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New Dude.. by MyWave on 27 Jan, 2011 18:17
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Hey I'm 22 years old and from the U.K.
Here's a bit o' background information:
I used to have long hair between the ages of 15-20. I was able to grow a full beard from a young age. Lots of girls commented on how similar I looked to Kurt Cobain which was pretty cool as he's one of my musical icons. However from 18 years old, I noticed some serious thinning on the sides of my temples, and I would comb the sides to make them look less "gappy" if you know what I mean. Around the time I turned 20, I developed thinning on the crown area so I decided to get a short fringe cut. it worked for a few months.
It took absolutely ages to style my hair..at one point took a hour. I would purchase expensive shampoos, thickeners, mousse, wax e.t.c. As soon as the wind blew...my hair would look terrible. It was at that point I realised that I was thinning from the crown to the front of my head. So I decided to buzz cut all over.
I hated it as I felt I lost my identity. My bald look wasn't able to go with the clothes I was wearing at the time.
I regrew my hair last year...just to see if It got any better...it actually looked worse. So I shaved it (2mm) all over.
I feel I have lost my confidence because of it. I'm partially deaf so I hear hearing aids (long hair was able to disguise it) and I'm only 5 ft 5.
When I go to nightclubs/bars, all the people and my mates seem to be taller and have a full head of hair.
It's just really getting me down. I wear fashionable clothes, go to the gym 4 times a week so I'm fairly muscley. And women in the nightclubs I go to seem to be put off by it.
How do you guys do it?
Cheers.
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#1 by Razor X on 27 Jan, 2011 18:50
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I hated it as I felt I lost my identity. My bald look wasn't able to go with the clothes I was wearing at the time.
You only lost your identity in the sense that you defined yourself as looking like Kurt Cobain. But you gained a new identity, hopefully one that is more reflective of the real you and not one that's dependent upon looking like a celebrity.
Clothes don't go with the bald look? So get new clothes!
I regrew my hair last year...just to see if It got any better...it actually looked worse. So I shaved it (2mm) all over.
That's no surprise. Male pattern baldness isn't going to reverse itself; it's only going to worsen over time. It's time to let go of long hair and accept that it's no longer a viable option. Find a style that is a viable option. If need be, go with the one that it is the least objectionable to you. A short buzz cut may be the way to go for now.I feel I have lost my confidence because of it. I'm partially deaf so I hear hearing aids (long hair was able to disguise it) and I'm only 5 ft 5.
When I go to nightclubs/bars, all the people and my mates seem to be taller and have a full head of hair.
The cold hard truth is, you're never going to be any taller and you're never going to have that full head of hair that you want. You don't have to like it, but you do have to come to terms with it. What good is it to obsess and beat yourself up over something that you cannot change?
As for your friends, they may have full heads of hair now, but trust me, that will not always be the case for the vast majority of them. Sooner or later they're going to find themselves in the same situation you're struggling to deal with right now. That's where things start to even out a bit. It will have long ceased to be an issue for you. It's not easy to be the first bald guy in your circle of friends (trust me, I know). But don't kid yourself into believing that it's any easier to watch your hair disappear when you're a little older. It isn't.It's just really getting me down. I wear fashionable clothes, go to the gym 4 times a week so I'm fairly muscley. And women in the nightclubs I go to seem to be put off by it.
How do you know that the women you meet are put off by your baldness? I suspect that you're projecting some negativity and letting your lack of confidence show -- and that is what is putting them off. Yes, there are women who aren't attracted to bald men. Don't worry about them, because there are plenty of other women who are.
I think most people, on some level, whether they realize it or not, have a certain amount of respect and admiration for a guy who shaves his head. Even if they don't necessarily like the look, the fact that you had the guts to deal with the "problem" earns some respect. It tells the world that you aren't bothered by it. The reality may be that you are bothered by it, but let that be your closely guarded secret.
We can't all be pretty boys. But one of the great things about being a guy is that you don't have to be a pretty boy to be attractive to women. A shaved head is a strong, confident masculine look. You might not feel confident, but fake it, and eventually it will become a reality.
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#2 by MyWave on 27 Jan, 2011 19:44
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Hi thank you for your reply. I appreciate it.
I feel daft to be honest. I know I should get over it and all that. Same thing happened to my dad and my grandfather in their 20's (for some reason it happened earlier for me).
