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Hey... by Elessar [[Sly]] on 25 Aug, 2008 15:55
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... I'm knew to the forum (as you can obviously tell). Despite having Sly in my username I am not currently bald thats a nickname thats been derived from my real name since I was at school/college (Sly/Si short for Simon) and has become a habbit of putting in my user in many forums I do appologise if anyone is offended.
I have a personal dilema and although in the end only I can make the choice I still wish to hear other peoples opinions because I really am quite stuck. I am 19 and approaching my 20th birthday in a few months and have been balding since about the age of 15/16 although wasn't till about late last year that it started to become rather obvious. I currently wear a hat other than when I sleep (and alot of people here will probably suggest loosing the hat and going bald). The thing is I hang around with alot of people who have long hair and some that spend ages doing stuff with their hair (although I've never really been into the latter at all!). I currently have hair that is breast length but is receded at the sides and top quite far almost to the back of the top of my head. BUT none of my friends or family have caught on (not to my knowlage - apart from gf obviously but even she isn't aware of how bad it actually is because I have long hair up until recently I've been able manipulate it enough so hasn't looked too bad. But like many (again probably many people on here) I'm finding it hard to get the courage to get my first shave. And If I did I think I'd want it all off because of the top and sides being bald. I'm trying to push the notion to my mates, gf, and family that I'm just gonna shave it all off for a laugh (again they know nothing of my baldness to my knowlage) and most are against etc. Ontop of all this I'm Bi Polar and emotions all over the place alot. I'm not using that as an excuse but that greatly reduces my confidence and want to do anything (and probo a contributor to the fact I'm balding so much).
I get sudden rushes of **** it I should just do it and try get on with life. But I know it wont be easy for me and will take a long time to ajust. I've read ALOT on this forum(s) in the last few hours and I REALLY feel abit better for reading some of it. You're such a great online community its really cool
I've looked at the younger comments about ajusting and similar problems as I have and some of the more experienced among you that have spoken openly about your experiences and feelings. Its really interesting stuff I didn't realize the time till I was pulled away from the screen by a phone call lol.
I think If had more support It wouldn't be so hard ajusting. Alot of the problem I'm facing with it is for me quite a drastic change. Not the fact I'm overly obsessed with vanity or anything but theres other parts of me that are struggling with the whole concept that I'm sure most of you already have assumed and would understand having gone through similar things yourselves. Things like being a youngish age (although I do know its quite common in younger males to), gf being less attracted to me, and many others, etc. (and I know I'm only young and if she really loves you it doesn't matter etc. I dont really need to hear stuff like that because I know that deep down and well I'm thinking about 'taking the plunge' as it were so I've thought VERY long and VERY hard about it to the point of being ill... ) But I'm not looking for too much sympathy I just need to get more courage to go and get it done. Its getting to the point where I can't get another job because I can't not wear the hat in public anymore... I wanna say enough is enough... its just not happening =\
I appologise I do not mean to moan but atm I have no where else to turn. I'd like to become a proper member of this community I think in time it'll help me take the step that needs taking.
(another strange thing is I'm in several popular local bands and i'm used to getting on stage and performing infront of a large audience I have been doing that for many years from a younger age. Perhaps thats part of it maybe I'm fighting the change too much... I want it to feel natural if that makes sense)
Any thoughts? very much appreciated
Sly x -
#1 by Casey Jones on 25 Aug, 2008 16:08
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#2 by time2shine on 25 Aug, 2008 17:35
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Thanks for the intro, Elessar. My case is similar to yours; always wore a hat in high school/college because of balding. In fact, I will still wear a hat when I know I'm going to see friends from my past, which is a hurdle that i'm ready to get over. For some reason, I feel like I can ease them into the idea of me being bald, when the best method is just to wear it proudly, which this site is so great about encouraging.
The truth is, you're looks are not that important to other people. What is noticeable to them, is the confidence you portray. If you are happy with yourself, other people's opinions will not affect you, and lets face it, everybody has their opinions.
Shaving your head at this age because of MPB is taking a stand. Just think, you could be the first one in your group to take a stand. The longer you wait, the sooner someone else you know will be going through the same thing; they won't have any friends to talk to (just like you did), and they will eventually be the ones taking that stand. The point is, you have an oppurtunity to break open the next phase in your life, and be that guy - the guy who doesn't operate superficially, but goes balls to the wall. It will inspire others, and it will feel good.
From your intro, I see that you're familiar with most of the responses you're going to get from us, and it's just the courage you seek to get it done. So I'd just say - hold your breath, and do it. Don't look back, and don't waste another day. -
#3 by wpruitt on 25 Aug, 2008 18:34
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Casey Jones said it best. Welcome!
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#4 by buuckkweet on 25 Aug, 2008 19:01
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Welcome Bro!!!
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#5 by Tyler on 25 Aug, 2008 19:42
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Hey Sly, welcome to SBG!
