Author Topic: how to gain confidence?  (Read 8123 times)

Offline A_D

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how to gain confidence?
« on: November 06, 2012, 09:14:51 PM »
hey guys, im new here so this is my first ever post!

im 23 and loosing my hair at (what seems to me) an alarming rate!
I did/doing what most people i read about on the internet are, which is freaking out, feeling downright ugly, lacking any of my former confidence etc....

i shaved before, with mixed reactions. then for some reason tried to grow it out thinking it may have grown thicker in absence or something aha, surprisingly enough it hadn't and im back at a no.3
i do feel much more comfortable in my own skin now but the years of worry and paranoia have left a mark...

im sick of feeling like everyone is looking at my head, i just want to be my old self again, being able to talk to anyone. it just seems like i am unable to have fun any more.
i know! believe me,  this sounds pathetic, like im a little whining boy but its how i feel.

any advice on how to move on from this would be greatly appreciated.
(no i will never have surgery or take drugs. not for me, just adds to the worry and self loathing in my opinion.)

cheers guys




Offline Frontier Guy

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2012, 04:03:28 AM »
Aidan ...

Why do you think it's a bad thing if everyone is looking at your head? Might it be they've not seen such a well-shaped skull with perfectly proportioned features - complete with an ear on each side? OK, maybe I'm kidding a little - but it's an unfortunate truth that we seem to always lean towards the negative conclusion when there could be a positive reason just as close by.

You have a lot of control over how people respond to you. If you are comfortable with yourself others will sense this and be more inclined to mirror that. Likewise, if you are bitter about hair loss that will feed others' reactions as well.

What to do?

Obviously, the 30-day challenge:
* Shave daily for 30 days which will make daily shaving a part of your normal routine (you just may find you like head shaving)
* Allow your scalp to toughen a bit as it adjusts to daily attention
* You will become accustomed to seeing the "New and Magnificant" you in the mirror
* Others around you will become accustomed to see you as Sly - the comments will stop after the first day or two
* Use sunscreen if appropriate to prevent sunburn -- but don't resort to hats. You're not trying to hide hide your dome - let it shine proudly
* Post here regularly and share your experiences and to ask questions
* Take plenty of time shaving - enjoy the experience and enjoy some TLC. The time required will substantially lessen as time goes on
* Shake off the attitude of being "less" because you have less hair
* Take satisfaction that you have taken control of your future
* Let the real you come out from behind the door of disappointment (Welcome back to your old self)

And most of all ... enjoy. Seriously, after 30 days I think you'll be here writing "I don't know why I waited so long."
"Sly can adapt to all surroundings!" - Wisdom from KG 8/19/2012

Offline Beardman

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2012, 04:20:09 AM »
I can't really add to anything more then what FG has said, other then, no one here considers you a whining little boy or anything for saying how you feel. Most of us have been there before mate, so we all know what you are going through. There are a lot of us that have had to deal with going bald from a young age, I am only 26 myself, I had been battling it since I was 13/14, but only took the plunge 5 months ago, and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself, I felt instantly relieved, and happy with myself, and more confident in myself too.

One more thing, no one here will ever suggest rugs, drugs or surgery as a solution to going bald, because they really aren't a viable solution. Sure some of them work while you are maintaining them, but once you stop the hairloss just resumes again...

Offline slymyke

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2012, 08:50:50 AM »
Aidan,

I am new to this site too, but not all that new to being bald.  The rate at which my hair fell out was slower, but I think it actually prolonged the whole thing for me.  In a way, I wish it happened earlier in my life.  I seriously love having a bald head.  I have to admit, I have never taken an actual razor to it yet (only because I am saving that for another time).  I use a hair trimmer with no guard.. and adjusted as far down as it will go.  This looks like it is shaved, but still leaves a little stubble.  You may want to try that for a while too.  I do envy guys with hair because they can usually try a different "hair-do" when they feel like a change.  But, I get over it, because I can change the way I wear my facial hair, or like I said before... I will shave it with a razor at some point, and I know it will feel different.  You seem to have good facial and skull structure, and will look good with a bald head.  If I were you, I would leave the beard.. I think that would be a good look on you.  I feel more confident with my bald head than I ever did before.  I wish I had this confidence when I was 23...   Now, I look around wherever I am and see other bald guys.. and feel like there are more than ever... I look at those who have not embraced it and think how much better they would look if they did.   (I didn't always feel that way, because I was scared of how I would look... thinking it would not suite me.  I think it will suite you, and you will be glad you did...

Offline A_D

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2012, 08:51:01 AM »
cheers guys! its really good to know people are going through the same feelings as i am.

I went for a no.2 today, I like it like this and not sure if i need to go all out just yet.
I definitely feel so much better just baring all without trying to hide the fact im loosing it. it actually looks less noticeable than when it was longer.

I have had a few of the "why dont you grow it back" at which point i feel like slapping them across the face and/or stealing their hair! this doesn't help but its inevitable I guess... surprising to me though, women dont seem to run away screaming at the sight of my head. so thats a plus :D

marty22

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #5 on: November 07, 2012, 01:10:21 PM »
welcome Aidan!

