Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => Reactions to being Bald => Topic started by: Jodah777 on July 07, 2008, 03:56:53 AM
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Synopsis: Crazy hair all during childhood. I got a perfect haircut that I could maintain at 18 years old. Then I started losing hair. I've been shaving my head for about 3 years. I've received many compliments and had boyfriends say that it either didn't matter or was sexy. I have all the support I could ever ask for, but IT STILL BOTHERS ME!!!!
In my dreams, I have hair. I look much better with hair, I think. I know there's nothing to be done about it because every solution has a massive drawback. I hate the balding shadow on my head. I hate having to shave my head to avoid looking like a freak. I really don't care what strangers think, but I do care what I think, and I think it sucks. I can't delude myself into being proud of being bald. I'm fine with being gay. I can get through being born into poverty. I can deal with my bad skin. All of my other problems are manageable except for the bald thing because it is a lifestyle that has been forcefully thrust upon me, and no matter how hard I try, I simply can't accept it. It's really the straw that broke the horse's back.
I like to be able to blend into a crowd and go unnoticed. Now I stick out quite literally like a light bulb. My head burns in the summer, I freeze in the winter, and the rain falling on my head is obnoxious. Hats, no matter the size, cut circulation off. Hats are also inappropriate at times and are like a big sign that reads, "I am trying to hide my baldness!!!!!!"
So I go on feigning confidence when all the while I'm either seething, paranoid, or numb. Any response to this would be appreciated. (Anything besides rhetoric and thoughtless word vomit. I've been searching for real answers and finding none.)
PS: I am not generally attracted to bald guys, and I think that makes me look at myself as less attractive. I know that I think some guys look good bald, but I still maintain that most guys look better with a full head of hair. Sometimes I wish I'd rather lost a limb or an eye. I'd just get a cool peg-leg, gauntlet-hand, or fake eye because I think that those things are sexier than looking like a plague-ridden old man.
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Sometimes I wish I'd rather lost a limb or an eye. I'd just get a cool peg-leg, gauntlet-hand, or fake eye because I think that those things are sexier than looking like a plague-ridden old man.
You really need to get things into perspective. To prefer the loss of an eye or a limb over hair loss is insane. You may not love being bald and you may never get to the point where you do, but you do have to learn to deal with it. There's no other alternative. There's no point in making yourself miserable over something you have no control over. Focus on more positive things and move on.
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Your hair is not who YOU are. Being bald is not who YOU are. The outside person that you see in the mirror is just the "carrying case" of the person inside and it sounds to me like that is the individual you need to work on. Things happen to us physically my friend. We lose hair, get older, etc. I am having to make a career change in part due to some physically issues at the age of 44. However one thing I have learned is if you are seeking happiness from external sources..you will never find it. It comes from within. Every morning find one thing, just one thing, to praise yourself about and focus on that. Not on negative self perceptions.
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Sometimes I wish I'd rather lost a limb or an eye. I'd just get a cool peg-leg, gauntlet-hand, or fake eye because I think that those things are sexier than looking like a plague-ridden old man.
You really need to get things into perspective. To prefer the loss of an eye or a limb over hair loss is insane. You may not love being bald and you may never get to the point where you do, but you do have to learn to deal with it. There's no other alternative. There's no point in making yourself miserable over something you have no control over. Focus on more positive things and move on.
Man Razor gets it exactly right!!! Dude... it's just hair......and these days SLy is definetly not only acceptable but fashoinable.
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From one gay guy to another: you need to sit back for a minute and take stock of what's important and what's not.
Trading a limb for hair? Without a limb, you are physically disabled. Without hair, you are.... what? It's all just appearance. So what.
If you're having no problem finding guys who find you attractive, what's the problem?
If it's just the hassle of having to shave your head, that's small potatoes. Diabetics have to inject themselves daily with insulin. I'll take head-shaving any day.
Today's society places too much emphasis on appearance (mostly to try and sell you crap -- think of how much of the advertising that you are exposed to daily fits the pattern of: "buy our product, get laid!"). Don't fall into the trap.
If your appearance isn't holding you back from making a living or finding a mate, it's no big deal. Heck, I've gone through 50 years with this big-assed red birthmark covering the entire right side of my face. So freaking what! I've had good jobs and have a loving partner. Everything else is small sh*t.
You said that you prefer guys with hair -- no problem. That's what you should look for in a partner. What does it matter that you don't look like what you want your partner to look like? You're not trying to date yourself!
You are a good looking guy. Drag yourself out of the well of self-pity you've dug for yourself and look at yourself objectively in the mirror. You don't need to cringe at what you see.
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Your hair is not who YOU are. Being bald is not who YOU are. The outside person that you see in the mirror is just the "carrying case" of the person inside and it sounds to me like that is the individual you need to work on. Things happen to us physically my friend. We lose hair, get older, etc. I am having to make a career change in part due to some physically issues at the age of 44. However one thing I have learned is if you are seeking happiness from external sources..you will never find it. It comes from within. Every morning find one thing, just one thing, to praise yourself about and focus on that. Not on negative self perceptions.
From one gay guy to another: you need to sit back for a minute and take stock of what's important and what's not.
Trading a limb for hair? Without a limb, you are physically disabled. Without hair, you are.... what? It's all just appearance. So what.
