Sly Bald Guys Forum
Confidence and Success => Relationships/Dating => Topic started by: dog20 on August 10, 2008, 01:12:41 PM
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I had trouble coming up with things to say, since I don't think of myself as a very interesting person.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile?u=achyled (http://www.okcupid.com/profile?u=achyled)
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Honestly bro, just be yourself. Let people know who you are. In doing that, you'll reveal what makes you unique. Talk about your leisure time interests, what you'd do if you didn't have to work, etc. Let people see the real man behind the computer. Good luck O0
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Get some professional photos taken, without the shades and wearing a nice shirt. And for god's sake, smile once in a while.
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Sly rock and roller who's into sex, beer, and sex.
Did I mention sex?
No sheep, please.
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Interesting = Good
Traditional = BAD
As I understand it, in online dating women have all the power because they get tons of messages from guys and so can be very selective. As guys we might tend to think that this selection is based on looks (because a lot of ours is!). Sometimes I guess that's true but any woman could go out to a bar and pick up a good looking dude no problem if that's what she wanted. So clearly they're not just gonna pick the hottest stud who says "Hey baby" to go out with -- they're going to pick the MOST INTERESTING guys.
Be interesting by evoking emotion. A common section for profiles like this is something like "Hobbies". You'll find most guys writing some kind of list format like, "Skiing, surfing, meditation and yoga". Now, all of those things are really exciting but in a list like that no one notices. It's just words. Instead, pick one hobby or activity you like to do and make it really evocative by talking about what you feel like when you do it. For example, if you surf:
"One thing I really love doing is getting up before the sun on saturday mornings and going to the beach. Once I get there I take out my surfboard and start paddling out. It's so peaceful on the water in the morning when the beach is totally empty and the sun is just coming up over the horizon. Then there's nothing like the feeling when you see that first wave coming down the stretch..."
etc.
I don't surf so I might have camped that up a little but you hopefully understand what I'm getting at. The same goes for regular conversation too. Like if a girl asked you, "What do you like to do?" and you said "Well I really like surfing!" then the conversation is dead in the water. If you answered with that there's so much fodder for conversation because she is now emotionally engaged and the two of you can have a real conversation and connection.
PS. Even if you have what you think is the most boring hobby of all time, if you're passionate about it, that passion is contagious. Believe me, my interests are marketing, psychology, business, and technology and I still get people interested in them. If you have passion, people will get excited about it as well.
The truth of the matter is that most guys write online dating (and social networking profiles) like they WISH girls wrote them (a logical list of what they're about and what they want and thus why you should choose them) and girls write online dating profiles like they WISH guys would write them (more evocative and interesting). Write your profile like girls do.
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DOG, THAT IT THE BEST AVATAR YOU'VE HAD UP YET!!!! O0 IT CAPTURES THE REAL YOU!!! ;D
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Dog, I just took a look at your profile and I'm going to give you my honest opinion: it needs a lot of work.
A lot of it sounds like you don't even want to be a part of your own life and if you don't enjoy your life no woman is going to want to join in on it.
I'm not an online dating expert but just at first glance here's some things you should change (these changes don't mean you're lying, you're just displaying yourself better. Like the difference between wearing a tux and wearing a vest).
"I guess if I was still in high school, I would be classified as a "dork." Well, I guess the better term that describes me is "not very sociable." I am friendly and funny with people that I know, but with strangers or people that I don't feel comfortable with, I don't say much and I come off as serious. Unfortunately, I come off as a nice guy in women's eyes. Its not an act, I'm a genuinely nice person and I have a good heart... its just difficult for me to get them to see me as more then just a friend."
This reeks of self-hatred man. Don't TELL people how they should react to you ("people generally see me as a nice guy [instead of a suitor]", "I'm not very comfortable in social situations"). Just by taking this paragraph out you already seem like a more confident and sunny guy which is what people want to be around.