I wish I had the same confidence as you guys. From the other threads I've read, I'm pretty impressed at the discussions.
I keep wearing beanies in an attempt to disguise my thinning head (thankfully it's fashionable over here at the moment). I know it sounds weird but I feel naked without it.
I keep feeling tempted to grow it back due to the amount of stick I get from my mates. If I grow it they say shave it off, when I shave it off..they say grow it back! What the hell?? When it gets to about 1 cm, the top area just looks so thin and feathery.
It's just hard showing off confidence when you're vertically challenged and balding. People seem to tower over you and have the best of times.
Not meaning to sound big headed or anything but I'm fairly good looking and I have a muscular build. It just seems a shame that my height and thinning hair seems to be letting me down. First thing that girls seem to notice is my head. Is hair that important to them?
2mm doesn't seem to disguise it well these days. So next time I trim my hair, I'm gonna take the guard off/or put it down to 1mm and see how that goes.
oh and by the way... I'll put up a pic of me tomorrow. It's 2.30 am over here and god knows why I'm still up! -
#3 by Nonick on 27 Jan, 2011 20:16
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MyWave, welcome to the best bald forum on the Internet
It looks like you're doing great with Razor! Take his advise to heart, dude. He speaks lots of truth, and that's not easy to find these days, except maybe here.
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#4 by Razor X on 27 Jan, 2011 21:38
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I wish I had the same confidence as you guys. From the other threads I've read, I'm pretty impressed at the discussions.
It gets easier with time. Be patient.
I keep wearing beanies in an attempt to disguise my thinning head (thankfully it's fashionable over here at the moment). I know it sounds weird but I feel naked without it.
That's understandable, but the best way to get over your insecurities is to force yourself to go out in public with your head uncovered, as often as possible. You may feel awkward the first few times, but then you get over it and it stops being such an obsession. If you never let anyone see your dome, then it's always something you worry about.
I keep feeling tempted to grow it back due to the amount of stick I get from my mates. If I grow it they say shave it off, when I shave it off..they say grow it back! What the hell?? When it gets to about 1 cm, the top area just looks so thin and feathery.
Stop listening to what other people say and do what you think is best. This is where the 30-day rule comes into play. Your friends are less likely to comment on your appearance if it remains consistent. You're perpetuating their comments by reacting to them. If you stick to your guns and let them see that it doesn't bother you, they'll get tired of teasing you and move on.Not meaning to sound big headed or anything but I'm fairly good looking and I have a muscular build. It just seems a shame that my height and thinning hair seems to be letting me down. First thing that girls seem to notice is my head. Is hair that important to them?
2mm doesn't seem to disguise it well these days. So next time I trim my hair, I'm gonna take the guard off/or put it down to 1mm and see how that goes.
A muscular build goes well with a shaved head, so you've got nothing to worry about. By all means, take it down to 1mm. It only takes a few days to get back to 2mm if you don't like it.
Your appearance is changing. Stop thinking about it in terms of "better" and "worse" and just accept it as something different. Forget about what you used to look like and concentrate on looking your best with what you've got to work with. With rare exceptions, a bald head doesn't look bad on anyone. It's what people do with the remaining hair (combing it over or wearing the fringe too long) that makes people look ridiculous.
Change isn't always easy. My own appearance has changed considerably from how I used to look -- and how I look now is not something I ever envisioned in my pre-sly days. The transition was a bit awkward, but I learned to accept the change, and eventually came to actually like it.
Check out the Before & After gallery. A lot of our members have their photos there. You'll note that very few, if any, look better in their "before" shots:
http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?action=gallery;cat=2 -
#5 by sellitman on 28 Jan, 2011 07:25
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I'd reply but Razor X did such a complete job whatever I could add would be redundant.
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#6 by sphynx on 28 Jan, 2011 08:38
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You know something, I had totally forgotten having many of these same feelings until I read your post. You will feel this way for a while, as I remember, but once you come to terms with losing your hair, you won't give it a second thought any longer.
I remember the first time I just buzzed my head and everyone I knew wanted to know why I did it and quite frankly no one liked it. Then you should have seen their faces when I shaved it all off. Now, people tell me they can't remember when I ever had hair and when they see pictures they say I look better without that thin hair.