If you're having no problem finding guys who find you attractive, what's the problem?
If it's just the hassle of having to shave your head, that's small potatoes. Diabetics have to inject themselves daily with insulin. I'll take head-shaving any day.
Today's society places too much emphasis on appearance (mostly to try and sell you crap -- think of how much of the advertising that you are exposed to daily fits the pattern of: "buy our product, get laid!"). Don't fall into the trap.
If your appearance isn't holding you back from making a living or finding a mate, it's no big deal. Heck, I've gone through 50 years with this big-assed red birthmark covering the entire right side of my face. So freaking what! I've had good jobs and have a loving partner. Everything else is small sh*t.
You said that you prefer guys with hair -- no problem. That's what you should look for in a partner. What does it matter that you don't look like what you want your partner to look like? You're not trying to date yourself!
You are a good looking guy. Drag yourself out of the well of self-pity you've dug for yourself and look at yourself objectively in the mirror. You don't need to cringe at what you see.
Right on!
For the last two years, I have been in a sling or on crutches for more than half the time. It is a bigger pain to not be able to get the door for a girl, or not able to do certain positions because your shoulder dislocates than to be bald. I too like to blend into a crowd, but at the same time, if you hold your head up high and show confidence, there are advantages to getting everybody's attention when walking into a room. When I go into a bar, I get eye molested 4-5 time as much as my buddies with hair do. Why? I don't blend in.
You pull off the bald look well.
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Sometimes I wish I'd rather lost a limb or an eye. I'd just get a cool peg-leg, gauntlet-hand, or fake eye because I think that those things are sexier than looking like a plague-ridden old man.
You really need to get things into perspective. To prefer the loss of an eye or a limb over hair loss is insane. You may not love being bald and you may never get to the point where you do, but you do have to learn to deal with it. There's no other alternative. There's no point in making yourself miserable over something you have no control over. Focus on more positive things and move on.
Man Razor gets it exactly right!!! Dude... it's just hair......and these days SLy is definetly not only acceptable but fashoinable.
you forgot damn sexy! ;)
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Welcome dude!
You're right you can't make anyone love a bald head...you either do or you live with it...
funny though, it sounds like it hasn't hurt your social life at all...usually that is a big one.
Also, we've heard it here a lot, bald is a look in the gay community...you say you stand out too much...so I guess what we hear is wrong, at the gay places you to go, do all the dudes have hair?
I understand you don't like it, but i dont understand that you feel like you're the only one..you hang out with dudes and you date dudes....some of those guys or the place you go have to have other bald guys around..
I think you should be happy that you look good with a bald head, are healthy and have a long life ahead of you were bald is not looked down on bro...
I would rethink that limb comment...it's only hair and you look fine to me and I'm sure to everyone here.
Hang out here a while and see that it not a big deal...unless YOU make it one!
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Thanks for all the support, everyone. I like how positive and encouraging everyone is. I'm bipolar, so every now and again I feel a little resentment about the one thing I can't get over. Normally it doesn't bother me because I don't go out much, but when my mood swings, it just does. I've resisted joining this website for quite a while because it felt like surrender. It seems I have no other choice but to do so. I've hidden behind my hair for 18 years, then my hedges were taken away.
I'd still like to know how to avoid the "head shadow". And about the limb loss thing, don't take that too seriously. My mind reels into the extreme at times.
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Pretty sure the only way is permanent hair removal or shaving every couple hours. Mother nature may eventually kick into high gear, however until then I'm afraid there's no easy way to avoid 'the shadow'. Braun makes a handy little travel shaver that works quite well, I have a little write up on it in the review section of this forum.
I can relate to the hair thing, I was the same way... spent many hours in front of a mirror doing my hair just so. Anyway, embrace the baldness... I think it looks great, and does take getting used to. I was relieved to finally get rid of my hair though, so it took me all of 6 seconds to get used to the new me. As far as standing out, I don't think bald really stands out as much as it maybe used to? With people doing so many crazy things to their bodies these days, baldness is almost only noticed by those who want the look for themselves.
I know I'm not one to talk, but try smiling in your next avatar pic - might help brighten your visits ;) The little things can make a big difference.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F7TMlrDXtw
Well if your razor isn't cutting it, try the Spishak Mach 20
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One other thing.... People I meet in person don't know I'm gay until I let them know because that's not the first thing people need to know about me. I don't wanna be grouped or defined by one thing. I know who I am, confidence is not an issue, I know that everyone I've met thinks that I look awesome bald. I can't explain why I feel the way I do at times. I do know that I hate having to explain why I shave my head to people. I can do it, but I hate jumping the hurdle. Sometimes I get stupid comments thrown at me (in pseudo-cruel jest) to where I have to either ignore it or make a defensive come-back. If only I could kill that festering little gremlin in my soul that brings me down and bars my way.
Hair is a small part, but it's still a part. It is innate. Some men are women on the inside. Some white people are black on the inside. Most paraplegics are walkers on the inside. My inner self has hair. Damn that little gremlin!
