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I just can't pull it off! I am hideous with a shaved head because of... by sequenceme on 12 Apr, 2010 15:15
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I am new to this website, spent some time here as a lurker and decided to join. Been struggling with MPB since my mid 20s. I am now 36 and was tired of being obsessed and devastated about losing my hair so with the advice and positive blogs I read on this website, I finally decided to shave my head today. My hairline got so high it looked ridiculous for my age, much higher than Larry King's hairline and he is what, 70? So here are the problems:
#1 I have a long slender European face so just overall it doesn't suit me and now my ears stick out more so I look goofier. I look like I either have cancer or am a Neo-Nazi. Now I resemble Nosferatu.
#2 I had a cyst removed from the top of my scalp last year and the wound never healed so I have a big black scab and an indentation from where the cyst used to me. My doctor does not know why this scab has not healed after prescribing antibiotics and using Neosporin.
#3 I know that most people don't have perfectly shaped domes and many have little bumps and lumps but I have a 4 inch wide and 1/2" deep gash in my skull that was formed at birth. It looks like someone has hit me with an axe and I had to have surgery done. This is right along side the scar from the cyst
#4 In my teens I suffered from terrible acne for years until I was finally put on Accutane which cleared up my skin permanently. However, not only do I have acne scars on my face especially along my temples but with a shaved head you can see that I have acne scars all over the back and sides of my head
#5 Being half British, my complexion is very fair. I am super white and rarely tan, just burn. Well, my shaved head is glowing white like the bald dude from the movie Powder.
#6 I shaved very clean with a Mach 3 and you can still see the horse shoe pattern of my MPB so what's the point?
I will get some pictures taken in the next few days and you will all see what I am going through. I used to be a decent looking guy, was good with the ladies but ever since I started losing my hair, no women have been interested in me and my girlfriend of three years recently left me. I thought shaving my head would be a positive thing. A way to be free of dealing with my hair loss. I was so tired of trying to make my hair look like I wasn't going bald and fussing with it. Well, this has been the worst mistake of my life. I truly look like a monster! Hideously ugly. And that is not just my opinion. My father and friends tell me I look bad like this, grow my hair out. And I know deep down that they are right. I am so down and depressed right now, I am almost suicidal. I will just keep my trusty hat on for now. I just don't understand why every other guy in the world can shave their heads and look just fine. All the guys on here look great (some better than others) and when I go to they gym, there are lots of bald guys there with perfect shaped heads and no dents or acne on their heads. I just don't understand why I look so God awful. I can honestly say that MPB has ruined my life.
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#1 by pdxtodd on 12 Apr, 2010 16:09
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We all have different dents, bumps, and lumps - and in fact if you browse through the forums you'll see that there are other guys with scars from hair transplants, guys with lumps, bumps, divots, and different shapes. While I would never suggest to anyone that they go down the path of using a hairpiece - since I wore one myself for 10 years - you might be a candidate where it does make since. There are full cap systems that look good. I was a hair club member (DON'T GO THERE) and switch to www.hairdirect.com. If you're unable to cope with how your head looks you might want to talk to the folks at hairdirect.
Personally - every persons head is shaped differently. We all have abnormalities - but what I've found is that its not how your head looks shaved but how you portray yourself with your shaved head. I was honestly shocked when I saw myself in the mirror the first time after shaving my head. I had one of those OMG what did I do moments. But thanks to everyone on the forums I stuck with it for 30 days and I'll never go back to having hair again. Am I completely happy with the shape of my head -- no -- I have some weird stuff going on with how my skull was formed. I have a few scars and dips and divots but that's what builds character. After 30 days I finally came to the realization that hair doesn't define who you are - nor does the shape of your skull. Even if a miracle cure came on the market that magically regrows your hair -- I would still stick with the sly look.
Hopefully having a shaved head will help your wound heal. I would go to a dermatologist and get that figured out. As for the other -- there are a lot of guys on the board who have gone to dermatologists and have had treatments to minimize their scars. Worst case you can buy a full cap hairpiece.
As for women -- I can attest from personal experience that I've had more women come up out of the blue in the past 3 1/2 months and comment on how sexy and hot they think guys with shaved heads are than I ever did when I had hair. But its a confidence thing -- I'm a million times more confident now than when I was a guy who was losing his hair.
Keep us posted. I know that there are a ton of us on the site that will help you however we can to move through the transition period. The best bet is to give yourself 30 days - and to see a dermatologist as soon as you can. -
#2 by omegapd on 12 Apr, 2010 16:42
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Now I resemble Nosferatu.
The first time I cut all my hair off (not totally shaved but a trimmer with a 000 blade), I posted a black and white photo of myself on Facebook and the first comment I got from a buddy was the same thing.
I'll bet the majority of us here resemble him to some extent.
Good luck! I hope you can come to embrace the sly look. It'll take some time...don't give up.
If you want to post photos, you need to load them at a photo website (I use photobucket.com) and then can add them in here using the IMG button above. -
#3 by RyanJP on 12 Apr, 2010 17:02
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My friend you need to Cowboy the !@#$ up !!! All the problems that you are pointing out, everyone here one way or the other has been subjected to them, have you seen my ears, they stick out and I have scars as well and as a matter of fact I have a small keloid scar on the front of my head but it doesn't bother me one bit. For your well being just stop beating yourself up, I'm obviously under the impression that you are in a state of shock and we are all here to help you and advise you.
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#4 by Gambrinus on 12 Apr, 2010 17:36
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+1 I have a scar that runs up the middle of my head that I didn't know I had I have litte red spots.....that I didn't know I had. I have more fun bald than I ever had with hair. I hated when someone would touch my hair and mess it up. Don't have to worry about that any more
I hated when hair would get in my eyes. Guess what....not a problem. 