"I am just a good person who wants to find love. I'm honest, caring, respectful, generous, and a good friend. I don't just want to find a girl that I'm attracted to, she has to be a good buddy too. The bottom line is, I want to find someone that I can enjoy life with/have memorable experiences with."
What I would worry about here is scaring girls off by looking too long-term. Most of the girls your age on this site are probably not going to be looking for a potential future husband (at least not at the start). I'd pare this down to something like, "I'm looking for someone who isn't scared of a good time" or something. Also, the characteristics you list -- honest, caring, respectful, generous, and a good friend -- those are things every girl wants in a friend but they're not going to make any girls want to jump your bones. Cut those out. You shouldn't really have to list your qualities -- be interesting in your profile and they'll come out when you meet the girls.
"In a nut shell, If you've ever seen the show "Jon and Kate + 8," I would like to have what Jon and Kate have, minus the kids of course :p. "
Again with the marriage thing which is going to make a lot of girls feel uneasy.
"I'm a senior in college and I am majoring in finance. I however don't enjoy it... and I have no idea what I want to do with my life" and "Books: I only read textbooks and I don't enjoy them."
Both of these just send the message that you hate what you spend your time doing. Negativity brings people down, positivity opens them up. You might be a really upbeat guy in real life but no one is ever gonna see it based on your profile! You could change that to "I'm a senior in college" and "I'm not much of a reader" and you'd be 10x better off.
I'd also get rid of most of the movies/music/etc in your lists because it makes it look encyclopedic and long.
On the "I spend a lot of time thinking about" section, putting things like "What do I want to do with my life? When will I find someone special? What are some ways I can improve myself? " is a bit of a turn-off. It makes you seem desperate and needy. You don't NEED to have a girlfriend right now, you're the f**king man and you're living a sick life! Believe it. Most people would kill to be in your shoes.
On a typical Friday night you're not working, you're doing something else. Something awesome -- write it down.
The most private thing about you isn't something you should put on an online dating profile. Change it to something like, "You'll have to at least buy me a drink for me to lay that one on you".
DELETE YOUR JOURNAL ENTRY.
It seems like you're really disillusioned and cynical about the whole online dating thing. PLEASE try out these suggestions for a while, send out more messages and let me know how the results go. You owe it to yourself!
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Thanks bro, I will redo my whole profile.
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My advice to you is to be positive when working on your profile and trying the site out. Don't be defeatist, man. You don't know WHAT will happen. Plus, put your good foot forward. Try to share some things about yourself that set you apart. I wouldn't be worried about turning anyone away by what you write. For every woman that won't want anything to do with a guy that collects penut-butter jars, there are maybe .2 women that think it sounds cool.
I used a silly example...but hopefully you get my point. Also, I would recommend some humor in there. Not all humor has to be degrading to anyone, so use some nice humor when writing about yourself.
Also, I would ask some of your friends to tell you some things they like about you. Why they like to be your friend...what makes you unique.
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I deleted my profile and I messaged a girl in my area. I will keep you guys posted.
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deleted it or fixed it?
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Go with the basics; then your hobbies and throw in a few oddball things.
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deleted it or fixed it?
I got rid of what I had and typed some new stuff. What do you think of it now?
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Any luck yet on there yet, dog?
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Any luck yet on there yet, dog?
Nope, but I am talking to a really cool girl. She lives in my state, but she is 180 miles away.
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Any luck yet on there yet, dog?
Nope, but I am talking to a really cool girl. She lives in my state, but she is 180 miles away.
well it sounds to me like you're making some progress anyways :)
and hey.. 180 miles aint so far.. I was in a relationship with someone that lived that
far from me and that lasted for over a year and a half.
Saying that though, you still might meet someone closer. ;)
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Any luck yet on there yet, dog?
Nope, but I am talking to a really cool girl. She lives in my state, but she is 180 miles away.
well it sounds to me like you're making some progress anyways :)
and hey.. 180 miles aint so far.. I was in a relationship with someone that lived that
far from me and that lasted for over a year and a half.
