New here, need help from those with experience

[Jack21]

When I meant was that perhaps you could get by camoflauging the scars with makeup. I was not suggesting allowing any doctor to ever touch your head again. We both made terrible mistakes out of youthful desperation. It was SaintC, the well dressed gentleman with the distinguished silver beard who elicited something of an epiphany for me vis a vis the scar. He said that scars are part of life and part of who we are and where we have been. Those were not the exact words, but they hit home. I have dozens of scars - on my chest, shoulder, neck. I never thought anything of them other than that they were part of me. At the beach people have stared at my chest scar for years. I never cared at all. I suddenly then thought
If I don't care when people stare at the scars on my body, why should I care about their looking at the scar on my head?". Nobody mentions the scar - ever.

Jack - it is really both.  Self-conscious and restrictive.  It has been a long time, but it is really just not me.  And I don't like the example it sets for my kids.  You are likely right that I should consult with plastic surgeon.  The tough thing is recovery, etc from anything they might recommend.  I have a life that is busy enough that I would not have the luxury of checking out of society for any extended period of time.  One really poor decision when I was very young is really making this so much harder.

[Coach7]

Saintc ----- what you have written really strikes me.  It is sincere and enlightenting........and likely all very true.  Thank you for taking the time to help me along this difficult path.  It means more than you know.

[D.A.L.U.I.]

Saintc ----- what you have written really strikes me.  It is sincere and enlightenting........and likely all very true.  Thank you for taking the time to help me along this difficult path.  It means more than you know.

Please, it's not just me or the other sly guys who have posted, but I can say without reservation that every sly guy on this Forum is here to support you.  Over the time I've been here, just over three years, a few concerns seem to be in front of every guy considering sly as a way to deal with mpb.  And those concerns include that they don't have a "perfect" dome, either because of scars, shape, color--any perceived "fault" they can find with their dome.  But as a constant response to that concern--almost every guy has found that the flaws they saw in their own dome are just that, theirs--no body else gives a damn.  In a way it's almost disappointing that shaving is so accepted now--it's so huge to the guy doing it but with the exception regarding the general issue of family and close friends the only response is generally compliments or a little razzing.  Family and friends, well you've experienced that.  My view is that family and friends can't escape their memory of what used to be and they don't want to.  They come around or they learn to live with it.  Remember this is a decision for you not them, you are the 24/7 guy, not them. 
But consider this too, a little sun, no one is going to notice your HT donor site marks.  They don't greet you from behind, they look at your face.  And it will look good--a lot better than a rug.  Yesterday we went to a friend's home for a little supper after the game and one guy their had a rug.  It's kind of funny, there I was shaved up, standing with my back to a large mirror, talking with this guy.  He has a rug, not a great one--if they do exist for anyone other than the movie star crowd.  Anyway we're talking and his eyes keep going to the mirror--he's not looking at my scar, he's looking to check the orientation of the rug--frankly it was off kilter and trying to center it without looking obvious.  I was SO tempted to tell the guy, "Kill that animal" but  I didn't. 
What you need to do is yield to the urge to shave it down, just do it.  Then 30 days, and my bet is that you'll never let anything but a day or two of stubble exist on that dome again.  You want to, everyone knows it's a rug anyway---they really do and to the extent they talk about that, and probably they do, that talk will stop.  The HT sites, they're a non-issue, trust us.  Break free, get over the hump and learn what living without worry about something stupid like the rug, etc. can be. 
See you on the Sly Side of Life--it's sort of like that line from Auntie Mame, "Life's a banquet and most poor bastards are starving to death!"  Don' keep starving.  Pull off that rug, buzz off the remnants of the fringe, shower, new blade and clean up--you're going to like it we promise.  And those boys--well they'll have a real example of how to do it if the genetics lead them the same way. 

[TheBreeze]

Hey Coach.  I can't speak personally about HT scars, but I did wear the rug for over 10 years.  Once I came to SBGs and started poking around, the urge to ditch the hairpiece became too great, so I did it and things have been awesome.  I imagine that you are the same way too - the fact you are here means that you are thinking about it and it sounds like you will be just like me - you will find that the desire to ditch the rug is too much to ignore and you will find a way to get it done.  You have been wearing a piece for a long time, so you don't need me to tell you that wearing one stinks.

The one thing I will say about the HT scars is that I am sure they are not as bad as you think they are, both visually as well as your worry that they will scream "hair transplant."  Some of the guys here have some really bad scars and they have found a way to deal with them either through treatments or just letting them be.  In reading and participating on this site, I have learned that guys who have had a HT grossly overestimate the number of people who will be tipped off by the scar.  Most people do not know what those kinds of scars are from.  I wore a rug and was obviously concerned about hair loss in general, but I didn't really know what scars on the back of the head meant before I came to this site.  Several times since going sly I have pointed out a HT scar to a family member or friend and they had no idea about them.  It’s just a scar and almost everybody either won’t know or won’t care.   They will be more interested in what is on the front of your head than the back. 

I think the real question to ask yourself is: “What is better?  Wearing a rug or having a nice bald head with a few scars?”  Seems like it is time to let all this go, shave it down and start focusing all your energy into the things that are actually important in your life.   

