Need help..desperate!

[navdoc]

Ok, so I've been shaving it completely down for the last week or so. To be honest...it's been a mixed bag.

I think I have a good facial structure but I'm constantly paranoid that people are staring at my scar. Also, I've noticed that I have a very angular shaped head with an extremely large occipital bump. I just feel damned if I do; damned if I don't at this point. 6 months ago, I was pretty concerned about the thinning but  I still considered myself an attractive man and I'm pretty sure everyone else did as well.

Now, I have a very poor self-image...I just can't keep taking the drugs, the rogaine, and doing hair transplants the rest of my life. At the same time, the transplant scar, the grafts, and the odd shaped head arent helping the sly look. I've read a lot of posts on here about how head shape, scars, etc, shouldn't matter but there are definitely guys out there that look better with a shaved head than others.

I don't know what to do.

[Antimidas]

Honestly dude, you are a good looking guy.  Trust me.  I know that mirrors are hell.  As I said in a previous post, I feel that Steve Buscemi is the only guy on the planet uglier than me.  It is purely a psychological self-image thing.  Unfortunately, there is not much we can do about that.  If I knew the magic bullet, I would share it with you.

I looked at your photos again and you cannot see the scar when looking at your face.  It is not the first thing that people will notice about you.  And it will most likely not be the last.  It is part of who you are.  But you are more than a simple scar.  In fact as far as scars go, I have seen much worse.

And the occipital bump.  Everyone has one.  And like every other part of your body, they all come in different shapes and sizes.  I have seen larger.  I have seen smaller.  I didn't even notice it until you pointed it out.

I would rather look at your face in the mirror every day rather than my own.  I trust that you are going through a similar thing.  But it is all mental.  You really are a great looking guy.  But you have to let your personality be the thing that attracts people to you.  If they are already talking to you, they have gotten past whatever flaw you perceive in your appearance and are attracted to the personality.  Throw away mirrors and stop looking at the ones you can't get rid of.  If you keep the head shaved, you don't need them to see if your hair is out of place.  Once you start being comfortable being you and not your perception of what you look like, none of it will matter.

Smile and keep hope alive.  The more you smile, the better you feel about yourself.  Everything else (girls or whatever) will come in time.  And if you start to exude that self-confidence, that attracts people faster than being negative.

Sorry for the tough love approach.  I am just trying to help.  But I have had the same body image issues for 39 years and I know how rough it can be.  Avoiding mirrors and photos is the only thing that has helped me.  Ok and medication, but that was not really much help.

[Antimidas]

Just found an article that might help you out.  http://www.askmen.com/money/body_and_mind_60/77_better_living.html

To build self-esteem, try acting like the person you want to be.  If there is something you want to do but are reluctant because of self-image or fear of failure, do it anyway.  Before long, it will no longer be an act, but a reflection of who you are.  This matters to people much more than appearances.

[D.A.L.U.I.]

Ok, so I've been shaving it completely down for the last week or so. To be honest...it's been a mixed bag.

I think I have a good facial structure I still considered myself an attractive man and I'm pretty sure everyone else did as well.

I just can't keep taking the drugs, the rogaine, and doing hair transplants the rest of my life. I don't know what to do.

We're getting someplace I think--keep talking w/ us.  I edited your last response to its essentials and they are positive--but, bear w/ me, let me tell a bit of real "scar" history.
I dont' have a scar on my head for transplants, but I do have a 7" scar from the removal of my gall bladder.  Why, you ask, is that at all relevant?  Well, my youngest, at 27 just had to have her's removed--it's supposed to be the 4F's, female, fat, fair and forty+, well although she's a red head, hence fair, and a female. she's doesn't fit the profile, but none the less she was in the OR, when because of the inflamation, the surgeon said it wasn't advisable to continue w/ the "keyhole" surgery and opened a 6" cut to complete the work.  When she came out of the OR and was in recovery, she was really upset--no more two piece swim suits, etc.  Well, although it was twenty years ago, I pulled up my shirt, and showed her--actually had to point it out where the scar was--scars don't stand out after a short time.  She calmed down.  Now don't expect me to put a picture of my scar on the site, unless it's the only way, but your scar is going to "go away" to a large extent once you've gotten some sun on the dome.  Other than that, the other stuff you're ragging yourself about frankly isn't real.  I can show you lots of faults in my scalp, but no one but I know they are there.  In a very real sense we're all our own worst critics, and frankly you do have "good facial structure" and that w/ a smile will calm all but the most vicious of critics--and frankly F___ them.  Give it 30 days, you will get over the "Who's the dude in the mirror?" reaction.  You're almost there, just work a little harder to accept yourself for the dude you are.  And, I repeat, keep talking to us.

[PeripheralxMvmnt]

Navdoc, theres a reason his name is "Saint."


The man knows what hes saying. Everyone here knows what they are saying. Keep talking about this, keep coming back. it might sound silly, but it does help to talk to guys who know exactly what youre trying to say.

[Razor X]

Actually, your scar doesn't look that bad. It would be better if it weren't there, but I've seen much, much worse.  There's a lot that can be done to minimize scars nowadays.  See a doctor and find out what can be done.

[viper3two]

Hey man, just wanted to tell you that I read through this entire thread and know where you are coming from. I am new to this forum and these guys have helped me out alot. I am not comparing scars or anything, but trust me, I have been through hell and back twice in my life now and you know what? I could give a rats ass about what anybody thinks about how I look. I am a good person, and I got a good life, which is most important. I will post my picture here taken a few weeks ago. I am recovering from brain surgery with an aneurysm. 26 staples there..and....if you look close, take a peek at my neck. See that scar there? 21 stiches. I fell 2 stories when I was working construction at age 26. Spent 3 weeks in the hospital and a halo. So.....it is matter of self confidence, and that is the key. Sure, I still see this every day in the mirror. But does it bother me? Nah.......
Hope this helps you a little bit.....hang in there.

[Morthen]

navdoc you look fine shaved. and the scar isnt that bad. it adds character if you ask me and it just shows that you made it through something exceedingly difficult and came out strong. You look fine shaved I wouldnt stress so much buddy

[Sgt. Pate]

Here's the key bro... be yourself, like yourself and have confidence in yourself.   

I've spent way too much time in my life worrying about what others think... trust me, it's a waste of time.
Like an old song said, "you can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself"! 

[warren]

you can get the transplanted hair removed with electrolisis,  a common hair removal technich
the transplanted hair will come out clean with no visible sign that they were transplanted
i had it done and it works well
do not use laser though use electrolisis with the needles
good luck

[JOE-91]

It's hair, man.  Hair!  You have so many other things going for you.  Sounds like you're really successful.  Chicks dig that.  

Your scar is ugly.  I'm not gonna lie.  But I'm sure it will fade.  And I know this sounds like I'm minimizing your problems, but at least the scar is on the back of your head.  It's not part of your first impression.

I'll break this down: You're a very good looking man.  Forget about mpb.  Shave the dome, walk with a swagger, and I guarantee women will flock to you like babes to candy.   And you'll soon forget all about the mpb that haunts you now.

I was going to reply with something along these lines. You pull off the bald look so well, it's ashame that you had the surgery that scarred you but what's done is done, and with it being at the back of your head it really isn't too bad. Keep your chin up man!