Casey said it best because until you do it, you won't really understand why we think you should just do it! -
#6 by imb on 25 Aug, 2008 19:45
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Hello Si, this is my first post here, reading what you wrote inspired me to post since I went through very similar emotions. I'm not feeling very articulate but hope I can write something half decent I think I might be a little like you in that I am quite sensitive to others and my emotions tend to be all over the place.
Anyway I discovered I was losing my hair in my late teens and like a lot of people here I felt it was the end of the world. I'm now in my early 20s. About 6 months ago, after a lot of soul searching and reading sites like this I began to accept the idea of hair loss and to worry a lot less about it as I now felt I had a decent solution; to shave it all off! However I was still very anxious about taking the final step. Like you I tried to run the idea by family members and friends in the hope their replies might raise my confidence to do it, but got negative responses from every one of them.
So after months of fence sitting I had a long break from university and decided this would be the best time, especially as I was still worrying about it and I didn't want it to affect my life any more. Once I had decided I had to have it done right away it still took two weeks of a great deal of an anxiety and putting it off 'til the next day. I finally got the courage and went to the barbers. Even as I was sat there waiting I thought, I'm going to chicken out, especially as it was busy and had an hours wait! So I was sat in the chair, had a big mop of hair on me head, the barber asked what I wanted doing and seemed to think I was a little mad once I told him I wanted it shaving on zero So he did the deed and shaved it on zero. Once it was done I instantly got positive comments from the barber and other people waiting, which raised my confidence, although I was already feeling pretty confident for some reason.
Now to the part I was most worried about, my close family's reaction. There was palpable shock at first, especially from my sister who seemed to stare at my head open mouthed for about 5 seconds. After the initial shock I got positive responses from all of them. It seems many people don't like the notion of head shaving, that to try and convince them before hand will ultimately be in vain. It's something you just have to go ahead and do, then show them in order to get their acceptance. As for other people, you might be surprised at how a lot of people actually don't care. I've seen a few friends from uni since, in some instances despite having a head just shaved on zero, I'm the one who has had to steer the conversation in the direction of my hair. Many have even said they haven't even noticed I was balding; it's true what they say that we magnify our own problems a 100 fold.
Obviously if you feel that you have to wear a hat much of the time it is already affecting your life a great deal. And as you say you are young, these aren't emotions you should be experiencing at your age. If you're already feeling a lot of anxiety about losing your hair I can't imagine how shaving it will make the problem any worse. The only thing you have to overcome is the initial head shave and the resulting shock from your family. A day basically, and hopefully after that you should begin to feel more confidence. As for your close friends with long hair, hmm I know it is difficult, especially as at a young age we're at such a vain stage in our lives. As I say you might be surprised at how much other people don't care. I actually got a buzz from the idea that I was doing something so unique from them, something that took a lot of courage. Of course if they're half decent friends they like you for your personality, not how you look.
Oh, don't forget to give it the 30 day trial before making any decisions.
Anyway, I guess this also serves as my introduction to the board, and I hope it helps a little. Please post back with your thoughts and how you get on.
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#7 by marty22 on 25 Aug, 2008 19:57
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shave it clean when ready and only when ready!
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#8 by wpruitt on 25 Aug, 2008 20:01
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shave it clean when ready and only when ready!
Good advice, Marty -
#9 by OzPete on 25 Aug, 2008 20:38
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Welcome to SBG!
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#10 by Timmay on 25 Aug, 2008 21:16
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Well all i can say is if you want a confidence booster...the only way to get it is to just shave it. Listen to what advice the others have already told you. I dont think anyone in this forum would steer you wrong. If that were the case...this forum wouldnt be as popular as it is...right? Just Do IT!
Have you ever thought that wearing a hat to bed maybe part of your hair loss? Too many guys put thought into the "WHAT IF" Well you will never get your answer just sitting there thinking What If?
Hope we have helped you some.
Timmay
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#11 by MagmaBabe on 26 Aug, 2008 03:16
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Hi Elessar, welcome to the forum
I don't suppose your name 'Elessar' has anything to do with The Lord of the Rings? -
#12 by MagmaBabe on 26 Aug, 2008 03:20
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Also, welcome to imb...
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#13 by Paul on 26 Aug, 2008 04:18
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Welcome Elessar and imb. Great to have you join us. That was a great intro and post imb and great info for you Elessar. As the others have said, just do it. You will never know the freedom from worry any other way.
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#14 by Elessar [[Sly]] on 26 Aug, 2008 08:18
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Have you ever thought that wearing a hat to bed maybe part of your hair loss?
I wear a hat other than when I go to bed. And yes its very true that just doing it will be the best approach. I think I best just gather the rest of my thoughts then go and do it.
And yes Elessar (or Elf Stone) is to do with The Lord of The Rings, Magmababe =)
And thanks for the big welcome people and the support
x