Need help..desperate!

[navdoc]

I'm really trying to decide whether or not to live the sly lifestyle.  To preface, I've always been extremely insecure about the way I look. I finally got comfortable with myself a couple of years ago just in time to start losing my hair. I've been fighting the battle for 5 years (rogaine/propecia) and everything's been pretty stable until the last year. I graduated college, joined the navy, and have been stationed overseas working as a dental officer with the marines. I've been extremely stressed out and I think that kicked the mpb into overdrive. I panicked about six months ago and got a hair transplant. Since then, I have been almost suicidal due to how it looks, the thought of dealing with it the rest of my life, and dealing with some of the side effects of the medication (which I'm now locked into forever). I've shaved it down a few times trying to cope but the donor scar is brutal and at 27 it's hard enough  just to deal with losing your hair, let alone looking like someone who had brain surgery. I can't stop thinking about how bad it looks, I have no friends or family here for support, and I'm afraid I'll never find someone who'll think I'm attractive again. I know you are all a little biased on the lifestyle but I need some honest opinions. I'm including a couple of pictures I took yesterday.  I'm also going to be dealing with seeing patients every day for the rest of my life.  I can't believe I spent $10K to butcher myself like this. Any advice, suggestions are really appreciated.  Thanks

link to pictures:

http://s102.photobucket.com/albums/m106/dragondw/To%20be%20or%20not%20to%20be/

[Mikekoz13]

OK Doc......I'm skipping formalities here because your post has scared me like no post I've ever seen on this Forum before.

When I see the word "suicidal" that's scary.
I looked at your photos and the scar is pretty bad....no doubt about that. You will have to live with that scar because of a past poor decision. There's nothing you can do about that now so it is what it is. Some folks believe that applying cocoa butter to scars several times a day helps fade them but I don't know if that's true.

Please understand that my opinion is NOT biased.....it's just how I see things in the bigger picture of life. Hair loss and even your scar are no big deal. Why? Because they should not define who you are or what you are as a man. What's inside your heart and mind are what define you. You MUST find it in yourself to KNOW that this is true and that everything else is just "stuff".
You're at an age where many guys are really just figuring themselves and their own lives out. Taker this time to re-evaluate the important things in your life.

My friend..... People are dying of horrible diseases every day, kids are homeless, many elderly are lonely and eating dog food to survive, and we're strapping guns on our young men and women and sending them all over the world to be killed...... I'm thinking that maybe you and I don't have it bad at all.

I recommend you seek the help/advice of your Chaplain or Pastor. Pray with him/her. Find Peace with who you are. Like who you are. And move on.

Also remember, when you are happy with yourself and your place in life, that special someone will come along. Positive energy will draw good people to you.

Get off the drugs..... they aren't doing you any good....especially in the state of mind you are in.

PLEASE PM me directly if you need to talk off line.

[crazy.irish.celt]

Take a deep breath, man.  I promise it's not that bad. I'm only 23, so I know EXACTLY where you're at. I am BEGGING YOU to not waste the remainder of your 20s trapped inside your own head.  I swear, you'll regret THAT more than hair loss. 

1.)  You can totally pull off the sly look.  Your facial structure, head size, etc. are all very conducive to head shaving.  I would recommend smiling more, though.  If you let this eat you alive, people will probably react negatively to your sour/depressed disposition/ insecurity much more than your shaved head. 

2.)  Your can never remove your scar entirely.  However, there are PROVEN methods of scar reduction/removal that have an EXTREMELY high rate of success.  You have lots of options.  A friend of mine is a PA for a clinic that does a lot of microdermabrasion.  She has done this for HT scars, and says that after about 4-5 sessions there is a DRASTIC improvement.  Also, your scar will fade naturally with time.

3.)  As for the attractiveness issue, I know you will read here that confidence is #1/ most important.  It's the DAMN truth.  My current gf, whom I was convinced would break up with me once she realized I was losing my hair, only laughed at me in that "aww" kinda way and told me not to worry about it.  She only threatened to break up with me when I kept bringing it up/whining/looking for sympathy.  Needless to say, I stopped. 

[marty22]

As a former hair transplant person (old style from the 70's); I hear your thoughts. I see a lot of people in NYC, where I work, with your exact scar. It ain't pretty. But what can u do.

I agree with Celt above. Give it time and then consult a dermatologist or plastic surgeon to see if dermarbrasion (painful) or the new tuck procedure (where they fold over a piece of skin in the back) is available. Both procedures should be able to lighten the scar and make it blend in a tad better.

Id wear your hair at say 1/4 inch until this all works out. Im sure it will but it will take time.

[adam_r_todd]

It's hair, man.  Hair!  You have so many other things going for you.  Sounds like you're really successful.  Chicks dig that.  

Your scar is ugly.  I'm not gonna lie.  But I'm sure it will fade.  And I know this sounds like I'm minimizing your problems, but at least the scar is on the back of your head.  It's not part of your first impression.

As far as the decision, sure you can say we're all biased on this forum.  But I'm giving you my honest opinion when I say -- shave it.  I know all too well the mental issues that go along with losing your hair.  Especially when you're as young and attractive as we are.    It took me a long time to fully embrace being sly, but I promise you it's the best thing I've ever done for myself.  

Shaving is much more about the mental state.  When you finally let go, you will become a whole new you.  A much, much better you.  Read my posts on here and you'll see I'm not telling lies.  I was scared to shave just like you.  Self-conscious, worried, etc, etc.  Months later, I really like who I am.

