Need help..desperate!

[adam_r_todd]

You'll get there.  Sly guys are hot.

[Antimidas]

Dude!  You look great shaved.  Even if it is just with clippers.  Trust me.  I know the years of agony from hair loss.  I was so much in denial that I never looked at the back of my head.  I have a very strong aversion to mirrors and cameras.  When I put my hand on my crown, I could still feel hair, so I had a mental image that it was only slowly receding from the front.

Then one day, the receptionist at work handed me a compact mirror and told me to go in the bathroom and look at my head.  I did and I could have killed her.  It was humiliating.  Not as bad as that first haircut in basic training, but somehow worse because I knew that this would never grow back.

I tried the Rogaine, thought about propecia, and admired all of the guys on the hair transplant infomercials.  I considered saving the money to go through the process myself.  I defined myself by my hair.  But once I got the haircut last Sunday at Great Clips, I realized how stupid I was.  I had them use a #1 on the back blended to a #4 on top.  Because of the bald spot and the strawberry blonde hair, this meant that I had a strip of hair visible running from left to right across the center of my head and not much else.

I actually went to work this way on Monday before I saw what it looked like from the back.  That evening I went home and ran my beard trimmer through the center of my head without any attachments.  There was no turning back.  Sure.  I hated the look after I did it.  Hated it after I used the razor on it and took it down to the skin.  But I am finally getting accustomed to it after a few days.  And the ladies all seem to love it.  At this point, I doubt I will ever go back.

As for the scar, others on here are right.  People will get their first impression from the front of your head - not the back.  Feel free to come up with a cover story.  "Got that in a knife fight" or something (women love the bad boys.)  Or just tell them the truth and become a voice for all the others out there that are thinking about doing the same thing to themselves.  Let them know that it is ok to be bald.  It is not ok to think that your only worth is measured by the hair on your head.

Honestly, it is a great look for you.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  It makes you YOU.  You will find some who hate it and some who like it.  Decide which group you are going to consider friends and which can go to hell.  It's your head, not theirs.  Be proud of it.  You earned it.  Life does not come without scars of some sort, but those make us who we are and we grow from them.

Now.  On to the whole Navy bit.  On a ship or in port?  I was born a navy brat myself.

[navdoc]

I wish I had this forum a few months ago! Aside from the donor scar, does anyone know how the transplanted hair will look if the MPB progresses? Is there anyway to combat it looking weird in the future. Man, transplants suck...I could be sitting on a brand new  street bike instead of dealing with this mess. I'm stationed with the 3rd Marines battalion in Okinawa, Japan. By the way, being around the Japanese who almost all have thick, beautiful hair into their 80s and the 18-20 yr old marines with no hair loss makes everything so much easier...

[Antimidas]

Marines (n) Sea going bell hops; jar heads, etc.

How do you circumcise a Marine?  Hit his roommate on the back of the head.

I got a ton of 'em folks! 

I never met an active duty Marine that I got along with.  I try.  They just always seem to piss me off.

Not sure how the transplant will look after the progression of MPB.  But I believe the intent is to harvest hair from the back of the head where it seldon goes bald and spread it around the area where it is likely to go bald.  I don't believe they just cover up the existing bald spot.

Sounds like you have the perfect opportunity with all the sly-challenged people around you.  You can be unique and be the only one on the island without a single hair on your head.     Stand out and be proud!  Bald by choice instead of leaving it up to mother nature to slowly shred away what you have.  But that is just my opinion.

[crazy.irish.celt]

The Japanese bald just as we do... and they spend lots of money on HTs and other procedure just like we do.  I think the one thing they do more than people in the US is wear hairpieces.  They all have basically the same color hair, usually solid black, so it's easy to blend it in.  If I were Japanese, I would worry about my hair too b/c I'd probably be lacking in other areas that aren't so easy to enhance...

[slyatlast]

I guess it's hard for those of us who love being totally bald to understand the stress you're feeling about this doc.  We all react to situations differently.  I started losing my hair in my 20's and I don't remember it bothering me - but there were a lot of other things in my life that made me feel the way you do.  I look at your photos and yeah, I see a good-looking guy who happens to have a scar on the back of his head.  I also see photos of a guy who has a great life, filled with friends and fantastic opportunties.  Focus on the good stuff 'cause that's what life is all about.

