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Help me evolve into a better man! by wrolan on 02 Aug, 2014 08:57
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Hello everyone. I am a 24 year old male who has been suffering from mpb since I was 16. Honestly though balding is one of my lesser worries. I am severely depressed, insecure, anxiety riddled, and just generally unwell in my mental and physical health. What I'm really desiring atm is encouragement. It's something I am too scared to seek irl and honestly even from the internet it seems daunting to put myself out there.
So first off I need y'alls help on making some decisions about my appearance. I understand that my real problems lie within, but also know that my outward appearance has a great effect on my state of mind. Ever since i was about 19 I've had this ridiculous fear of getting my hair cut. Even though I'm quite aware its ridiculous it combines too many of my insecurities at once. So since my late teens I had been cutting my own hair, which was absolutely awful. It wouldn't have been so bad if I had gotten any better, but i remained very unskilled. One time i did a no guard buzz and quite enjoyed the feel, but didn't really appreciate the feedback I received.
Okay, so im gonna cut myself off here for a bit because i feel I'm being a bit too wordy. I've got plenty of pictures to post, but am unfamiliar with forums. What is the best way to show you guys what I'm working with? Thanks ahead of time for any help you could give! -
#1 by wrolan on 02 Aug, 2014 09:40
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Ok so i answered my first question pretty easily. So here is a few photos from the last 3 years. U might get a chuckle out of a few of these.
18
20
22
23
23
24
Today (lolol this is why this could be considered an emergency situation)
Help me out guys!!!
I need to do something asap. -
#2 by zetaeffe on 02 Aug, 2014 10:05
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Honestly I can't see any hair problem... sure you could get a buzzcut if you wish, am sure you would look good.
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#3 by Cave Dweller on 02 Aug, 2014 10:59
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Hey, Wrolan.
I also am trying to figure out what it is you are seeing about yourself that you think is bad enough to justify that level of anxiety.
Your hairloss does not appear to be very far advanced. I imagine you have several years of hair still.
Which of the pictures do you like best? -
#4 by wrolan on 02 Aug, 2014 11:19
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I admit the anxiety towards my hair is irrational and really stems from serious body image issues I have.
Right now I have two choices my friend said he'd let me come over and he'd buzz it or i"m gonna hit a barber shop and get something akin to the 2nd to last or 3rd to last picture. I just want to wear what looks best.
Any opinions from y'all. When I've asked other people they've told me to focus more on my beard since when it is rather full it will be the prominent feature. I am just very bad at making decisions for myself. -
#5 by Mike E. P. on 02 Aug, 2014 12:07
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What you see in the mirror is not what the world sees. You're a good looking guy. Your hair looks fine and you've got one awesome beard.
Whether you buzz it or go to the barber, it's gonna look good.
I had some issues with looking in the mirror when I was a young guy and losing my hair, too. Buzzing it short in combination with getting older helped me. It took me a while (unfortunately a long while) to realize that losing my hair was not the end of the world for me and that people were not judging me as a human being based on my hair or appearance.
This is an irrational issue that is now in my past and it will be in your past, too. Keep hanging around the Forum and use it as a source of support.
Mike -
#6 by slymyke on 02 Aug, 2014 13:14
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Welcome, wrolan!
I agree with the other guys...from the outside, you have nothing to be anxious about. Do keep the beard... It looks good with all the looks you have had.
Don't be too hard on yourself with other issues... just take your time. If you can seek a counselor, you may be able to get some good advice on how to to move past some of the issues constructively. There is no shame it that. You deserve to feel good about yourself, and the truth is Nobody is any better than you! We tend to see others as being better than ourselves, or to see our problems as special and unique... but in reality, there is nothing new on the planet that has not already been dealt with. You can get past it!
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#7 by Frontier Guy on 02 Aug, 2014 17:02
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I agree with the other guys, you look absolutely fine as you are.
However ... if YOU are not comfortable then there is an issue.
As you said in your initial post, your hair issues are related to multiple insecurities. I'm not saying you should - because this has to be your decision - if you cut your hair down to a buzz cut that will shift anyone's focus from your hair to your beard, which looks great. If you like the buzz cut then you could consider shaving down to the scalp. But you've got to do what you can cope with.
If you haven't already, spend some time reading through the other topics to see how guys have felt about going from hair to hairless. For a lot of us it has been a huge relief never to have to consider hair - whether full or thinning or mpb. Never an issue with wind blown or wet from rain or swimming.
Regardless, I hope you will continue posting here. Plenty of guys here of all ages and all perspectives who are generous in their suggestions. All with the common goal of helping guys and gals be more comfortable with their hair and who they are. -
#8 by Sir Harry on 02 Aug, 2014 20:30
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Welcome and good luck to you
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#9 by Semi-Sly on 02 Aug, 2014 22:42
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Brother do I relate! Without going into all of the morbid, pitiful details; suffice it to say that I grew up physiologically "challenged". And even now, when I am sixty years old, I still see myself as that short little fat kid with the broken face - no amount of plastic surgery will ever take that entirely away. So I know what you are saying about having issues with your personal appearance.
But, I found that the one thing about my personal appearance that was within my realm of control was my grooming! You know that saying on the old barber poles; "look better, feel better"? For me, that was true. I found that if I took the time to wear a pressed shirt, got frequent professional haircuts, kept whatever facial hair (which I thought took people's eyes off of the imperfections of my face), that people (of both sexes) noticed - and gave me some respect.
On the other hand, guys that didn't take care of themselves, or got their hair cut by some beautician at "Supercuts" didn't seem to get that same little bit of respect from the girls, etc.
Bottom line: I agree with the rest of the guys that your hair loss is not to the point that you MUST buzz it down. But if you want to test fly the tight buzz cut, by all means go for it. BUT whatever you do - get a professional BARBER to do it for you. Not a beautician. Not a Cosmetolgist. Not your buddy. Find a REAL MEN's BARBERSHOP with Male barbers who are close in age to you. Any haircut, even a buzz cut, needs to be properly tapered, (not blocked at the neck) and needs to be tapered to fit your head.
And, if you keep the beard, keep it neatly trimmed.
In my experience, if you take control of those areas of your personal appearance that are really within your control, YOU are going to feel better about YOU and you won't obsess about the other aspects nearly as much.
Your a good looking young guy with a good (unbroken!) face, nice eyes, clear skin, nice colored hair -- you have the world by the tail my friend! There is no need to be afraid of good grooming. When you find a good men's barbershop and a barber that you trust you are going to look forward to being pampered in the "man cave"! It will be your way of doing good for YOU.
Stick around and let us know how it goes for you. Whatever you do, post a photo. The guys on this board will be honest with you. -
#10 by reddog on 03 Aug, 2014 05:21
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Great advice BBBA.
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#11 by gwsmallwood on 03 Aug, 2014 09:39
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For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139:13-14 -
#12 by Semi-Sly on 03 Aug, 2014 14:42
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GWSmallwood:
That is absolutely right on! - fearfully and wonderfully made - in God's own image! Wow - (can you hear my mind blowing?).
When you have physio/psychological issues like wrolan and I have; it is so easy to sit on the "Pity Pot" and think of ourselves as "Children of a Lesser God".
For five years in my high school and college years I was a live-in housefather at a residential Christian School for mentally and physically handicapped children and young adults. I remember that one of my multiply handicapped kids had a bumper sticker on the back of her wheelchair that read; " I may not be perfect; but parts of me are absolutely beautiful!" I loved it!