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One other thing.... People I meet in person don't know I'm gay until I let them know because that's not the first thing people need to know about me. I don't wanna be grouped or defined by one thing. I know who I am, confidence is not an issue, I know that everyone I've met thinks that I look awesome bald. I can't explain why I feel the way I do at times. I do know that I hate having to explain why I shave my head to people. I can do it, but I hate jumping the hurdle. Sometimes I get stupid comments thrown at me (in pseudo-cruel jest) to where I have to either ignore it or make a defensive come-back. If only I could kill that festering little gremlin in my soul that brings me down and bars my way.
Hair is a small part, but it's still a part. It is innate. Some men are women on the inside. Some white people are black on the inside. Most paraplegics are walkers on the inside. My inner self has hair. Damn that little gremlin!
Well bro, I gotta tell ya you do seem very sincere about the whole thing...but I know you say you have the full confidence...by the words you write that doesn't seem the case.
I know YOU didn't choose to have a bald head, I did, that makes our situations different...I can relate though...in your mind, this is YOUR option , a shaved head. You're a smart enough dude to know that is the best way to go...
but you feel that isn't you and eventhough others around you find it attractive you don't...but you HAVE to bro..you're just hurting your life because you think you're not in control ...you are you shaved it smooth bro...others take years to do it...you have to own that shiny dome and say what the "f" it's me, but it doesn't define me...like you said gay doesn't..
maybe it's your age, that causes you not to embrace it...but bro, in about 5 years the dudes around you will start going the SLY route..it's a fact...why not start your life early and just go with it bro...
you look cool with it...people like you for you...go with it and don't be your own worst enemy!
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Jodah-
Must say I'm spot on with everything you've said. I don't understand why this is hair thing is such a big deal, probably some deep psychological reason why we can't understand it, but I'm just letting you know I'm in the same boat as you.
I shave my head, other people say I look fine, have been doing it for a few years. I don't like it, and although it doesn't prevent me from finding a girlfriend, it does make me feel like my overall "value/stock" in life is not as high as it should be. And the limb comment, although logically I know it sounds ridiculous, I have said the same thing to myself at times. Good luck finding your solution to this, I know I haven't
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Jodah...I am new to the board man and just shaved my head 4 days ago. Would I prefer to have my rock star hair I had 15 years ago ? Hell yeah.
Do I prefer bald over the way I looked before ? ...no doubt. It is what it is man...you are bald. I think a balding guy who shaves his head shows extreme balls and I have always admired men who did it...and you are one of those men and I can assure you many of your balding friends admire you for doing it and wish they had the nuts to do it themselves. You should consider working out...like pumping iron. I believe it was Henry Rollins who once said
"The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's impossible to turn back."
When the body is strong the mind thinks strong thoughts.
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To BaldAndre: I know it's my age. As I get older, a bald head will be less and less (for lack of a better word) inappropriate. I feel cheated out of my youth. I knew balding was in the cards for me, I mean my father, both grandfathers, uncle, great uncle, and both great grandfathers went bald. It's not so much the what as the when. If baldness was my only/biggest problem, I don't think I'd have such a problem with it. The last few years of my life have been an effort to crawl out of the shitstorm it was. I've never been good at being young, and I know that when I'm 30, I won't give a crap, and I'll look a hell of a lot better than a lot of other people. BUT, I feel like I'm spending my prime years prepping my life to begin again, and if/when it does, it'll all be downhill from there. You only get to be young once.
To TheyCallMeTheHead: Well I'm glad as hell that you get exactly what I mean! I know what the answer is to the problem, but it's just so damn hard to accept. Things in life get you down, and misery is comfortable. The answer is that you have to choose happiness. Not once, but every time. I still can't bring myself to do it. Happiness is scary for me because I hate being vulnerable. Happiness feels like a setup for a fall. I know that someday I'll have the right dream to where I'll wake up and everything will make sense, and I will continually choose happiness. But that time isn't now. I'm just gonna let it roll around in my subconcious until my dreams rearrange my thoughts. These guys on this site are pretty awesome, and I think they're good at expediting the process.
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I wish I had all the answers for you, but I don't. That said, I'll try to share from my own experiences, which all any of us can really do anyway. I do have a sinking feeling that if it wasn't hair it would be something else, though. You clearly have an issue with your self-image, and the funny thing about these types of problems is that we'll find any excuse to have the issue. I don't really believe that the hair is the real issue.
You're young. You look young. You're clean. You look clean. Old and diseased? I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror, but I promise you that no one else sees those things.
Something that really helps me out with my own identity issues is to speak positively about myself out loud. Everyone in the world can speak positively to you, but it's not going to mean anything if you keep putting yourself down.
I'm a straight christian guy, and I gotta say: You're handsome, you seem smart, and you also seem very kind. You're young, with a whole lot of life just waiting to be lived...so live it. Some people wait their whole life to come to peace about something like their sexuality...but you've got that nailed. Don't let something so small stop you from really living your life and loving yourself.
Seriously, man. God bless. (And not in a condescending way.) I'm sure you'll find the peace you're looking for.
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Happiness feels like a setup for a fall. I know that someday I'll have the right dream to where I'll wake up and everything will make sense, and I will continually choose happiness. But that time isn't now. I'm just gonna let it roll around in my subconcious until my dreams rearrange my thoughts. These guys on this site are pretty awesome, and I think they're good at expediting the process.