It is such a relief not to put on Rogaine every night and worry about whether or not I remembered to take my Propecia.  Drugs are stupid.  Don't get addicted.  

I'll break this down: You're a very good looking man.  Forget about mpb.  Shave the dome, walk with a swagger, and I guarantee women will flock to you like babes to candy.   And you'll soon forget all about the mpb that haunts you now.

[PeripheralxMvmnt]

Dude, im 23 here too, and I can understand where you are coming from. I tried to run from balding by hiding it, using meds, etc. But shaving my head has to be the absolute best thing that I have ever done for myself. And i have a few scars on my head from mole removals.

"I'll never find someone who'll think I'm attractive again."

You sound just like I did before I shaved. Honestly, I did alright when it came to the ladies when I had hair, but once I shaved it was like it rained from the skies. haha. And this was before I was confident about it.

Thats the big thing: Confidence. There are two ways you can look at this situation; You can continue the path you are on trying everything you can and spending a lot of money to stop an unstoppable tide (and feeling the way you do) or you can work with what you have, and just enjoy yourself.

Ask yourself this: Do you really want to be messing around with a girl who not even give you a chance because of something as superficial as your hairline? And I say "girl" for a reason. Because shes no woman if she judges you that way.

I dont really know that much about dermabrasion, but its worth a look into if it works as well as marty and celt say. And like Koz said, "suicidal" is a scary word. If you need, you can PM me also if you want to talk one on one.

[Timmay]

Just wanted to say that I am glad you chimmed in here.  You can count on all of us to give you support and we all have your back bro.  Just listen to what the others have already told you.  It is not the end of the world bro.  I can feel there is something very good going to come out of all of this.  Praying for you bro.  Hang in there!

Timmay

[tomgallagher]

Great advice here dude. Stay plugged in here. We will get you thru this.

[Pshrynk]

Great advice here dude. Stay plugged in here. We will get you thru this.

 

[Tom McGarry.]

Welcome to the SBG Family navdoc,

                                                        I think that Mike nailed it, he is a great guy and you should listen to him, others have also given some good advise. Just remember that you have to be happy and confident with yourself first and foremost, it realy doesn't matter what any of us think, it matters only what you think. But we are all hear for you bro, so hang in there!!!!!

[Pshrynk]

Chix dig scars

Tell people it was a shark attack, knife fight, hang gliding accident, saved a baby from a fire, fought a lion saving a pygmy tribe, ninja attack, bear attack, fight with a koala, saved an old lady from a mugger...

How about....  saved an old lady from a ninja riding a lion, swinging a koala with a knife?   

[Papa Don]

Doc, like the guys have said, hair is just an accessory.  It is not who you are.  I too have a scar from  ttransplant ( no eyebrows).
So what.  Everyone can see it-So What! I am who I am.  Like you, I am a good person.  Anyone who judges you for your hair or that you have a scar is not worth knowing.  Hang in there, Life is good.  Family and friends that really know you, love and care for you.  This is what matters.  Any of us on this site will bend over backwards to help.  The fact that you posted confirms that you are seeking approval-well- you have it! Anything that I can do, just e-mail me.  I'm here for you.

[schro]

Chix dig scars

Tell people it was a shark attack, knife fight, hang gliding accident, saved a baby from a fire, fought a lion saving a pygmy tribe, ninja attack, bear attack, fight with a koala, saved an old lady from a mugger...

How about....  saved an old lady from a ninja riding a lion, swinging a koala with a knife?   

Follow up comment .... "You think mine is bad?, you should see the other guy". 

I have a scar on my upper lip that completely opened up to the point you could see my teeth with my mouth closed (took 19 stiches on the outside, 11 on the inside) and I was concerned it was going to look terrible all my life. Over time, the severity of it went away and life went on.

Be confident, have fun, and charm the ladies with your wit, confidence, and sense of humor.
Approach everyday as a gift.

All is good! Plus, listening to some Jimmy Buffett never hurt either.

Glad you checked in to SBG and ditch the rugs, plugs and drugs!
Schro

[D.A.L.U.I.]

Keep talking to us, it's an important part of this site.  As you've seen--all of the mpb guys have had the issues and many have had to recover from medical procedures.  Don't stay by yourself and obsess on this--you need people more than you ever needed hair.  This site can help--but as noted above seek out a live body.  And remember, we're here--we're around the world so it's hard to find a time someone's not online. 

I know at least one guy, a good friend of my son-in-law, who has had real brain surgery--he's sly, and was so when he was in the wedding, looks fine, good attitude.  If you stick w/ people and hang out here--you will not be alone, you will not feel like you don't look good.  Just look at the avatars--

[navdoc]

I just wanted to say thank you for all taking the time to write back and giving me some great advice. I'm just so angry with myself for spending so much money and putting myself in this situation. I wish that  I had had the courage to seek some advice prior to going through with the surgery.  To be honest, I'm also a little upset that I had so much support from my family to get the surgery (to be fair, my father has had 3 HTs and is very happy with the results).   Anyway, I suppose I'm an adult and made my own decision.  I'm also worried that I'm not going to be strong enough to cope with the hairloss as it starts to progress. At this point, I can pretty much pull off the BBC look but I know that there's a high likelihood that the mpb is going to progress quickly once i'm off the propecia/rogaine. No offense to anyone on here but I've struggled so long to to keep from going down this road that I have a hard time seeing the sly look as being attractive. In fact, up to this point it makes me cringe every time I see it. I know that I need to change this mentality but it's very difficult.  Still struggling...