Sly Bald Guys Forum
New Member Section => Introductions => Topic started by: LondonGuy on September 06, 2008, 08:08:30 AM
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Hi Slys,
I’ve been lurking on here for a while now, but thought it was time I stepped out of the shadows and introduced myself! Before I do that, I just want to say, I love this site! I’ve spent a lot of time reading the posts – and have been touched, informed, and made to laugh. I’ve never posted on a forum before, and I feel honoured to be in your company. I apologise in advance, if this post turns out to be a bit long, but bear with me – I have a lot to bare!
Here’s why I’m here. I’ve been wearing a dreaded hair “system” now for about 13 years. I feel embarrassed even admitting it. I’m 36 now (actually today – it’s my birthday!), and I’m really, really, really getting tired of wearing the fake hair. The monthly “regrooms” (makes me sound like a poodle); the horrendous expense; and worst of all, the feeling that my entire sense of self-esteem is dependent on how my hair looks. It’s my Archilles heel, and it creeps into every area of my life. Only one of my friends knows about the hairpiece (or rather, she’s the only one who I openly talk to about it) – for everyone else, it’s something they either don’t know about, or they suspect, but just keep quiet to spare my embarrassment (although generally, the hairpiece looks pretty good, over time, I think people begin to twig the wig when they notice that sometimes the colour changes, especially in hot weather; or how I mysteriously go quiet whenever the subject of hair comes up in conversation; or how my hairstyle strangely stays the same over the years). Needless to say, this isn’t exactly conducive to the most open and honest of friendships/ relationships.
Of course, I know the answer is to whip the damn thing off (well, maybe not “whip” – it’s welded on with strong adhesive, so more like “prise off carefully” to avoid scalping myself) –and then go SLY. And this is what I want to do. Really, I do. No, I do! I wanna be one of you! And yet, it’s still on my head, and I’m terrified of taking it off.
As far as I can tell, there are two main mental barriers standing in my way.
1. Going to work with the sly look. I cringe when I even think about it. Especially because I know there are some people at work who already “know” about the piece. Are there any former hairpiece wearers amongst you who have had this experience of going into work without the system? What was the reaction? I’ve read some posts from other guys in the same situation, and would really appreciate hearing from you, wherever you happen to be on your journey to freedom from hair!
2. Attractiveness. I know it’s vain. A lot of the posts talk about how the ladies love the sly look, but here I should mention...I’m gay! Can any gay sly guys enlighten me on this one? Do the guys like the sly look too?! I’ve been in a relationship for two years, so am not on the market anyway, but still worry that losing the hair will also mean losing my looks! I’ve recently opened up to my boyf about the hairpiece – and it turns out he figured it out from the start! – but he’s been very supportive and is encouraging me to go sly – but even with his support, it feels difficult.
For me, going sly is really an “all or nothing” scenario. There can be no going back. If I don’t like it, I can’t just let it grow back and put the hairpiece back on. Then, everyone would know! So, it really feels like taking a terrifying plunge.
I’ve posted a picture in the before and after gallery of what I look like with the system (awaiting approval). Hopefully I’ll soon be posting an after picture!
I’m sorry this has been such a long post, and if it feels like the "same old story" - but it feels good to get it out and share. I think maybe I just need a little support/ cajoling/ prodding/ maybe a sharp slap round the face.
Thanks for reading.
LondonGuy
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Welcome to the Forum London! It will be tough for you at first because of your system. Hopefully some of the other brothers on here that had "systems" will let you know aboout the feeling of freedom they had upon abandoning that "thing".
Walk tall and proud WHEN you do decide to do it. YOU ARE NOT defined by your hair.......... I mean look how stunning I look in my avatar! ;) ;) :*))
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Hey LondonGuy, welcome....and don't let mikekoz scare you with that Pic.........I have been sly for over 24 years, and I have not looked back with any regret since, but I did have a full head of long, beautiful hair in High School and for a couple of years after. Then like a thief in the night, my hair started to go away and I mean fast. It bummed me out going bald, but I did not dwell on it at all.
If someone were to ask you to describe yourself to them, and have you tell them your best qualities, would you even mention your hair?....Probably not, I hope, because your hair does not make you a better person in any way shape or form.
So you know what I would tell you.............Please, go down have the hair piece removed and shave the head. I know you will feel better about yourself and more confident. Just try it...the hair piece can be put back on in a couple of months.
There's a freedom in being SLY...............experience it.
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Welcome, L.G.
I believe people genuinely admire others who "just do it."