Hey I can see where you're coming from..
ever read the Anne Rice vampire series? the longest living and most successful vampire buried themselves in the ground (basically bailed out in misery) for 100 of years till they were ready to face the new and changed world again...
bro, hybernate, chill here and get rejuvinated to maybe sometime soon go out and start living your very promising young life...
being a bald dude is awesome and NOT a bad thing...
you'll find it bro! O0
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If baldness was my only/biggest problem, I don't think I'd have such a problem with it. The last few years of my life have been an effort to crawl out of the sh*tstorm it was. I've never been good at being young, and I know that when I'm 30, I won't give a crap, and I'll look a hell of a lot better than a lot of other people. BUT, I feel like I'm spending my prime years prepping my life to begin again, and if/when it does, it'll all be downhill from there. You only get to be young once.
Hair loss is the least of anybody's problems. If you've got other problems that you're dealing with then that should help you put this in perspective and see how insignificant it really is in the overall scheme of things.
Yes, you only get to be young once -- so don't waste that precious time worrying about your hair. Live your life, have some fun. There are guys -- some of them in this forum -- who are younger than you who are bald, either by choice or by nature and are embracing it. You can too. The days when bald was a negative thing are long gone. Bald isn't bad, it's just different. It may take a while to get used to it, but ultimately you just have to. Don't waste time and energy being negative.
You may always think having a full head of hair is better, but since it isn't an option, you have to just let go of it. You've got three choices: horseshoe, shaved head, or concealment of some means (transplant, hairpiece, etc.) I don't recommend the third option. That leaves the horseshoe or the shaved head. Pick the one that's less objectionable to you, know that it's the best you can do and then just stop obsessing about it.
I have a whole laundry list of things that I don't like about myself. I'd love to be taller, tanner, and how I would love to be your age again. There's nothing I can do about any of those things. I choose not to let these "problems" ruin my life. That's not to say that they don't bother me from time to time, but at the end of the day, if you can't change something, you just have to accept it. Focus on the positive things in your life and you'll be a lot better off.
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I can't tell you anything new that hasn't already been said. I will only say that you look good, stay positive and stay confident.
I have said this before in other threads: "It's only hair!" hang in there man.
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Just catching up on this thread -- and have to chip on the sage advice that others have already posted. Having just been here a couple of weeks (and newly sly), these guys (and gals) know what they are talking about.
I completely get where you are coming from -- when I was in my early twenties I obsessed about my hair -- or rather lack thereof. It was horrible -- especially when it came to the whole dating scene. I made the choice to buy hair and go that route. On hindsight, I'd wish that I hadn't gone down that road. When it was looking good, it was fine. But, then the questions in my head starting revolving around how the piece looked -- did people know? What about when I started seeing someone regular? When would they find out, or when would I tell them? Just a lot of unpleasantness all around. Plus the time and $$ was a whole other downer.
So -- no good answers for where you are at, but just wanted to let you know that I've been there, done that -- and... I guess what gives me solace on occasion was/is the "it's beyond my control" frame of mind. Sometimes just repeating that in my head at night gets me to quit fretting about things and instead get some good sleep
Best wishes
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Welcome Jodah777,
Sorry you feel that way.
All I can say is being bald is very petty in the grand scheme of things... horrible things happen to people daily that put that into perspective.
Look past the mirror to the world around you... or look deeper into the mirror to the person you really are.
Hair is trivial compared to the mind and soul underneath
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Look past the mirror to the world around you... or look deeper into the mirror to the person you really are.
Hair is trivial compared to the mind and soul underneath
Here's something to think about too...when did HAIR make you a good looking person or not....it's fluff bro's...
ladies like a nice looking face on dudes (hair is not part of your facial structure)...ask them if they like a nice face...and most times they also like their dudes tall (see I dealt with that, short dude here... but whatever ;), I found lots that it didn't matter...and all cute too! O0)
and dudes liking dudes, well the face def. comes into play...but everything I've heard, body and being fit and confident is one of the biggest attracting factors...why are so many gay dudes at the gym and fit?
Hair is the icing on the cake....make a good cake bro and no one will notice the icing's missing..
BTW some folks HATE icing anyways!!! ;D
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I just wanna say that thanks in part to this site, youtube, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster, my attitude has shifted 180 degrees. (For now)
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I just wanna say that thanks in part to this site, youtube, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster, my attitude has shifted 180 degrees. (For now)
Real nice to hear bro...
don't be so hard on yourself...life is too short..
and def. don't waste all the good things in life you've been given! O0
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Salute!
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Jodah,I lost hair in my early 20s and wore a hairpiece for 25 years.I'm 51 now and when I was young shaving my head was not an option because back in the 80s the style was full heads of thick hair.You are in a better position than I was because bald is in today with young guys. Back then it wasn't. I'm also gay and it wasn't as accepted as it is today. So anytime you feel blue think of me and what I went through 25 years ago.You were born at a time when bald is in.I actually like the way I look now and I'm more and more attracted to bald men. I stopped with the hairpiece about 3 years ago but it was a slow transition but definitely worth it. I saw your picture and I think you're very handsome.If I saw you at a club I would definitely approach you.Your insecurity is all in your mind.I'm sure everyone else sees a nice looking guy.
