Author Topic: I have noticed....  (Read 3992 times)

bmwgsa

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I have noticed....
« on: January 29, 2007, 11:00:04 AM »
That many of you are posting your fittness goals here at SBG.

I'm sorry to say that you all have it wrong.

I talked to my doctor (Doctor Feelgood) and asked him a few questions.
I hope his answers point you in the right direction.....

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Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? 

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.  Want to live longer? Take a nap.
 
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies.  What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.  And what are these?  Vegetables.  So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken.  Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).  And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all.  Wine is made from fruit.   Brandy is distilled wine - that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.  Beer is also made out of grain.  Bottoms up!

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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one.   Sorry.  My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening! - Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable.  It's the best feel-good food around!!

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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !

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Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"




Offline BaldRob

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Re: I have noticed....
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2007, 11:43:38 AM »
LMAO!!  O0 :*))
Real men don't waste testosterone on hair...





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Offline PBurke

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Re: I have noticed....
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2007, 11:46:03 AM »
i like that doctor. (*!z@ b!3r


Treat people with respect, or just ignore them!

Offline PigPen

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Re: I have noticed....
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2007, 12:00:03 PM »
 D*0g
In a bacon and eggs breakfast, the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed. BE THE PIG!!!




Offline wpruitt

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Re: I have noticed....
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2007, 05:45:15 PM »
My kind of plan
"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

Offline David

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Re: I have noticed....
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2007, 05:47:36 PM »
My kind of plan

mine too.   And, does anyone else get the sense bmwgsa was the class clown in school.   Which is definitely not a bad thing.
bald for life

Offline Robmeister

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Re: I have noticed....
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2007, 06:21:00 PM »
...does anyone else get the sense bmwgsa was the class clown in school.

Nope....I think he was just a young Emu

Offline PigPen

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Re: I have noticed....
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2007, 06:22:07 PM »
 $c#m
In a bacon and eggs breakfast, the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed. BE THE PIG!!!




bmwgsa

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Re: I have noticed....
« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2007, 09:34:03 PM »
...does anyone else get the sense bmwgsa was the class clown in school.

Nope....I think he was just a young Emu

Ahhhhh My school daze - Where I was just an egg, dreaming about being a tall and stong EMU like my daddy.....

And YES - I was the class clown, school bored the hell out of me.....

Offline Robmeister

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Re: I have noticed....
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2007, 10:16:32 PM »
...I was the class clown, school bored the hell out of me.....

Nothin' wrong with that....

that same background and sentiment served George Carlin VERY well.

 



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