Saying that though, you still might meet someone closer. ;)
I got to talk to them first lol
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180 miles is a long way if u only have a pedal bicycle,you would be knackered before u got there.Why go online there are loads about local, like catching a bus 1 comes along , nice ride 20 mins, get off another 1 comes along.Do not know why u are haveing so much trouble scoring.
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180 miles is a long way if u only have a pedal bicycle,you would be knackered before u got there.Why go online there are loads about local, like catching a bus 1 comes along , nice ride 20 mins, get off another 1 comes along.Do not know why u are haveing so much trouble scoring.
I have a car and I am single just because I never try. I don't know how to approach women and what to say to them. I'm not very confident and I worry about looking like an idiot in front of them.
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Just smile and say Hi, they will show u by there responce if interested in u.Do it to 1 hundred women I bet u get a few who come on to u,
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Most people can't take that many hits. He's not a freak cause he's trying online. There's tons and tons of people that use a profile online to screen people and then meet them in person. I have many friends, but I like to meet people online, too. Some people from this site have even become friends. Since many people start romantic relationships as friends, I think it's pretty normal.
Plus, as woman talk to him, it can boost his confidence.
Confidence is a good thing, therefore online dating for him is a good thing. It's easy to judge when you're different than him. It may be easy for you to get lots of dates, but not everyone feels it is so easy to make a romantic connection with the opposite sex. And it's not just guys.
Okay, my friendly rant is over. Goodluck, bro.
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Well said, J Digory
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I think unless you're an 18-24 year old, hot bi-sexual female you're hit count is generally pretty low :D
Being honest is best though, otherwise you'll have to live up to your lies if you ever meet anyone.
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Most people can't take that many hits. He's not a freak cause he's trying online. There's tons and tons of people that use a profile online to screen people and then meet them in person. I have many friends, but I like to meet people online, too. Some people from this site have even become friends. Since many people start romantic relationships as friends, I think it's pretty normal.
Plus, as woman talk to him, it can boost his confidence.
Confidence is a good thing, therefore online dating for him is a good thing. It's easy to judge when you're different than him. It may be easy for you to get lots of dates, but not everyone feels it is so easy to make a romantic connection with the opposite sex. And it's not just guys.
Okay, my friendly rant is over. Goodluck, bro.
I agree J, with everything that you've just stated.. my friend joined an online dating agency a few years ago.. she realised that she didn't just want to meet someone whilst out clubbing or in the pub which seemed to be the norm (as they're usually after one thing) and there wasn't anyone local that she was interested in - when you've lived in a town all your life, you pretty much end up knowing most everyone, or something about them one way or another. Anyway, she ended up meeting someone who turned out to be really special (that was over six years ago) and they are now married and have a son who is almost a year old.
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Yeah, there are some great tales where people make some great friends or mates online. It might not be for everyone, but that doesn't mean it's bad.
I actually joined this same site after I saw dog20 on it. I never even heard of it...I'm just looking to meet some friends in my area, but I'm open to more eventually. I'm a dude, and while it's true I don't get a million messages a day, I do get lots of visits to my profile and about half of the women I message respond back. I am have some great conversations with several ladies, and have made some genuine friendships in less than a week.
Honestly though, I don't expect anything magical from the site. I'm happy just meeting some people, and hopefully to hang out with some cool cats in my area.
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Yeah, there are some great tales where people make some great friends or mates online. It might not be for everyone, but that doesn't mean it's bad.
I actually joined this same site after I saw dog20 on it. I never even heard of it...I'm just looking to meet some friends in my area, but I'm open to more eventually. I'm a dude, and while it's true I don't get a million messages a day, I do get lots of visits to my profile and about half of the women I message respond back. I am have some great conversations with several ladies, and have made some genuine friendships in less than a week.