[ozzie]

Welcome to the forum. Good to have you here! 

[Nonick]

Coach, welcome to the best bald forum on the Internet 
As you probably can tell, you're getting the pure, unadulterated truth here mixed with a fair amount of experience.  I hope it works for you and you stick around.  We could probably use a good coach or two.
Anyway, it's great having you here! 

[Coach7]

Saintc ----- what you have written really strikes me.  It is sincere and enlightenting........and likely all very true.  Thank you for taking the time to help me along this difficult path.  It means more than you know.

Please, it's not just me or the other sly guys who have posted, but I can say without reservation that every sly guy on this Forum is here to support you.  Over the time I've been here, just over three years, a few concerns seem to be in front of every guy considering sly as a way to deal with mpb.  And those concerns include that they don't have a "perfect" dome, either because of scars, shape, color--any perceived "fault" they can find with their dome.  But as a constant response to that concern--almost every guy has found that the flaws they saw in their own dome are just that, theirs--no body else gives a damn.  In a way it's almost disappointing that shaving is so accepted now--it's so huge to the guy doing it but with the exception regarding the general issue of family and close friends the only response is generally compliments or a little razzing.  Family and friends, well you've experienced that.  My view is that family and friends can't escape their memory of what used to be and they don't want to.  They come around or they learn to live with it.  Remember this is a decision for you not them, you are the 24/7 guy, not them. 
But consider this too, a little sun, no one is going to notice your HT donor site marks.  They don't greet you from behind, they look at your face.  And it will look good--a lot better than a rug.  Yesterday we went to a friend's home for a little supper after the game and one guy their had a rug.  It's kind of funny, there I was shaved up, standing with my back to a large mirror, talking with this guy.  He has a rug, not a great one--if they do exist for anyone other than the movie star crowd.  Anyway we're talking and his eyes keep going to the mirror--he's not looking at my scar, he's looking to check the orientation of the rug--frankly it was off kilter and trying to center it without looking obvious.  I was SO tempted to tell the guy, "Kill that animal" but  I didn't. 
What you need to do is yield to the urge to shave it down, just do it.  Then 30 days, and my bet is that you'll never let anything but a day or two of stubble exist on that dome again.  You want to, everyone knows it's a rug anyway---they really do and to the extent they talk about that, and probably they do, that talk will stop.  The HT sites, they're a non-issue, trust us.  Break free, get over the hump and learn what living without worry about something stupid like the rug, etc. can be. 
See you on the Sly Side of Life--it's sort of like that line from Auntie Mame, "Life's a banquet and most poor bastards are starving to death!"  Don' keep starving.  Pull off that rug, buzz off the remnants of the fringe, shower, new blade and clean up--you're going to like it we promise.  And those boys--well they'll have a real example of how to do it if the genetics lead them the same way. 

Saintc --- this is one of the most helpful pieces of advice I have read.  I think I read it 3 times, and then came back to it the next day so it would sink into my thick skull (past the rug).  Thank you for taking the time to grant me some wisdom.

[D.A.L.U.I.]

Saintc --- this is one of the most helpful pieces of advice I have read.  I think I read it 3 times, and then came back to it the next day so it would sink into my thick skull (past the rug).  Thank you for taking the time to grant me some wisdom.

Well, no thanks are  needed, but tell us, did you shave it down yet ?

[Noodles]

Welcome aboard, Coach!!

Glad you found us. I never went the rug route, nor the HT route, so I can't really give any comment dealing with this issue based on past personal experience, but I just wanted to extend a warm welcome to you and welcome you to the forum.

You'll get a lot of great advice here, and Saintc has established a great foundation for you to look at your situation from a whole different point of view, which you probably knew was there all the time, just never really acted on it.

Really great post, Saintc. I'm sure that post of yours will be referred to time and time again whenever someone new discovers our forum here and is having difficulty dealing with the same or similar issues. Thanks.

- Cap'n Noodles - 

Coach, if you do happen to take the plunge and go SLY, post up a pic to your profile. You can learn how by clicking on the "HOW DO I..." section on the main forum page.

[Coach7]

The support here is unbelievable.  Thank you guys.  I feel like such a lame excuse for a man dealing with all of this, but this forum really shows that there are some others with similar experiences.

I am still bending my mind around going sly, but I know it is inevitable.  It's going to the wood.  And you are right that the more I look at scars that I so worry about, the more I realize that I am making a big friggin deal out of nothing.  Are they there?  Yes.  Are they really prominent?  No.  I must be my own worst critic, as I guess we all can be at times.

It's funny how it is all about perspective.  I read stories on the boards about guys (without HT issues) that are so worried about what their colleagues, etc will say if they shave it.  Meanwhile, from my perspective, having a perfectly clean dome (even though I am not far from it) to show off would be the greatest feeling in the world.

I will need some time to get there, but I will get there.  The transitional part is tough, but part of it I guess.

[Coach7]

So I removed the piece yesterday, and shaved a section of my head to take a good look.  I stared and stared, and you could barely see them.  I couldn't believe it.  Not perfect, but mostly not an issue.  Especially if I can get some sun to even out the tone.  You guys are good.