I forget who said it...."Do what you fear and the death of fear is inevitable"
Here's a harsh-sounding reality that has been tossed around here a bit.....
To the majority, you're not that important
(see my post here, 4th from the bottom)
http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=5653.msg103100#msg103100
Yeah, you'll get the "WHOAH, Dude" .... the "why?" ... the "C-O-O-O-O-L"
But, bottom line...they don't really care...they don't go home and lose sleep over your change in style.
Just do it...yeah it'll be scary...maybe terrifying....but that's a monster of your own thinking....
I can almost guarantee when you slay that fear...the liberation you'll experience will be exhilerating and profound...
Like Seinfeld once said, you'll be "like a BALD AGAIN." O0
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Welcome to the Forum LondonGuy !!
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Welcome, L.G.
I believe people genuinely admire others who "just do it."
I forget who said it...."Do what you fear and the death of fear is inevitable"
Here's a harsh-sounding reality that has been tossed around here a bit.....
To the majority, you're not that important
(see my post here, 4th from the bottom)
http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=5653.msg103100#msg103100
Yeah, you'll get the "WHOAH, Dude" .... the "why?" ... the "C-O-O-O-O-L"
But, bottom line...they don't really care...they don't go home and lose sleep over your change in style.
Just do it...yeah it'll be scary...maybe terrifying....but that's a monster of your own thinking....
I can almost guarantee when you slay that fear...the liberation you'll experience will be exhilerating and profound...
Like Seinfeld once said, you'll be "like a BALD AGAIN." O0
That Rob is a pretty smart guy for an old Rock 'N Roller!!!
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Welcome Londonguy ... Great city you come from. Let's face it. Your co-workers know you wear a "system". They know it's not hiding a headful of hair. See the line of thought.
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Welcome LondonGuy!
In your case losing is actually gaining. Losing the hair system is really gaining liberation from discomfort caused by adhesives and letting your scalp breathe for a change.
I say have the hair system removed, let your scalp adjust for a few days, and then do the deed! Once you go Sly, I'm sure you will never want to put adhesive or sticky stuff on your head again!
Happy Birthday! b$@Y
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Welcome LondonGuy!
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Welcome LondonGuy
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London Guy,we have so much in common.I wore a hairpiece for 25 years.3 years ago I got tired too and went without it gradually for only a few people.Then I got buzz cuts and I got to llike it and so did lots of others.But everyone did tell me I look good with or without the hairpiece.Little by little I went in front of more people as it's a long transition period.After all look how long I wore the piece.I'm gay also and it makes me feel good that your boyfriend was so accepting and supportive.Although there are still times now when I desire the piece.It's like smoking as even though people quit they still get that strong urge to smoke once in awhile.If people never wore a piece and just accepted baldness they don't know where we're coming from.
I must admit though that sometimes I get tired of being bald so I grow my hair out and wear the piece again.People know I wear one but I don't give a damm.I'm doing what's fun and comfortable for me not what others think I should be doing.After all do others do things to please you or themselves.I would say go with your gut feeling and do whatever makes you happy and comfortable.You're the only one you should please. Hope this helps.
P.S. There are still a few cousins I'm shy going bald in front of so I'll wear the piece. I guess I'm just versatile.
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Welcome LondonGuy. Going to work was a tough one for me too...When I shaved I was not wearing a piece, just balding and I dreaded the idea of going to work.
One day I just decided...its time. Enough trying to make my pitifully thin hair look good...it was time to "shine"
I'm certainly not Michael Jordan or Yul Brenner..or some other bald "icon" but I dont really care. I feel much better sly than I ever did with hair and you will too. If I could turn the clock back 10 years I wish I would have done this then instead of struggling daily with hair loss.
I know this is hard to hear but you can bet mostly everyone at your job knows you wear a piece. Some people find that really funny(while they themselves are probably fat, wear makeup, or lifts in their shoes)....but most dont care. But this isn't about them, its about you.
Free yourself and just do it...you will wonder why you didn't do it 13 years ago..really, you will.
When I trolled this board I never imagined myself shaving...I saw all these proud bald men and thought.."yeah they did it, but my situations different"...Guess what..its not. We all have to go to work, we all have family and friends to see...and we all are not totally sure the sly look will "suit" us. This next line is gospel...
"Everyone looks and FEELS better sly instead of balding a lot or wearing a piece...EVERYONE !"
Thats the truth man...know it, live it, love it !
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Great to have you with us LondonGuy
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Here are some thoughts I have - I hope they help!
First of all, there is simply no cleaner, sharper look than being sly. Looks amazing with a suit or a shirt & tie - or a tux for that matter. Do not worry about not looking professional. Quite the contrary.
