Dealing with a relative un-okay w/ sly

[bella]

So as many of you know I'm moving from NYC to Ann Arbor, MI for a 3 month summer job.

My mother and my stepdad happen to be located quite close to said gig in AA.

My mom has actually adjusted better than I thought she would to me being sly.  She's fine with it, makes jokes about it, etc.

My stepdad, however, is another situation altogether.  To say we disagree on political issues would be an understatement.  He is the most conservative person I've ever met in my entire life.  His love for me and my mom keeps him being a good little hypocrite (my mom hasn't worked in 35 years, and I am supplementing my self owned business income with income from the trust my dad left me - neither republican ideals). 

But my mom has suggested I grow my hair out before I come "home."  She thinks sly might just be the straw that broke the camel's back where my stepdad is concerned and she wants to keep the peace. 

I'm not necessarily opposed to growing my hair out an inch or two to keep the family peace (will it be less fun?  YES.  will not arguing  with my parents be even more rewarding?  YES.)  My stepdad is already "concerned" that my marriage didn't end in a bunch of bouncy babies and if I show up bald we all know he's going to start calling me unkind things implying I'm a lesbian.  My mom doesn't need that kind of grief.

I guess I'm just venting/wondering if anyone else has ever grown out for a very.... interesting family member.  If I didn't know my steppdad meant well, I'd have no hesitation in showing up as bald as I wanna be and kicking his face in it.  But the dude is almost seventy and has been really, really good to my mother and I so I want to try ti meet him somewhere near halfway.

[TV guy]

That's a tough one...older people often get very set in their ways and can be cantankerous as hell. Both their ability and desire to be flexible, to see reason, to see reality, to compromise are often impaired. Alternatively they go very docile or alternate between the two. I know whereof I speak. If you're OK with some hair for a few months to buy peace;I'd say go for it. While you may be strong enough to fight this issue with your stepdad, your Mom is likely yearning for peace and tranquility. She has to live with the guy 24/7. On this site they always say "It will always grow back, if you don't like it"...so the opposite side of that coin is also true. "You can always shave it off again, if you don't like it" - Doesn't that hit close to my home LOL

[Hingatao]

Maybe you can grow it out a bit for the start of the visit and try to broach the subject of sly ladies with him to gauge how he feels about it. He might be more accepting of it than you or your mom realize.

[smoothsailing]

My sister dealt with this from my fam when she buzzed her head. My advice: be yourself, don't take it personally, and ignore the ignorance like you said older folk are set in their ways. wear a hat in public with him if you think it's gonna embarace him in front of his elephant club friends

[Slyfive]

My mum was vehemently opposed and called me a criminal, but I didn't back down, and now she likes it and thinks I made the right choice. However, in this situation, you're not aiming for long term change, you just want to be understanding, an help your family out, which is an honourable sentiment. I say grow it for a little and then after being there a while, show your stepdad what makes you beautiful is not the hair on your head, and everyone else sees that.

[bella]

Thank you everyone for your well-considered input.

I've decided to stop shaving and let my hair grow a bit before the trip.  Hopefully I can go back to whatever hairstyle I choose fairly quickly into the summer, but I'm not going to deliberately cause problems for my mother.   I suspect talking to my stepdad in person using what I can only call a "dudebro" approach will be pretty effective.  He's always been really appreciative of my tomboy nature compared to his 2 girly-girl daughters.   45 minutes of having him show me his latest power saw should do the trick 

When I've got a good crop going I'll post some pics!   

[Sir Harry]

Bella, we support you in whatever you decide. but even if you grow it out temporarily or whatever we hope you still stick around and hang out with us. Good luck!

[bella]

Oh, you guys won't be rid of me that easily!

 

[bella]

LOL... I just ordered  takeout cos... it's my birthday and I'm not cooking!  Anyway I went down the block to my local ATM to pick up some cash and was greeted with the message

"WELCOME TO YOUR YOUNG FATHER'S ATM!!"

 

I am pretty sure my dad wasn't all that young when I was sired and definitely sure he had nothing to do with the ATM near my apartment.   

[mrzed]

Guess I'd take the opposite side of most of the comments. Honor your mother and thus your mother's new husband and show up with some hair. 

Now, my mother had very thin hair so she always wore a hairpiece.  she actually had several hair pieces, so one could be drying on the manican  and the other on her head. Most people did not know that she wore a hairpiece. You couild keep shaving, but have a hairpiece for when you are with them.

You're right, older people get set in their ways. Look at me. Almost 60. You think I'm going to stop shaving my head?  LOL.

Heck, I'm set in my ways after 15 months of headshaving!  Oh, well.

Yes, I'd say honor your parents.

[bella]

Mrzed, I do appreciate your reply and I do intend to turn up with some hair.  I'd do anything in the world, really, to avoid causing my mom undue pain.

I do also suspect they are much cooler cats than they believe they are. My mom has already become a "recruit" to having a sly daughter via the pics I've emailed her, and I think my stepdad will be won over pretty quickly as well. 

If, worst case scenario, my stepdad declares "no daughter of mine will have a bald head" I'll keep up the growth thru august. That's hardly an unimaginable sacrifice!

I do suspect he'll relent and so like the good little girl I am I will try to convince him to see it my way.  But the worst outcome is he says no and I wait till September till going sly again.  No big deal there.  (all right it feels like a HUGE deal but I am a rational person who realizes waiting a couple months for her favorite haircut is not a big deal). 

[Hingatao]

Have fun, Bella!

[Jay]

I'll share my wife's favourite quote from the great Dr. Suess:


"Those who matter don't mind. Those who mind don't matter"


Be true to yourself.