[Antimidas]

I guess it's hard for those of us who love being totally bald to understand the stress you're feeling about this doc.  We all react to situations differently.  I started losing my hair in my 20's and I don't remember it bothering me - but there were a lot of other things in my life that made me feel the way you do.  I look at your photos and yeah, I see a good-looking guy who happens to have a scar on the back of his head.  I also see photos of a guy who has a great life, filled with friends and fantastic opportunties.  Focus on the good stuff 'cause that's what life is all about.

Hear, hear!

[D.A.L.U.I.]

Glad you keep talking w/ us--please continue to do so.  You've gathered up a lot of conflicting emotions and you need someplace to put them on  the table. That process will help you get to a place you can live w/.

About the money spent on the HT--it's hard, but get over it, what has been done, is done--don't beat yourself up about it. 

On accepting the sly look--you will come to the realization at some time that you're going to be bald.  Google up the Norwood/Hamilton charts--they show the path that mpb follows.  Yours will be different because some of your hair isn't where it was.  Not seeing the HT sites, it's hard to tell what will happen and when.  But, once you get to the point of accepting that your genetic background has deemed you to be bald--your choices are pretty clear, plugs--which cost a lot and left some scars, drugs--which you've stopped so they can't screw up your body any more, and rugs--that cost a lot and don't look real anyway--stay away from that blind alley.

Shave, accept yourself as your are, and everyone is going to find your good points.  It's hard right now, but it will get easier--remember we're your sounding board--if you go off beam we'll help you to get back on, really. 

[Razor X]

I just wanted to say thank you for all taking the time to write back and giving me some great advice. I'm just so angry with myself for spending so much money and putting myself in this situation. I wish that  I had had the courage to seek some advice prior to going through with the surgery. 

Draw a line under it and move on.  We've all made mistakes that we wish we could undo, but the past is past. 

At this point, I can pretty much pull off the BBC look but I know that there's a high likelihood that the mpb is going to progress quickly once i'm off the propecia/rogaine. No offense to anyone on here but I've struggled so long to to keep from going down this road that I have a hard time seeing the sly look as being attractive. In fact, up to this point it makes me cringe every time I see it. I know that I need to change this mentality but it's very difficult.  Still struggling...

Just let the MPB progress.  If you keep your head shaved long enough, you'll reach a point where you'll be glad to have less hair to deal with.  Seriously, you will.  At some point the obsession changes from worrying about a receding hairline to worrying about how to get rid of the shadow.

The vast majority of us aren't happy about losing hair, but eventually you learn to accept it -- and yes, even like it.   It takes a while but it will happen.  I actually have a recurring dream where all my hair suddenly grows back and my main concern is to shave it all off before anyone notices.

There are a lot of good looking bald guys out there, as well as a lot of ugly guys with hair.  We're conditioned to think that hair is the single most important aspect of our appearances but take a look around you when you're out in public sometime.  Take a look at guys who are older than you, in their 30s and 40s.   Some people age better than others and you'll find that there are plenty of physically fit bald guys who still look good.  You'll also find guys with full heads of hair who aren't aging as well and who are a complete mess. 

In the end, all any of us can do is do the best with what we've been given to work with.  Hair is not nearly as important as you think it is.

[Tyler]

Hey bro, thanks for sharing your concerns with us.  The main reason for Sly Bald Guys is to help guys like you to overcome the emotions you face while going bald. 

Most of these guys have already give you phenomenal advice, but I'd like to take a moment to add just a little more.

You have a scar on your head, there's no changing that now.  The reality is that the scar came from what you now consider to be an unwise decision.  That's OK!  Learn from that decision and use it to grow.  I will let you know that just by sharing your story you will help many of the hundreds of thousands of men that come to this site with getting a transplant in mind to think otherwise.

In regards to your confidence and meeting women.  Around your age I learned a very important thing when it came to meeting women - The more confidence you have, the more success you will have with women and other areas of your life.

