Sly Bald Guys Forum

Confidence and Success => How to Build Confidence => Topic started by: SAUCY SAUCE on October 10, 2012, 11:03:26 PM

Title: Confidence Issues
Post by: SAUCY SAUCE on October 10, 2012, 11:03:26 PM
The other night I was at my friends house hanging out SLY for the first time. (i had been wearing hats around them for about three years to conceal my baldness.) To my surprise no one really even mentioned it, there were a few jokes but they didnt even bother me. Later on that night however, some girls showed up and without saying hi to anyone they skipped right over to me saying "omg Robbie, you look like a conehead". They then proceeded to take out their phones and take pictures of me, captioning them "conehead robbie" and putting them on Instagram. The whole night those girls called me conehead, and when a few more girls arrived, the girls introduced me as conehead. I tried playing along but it started to really get to me. Here I am trying to be confident and show the world that I am bald and i got crushed and shattered. My guy friends all hit it off with the girls, and i just sat there and watched, it made me feel inferior and that i should have wore a hat.

Prior to this ordeal i had been feeling more confident about my looks, but now i feel that im back to square one. I was already having a tough time with confidence with girls, and this just made matters worse. Now everytime i see a girl i want to possibly date, "conehead" is the first thing that comes to mind, and probably hers too.  :-[

how do i get over this and move on??? i know its not helping me any just sitting here thinking about it.



Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: Paul the Headblader on October 11, 2012, 12:05:05 AM
Although being bald is not such a big deal, some persons seem to be amazed when they see it for the first time.
All you can do when this happens, is to go with it, and the persons that were only joking about it will stop, and the persons that have a problem with your shaved ehad will get bored, seeing that you enjoy the "jokes".
And think of it like that: The  chicks ignored the others, and went straight to you, because you were somehow...diffrent. Make that count.
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: Frontier Guy on October 11, 2012, 04:44:44 AM
I know it's difficult when it happens. I think it's just a matter of lack of maturity.

Although stereotypical (which I prefer not to do) it does seem that many people in late teens and early 20s are focused on superficial traits and may be insensitive (intentional or otherwise). Bald, fat, speech impediment, wrong brand of shoes, wrong color of shirt, unpopular music style, etc. It is what it is and you just have to "let it go" and rise above and recognize you are the more mature individual. Time and life experience will reduce the frequency of such encounters.

You need to reinforce your belief that the right girls will come along who will appreciate you for your qualities versus focusing on a single characteristic which really means very little.

When you have good encounters take a moment to savor them and to store that feeling in your mind, so that when a bad encounter comes along you can recall the good to counteract the effect. I do that when working customer service. I've got dozens of great experiences stored away that I can call upon anytime I have an unpleasant encounter. Immediately brings me back to zero.

And remember that you know the real you, you know the decision to go Sly was appropriate for you, and you are the better person. Confidence and self-respect take time to establish and reinforce, but it's worth it. Don't let one evening take control of your emotions.
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: Slynito on October 11, 2012, 06:03:54 AM
Sorry you had a bad time, SS. We always run the risk of a confrontation with an offensive, rude and inconsiderate moron on life's journey. I even ran into one of these insecure jerks yesterday. We just have to let it go and move on and they need to get a life.

Why should I care what other people think of me?
I am who I am. And who I wanna be. Avril Lavigne


 O0
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: waine on October 11, 2012, 06:24:45 AM
Well said Frontier Guy...

Hey there Saucy.  I cannot keep my mouth shut when someone has a dig at me.  It is just how I am wired.  If I were there I would have hoped one of those girls had a fat arse so I could take a pic and put it on Instagram.  I know it is not the better thing to do.  To ignore them is the "right / rational" response, but I love a good argument some times.  If their buts are not fat then there will be some defect on their bodies: flat chest, big ears, pimples, anything you can make a comeback on!  It's very rare that a hot babe will mock like that.  Sometimes you must give it straight back.  Itís all part of the Sly confident thing --  not taking Crap from anyone!