But the guys on here are right. It's not about having hair or not having hair. It's how you think of yourself. And that's what people were picking up on when I first cut it off. They saw I was insecure about it and I projected that to others. If you mope around and complain about it, that will be a turn off. If you shave it off, shine it up, walk around with your head up, people will see you as a totally different person. And it's been my experience women like to rub a bald head. I think you are imagining that all the women are turned off by it.
And let's face it, there are A LOT of actors and athletes who now sport shaved and buzzed heads. There is no longer a stigma. -
#7 by Argyle on 28 Jan, 2011 09:01
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I think razor has this subject licked to be honest, welcome though from another guy in the UK. A few years ago I had a really tough time accepting going bald to the point where it almost became a habit to be miserable about it. I can genuinely say that it does get easier with time, I just wish I had accepted it sooner. I dont give it a second thought now (well only occasionally). I know I am not the best looking guy, I wasnt when I had hair either. But (and I hope you will realise soon), women genuinely dont only go for the way you look. I met my wife when I had lost most of my hair when I was 27 and it has never bothered her. The only thing that bothered her was how it affected me and changed my personality. Yeah dont get me wrong I have been to nightclubs too and know how superficial it can be - but let's face it that is a main reason people go, not to develop a long term relationship.
Chin up and I promise it will get better but dont let negative feelings eat away at you. -
#8 by Arnie on 28 Jan, 2011 11:08
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Welcome to SBGs!!!
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#9 by Redgrave101 on 28 Jan, 2011 17:00
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Hey man
First off.. Welcome!
Secondly let me just say that i too am 22, live in the u.k. and share nearly all the experiances listed on your opening post.
Also take note of Razor's post, theres some solid advice there.
I have to be up at 6 tomorrow for a long arse day at work, So im off to catch some seriously needed Z's.. But i had to write a quick reply just to let you know that your not alone in this despite how it feels, and it will get easier.
I'll produce a more productive post tomorrow eve, until then.. all the best! -
#10 by Noodles on 29 Jan, 2011 04:24
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I think most people, on some level, whether they realize it or not, have a certain amount of respect and admiration for a guy who shaves his head. Even if they don't necessarily like the look, the fact that you had the guts to deal with the "problem" earns some respect. It tells the world that you aren't bothered by it. The reality may be that you are bothered by it, but let that be your closely guarded secret.
We can't all be pretty boys. But one of the great things about being a guy is that you don't have to be a pretty boy to be attractive to women. A shaved head is a strong, confident masculine look. You might not feel confident, but fake it, and eventually it will become a reality.
RazorX is right, MyWave! You might stand out in the crowd, but I GUARANTEE you it's in a VERY POSITIVE way!
Just keep in mind the SLY LOOK is NOT going to appeal to everyone - Neither is a guy with long hair....some women despise beards.....some women can't stand a guy who wears glasses, or a certain type of clothes.....GET MY POINT??
SO WHAT??!! BIG DEAL!!!
You DON'T need EVERYONE's approval for you to find true happiness!! The SLY look is NOT going to appeal to every single person of the opposite sex that you come in contact with. But then again, it's NOT meant to be!! You just need that one special person that is willing to get to know the real you!! Bars and nightclubs are usually NOT the place to meet the ideal mate, especially since alcohol can impair judgement quite a bit!!
On the positive side, there are a LOT of women out there who find BALD GUYS extremely SEXY!!
There are several SBG members in your age group that have had a HUGE INCREASE in self-confidence since they went SLY. Look them up on the forum or start your own thread so you can get their perspective on how going sly has been a major positive change for them , in attracting the opposite sex!!
Take care, and I wish you much success!!
- Cap'n Noodles - -
#11 by ozzie on 30 Jan, 2011 01:06
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Welcome to the forum MyWave! The guys have given you some great advice here!
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#12 by The Scottish Ambassador on 01 Feb, 2011 02:01
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Welcome m8 from another uk member (even tho i'm from the better part of the uk hee hee)
Pull up a chair and join in. Post a pic soon -
#13 by seahawk guy on 01 Feb, 2011 08:57
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Hi, I'm at the other end of the age range (just had my 76th birthday). After years of a 3mm buzz cut got the razor out and went sly today. Great. Go for it - be yourself. You'll get bags of support and encouragement from this site, as I did.
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#14 by seahawk guy on 01 Feb, 2011 09:08
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I too am a UK member - down south - home counties. Hope we'll soon be into Spring. Need a bit of sunshine to add a bit of colour to the dome.