Honestly though, I don't expect anything magical from the site. I'm happy just meeting some people, and hopefully to hang out with some cool cats in my area.
yeah, which is how it should be.. my friend wasn't signing up because she wanted to meet a husband.. she just
wanted to meet someone who had similar interests that she could spend time with.. and they just clicked!
Dog.. I'm not saying it was the first person that she came across either.. she went out on quite a few dates and even made friends with a couple of them, so if it doesn't happen to you straight away, don't give up. It's fun meeting new people. Put things down to experience, you learn a little something from everyone you meet or talk to. :)
Online dating is becoming more and more popular.. to be honest, I'd rather do that to meet someone than go out pubbing or clubbing. That just seems totally pointless to me now. Most of the men that I meet when I'm out are already in a relationship anyway I end up not trusting any of them - some of them are stupid enough to blatantly lie when they're wearing a wedding ring lol. I don't want to meet someone like that, especially not when they're out of their face.
J Digory... good luck to you my friend.. let me know how things turn out for you regarding the site.
You seem confident enough so I'm sure you won't have any trouble meeting new people :)
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I don't go to bars or clubs so I have no idea where else I'm supposed to meet people.
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Haha. I have loads of confidence UNTIL it gets romantic. I am a softy who is afraid of having his heart broken. :XX
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If u can not get a date, Look in the mirror, change your appearance, try it for a couple of weeks, u never no. Most Lay-days I know do not like facial hair.Go to the gym bulk up, my mates who are body builders have no trouble pulling and they are not very pretty.
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dog why are you offering to pay for the meals/activities of girls you've never met? It should be a privilege for them to meet you, not something you have to bribe them with. I understand it's considered chivalrous and traditional but in the modern age it's:
a) Not essential, since girls make the same amount more or less
b) Not going to make them more attracted to you
Your profile looks better but I'd still make some changes. Two simple rules: be passionate, be positive. Most girls are attracted to positive men who are excited about life.
If that's not who you are, maybe you should try to be that person.
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ZZTOP song, Every girl crazy bout sharp dressed man.
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It seems strange, but I've done well with my "unrepentant womanizer" profile. A lot of women seem to be attracted to that. Even my signature "Aftermaths" photo album of messed-up hotel room beds doesn't seem to deter them. [shrug]
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DOg-
My advice would be to meet prospective dates in person. No matter what a profile says about a person you can never get the "essence of that person from a website.
I think chemistry and nuances are so importanmt when meeting a person.... in person. You can see the way they carry themself, hear the way they speak, gauge their sense of humor, and yes, even smell the perfume they wear.
Some of the physically prettiest women I've ever met were also some of the most uninteresting and unattractive people I've ever known.
Oh but some of the most average women..... fun, inieresting, funny. You can't get that with a poor photo and a profile.
Do it the old fashioned way..............
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Dog, man I wish I could take you out for a normal day, so you could see all of the chances to meet girls. And by that I mean a day where you control the way girls see you. It does not matter where you go, or if you are online, you just have to be yourself! If you are looking all the time and trying to be something you are not it just won't work! Be polite and genuine, open doors for people, use manners, have a clean look, smell good..... it sounds dumb but man it works! There is someone out there for all of us, and if you are cool with yourself there is more than one someone. Change your odds! What I mean by that is, you can't change who you are, but you can package yourself better!
This is just my take on things, so hear me out.....how much time can you spend to really get to know someone 180 miles from you? Don't let me stop you, but in a new relationship, you have to put in work kid, a girl closer to you is a better choice because you have the ability to get to know them, not just the stuff they type into a computer, hell you could be chatin' it up with some old dude! (you can meet online, but you will need to make the spark in person!) Again this is my opinion, but being with a girl in person for even a short good date beats the crap out of a bunch of e-mails!
Wrap yourself in a good package, and make sure what is in that package is quality, not crap! You are a product my friend, because you are selling yourself to single females out there! (and if you really sell yourself be careful, you can get thrown in jail for that!) ^-^