But sometimes this attitude only comes with age, when your life partner has squeezed all her puppies, and you care less...
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: theman on October 11, 2012, 10:58:08 AM
If things affect you such as what was said.  Do not let it be shown .  Have fun with it. And smile and soon it will be dropped.  Chicks are dirty when they can bring someone down , those who do have very little self confidance themselves.  So if they act this was they think people aren't looking at them.  Always act cool, look good , walk tall , and ignore childish crap. 
Title: Re: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: mark on October 11, 2012, 11:54:50 AM
What are the ages of these girls?
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: theman on October 11, 2012, 03:19:21 PM
Sounds like ugly 3rd graders to me.   O:O
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: SAUCY SAUCE on October 11, 2012, 04:49:52 PM
Thanks for the advice guys, the ages of the girls were 23...i guess with time girls will be more accepting of my head. I just have to be patient and not expect chicks to be into me until later on in life. Until then i will work on other things, such as my self confidence and being a beast on the guitar. r*%
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: theman on October 11, 2012, 06:14:24 PM
Thanks for the advice guys, the ages of the girls were 23...i guess with time girls will be more accepting of my head. I just have to be patient and not expect chicks to be into me until later on in life. Until then i will work on other things, such as my self confidence and being a beast on the guitar. r*%
Thar ya go and Rock On Bro.. And remember What Goes Around Comes Around  ;) O:O  !  Badda Bing !!!
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: goingbald20 on October 12, 2012, 12:19:31 AM
Bro, I understand 100% what you're feeling and what you are trying to say because I am currently dealing with it. I know what you mean when you say that one day everything seems perfect, and then the next day someone's comments can ruin your whole day.

I actually posted a post a couple weeks ago about the issue with girls making fun of me going bald and the cone-head comments. I am shaved down to a 0, which "camouflage" my head and makes it look like I am not losing any hair, for now. So, I would say I am 95% there... just 5% more to be Sly, but for some reason I still dont have the courage to do it yet.

Some people just will tell you not to pay attention to some of the comments people make, but its hard to not let those comment bother you, specially when those comments are from girls and you are at a party, or at a club, and all of the girls are going with the guys who have a full head of hair and not with the "baldie". Specially at our age, that's  what makes it more difficult for us to understand, is the age... girls at our age can be very immature sometimes, unfortunately.

Unfortunately, there is not anything we can do... at least for now about our hairloss..., best thing that I would reccomend to you, since I know how you are feeling... is that you can use all that negative energy that people make you feel sometimes, turn it around and use it for positive things. Find motivational/inspiration speakers, there is alot out there.

Also, work on trying to achieve success. I believe that Success should be everyone's main goal in life, because think about it when you achieve success, nothing else would come between you and success.... and definitely you will attract anything you want .

It has been actually been working for me now, since I am barely going out anymore, because I dont feel 100% confident yet to go out with my new "look" then I am using all of the time to instruct, motivate, and learn about success everything I can and trust me it has been working and now I feel more motivated, and my self-confidence is slowly improving everyday. Think about this,  Lets say In 5-10 years you become very successful, while the people who have been putting you down are going to basically be living miserable lifes..... while they are living miserably you will be  definitely attracting everything you want by then, and it will all be thanks to that success.

In other words, what I am trying to say is focus in YOU, in achieving success in anything you want and desire in your life, and by the time you reach those level of success, everything will start coming on its own.

I will reccomend you to watch  this guy, he has helped me tremendously, what I did was to watch all the videos in his channel from the beginning to end, and now I feel different because of the way I think and see things in life now.

This is his first video in his channel,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fsm-QbN9r8

You should watch all of his videos from the oldest ones to the newest ones, and you will slowly begin to understand alot of about success and motivation. Take a look at his channel trust me pretty soon you will see result, it really does help.

Good luck bro.
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: Sir Harry on October 12, 2012, 08:33:29 AM
Saucy and GB20....That's one thing I like about this forum is the fact that when you share a story, there's a good chance someone went through something similar.....But just remember, success is the best revenge, and you guys will find that special someone....Good luck guys.
Title: Re: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: mark on October 12, 2012, 11:17:32 AM
Dude,what is the youth coming to? Girls that are I their twenties are this rude? These are not your friends. I know plenty of girls that get wet panties for bald guys. Tons of them! These are very immature people and they give you a hard time because they are insecure about themselves. I say find different people to hang out with if this crap keeps up. Keep shaving your head,daily,then you won't show much "pattern "baldness," then you shouldn't be too self conscious. The more comfortable you get with being bald,the better off you will be. Sometimes being able to make fun of yourself will shut assholes down as well.