My ears stick out further too....but guess what....they stuck out before. 
Give it a chance. Get some sun on your melon. See a doctor about your spot. I have learned that women look at a smile more than they do your hair. Sounds like you need one of those and a hug. It will be OK 
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#5 by Tennessee on 12 Apr, 2010 17:44
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Well I have to chime in on this one, I do apologize if I come across rude. First of all, this site is dedicated to doing what you want to help this problem (MPB). That means if you don't want to shave your head then don't! The biggest statement that I have a problem with is that "MPB ruined you life". I am sorry but I find that to be ridiculous!!! What you have is a perspective problem. It is kind of like those Hollywood freaks that cannot live without their next plastic surgery. First of all you need to know who you are. Then you can be yourself regardless of hairstyle, dents, scars, MPB, etc. Then you need to change the perspective. Quit looking at the mirror (this is why the guys here shave). Focus on those around you and you will show the confidence all of these other guys keep talking about. The confidence comes from being ABLE to focus on the life and the people around you and really has nothing to do with the hair on your head (or lack thereof). If you think MPB has ruined your life then you will never be happy with the way you present yourself or with your life for that matter.
Sorry to be blunt but I have seen some perfectly happy UGLY people and people scared horribly on their face by bad car accidents and they manage to be confident. It is all about perspective. -
#6 by RyanJP on 12 Apr, 2010 17:53
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I agree with Tennessee, it's how you carry yourself and alot of us have had that discussion one way or another on the board, the biggest critic is always gonna be yourself and I've learned just to say !@#$ it and enjoy everything and I'll say it again, Improvise, Adapt and overcome and also be Sly for the good of it as well as a good person in life.
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#7 by aarrggh on 12 Apr, 2010 17:58
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Photos required before i comment ( before and after ) and welcome.................
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#8 by Mikekoz13 on 12 Apr, 2010 19:47
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Dude..... reality check here. You need to refocus on what's really important in life....and hair isn't it. I have more dents, scars, divots and blemishes .... no big deal.
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#9 by mangosink12572 on 13 Apr, 2010 08:39
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I only have one comment for you - - -" BEING BALD is better than GOING BALD"
Get us a picture when you get a chance - -it is easy - -if I can do it - - -so can you
Welcome to our group - - -look at us - - -we are all SLY BALD -
#10 by pdxtodd on 13 Apr, 2010 10:58
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mangosink said it best -- there's no way I'll go back to being a guy who looks like he's losing his hair.
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#11 by lifeinthesouth on 13 Apr, 2010 11:20
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I am so down and depressed right now, I am almost suicidal.
I just don't understand why I look so God awful. I can honestly say that MPB has ruined my life.
1st: If you are that depressed there is a bigger problem than the hair you need to see someone about that. That is a serious statement.
2nd: Someone told me this the other day, best life advise I have gotten. "Life is 10% what YOU make it and 90% how YOU take it." It really is that simple we are who we are. If someone can't like you for who you are you will never please them even if you have so much hair you can't hold you head up.
Trust me nobody was more self conscious about there hair loss than I have been. I am a minister and have a full time job in design, so I do a lot of speaking in front of people. I felt like everyone was talking about my lack of hair, I even thought that my own wife wasn't attracted to me anymore. Not till I told her I was buzzing it all off, she didn't think I should but told me "do what is going to make YOU feel better, I don't love your hair" that was when I realized what really matters (and I had permission
). Long story short your reading into hair loss to much. Good luck and let us know how your doing, these guys got good advise.
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#12 by stemikger on 13 Apr, 2010 16:11
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Quote
Now I resemble Nosferatu.
That is exactley what my wife and daughter said when I first shaved. In fact, when I shaved the other day after wearing a crew, they both looked at each other and said the creature is back.
Truthfully Bro, everyone has image issues, but if you want a boost put up some pics on this site, you are sure to get many encouraging words. Sometimes we are the most critical judges when it comes to our own apearance. Whatever you decide to do, the one thing that is extremely attractive no matter what you look like is Confidence.
Good Luck
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#13 by RyanJP on 13 Apr, 2010 16:20
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Quote
Now I resemble Nosferatu.
That is exactley what my wife and daughter said when I first shaved. In fact, when I shaved the other day after wearing a crew, they both looked at each other and said the creature is back.
Truthfully Bro, everyone has image issues, but if you want a boost put up some pics on this site, you are sure to get many encouraging words. Sometimes we are the most critical judges when it comes to our own apearance. Whatever you decide to do, the one thing that is extremely attractive no matter what you look like is Confidence.
Good Luck
Couldn't say it better myself
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#14 by Argyle on 14 Apr, 2010 02:34
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Sequenceme, reading your post reminded me a lot of my situation and in a funny way made me question the way I have been feeling and the rationality of it.
One thing is abundently clear. The way you feel is not solely linked to your hair. It may feel like it is but it cant be. You sound depressed mate, I think a trip to your GP may be in order to sort that out, maybe find someone to talk to.
Unfortunately when you make a statement as bold (or bald) as shaving your head, people will comment. Some will be negative and have an immediate and natural aversion to it, but others frankly wont notice, or moreove care too much at all.
On this website you have the full range of hairloss, headshapes etc etc. Most of us are married, most of us happily so, and those who have posted pics with their better halves, well just take a look! One thing I also find amazing is how different things bother different people, for instance I too have big ears and a fairly long face. That doesnt bother me at all. For me it has been different elements.
There is no doubt that losing your hair can be a big confidence denter. It certainly has been for me. But dont allow it to rule your life, it isnt worth it.
Try and be rational, relative and enjoy life. Easier said than done, but you get one shot.