And as for those sarcastic remarks people make,the hell with them,they're just ignorant.I get those remarks once in awhile and it burns my ass because I'm always careful not to offend anyone and yet they don't care what they say to me.But believe me,if I wanted to I could say plenty because they really need to see their own flaws.So hang in there,you're fine the way you are.
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I agree with u Don. Bald 25 years ago was unacceptable; thats why I went the tranaplant route and spent 2 years undoing most of the damage back in 2005.
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There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's impossible to turn back."
When the body is strong the mind thinks strong thoughts.
Awesome advice DJ_Bald link. O0
“Mens sana in corpore sano”
You probably know it's translation as "A sound mind in a sound body" or perhaps the other popular version, "A healthy mind in a healthy body."
Well, I know the quote is in Latin but everything I'd ever read attributed the origin as Greek. So, I've been living for years with the belief that it was the Greeks, at times even believing it was Socrates who said it...
Now I come to see that perhaps it's not from the Greeks! Hummm... Wikipedia is attributing it to a first century Roman poet, Juvenal.
Well, I liked it better when it was of Greek origin... and who knows, one can hope this is inaccurate but likely not. And heck, isn't it all pretty much of Greek origin any way... Either way, there's no doubt that the Greeks lived to this philosophy - they knew that a strong mind could only be found in a strong body.
Yes, that's my version of this still ancient quote, A Strong Mind in a Strong Body.
The time when health was enough has passed... if you want to excel, to achieve, to contribute in this world today you need more than passing grade of health -- it is a time for strength!
Jodah77, you need to be strong and accept yourself as a bald man. Living in the past is NOT healthy.
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Hello Jodah and welcome onboard m8! O0
Im BBC myself and i´m just lovin it.. But it is my choise though, so i think that i dont have much help to offer for ya :-\
Try to approve urself as u are.. Hopefully it will ease up on u ! O0
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Synopsis: Crazy hair all during childhood. I got a perfect haircut that I could maintain at 18 years old. Then I started losing hair. I've been shaving my head for about 3 years. I've received many compliments and had boyfriends say that it either didn't matter or was sexy. I have all the support I could ever ask for, but IT STILL BOTHERS ME!!!!
In my dreams, I have hair. I look much better with hair, I think. I know there's nothing to be done about it because every solution has a massive drawback. I hate the balding shadow on my head. I hate having to shave my head to avoid looking like a freak. I really don't care what strangers think, but I do care what I think, and I think it sucks. I can't delude myself into being proud of being bald. I'm fine with being gay. I can get through being born into poverty. I can deal with my bad skin. All of my other problems are manageable except for the bald thing because it is a lifestyle that has been forcefully thrust upon me, and no matter how hard I try, I simply can't accept it. It's really the straw that broke the horse's back.
I like to be able to blend into a crowd and go unnoticed. Now I stick out quite literally like a light bulb. My head burns in the summer, I freeze in the winter, and the rain falling on my head is obnoxious. Hats, no matter the size, cut circulation off. Hats are also inappropriate at times and are like a big sign that reads, "I am trying to hide my baldness!!!!!!"
So I go on feigning confidence when all the while I'm either seething, paranoid, or numb. Any response to this would be appreciated. (Anything besides rhetoric and thoughtless word vomit. I've been searching for real answers and finding none.)
PS: I am not generally attracted to bald guys, and I think that makes me look at myself as less attractive. I know that I think some guys look good bald, but I still maintain that most guys look better with a full head of hair. Sometimes I wish I'd rather lost a limb or an eye. I'd just get a cool peg-leg, gauntlet-hand, or fake eye because I think that those things are sexier than looking like a plague-ridden old man.
I got same kind of problems that you got, I think the same way you do. My mind is controlling me and cant think without questioning my looks. I'm not questioning my looks when I'm in front of a mirror but when I cant see myself, my mind starts speaking with me. Its damn annoying, I'm good looking but the frequent paranoia from my head when I cant see myself takes my attitude and self confidence away.
So my conclusion is that I need to stop my damn self speaking mind. Because whatever problem someone might have, it all comes down how you deal with, and you will need to understand whom you are before you can deal with those problems. At least I have started to think like this, it is the most logical solution to any problem someone might have. But it takes time for anyone with problems to understand this, for me it has taken 3years. And man I lived like a zombie those 3years and almost got to a point where I could kill myself just because I couldn't accept my hair loss or the person I was about to become.
Today I see this time as a maturity process for me and I think I'm back on track.
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Jodah777, my friend... all I can say is, you CLEARLY do not live in San Diego!
If you did, you would get over your baldness insecurity in no time, trust me. More than 75% of the sly (or buzzcut-with-horseshoe-pattern-baldness) men here who are both (1) Caucasian, and (2) not tourists, are gay. And, looking at it from the other direction, at least 50% of all gay men in this city are either totally bald or are substantially balding. So whether your mantra is "strength in numbers" or "misery loves company", you'd have it made.
As a side note... San Diego is NOT the place to be bald and straight. The vast majority of women here -- even older women -- won't touch a bald man with a ten-foot pole. Go out into the Gaslamp District on a Friday or Saturday night (or the other areas with hetero clubs and such), you will find no sly -- unless they are working as security guards. In fact, you will find no straight men with anything less than a flawless head of hair in such places (not including the military men, who would have a full head of hair if they let it grow). So, basically, I'm screwed... and not in a good way.