This forum is infectious.  Now that the idea of shaving my head is there, especially since my fear of the "scars" seems mostly unfounded, I want to take the step more and more.  But here's my situation:  I do not have any vacation time (or time where I will see the sun.....winter in the northeast) until June.  Yes, June.  And I really don't think I want to make this transition without a buffer period.  A slightly bigger issue is that the 1st week of June I have to appear as a witness on behalf of my company for a hearing, and I know for certain that attending that sly will not be preferred.  Sounds dumb, I know, but my recent meeting with the attorney gives me this strict impression.

I have no idea how I am going to wait that long, but I think I will have to.  Thanks again for all the encouragement.  The support system at SBG is UNBELIEVABLE.  I would not have the guts to do this without all the helpful replies.

[Oto]

Hey, coach.
It's january! If you shave your head now and let it grow back, in june you'll be very hairy!
In fact an one-month growtime is enough. You can shave fully now, keep the cut until may for the hearing, then shave it again. No one will notice.

[chgobuzzbald]

I would not wait until June. It is your head and your emplyer does not own it. Plus they seem to need you in any case ?  Use Jergens Natural Glow to slowly add a darker color. They have an Express version that works in a few hours also. Im happy to hear the scars are a non-issue. Now go for it and enjoy the AMAZING CONFIDENCE you will have that will replace any fears regarding your employer.

[D.A.L.U.I.]

So I removed the piece yesterday, and shaved a section of my head to take a good look.  I stared and stared, and you could barely see them.  I couldn't believe it.  Not perfect, but mostly not an issue.  Especially if I can get some sun to even out the tone.  You guys are good.

  A slightly bigger issue is that the 1st week of June I have to appear as a witness on behalf of my company for a hearing, and I know for certain that attending that sly will not be preferred.  Sounds dumb, I know, but my recent meeting with the attorney gives me this strict impression.

Emphasis added.
Okay, enough of this.  You're in the grip of psychological projection, you are projecting your own unconscious loathing of balding carried forward from your training by the rug salesmen and putting that on the attorneys. Psychological projection or projection bias is a psychological defense mechanism where a person unconsciously denies their own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, which are then ascribed to the outside world in your case the company's attorneys. Thus, it involves imagining or projecting that others have those feelings. Projection reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the unwanted unconscious impulses or desires without letting the conscious mind recognize them.   Frankly, the attorneys could give a rat's ass what you look like, it's the testimony, not your hair, or lack thereof.  I'm an attorney--as long as you're bathed and clothed respectibly I don't care as long as your testimony is relevant and to the point.  Stop projecting and start shaving.  Enough excuses already.

[Jack21]

SaintC is a hell of a lot smarter than me and I have to look up a quarter of the terms he uses but DAMN does he nail on the head time and again. I had to go to court a few weeks ago (I was just disputing a traffic ticket)  and I was absolutely dreading standing in a courtroom in front of a judge with my shaved head and goatee which had me convinced that I looked like a vato loco. Not only were my fears unfounded but the entire experience ended up making me feel BETTER about being sly. The prosecutor was a younger guy with a shaved head. The cop who had given me the ticket showed up sporting a really sleak sly head. There were more shaved headed guys in the courtroom than guys with hair. As I am a teacher I spend very little time around other men of my age and not one who is bald or shaved headed. The court experience made me feel great. The judge spoke to me with respect and consummate profesionalism. She showed absolutely no disdain that I had feared. The whole thing ended up with a plea bargain and I saved myself a whole lot of money by going but much more than that was the feeling that I was not alone in the world and that a shaved head is COMPLETELY acceptable in the courtroom - frankly the last place that I would have thought. If its the court appearance you're concerned about, you need not. As for the sun - I have been in the sun on quite a few occassions (I live down south where we still have sunny 75 degree days in December) and my scalp color has really not changed at all. Winter is probably the best time as the difference in color between your scalp and face is least pronounced.

So I removed the piece yesterday, and shaved a section of my head to take a good look.  I stared and stared, and you could barely see them.  I couldn't believe it.  Not perfect, but mostly not an issue.  Especially if I can get some sun to even out the tone.  You guys are good.

  A slightly bigger issue is that the 1st week of June I have to appear as a witness on behalf of my company for a hearing, and I know for certain that attending that sly will not be preferred.  Sounds dumb, I know, but my recent meeting with the attorney gives me this strict impression.

Emphasis added.
Okay, enough of this.  You're in the grip of psychological projection, you are projecting your own unconscious loathing of balding carried forward from your training by the rug salesmen and putting that on the attorneys. Psychological projection or projection bias is a psychological defense mechanism where a person unconsciously denies their own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, which are then ascribed to the outside world in your case the company's attorneys. Thus, it involves imagining or projecting that others have those feelings. Projection reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the unwanted unconscious impulses or desires without letting the conscious mind recognize them.   Frankly, the attorneys could give a rat's ass what you look like, it's the testimony, not your hair, or lack thereof.  I'm an attorney--as long as you're bathed and clothed respectibly I don't care as long as your testimony is relevant and to the point.  Stop projecting and start shaving.  Enough excuses already.