Also, you ask if gay men find the sly look attractive. As a gay man who has been sly for 10 years, I can say from experience "HELL YEAH!" When I shaved my head 10 years ago I immediately got a lot more attention from guys, and I've been keeping my head slick and shiny every day since. No more hair for me, I'm DONE. And my partner loves it.
And regarding the hair system issue, I have a gay friend who went sly in the past year. Some of us who know this guy know that he wore a system, and many others don't know. But we all agree that he looks far better with NO hair than he did with the fake hair. He's adorable - and he gets more attention now too. And as far as I know, none of us has even mentioned the hair system to him - we simply compliment him on how hot he looks now.
So I guess my suggestion to you would be to simply do what you want! And if you want to explain to people that you wore a system and got tired of the maintenance, you can - and people will totally understand. In my experience, total honesty is the simplest and most liberating approach. I told people when I shaved my head that I got tired of sporting my dad's hairloss pattern and that I had a bit of a baldness fetish, and everyone respected that.
So, scary as it may seem, I say do the deed, take it off, and make yourself happy! It's a shock, like diving into a pool, but you're gonna love it.
Let us know how it goes, and don't forget to post a pic!
Peace.
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Welcome to SBG drclean1969!
The Sly look is definately you!
Post an introduction so the Bros can give you a proper welcome. We are looking forward to your shaving experience and wisdom!
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Welcome drclean1969, I'm with buuckweet the sly look is for you......
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Welcome DrClean! Post up an intro in the intro section if you haven't already!
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LondonGuy, thanks for your story and courage.
Now go for it!
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Welcome to the club, London.. First off, i just want to say that these guys on here are great. They give first rate advice based on personal experience. There's nothing you can ask that someone on here doesn't know. Second, I don't know if you've noticed, but the Pres of Bald Guyz is a member and is always asking for feedback from everyone, so we are actually making the product market the way we want it. As for your hair and pseudo-hair, lose it... I promise you won't regret it.. My father and grandfather both started going bald young, and I'd always been wary of it happening to me.. And although all i had was that one teeny little patch at the top of my dome that was beginning to thin, I used it as an excuse to free myself from all kinds of hair concerns. I figured, if one group didn't want to cooperate, all the little minions had to go. I enjoy the hell out of being sly.. I'm cooler in the summer, I don't worry about dry scalp or dandruff.. Although my hat doesn't fit as well as it did, I really don't wear it as much.. Seriously, people know about the "system" and if they don't react to that, they sure won't react to the sly.. Unless it's favorably.. Like Ben Stiller says in Starsky & Hutch - DO IT.... DO IT... (insert own sound effects) Have fun, man.
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Welcome
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Welcome to the club. Just do it, and I bet you won't regret it. 8)
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Guys, thanks so much for your messages. They've really helped me to battle some of the negative thoughts that are swirling around in my head, and dampen down the fear a little.
I'm actually thinking of going sly this Friday. My tentative plan is to take off the piece, go completely sly, and then spend the weekend away by the beach in Brighton (it'll be pretty cold this time of year, but it's still the beach!) My sister lives nearby, so I could visit her and show her the look - and I also have a couple of friends who live near there as well who I could expose to my new look. This will hopefully make me feel a little better prepared for going into work the following Monday.
I also emailed a guy at work today who I know fairly well - and he has a completely shaved head and it always looks really smooth - and asked whether we could meet for coffee during the week. I figure it might help to get a few tips in person, as well as some moral support.
Anyway, here's hoping I don't chicken out!
Thanks again - I really appreciate the support you've given me so far.
LondonGuy
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Hey London Guy,
Whenever you decide to do it, you won't regret it. I was in the same boat as you 2 years ago. You'll find that getting rid of the piece is both liberating and a bit anticlimactic as far as the reactions of most others is concerned. I was especially nervous about others reactions when going in to work because I'm a barber! I even do attachment and cut ins for other wearers. So as you can imagine, I received some mixed reactions.
It's also cool that your boyfriend is supportive. One of the reasons I was on the fence so long was that I had pressure from family members not to go sly. I worked alongside my dad who also wore a topper. My (ex) wife hated seeing me bald as well and would freak out if I was uncovered in the privacy of our own home. So I basically waited until I was divorced and my dad retired. Even then it took some time to man up and remove the rug. Before I did the deed I started becoming more open about it to the point where it was no longer a secret to everyone. I think that helped.
Anyway best of luck. Again I know it's scary but you won't regret it.