A little about myself:  I've had 4 open-heart surgeries.  I have scars everywhere.  Sure, I can cover most of them up with clothes, but they're still going to show when it's time to have the real fun.  There's no hiding it in the long run.  At least with you, they'll know about it right away and you won't have to figure out the best time to tell the ladies that you have scars all over.

The reality is, I've never had a woman really care.  Women are different than us physical, looks driven men.  They look at the confidence a man has and what they have inside.  Sure, some of them are vain, but in my experience, those are the girls that are just trying to cover up their own issues.

I have dated many extremely gorgeous women and three years ago married the best of them all. 

I tell you this in hopes that you will read it and take it to heart.  The sooner you can get past this issue, the sooner you will be able to to live the rest of your life making the best of each and everyday.  Just like the book says, "Don't sweat the small stuff," and in grand scheme life, this stuff we're talking about is really just the small stuff.

[navdoc]

Wish this was getting easier but I appreciate everything everyone has said so far. From the mpb scales and family history, i'm probably looking at class 5, class 6. Is there anyone on here that has had a transplant and then gone sly. I'd just like to know what I'm in store for as far as the transplants looking when the rest of my hair disappears. Also, does anyone have any good suggestions on the best way to stop taking propecia? I've been on it for about 4 years now and have changed my dosages multiple times in the last 6 months trying to combat some of the side effects. I dont want to keep messing up my hormones but quitting to fast or maybe that's the best way? Any help would be appreciated.

[youngtraveller]

i was on propecia daily for the last 2 years and just stopped one day. didnt notice any effects.. not sure if it was the best way to do it but meh. no problems here.

[PeripheralxMvmnt]

I was taking Rogaine for about a year, and a few days after I stopped, I noticed that my "little soldier" was a little more exciteable, and would stand at attention more often, but that was for about one week. Then after that, everything was fine.

[Antimidas]

Not necessarily a bad thing PeripheralxMvmnt. 

Doc,
I am coming to the realization that everyone has concerns about their appearances.  Some of us just have not learned to dismiss them as readily as others.  I can't speak for how you feel because only you can do that, but tell me if this sounds familiar.

You consider yourself unattractive.  So much so that you fear looking at the whole you in the mirror at any one time.  Instead you tend to focud on one small portion of the reflection at a time so that you never see the whole.  You shy away from cameras knowing that if someone takes your picture, not only will you most likely have to see it, more people would likely see it and laugh about some physical flaw even if they don't do it in front of you.  You have obsessed so much on what you feel you look like that you have built up an image in your head that the only person uglier than you is Steve Buscemi.  And even he has a great career and at least gets laid.  You are so ashamed of your apearance that you avoid social encounters as much as possible so as to not feel self-conscious all of the time.  Only you sit at home and feel moreso because your perception of yourself kept you from doing something that you wanted to do so bad.  It causes to to avoid human contact though you desire that above all else.

Sound familiar?  I just described me.

It is only recently that I began to not give a sh*t.  To realize that people are going to think what they will think and absolutely nothing I do will change that.  I can choose to ignore those gut urges and go out and enjoy myself, or I can grow old and lonely dwelling on every possible negative that I can create about myself.  It has taken me a long time, but I choose to live life.  And if people think I am weird, ugly, awkward, stupid, whatever negative I have created in my own mind about myself, I now know that is their problem and not mine.  Those are not the types of people that I would consider to be friends even if I was the most handsome man out there.  Why should I care what they think?  It is how I feel about myself.

Don't get me wrong.  It is not easy to change 39 years of compounding behavior and self-perception.  It is like giving up cigarettes or alcohol.  It is a day at a time and a constant choice to brush it off.  But I feel better every time I do.

We put so much into what we look like that we lose who we are.  We are not our appearances.  We are so much more than that.

I don't know if this will help you or not.  I never listened to anyone else when they told me the same thing.  I am not even sure if this hits the mark or makes sense to anyone else.  But I hope that it does.

[youngtraveller]

Antimidas - Trust me. At least for me that post hit the mark and made perfect sense. Thank you.