If none of this works,put Nair in their shampoo bottles and rogaine on their toilet seats.
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: Baldstu on October 12, 2012, 11:31:41 AM
Very rude girls , sounds like trolling and a very immature attitude.  Treat it with indifference , they are not your friends .
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: TunaSkin on November 03, 2012, 12:32:14 AM
Saucy,

     you hit the nail on the head with your idea about doing other things to build your confidence. I mentioned this in another post on another thread, but I make it a point to not let my level of confidence be too tied up in any one thing. Especially not whether or not I have hair on my head!! One thing I think is a huge booster is getting your body in good physical condition. Take good care of yourself and people will notice that. Not only that, but more importantly YOU will feel better and that will build real confidence that can't be easily shaken. That's the kind you want. Real confidence.

   Look at guys like George St. Pierre and Anderson Silva from the UFC. Do you think those guys walk around with their heads down because they have bald heads? Do you think they would let some little girls comments bother them at all? Hell no! Because they've built some real confidence. That's what you need to do too. I'm not suggesting you try to become a world champion fighter (unless you want to!) but you do need to work hard on things that are going to build your confidence in a similar way and one thing that has always helped me is being in good shape. That's all.

   About those 23 year old girls...dude, let me just tell you. 23 year old girls don't know sh*t about ANYTHING. Forget you even met those girls because their silly little comments are absolutely nothing.

     
   Good luck to you, Brother
 
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: leighmundo40 on November 03, 2012, 05:03:51 AM
I think it's a maturity thing and a pack mentality thing, once one starts, the others join in. Double standards really, because can you imagine the sh*t storm that would ensue if you pointed out that a girl had a wonky boob, and took pictures of her, posting them with the tag "Wonky"???

It's easy to say "rise above it" but, that is what you have got to do. And yes, there is an element of going along with the joke and putting on a brave face, however, you can also say "You know what? It aint funny, so move on!"
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: MarkusToe on December 27, 2012, 04:23:17 PM
first let me say goingbald20 and saucy - from your profile pictures I think you are good looking dudes

and now to the girls: I always felt very insecure about my looks so I always thought about what other people might think about me and "hopefully they don't think of me as too unattractive and I hope they like me" - things like that - it never ever came to my mind to think about if I like those people, if they match my standards

I have always been insecure in the presence of attractive people and thought of me as inferior, even if they were complete morons and idiots, just lately I defined my own standards and now I always try to think if I like those people and if they are such shallow, insensitive, rude and definitely unconfident persons I won't mind about their stupid behaviour. there have been way too many times where I accepted someones bad behaviour, just because I thought I had no right to say something against it because I was inferior of my looks - that's how harmful such self defeating beliefs can be - and you know what, I dont blame the persons who treated me badly because I didn't tell them not to and it never had consequences for them - now I respect myself and now I know that I don't have to run after every attractive girl who seems to be interested in me

so please don't give a f**** about those girls - it really means nothing - there are sure girls (now women) out there who once thought Vanilla Ice is cool dude - so what do they know?

so keep practicing the guitar! who are your favorite guitarists? mine are neil young, john frusciante, jimi hendrix, nick drake, joe pass, wes montgomery, nels cline and many many more  ;D
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: bbcguytom on December 27, 2012, 06:20:52 PM
Forget those people, as they are immature. Did you ever think of the people you will attract because your bald? Food for thought.
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: sleekunique on January 15, 2013, 05:23:51 PM
I guess my younger days weren't quite that harsh from the start, but I do remember the first time a girl stood over me and pointed out that I was thinning. I was only 18! I ignored it for a few years, but it was obvious I was gonna be bald young. And when I did decide to shave off the hideous "curtains"I did it for a laugh for fancy dress.

I do have a good batch of mates though that only ribbed my a little about it. I always came back with comments like "Think of all that money I will save not paying for haircuts and shampoo, gel, wax or hairspray." After I knew I was going to go bald I knew I had to accept it. The alternatives are ridiculous.

So I got on with it. It actually made me kick myself in the arse. I lost 2 stone of beer fat and toned up and got fit again. It made me realise I could style myself on one option of hair style. No more did I have to panic about wind swept hair or getting gel in my eyes. ITS ACTUALLY GOING TO MAKE MY LIFE EASIER!!

Positive thinking my man.... it will take you places.