Oh and judging by the number of gay guys with shaved heads I think the shiny look is a bit of a dude magnet, no?
Regards,
Vince
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Welcome, London. Just do it O0
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It's only hair mate.
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LondonGuy,
I just want to say that with the shave comes a big relief, its really therapeutic. I cannot put into words the feeling of freedom I had, its like a natural high.
I never wore a piece, but check my transformation pic in the gallery, you can kinda see how the confidence built just in my expressions. I transformed in a week and wore a hat at work during the change (my boss ok'd it).
I hope you experience the same, sometimes you just have to let go before you find out what you have been missing. 8)
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Welcome to SBG, LondonGuy!
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Hey London, welcome to the SBG site. You couldn't have found a better place to help you deal with tossing the "rug".
All the advice you received is right on the money. You won't know freedom until you do it.
We have quite a few guys here who were system wearers, and they will attest to the unbelievable feeling of freedom and joy. You can begin to live your life without those worries you speak about.
I say when you go for your next adjustment, you have them take it off and leave it off. Or just go to a barber and treat yourself to a headshave, they say it's a great experience.
I hope you do it, because you will soon be saying to yourself, "why didn't I do this sooner". Guaranteed.
Good luck and get it smooth! O0
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londonguy: welcome 2 the sly fraternity. thanks 4 sharing your story. good luck this friday when U decide 2 shave your dome. i promise that U will not regret it. keep us posted 2 your road 2 slyness. O0
WARHAWK O0
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Welcome to the forum! Totally been there, felt that. Keep us posted on developments!
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We have quite a few guys here who were system wearers, and they will attest to the unbelievable feeling of freedom and joy. You can begin to live your life without those worries you speak about.
Hear, hear!!
Best move I ever made was going sly.
I'm going to stuff and sew up my old rugs and use them as pet toys.
Let us know how you enjoy your new freedom London (Jeeze did that sound like an ad for Tampons or what?)
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Whats up LondonGuy, hope everything goes well for you, I'm sure you will love the sly look! DO IT!
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What Up London Guy
I just went Sly July 28th while I was on vacation and it was the best thing by far that I have ever personally done for MYSELF. I'm so relieved after wearing a Hair System for twenty two f______ years. I will tell you that alot of people you work with probably know you wear a system and there will be a few that didn't but that really doesn't matter because this time its your choice and only your choice to capture the freedom that you have been looking for since the very first day that you wore a system. I know one thing for sure and believe me I know, you will never feel the same way as you did in front of people you knew when they first seen you with a system compared to when they first see you Sly. I can still remember feeling scared and embarrassed to see people that knew me for the first time when I first got my system, I had know idea what they were really thinking. Nobody ever really busted my balls but you know that it could be very uncomfortable. I have never once felt that way in front of anyone since I went Sly. I work at the Post Office and people there can really break your balls and everything has been fine since I shaved my dome. Today I just seen three more people who haven't seen me since I went Sly and two of them said it looked great and the other person just asked why I wanted to shave all of my hair off. I have actually told a few people that didn't know that I was wearing a system that I had one and decided to get rid of it and shave my head and everyone of them told me that it had to take alot of courage and they said if they were in my shoes they really don't think they could have ever done it. You may get a couple of stupid remarks but nothing compared to when you first got your system, you might be telling yourself that nobody said anything but deep down inside you know how uncomfortable you really felt. Please let me know how things go and believe me just do it, there are alot of wonderful people on this site. Take Care and God Bless.
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Hi Guys,
Thought I'd post a quick update. Unfortunately, I still haven't taken the plunge! On the day I was going to do it, I completely bottled out and couldn't go through with it. It partly had to do with the fact that during the week building up to Sly-Day, I spoke to quite a few friends for the first time about my system, and was shocked to find out that no one suspected - even those that I'd known for 10 years! This weakened my resolve a little - I thought, hey, I'm pulling it off! All my paranoia has been for nothing! Having said that, I know there have been occasions over the years where one or two people have suspected.
The other thing that bothers me a little is the whole 5 o'clock shadow menace! I'd really like to maintain a completely sly look all day, with no shadow at all if possible! But IS this possible? Do any of you guys shave more than once a day to maintain the look? Does this work? I've even been wondering whether it's possible to apply some sort of pancake make-up on the noggin to lessen the appearance of shadow.
Anyway, hopefully I will take the plunge soon - and I certainly admire and take inspiration from all of you that have already done it, particularly those who once wore systems. Big shout out and congratulations to NYric on his new freedom!
Thanks so much for your posts and personal messages.
