Why Men Can Never Win

• Why Men Can Never Win by Lord of the Rings Junkie on 26 Feb, 2009 19:00
• If you put a woman on a pedestal and
  try to protect her from the rat race,
  you are a male chauvinist.
  If you stay home and do the housework,
  you are a pansy
  
  If you work too hard,
  there is never any time for her..
  If you don't work enough,
  you are a good for nothing bum.
  
  If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay,
  this is exploitation.
  If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay,
  you should get off your rear
  and find something better.
  
  If you get a promotion ahead of her,
  that is favoritism.
  If she gets job ahead of you,
  it's equal opportunity.
  
  If you mention how nice she looks,
  it's sexual harassment.
  If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
  
  If you cry, you are a wimp.
  If you don't, you are an insensitive bastard.
  
  If you make a decision without consulting her,
  you are a chauvinist.
  If she makes a decision without consulting you,
  she's liberated woman.
  
  If you ask her to do something
  she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
  If she asks you, it's a favor.
  
  If you appreciate the female form
  and frilly underwear, you are a pervert.
  If you don't, you are a fag.
  
  If you like a woman to shave her legs
  and keep in shape, you are a sexist.
  If you don't, you are unromantic.
  
  If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain.
  If you don't, you are a slob.
  
  If you buy her flowers, you are after something.
  If you don't, you are not thoughtful.
  
  If you are proud of your achievements,
  you are up yourself.
  If you don't, you are not ambitious.
  
  If she has a headache, she is tired.
  If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
  
  If you want it too often, you are oversexed.
  If you don't, there must be someone else.
• #1 by SBG Math Guy on 26 Feb, 2009 20:18
•  
• #2 by Adam on 26 Feb, 2009 20:40
• I think I saw that, or something similar in Gene Simmons' book SEX MONEY KISS.  Very true, though.
• #3 by Stu on 27 Feb, 2009 00:26
• Glad you know what you are up against... don't forget, no matter what, it's always your fault.
• #4 by StumpyDave on 27 Feb, 2009 05:49
• I've learned this over the years.
  
  That's why when I get home in the evening I always greet my wife with "Hi Honey.  What did I do wrong today?"
• #5 by buddha on 27 Feb, 2009 08:07
• Here is a Zen Koan:
  A man is walking alone in the forest and is talking to himself as he walks. His wife is nowhere around.
  Is everything he says still wrong?
• #6 by OzPete on 27 Feb, 2009 19:51
• Sad fact it's all true... 
• #7 by Stu on 28 Feb, 2009 00:45
• Quote from: buddha on 27 Feb, 2009 08:07

  A man is walking alone in the forest and is talking to himself as he walks. His wife is nowhere around.
  Is everything he says still wrong?
  

  -- ABSOLUTELY.
  
  Sidenote -- if she ever finds out that she is wrong, you can't mention it (i.e. definitely NO 'I told you so'), she doesn't have to admit it, and she certainly doesn't have to say she's sorry -- that's your job.
• #8 by buddha on 28 Feb, 2009 07:34
• The two most important words in modern man's relationship vocabulary are as follows:
  1) Yes
  2) Dear
  
  Of course, with regard to life itself, there are two questions that a man MUST ask himself:
  1) Where am I going?
  2) Who is going with me?
  And God help you if you ask them in the wrong order.
• #9 by wpruitt on 28 Feb, 2009 19:29
• As my dad once said, "At one time in my life I thought I was always right.  Then I got married."
• #10 by FrankyG on 01 Mar, 2009 10:34
• I think Darned if you do, darned if you don't fits this thing pretty well...