Re: Anxiety over thinning / shaving
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2006, 09:55:27 PM »
Lawstudent,

You sound like you know what you need to do but have cold feet.    Personally, I haven't really seen a head that looks horrible bald, unless you are an alien or something.   If these people are really your friends, they won't care.   Sure you will take some playful ribbing from your boys, but if you roll with it and don't let it bug you, they will stop.   As far as your girlfriend.   Has she made any drastic hair changes since you guys have dated?  If she has, then remind her how supportive you were when she did them and that she should do the same for you.   If she hasn't, explain that you aren't happy with the way you look and that your personality won't change with the bald look.   Also tell her it will make you more confident and that will make your relationship/romance better.

Another thing to consider is how much attention newborn babies get because of their cuteness, and I guarantee you that cuteness has to do with coming out of the womb bald.   

The bottom line is if you are confident in yourself what you have on your head does not matter.  If you take being bald as a problem and let that be the way you feel, than it will be a problem.    If you ooze confidence when bald, others will notice and respect you.   Right now you lack confidence, so you need to do it.    Ultimately there are two opinions that matter on the look: yours and the lord's.   If you like it and embrace it, your real friends will not care.

Plus, think about this:  you will get the positive reaction, but not most of the negative reaction because people who don't like it usually will just keep their thoughts to themselves to not be rude.   And if you hate it, you can always grow it back.



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Offline happyharry

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Re: Anxiety over thinning / shaving
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2006, 04:10:01 AM »
Well put David.

Lawstudent, David and Tyler are right, you can always let it grow back. Let's take the worst case scenario (which is highly unlikely): people hate it, and you hate it, and your girlfriend hates it. Well, you can let it grow back, and in time nobody will remember that there was a time when you shaved your head. So don't worry about it.

However, I think it's far more likely that your new looks will be a success. Something I have observed on myself and others was the fact that going ahead and shaving your head can (and usually is) a very liberating experience. You've spent so much time having attention on your thinning hair, worrying about it, exploring new ways to cover it, it's consumed a lot of energy, and it wears people out. People can't be themselves, can't be truly confident if they have constant attention on something they consider bad about themselves. Shaving it all off could (and usually does) provide a solution.

But what you've first considered a mere solution will evolve into something more - a new lifestyle and attitude, and new things will come out of it - good things.

Yeah, definitely, give it a try. Us bald guys here on the forum are here to assist you, whatever your final decision (but it better be a bald decision, my dear friend... ;D)

If you need any help getting started (the practical aspects of shaving your head etc.), please let us know. You can also post a picture of yourself if you like, like somebody else did a month or so ago. You'd be surprised at the positive comments you'd get on how you would look like bald.

Good luck.

Happy Harry

(and let's not forget about the fact that you'd probably be the only law student in your class who's bald. And looking sly is always an asset for a lawyer... ;)
Professor Melon, for instance, was quite brave, for he was the only guy in his immediate circle - an academic circle - who shaved his head. And he got nothing but positive comments from his fellow colleagues and family.)

« Last Edit: December 05, 2006, 04:36:07 AM by happyharry »
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Offline lawstudent123

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Re: Anxiety over thinning / shaving
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2006, 05:49:59 AM »
Guys, thanks for your thoughtful comments. Actually, I wouldn't be the only bald dude in my law school class. There are a few guys, one of whom is probably seen as one of the coolest, most universally liked dudes in our school. Also the chicks love him b/c they say he looks like "Harry" from Sex and the City.

I also forget that my girlfriend's brother is a happy shaver (he jokes about his daily "shaving cream helmet"). Not to mention my brother in law. It's just that the look is so central to these guys, it's like I didn't even notice it on them. With me, I know it would be a shock to people - but you are absolutely right - if it's something that would make me more confident in myself again, my life only stands to improve by leaps and bounds.

I just like the thought of getting up in the morning, seeing myself in the mirror, and being happy with what I see. Not immideately playing the cover up game, testing different angles to make sure scalp exposure is minimal. I guess that is the behaviour of a man who is letting himself be defeated by hairloss.

Today I am going to chat with my girl about it. I mentioned it to her in quasi-joke mode before, but this time I'll lay it all out. Who knows, maybe she will be relieved I am finally taking the step and offer to do it for me! I'll let you know how it turns out.

Fellas, it's good to get this off my chest. Thanks.

PS - I found this pic of myself (taken a few years ago) with a buzzed head. The angle isn't great, but do you think I could pull off the look successfully? honest opinions are welcome, no matter what you have to say: let me have it. Thanks!
« Last Edit: December 06, 2006, 01:32:30 PM by lawstudent123 »

Offline happyharry

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Re: Anxiety over thinning / shaving
« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2006, 06:15:38 AM »
Lawstudent,

thanks for submitting your picture. Now, let's see...

You said you wanted honest opinions, and that's what you'll get from me.

Hm, overall, you're a pretty handsome fellow.

I'd say the shape of your lips in combination with your nose adds the most interest to your face.
You do look somewhat mellow (in the picture, at least), with the eyes of a puppy. A sweet look.
I'm sure many women will feel that you're a nice and sweet guy, just from your appearance alone.

Now, if you shaved your head you'd get something very interesting: you'd get a combination of a nice and sweet guy, and a sly and raw guy. And I'm sure that combination, that contrast, that mix, will provide a special appeal and attraction - especially with the ladies, and providing you maintain a natural attitude and you don't become a pretentious a$$hole once you shave your head. But I think you'll stay true to yourself. And that's a good thing.

But my gut tells me you're meant to be bald, you're one of us (well, you will be, shortly), and that the bald look would really suit you. It's what's been missing from your appearance so far, it seems to be
your natural look.

So, go ahead and show us some pictures once you've shaved...(and don't forget to retouch the bloody nicks using Photoshop ;D)
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Offline Professor Melon

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Re: Anxiety over thinning / shaving
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2006, 08:17:44 AM »
 :D :D Ahoy, Lawstudent. You've received some very insightful advice from Tyler, David, and Harry. I might add 1) that you have a good jaw and facial features, both of which complement the bald look; and 2) even if you don't stay with it, you owe it to yourself to conquer your squeamishness and at least try the bald look. Your balding will only get worse and take you down into despair. By shaving you'll assert that you're a take-charge guy. This is a great era in which to experiment with the bald persona. The sooner you do it, the sooner your anxiety will disappear. One further observation: if you're confident and bring up your transformation, you'll notice that those whose opinions you fear will quickly drop the subject.  This is an effective rhetorical technique for you to use as a lawyer as well: the more you're "in their faces," the more they will want to talk about something else. It's a bit bold, aggressive, but, given your  professional choice, don't you want to be that kind of guy? Be sure you discuss this move with your girlfriend. My wife's understanding and support were crucial in my case. The bald look is genuine and honest; desperately trying to cover your scalp with your thinning hair is both dishonest and demoralizing, not to mention time-consuming and perilous, as any gust of wind can literally blow your cover. And people know. So, embrace affirmatively what you cannot change; make a liability into a strength. You'll never regret it. Professor Melon
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Offline happyharry

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Re: Anxiety over thinning / shaving
« Reply #7 on: December 05, 2006, 09:24:01 AM »
Aye, well put, Professor Melon. Well put.
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Offline FateWillWin

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Re: Anxiety over thinning / shaving
« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2006, 11:02:33 PM »
yeh you sound like me.. stalling to see how long I can go :p

I already made the decision . once it gets ridicilous i am def shaving it

 



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