And once you do get some confidence (over time granted) there will be a host of girls that dig that head of yours. When I was your age I met my ex-girlfriend of 9 years. She is a pretty girl. And there has been a few since.

And you will have to take a middle ground with idiots taking the piss. Don't get all crazy about it but don't just roll with the punches. Theres no harm in actually telling them "Heyyyyyyy it took my ages to work the courage to do this!! Shaving it was a bitch!" Act all hurt and innocent but with a bit of acting charm, you may even get an apology or even a positive comment!
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: bennett11 on January 16, 2013, 05:38:09 AM
Many many years ago I buzzed my hair very  short while in college.  I got nicknamed cue ball.  Actually I liked that as I felt I got noticed and had the courage to be me  - greater self confidence.

Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: Billy on March 03, 2013, 10:47:35 AM
I'm right there with the other guys, hit the gym and focus on enhancing your style and overall look.  A strong stance, confident step and holding your chin high will help too...  I practice mine regularly to make sure I maintain a confident, powerful presentation.

Also don't forget your ego - there is NO shame in having a healthy ego!  It helps us respect ourselves, demand respect from others and be exactly the men we want to be.  Likewise it prevents us from giving a flip what anyone else thinks which is why so many women seek to diminish/supress it (what these girls were trying to do).  Kill a man's ego, he's your slave.

Once I went sly, the true value and meaning of ego came into focus.  It wasn't weakend with hairloss, it was supercharged with the freedom to re-invent myself as a man who demands respect.  If you accept that pride, self-respect, strength, drive and masculinity are not outdated traits, you won't have any more problems.
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: geeman on March 03, 2013, 12:31:15 PM
as usual, some great inspiring words of wisdom from my brothers, don't let shallow immature "children" cause you worry, as I have said in another post, are they the sort of girls you would want as a partner? to be understanding when you need emotional support?does what they say truly matter? you've probably stepped in deeper puddles than those girls, ignore hem, they matter not, in fact, I always feel sorry for those types, they seem to live on facebook and post updates of what they had for lunch, or the new handbag they bought...they will be saying the same about anyone that looks different, they don't have the personality to give their own opinion, because they would be perceived different by their sheep like peers...you rock the sly look
Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: gutsygirl on March 03, 2013, 01:16:43 PM
If none of this works,put Nair in their shampoo bottles and rogaine on their toilet seats.

LOL. Best post on this thread!!!

I'm sorry those girls said that stuff to you. Sheesh, they make all us women look dumb. :-(  And I'm also glad the other guys took them off your hands because obviously they are shallow girls and you don't need that - let those other guys make that mistake!

Then go out and find some REAL friends!  :-)  if those guys heard all that and they didn't either stick up for you or encourage you AND they still thot those girls were cool after they teased you, then those guys are equally shallow and it is probably best to MOVE ON.
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: slane on March 30, 2013, 10:14:45 PM
I'm right there with the other guys, hit the gym and focus on enhancing your style and overall look.  A strong stance, confident step and holding your chin high will help too...  I practice mine regularly to make sure I maintain a confident, powerful presentation.

Also don't forget your ego - there is NO shame in having a healthy ego!  It helps us respect ourselves, demand respect from others and be exactly the men we want to be.  Likewise it prevents us from giving a flip what anyone else thinks which is why so many women seek to diminish/supress it (what these girls were trying to do).  Kill a man's ego, he's your slave.

Once I went sly, the true value and meaning of ego came into focus.  It wasn't weakend with hairloss, it was supercharged with the freedom to re-invent myself as a man who demands respect.  If you accept that pride, self-respect, strength, drive and masculinity are not outdated traits, you won't have any more problems.

I like this post a lot.  I stopped shaving for a bit back in January.  3/4 laziness, 1/4 being really cold.  Before long I didn't feel like myself anymore and HAD to go back to being sly.

I never would have believed you if you had told me this last year, but I actually am MORE confident sly than with hair now.  I guess I needed that one last slip-up, that kick in the butt when seeing myself in the mirror as a--yuck--BALDING guy.  Completely sly > balding, in any style of dress, any day.

A little muscle goes a long way, too... it's the best fashion "accessory" there is.
Title: Re: Confidence Issues
Post by: Pshrynk on March 31, 2013, 10:22:07 PM
Dude are you sure they were mean?   Perhaps... maybe they were teasing you to give you attention?