Offline Frontier Guy

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #6 on: November 07, 2012, 01:45:54 PM »
I have had a few of the "why dont you grow it back" at which point i feel like slapping them across the face and/or stealing their hair! this doesn't help but its inevitable I guess... surprising to me though, women dont seem to run away screaming at the sight of my head. so thats a plus :D

Aidan, you just need a response when you get that question. Something positive like "I was ready for a change in my life." or "I want something which is easy to maintain." or ... well, you get the idea. Come up with a few that you can say with confidence and you'll be all good.
"Sly can adapt to all surroundings!" - Wisdom from KG 8/19/2012

Offline Frontier Guy

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2012, 06:32:40 AM »
Aidan ... take a look at this exceptional post from this morning from a 22 year-old:

http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=18676.0
"Sly can adapt to all surroundings!" - Wisdom from KG 8/19/2012

Offline waine

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2012, 06:57:09 AM »
Hello A_D and welcome to this forum where you will find great support.

I can only echo the same sentiments as written by Frontierguy and Beardman.

Just keep on reading some of the posts here and you will feel right at home with your challenging thoughts and emotions regarding your hair loss.
"Three things you cannot escape; tax, death and dirt..."

theman

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #9 on: November 08, 2012, 11:06:39 AM »
To gain confidence ! 

First like and respect yourself.  Realize that you are most important to you , than anyone.  And it is what you are happy with not the people around you.  If like me, I have had some problems within myself, fix them and then get over it and move on.  And just face it there are those people that just may not like you, OH WELL, it is their loss not yours.  That was hard for me at one time , I wanted to be liked by all.  Tried so hard that I ticked people off.  Now I don't really care if they like me or not.  I will stay out of their way and I would like them to look at themselves before they judge me or anyone else.  Of course that is a wild hulcination on my part LOL.  Oh well,  I just want to have a good time, as life is to short.  Not to enjoy and share it with others in the right attitude.  ;) 8)

There are many Great People on this Board, and have alot of understanding and maturity, a person living in this world has to have thick skin, and not be thin skinned . 

Thank You , and Have a Great Day !!!!  "Be Happy With Yourself, Then you can Be Happy with Others!"

Offline Ray Ray

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #10 on: November 08, 2012, 02:55:10 PM »
Hey A_D

i can completely understand where your coming from being young myself (20) i had that point where my confidence was right through the floor, and i was terrified of shaving my hair fully off

But the end of the day my friend, hair isnt everything, it doesnt make you the person you are, you can let your personality shine. And if someone makes a sarky,mean comment well they aren't worth bothering with :)

The only thing that can increase your confidence is you accepting the way your hair is, by accepting it yourself you will radiate confidence to the world an people will pick up on your confidence :)

And i agree with the others that bald would suit you

Being sly is awesome with the ladies as well ;)
« Last Edit: November 08, 2012, 02:57:10 PM by Ray Ray »

Accepted

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #11 on: November 08, 2012, 04:18:49 PM »
from experience (i'm 21).. what I can tell you is for the first 30-60 you will be very conscious of the look and feel shy, not want to socialize etc... but in time it's just something you get used to... you really will become so accustomed to the new look that you'll forget what you used to look like and sometimes even look back at a photo and think 'wow i remember how much life used to suck when I was so paranoid about some dead cells on my head' and hardly believe that that picture is actually yours..

so basically, shave it off and know and accept the fact that it will be weird and people might react negatively but that's only coz they aren't used to it;... give it some time and you'll be just fine. life goes on...

the first time my friends saw me they asked what? why? are you crazy? you can't be balding at this young age, you're tripping... etc etc... but that was maybe one or 2 times and now it never comes up and i can be myself coz i have nothing to hide and things are getting back to normal...


theman

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #12 on: November 08, 2012, 04:23:53 PM »
Good Men !!!  O0 8)

Offline Sir Harry

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #13 on: November 09, 2012, 02:24:22 AM »
cheers guys! its really good to know people are going through the same feelings as i am.

I went for a no.2 today, I like it like this and not sure if i need to go all out just yet.
I definitely feel so much better just baring all without trying to hide the fact im loosing it. it actually looks less noticeable than when it was longer.

I have had a few of the "why dont you grow it back" at which point i feel like slapping them across the face and/or stealing their hair! this doesn't help but its inevitable I guess... surprising to me though, women dont seem to run away screaming at the sight of my head. so thats a plus :D

You're going to run into the occasional smart ash....but as I have said many times: Don't entertain stupidity, let stupidity entertain you. Stay strong, man!
Even when the d is removed, the devil is still evil.

theman

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Re: how to gain confidence?
« Reply #14 on: November 09, 2012, 03:42:37 PM »
cheers guys! its really good to know people are going through the same feelings as i am.

I went for a no.2 today, I like it like this and not sure if i need to go all out just yet.
I definitely feel so much better just baring all without trying to hide the fact im loosing it. it actually looks less noticeable than when it was longer.

I have had a few of the "why dont you grow it back" at which point i feel like slapping them across the face and/or stealing their hair! this doesn't help but its inevitable I guess... surprising to me though, women dont seem to run away screaming at the sight of my head. so thats a plus :D

You're going to run into the occasional smart ash....but as I have said many times: Don't entertain stupidity, let stupidity entertain you. Stay strong, man!
Ditto ! 8)

 



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