Sorry for the digression...
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Jodah777, my friend... all I can say is, you CLEARLY do not live in San Diego!
If you did, you would get over your baldness insecurity in no time, trust me. More than 75% of the sly (or buzzcut-with-horseshoe-pattern-baldness) men here who are both (1) Caucasian, and (2) not tourists, are gay. And, looking at it from the other direction, at least 50% of all gay men in this city are either totally bald or are substantially balding. So whether your mantra is "strength in numbers" or "misery loves company", you'd have it made.
As a side note... San Diego is NOT the place to be bald and straight. The vast majority of women here -- even older women -- won't touch a bald man with a ten-foot pole. Go out into the Gaslamp District on a Friday or Saturday night (or the other areas with hetero clubs and such), you will find no sly -- unless they are working as security guards. In fact, you will find no straight men with anything less than a flawless head of hair in such places (not including the military men, who would have a full head of hair if they let it grow). So, basically, I'm screwed... and not in a good way.
Sorry for the digression...
Is this really true? I was thinking of moving out there, but if it is going to affect my luck with the ladies, I dunno
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Is this really true? I was thinking of moving out there, but if it is going to affect my luck with the ladies, I dunno
Sorry, BlackJamesRackham, I should have added a qualifier to that last paragraph:
"If one is black, Hispanic, or any skin tone other than basic 'white', the above does not necessarily apply."
Areas like the Gaslamp District in SD are largely white and yuppie-ish, but there are other equally upscale spots that draw a bit more of a diverse crowd, and one is likely to find some slys there (but still few that are both Caucasian and hetero).
So... assuming the avatar is your actual photo, you have nothing to worry about.
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As a side note... San Diego is NOT the place to be bald and straight. The vast majority of women here -- even older women -- won't touch a bald man with a ten-foot pole. Go out into the Gaslamp District on a Friday or Saturday night (or the other areas with hetero clubs and such), you will find no sly -- unless they are working as security guards. In fact, you will find no straight men with anything less than a flawless head of hair in such places (not including the military men, who would have a full head of hair if they let it grow). So, basically, I'm screwed... and not in a good way.
Sorry for the digression...
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
I was in SD a couple weeks ago hanging out at the HardRock hotel and partied in the Gas Lamp. I will tell you that women had no problem with the fact that I was bald and I'm pretty sure it helped in a couple instances. It's all about your confidence bro!
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Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
I was in SD a couple weeks ago hanging out at the HardRock hotel and partied in the Gas Lamp. I will tell you that women had no problem with the fact that I was bald and I'm pretty sure it helped in a couple instances. It's all about your confidence bro!
Hi Tyler,
There could be a couple factors at play here:
1) Were you there as a tourist? And were you hanging out with other tourists?
2) Is your avatar an actual picture of you? If so, are you Hispanic? The "bald" realities appear to be considerably different for white slys as opposed to black, Latin, etc. Remember George Carlin's joke about what white men with shaved heads look like?
3) In response to your statement that women didn't "have a problem" with the fact that you were bald... I didn't mean to suggest that SD women are going to run screaming from the room if a bald man enters... just that they are generally regarded as much less appealing, and a large percentage of SD women seem to not want to associate with them (perhaps out of fear of what their friends will think, or whatever).
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Well, you're speaking from your own experience here, so no one can justly say you're wrong. But I do suspect it's more internal than external. Long before I was bald I never thought twice when I saw a bald guy, and I always happen to see bald guys with attractive women on their shoulder. And I'm not distinguishing between the races, because I don't think there actually IS a distinction to be made. Because a comedian said so doesn't make it true, man.
And yeah, my experience mainly comes from NYS, but hey...it's been my experience in my travels that people are people and you run into similar people wherever you go. NY and KY seem to regard baldness exactly the same...so did Montana and numerous other states. I'm not trying to argue with you or prove you wrong. I'm just suggesting that it's a problem you have and you're possibly projecting it onto others. But hey, I could be wrong. I don't know you or our experiences.
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Well, you're speaking from your own experience here, so no one can justly say you're wrong. But I do suspect it's more internal than external. Long before I was bald I never thought twice when I saw a bald guy, and I always happen to see bald guys with attractive women on their shoulder. And I'm not distinguishing between the races, because I don't think there actually IS a distinction to be made. Because a comedian said so doesn't make it true, man.
Very true, and I didn't mean to suggest that society as a whole does (or should) consider shaved heads on persons of a particular race as being more "attractive" or "acceptable" than on other races. The original point I was making seems to have gotten lost. I was simply stating to the original poster that if he lived in San Diego, he might feel considerably more accepted (and accepting of himself) being that he would be around such a huge population of similarly follicularly-challenged gay men. Because the majority of white men with shaved heads AND visible horseshoe-pattern baldness that I see in this city (and who are natives, not tourists) are gay.
And yeah, my experience mainly comes from NYS, but hey...it's been my experience in my travels that people are people and you run into similar people wherever you go. NY and KY seem to regard baldness exactly the same...so did Montana and numerous other states. I'm not trying to argue with you or prove you wrong. I'm just suggesting that it's a problem you have and you're possibly projecting it onto others. But hey, I could be wrong. I don't know you or our experiences.
