Like I sometimes do I'm gonna veer off and talk about a peripheral issue that you mentioned in your second post. I might come down kinda hard on this and I want to be clear that I'm not trying to shame you or chase you out of the forum. On the contrary, it's because I've been in that place (loss of sobriety) and it seems fitting that I touch on this even though it's something that you don't place a lot of emphasis on so far.
I've been smoking weed/drinking just to get some short term pleasure into my life. Decided to quit everything 6 weeks ago, (or threatened myself that i'd quit my job and go for rehab), that worked!!! i'm completely sober!!!
It would appear that you have got the problem of the drinking/drugging whipped by what you say. I know that you know that THC will show up in your system for about a month after the last use. Since you quit everything 6 weeks ago that means that you have not had drugs in your system for 2 weeks. Hence you seriously overestimate your sobriety. That's just the physical part. The other side of the coin is the mental/emotional part. I would tend to think that most people who resort to "smoking weed/drinking just to get some short term pleasure" are not new to it. I don't know if that's the case with you and I'm not pointing fingers. My weakness was alcohol but it's all one thing when you look at substance abuse or chemical dependency. I'm not a big believer in the "disease" explanation for why people are drunks or dope fiends, I think it's overused and it tends to negate the reason why a lot of people fall back on drugs or alcohol when things get weird. A lot of treatment facilities and AA/NA meetings only want to talk about cessation of use and not what kinds of demons chase people through life and are only held at bay by intoxication.
I'm not going to agree that your negativity is brought about by smoking weed and drinking although I don't know for sure but I do know that you have to address this part of the equation to deal with some of the problems in your life, the least important of which is probably hair loss.
I would recommend attending some "closed" AA or NA meetings and listen to all the similarities between your story and everyone else's. I say closed because those meetings are for people with "usage" problems
only. The general public and the lookie-loos are not allowed. After you have some real sober time under your belt seek out a counsellor that can maybe help you determine if you're carrying around some old baggage and also help you maybe make it a little lighter.
No offense intended here. I do this sometimes. I key in on stuff in posts that seems to get mostly passed over and I turn up the heat on it a little. I do this because it strikes me that once I see something like this I actually do a disservice to you by ignoring it and just saying "welcome to sly bald guys" and talk about your hairline problems. This sh*t is life and death, brother, and I think you owe it to yourself to at least take a good hard look at it.
Who knows, you might get to love your bald dome and the guy who lives underneath it, scars and all.