LondonGuy
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Hey, welcome Londonguy, and belated Happy Birthday!!!
Definitely, ditch the wig and go Sly. I guarantee you won't regret it. By posting here and introducing yourself to the rest of us Slymeisters, you just got yourself a built in support system. So yeah, you may get a couple of shocked reactions at first, but we'll all be here to (figuratively, of course) sling an arm around your shoulder and say "To heck with them, they just don't get the "sly factor!" ::)
Gay or straight doesn't really have anything to do with rocking the sly look. It's all about being confident and assured that you look good - and hair's overrated! :*)) Having a smooth bald head opens it's own doors anyhow.. Having someone ask if they can rub your smooth dome is a great ice breaker!
Take the plunge...you won't regret it! ;D
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Having no shadow at all is almost completely impossible unless you have blonde or gray hair. I guess the only thing to completly remove the shadow would be laser treatments. Sometimes I will shave more than once a day especially if I have to out at night for an important occasion...good luck Bro....I think you should just take the plunge and do it, leave it off for 30 days and I'll bet you will like it so much you'll ditch the system O0
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Shave your head and you will get some kind of shadow throughout the day. Even a fresh shave you can tell where there was hair and where its completely bald for the most part. That's life, that's just how hair follicles work.
I'm at the point now where I can let it go a day or two, get that shadow and wear it with pride. It's my head, my real head, not some deception. The thing I like most about life since I've shaved my head is that I'm no longer obsessed with other people's perception of me with or without hair. Now that I realize nobody cares about the hair on my head but my former self, my confidence is soaring. Funny... I thought they did.
Half the men I see are bald, balding, wearing a hat or for all I know... a hairpiece. The other half with hair are either homely, boring, interesting, handsome, nice guys, jerks, etc... Just like men without hair. Shocker.
This was a big concern of mine since I've made myself single recently. I don't know if its the shaved head or the ring missing from my finger but in my dreams I didn't expect to meet this many women. Maybe it's because instead of trying to pose in the right lighting I'm actually talking to them now. Who knew?!
Most of us can appreciate a beautiful woman right? Take a look around, how many gorgeous women do you see with what you perceive to be equally handsome men? Really, take a look around. How often do you see Ken and Barbie? More often than not I see a gorgeous woman walking with a man that isn't nearly attractive as her. The filter inside my man-head tries to determine the man's worthiness based solely on his appearance. Hair, build, facial features... "whoa... how did he land her?", "he must have a big _____", "He must have money"... off the cuff, those are the top 3 right?. Thank God women don't think like we do or we'd still be cavemen.
Meeting women is easy, KEEPING a woman is the hard part. The only way hair will help you keep a woman is if you shave it all off, make a rope out of it and tie her up.
A good person is a good person, a jerk is a jerk... If anything, the deception is having hair but being a tool or hiding behind a facade and living a lie. MY goal in life is feeling comfortable in my own skin; To be able to fall down in front of people and laugh at myself; to play the hand God gave me and win.
Shave your head and you will discover your true self. Understand that your tombstone shouldn't read "He was a jerk but wow, great hair... Really great hair.".
Life is short, sly and be free.
This post is brought to you by duncan donuts 24oz coffee. Great taste and enough caffeine to kill a horse.
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Shave your head and you will discover your true self. Understand that your tombstone shouldn't read "He was a jerk but wow, great hair... Really great hair.".
Life is short, sly and be free.
Very well put. I ditto that.
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inspirational post, PoC.
London - picture yourself 10 years down the road. Do you still want to be wearing the system?
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Very good posts, outstanding, PoC and Kevin Mac! O0
Thanx for sharing.
J
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Ditto Ditto on POC post O0
I just wanted to add that if I am going out for the evening afterwork, I always shower anyway so I give the dome a quick shave just to smooth out in case any headrubs or boob rubs come my way.
Gotta stay smooth for the ladies 8)
Free your mind :)
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LondonGuy, welcome to the best site on the net! It seems like you've gotten the urge to at least try the sly look so why not just go for it! You mentioned that a couple of your friends hadn't noticed that you wore a hair system and that made you feel somewhat relieved. But my question is this - wouldn't a period of adjustment over a sly look be worth a little bit of apprehension if you could rid yourself of the stress and anxiety of someone noticing you wear a system? We're here for you to offer all the support you need. I really think you'll feel dramatically better about yourself once you drop the piece and go ahead and take the plunge. Sure it's scary at first, but like many of us here, once you embrace it, you'll notice just how much time you spent just on trying to be unnoticeable. Good luck & keep us posted!