But... New York State, Montana & Kentucky are much different than superficial and looks-fixated Southern California. And not that the gay community here is not looks-fixated as well -- their focus is just from the neck down. Many look like they starve themselves, but it is clear they don't worry about their hair (or lack thereof). The straight guys, on the other hand... less focused on the body, more on the hair.
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Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
I was in SD a couple weeks ago hanging out at the HardRock hotel and partied in the Gas Lamp. I will tell you that women had no problem with the fact that I was bald and I'm pretty sure it helped in a couple instances. It's all about your confidence bro!
Hi Tyler,
There could be a couple factors at play here:
1) Were you there as a tourist? And were you hanging out with other tourists?
2) Is your avatar an actual picture of you? If so, are you Hispanic? The "bald" realities appear to be considerably different for white slys as opposed to black, Latin, etc. Remember George Carlin's joke about what white men with shaved heads look like?
3) In response to your statement that women didn't "have a problem" with the fact that you were bald... I didn't mean to suggest that SD women are going to run screaming from the room if a bald man enters... just that they are generally regarded as much less appealing, and a large percentage of SD women seem to not want to associate with them (perhaps out of fear of what their friends will think, or whatever).
1. I was there visiting, but they didn't know that.
2. I'm as white as you get.
3. Women rarely, if ever, put hair (or lack of) as a high point on how they rate guys. It's all about how YOU carry YOUrself.
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Who cares bro, if someone doesn't like you for being bald... then why would you want to associate with that person in the first place? Its good that you've found out how pathetic they are asap.
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Well, you're speaking from your own experience here, so no one can justly say you're wrong. But I do suspect it's more internal than external. Long before I was bald I never thought twice when I saw a bald guy, and I always happen to see bald guys with attractive women on their shoulder. And I'm not distinguishing between the races, because I don't think there actually IS a distinction to be made. Because a comedian said so doesn't make it true, man.
Very true, and I didn't mean to suggest that society as a whole does (or should) consider shaved heads on persons of a particular race as being more "attractive" or "acceptable" than on other races. The original point I was making seems to have gotten lost. I was simply stating to the original poster that if he lived in San Diego, he might feel considerably more accepted (and accepting of himself) being that he would be around such a huge population of similarly follicularly-challenged gay men. Because the majority of white men with shaved heads AND visible horseshoe-pattern baldness that I see in this city (and who are natives, not tourists) are gay.
And yeah, my experience mainly comes from NYS, but hey...it's been my experience in my travels that people are people and you run into similar people wherever you go. NY and KY seem to regard baldness exactly the same...so did Montana and numerous other states. I'm not trying to argue with you or prove you wrong. I'm just suggesting that it's a problem you have and you're possibly projecting it onto others. But hey, I could be wrong. I don't know you or our experiences.
But... New York State, Montana & Kentucky are much different than superficial and looks-fixated Southern California. And not that the gay community here is not looks-fixated as well -- their focus is just from the neck down. Many look like they starve themselves, but it is clear they don't worry about their hair (or lack thereof). The straight guys, on the other hand... less focused on the body, more on the hair.
Man, all you can talk about is gay guys being bald. Damn, dude. It's not just in this thread, you started a big long discussion about it before. I don't know what to tell you other than it's in your head. I was talking to a friend from SD and he says you're high.
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For a while I had been doing well to try and change how I feel about many things that get me down. I tried to warp my perspective or use my fluctuating logic to rearrange how I perceive things. The problem with that is simple; I CAN'T CHANGE WHO I REALLY AM OR HOW I REALLY FEEL. To even try makes me a poser and a phony. I put on false bravado and nonchalance because I care so much it burns me out. I care so much that I shut off my emotions in order to not care. I noticed that if I stay out of public, I feel less miserable. I notices that in public, I fawn all over these hot guys with hair. The fact that they have that much of an instinctual effect on me makes me depressed because like it or not, hair is a sign of youth, vitality, and beauty, recognized by the uncontrolable subconcious. All I ever hear is that I need to change how I think or feel in order to move on. Well, should I change from being a gay Atheist to a straight Christian for the sake of ease and sanity? Should I deny how I really feel just to delude myself into accepting something that I feel doesn't fit me? I really don't know the answers, but I'm not going to try and change myself or my prerogative anymore. I'm not accepting the only answer out there because I DON"T LIKE IT! And furthermore, I don't have to. I didn't bottle up my feelings about my sexuality or my religious views, and I'm certainly not going to bottle up my dismay at feeling visually inferior. IT'S OK TO FEEL BAD ABOUT THINGS THAT GET YOU DOWN.
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.... I noticed that if I stay out of public, I feel less miserable. I notices that in public, I fawn all over these hot guys with hair. The fact that they have that much of an instinctual effect on me makes me depressed because like it or not, hair is a sign of youth, vitality, and beauty, recognized by the uncontrolable subconcious. All I ever hear is that I need to change how I think or feel in order to move on. Well, should I change from being a gay Atheist to a straight Christian for the sake of ease and sanity? Should I deny how I really feel just to delude myself into accepting something that I feel doesn't fit me? I really don't know the answers, but I'm not going to try and change myself or my prerogative anymore. I'm not accepting the only answer out there because I DON"T LIKE IT! And furthermore, I don't have to. I didn't bottle up my feelings about my sexuality or my religious views, and I'm certainly not going to bottle up my dismay at feeling visually inferior. IT'S OK TO FEEL BAD ABOUT THINGS THAT GET YOU DOWN.
OK, well there's your answer, then. Lock yourself up in your room, never venture out into public ever again, and enjoy being miserable. Sounds like a great solution to me. :/O
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Jodah,
I'd like to give you the benefit of my experience as a gay guy who is twice your age. Here on SBG we know very little about you, therefore it's hard to give guidance. Do you work, are you in school, do you have a large circle of friends?
If your primary social venue is gay bars I'd highly recommend you open up your sphere to other areas. Find some activities for gay guys that don't center around the bar scene. I did this for years and I can assure you hardly any frienships of substance will ever come out of it.
I was probably forty before I got really comfortable in my own skin. I stayed in a toxic relationship for many years because I was afraid of not finding something better. Finally I had the good judgement to know what I did NOT want in a relationship and started seeking partners on that basis.
Perhaps a larger change in your life is in order. I don't want to turn this into a political rant, but perhaps Virginia is not the best place to feel good about oneself. After all they have gone out of their way to legislate against gay people to further marginalize them.
Tell us what you do want, as opposed to what your not getting in your life and perhaps more constructive ideas will start flowing in your direction.
SimplyRed
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Is this really true? I was thinking of moving out there, but if it is going to affect my luck with the ladies, I dunno
Sorry, BlackJamesRackham, I should have added a qualifier to that last paragraph:
"If one is black, Hispanic, or any skin tone other than basic 'white', the above does not necessarily apply."
Areas like the Gaslamp District in SD are largely white and yuppie-ish, but there are other equally upscale spots that draw a bit more of a diverse crowd, and one is likely to find some slys there (but still few that are both Caucasian and hetero).
So... assuming the avatar is your actual photo, you have nothing to worry about.
Ahhh gotcha. Well that's good. Thanks, Keyser!
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To J Digory,
Ohhh REALLY?
Take a gander at SimplyRed's avatar pic on this thread, taken at North Halsted Market Days (a predominantly gay street festival, if I'm not mistaken). Out of all the men's heads I can see in that photo, it looks to me like 5 out of 8 are bald/balding/sly. And these are not old men either. WAAAAAY higher percentage than one would find in the general population.
SimplyRed, perhaps you can confirm my observations as to the vast number of gay men who are bald (or bald men who are gay).
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SimplyRed, perhaps you can confirm my observations as to the vast number of gay men who are bald (or bald men who are gay) as compared to the population in general.
Indeed, the photo was taken yesterday at North Halsted Market Days in Chicago. Yes, the neighborhood is predominately gay, however even though there were quite a number of bald men at the street fair there is no proof that they were all gay. I was in The Loop (the Chicago business district) a couple of weeks ago and noticed a large number of bald men in that area as well. The only statement that can be distinguished as true from these observations is that Chicago has lots of bald men. ^-^
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To J Digory,
Ohhh REALLY?
Take a gander at SimplyRed's avatar pic on this thread, taken at North Halsted Market Days (a predominantly gay street festival, if I'm not mistaken). Out of all the men's heads I can see in that photo, it looks to me like 5 out of 8 are bald/balding/sly. And these are not old men either. WAAAAAY higher percentage than one would find in the general population.
SimplyRed, perhaps you can confirm my observations as to the vast number of gay men who are bald (or bald men who are gay).
Keyser, if people agree with your statements, is it going to make you less cynical about being a straight, bald, white male in San Diego? Drop the useless argument, and concentrate on what you can do to change your outlook and build more confidence.
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To J Digory,
Ohhh REALLY?
Take a gander at SimplyRed's avatar pic on this thread, taken at North Halsted Market Days (a predominantly gay street festival, if I'm not mistaken).
I find it odd that you would even know that.
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To J Digory,
Ohhh REALLY?
Take a gander at SimplyRed's avatar pic on this thread, taken at North Halsted Market Days (a predominantly gay street festival, if I'm not mistaken).
I find it odd that you would even know that.
Psss, Razor, I know you were making a GREAT point..
but the pretty colored flag in the background is a dead giveaway...
NOT the few dudes with the bald heads! ;)
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To J Digory,
Ohhh REALLY?
Take a gander at SimplyRed's avatar pic on this thread, taken at North Halsted Market Days (a predominantly gay street festival, if I'm not mistaken).
I find it odd that you would even know that.
Um, the picture does have a caption. Do a Google search and... bingo.
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To paint a bigger picture; I have many close friends who always tell me how attractive I am. I flirt a lot. I don't go to clubs or bars. I rarely go anywhere because of a lack of time, energy, and money. I've had nothing but support from friends, family, and online strangers.
I used to have hair. I enjoyed having hair. It was something to mess with out of boredom. It was something to change according to what I was doing or where I had to go. I could go for a week or more without shaving my face because my facial hair used to have nothing to do with my scalp. The hair on my head needed cutting every few months, not every few days. My skin is sensitive, and even though I've been shaving my head for well over a year, my skin hasn't toughened up. I've tried so much to keep my skin from burning and bumping, but the only way for it to not hurt so much is to let it grow out a little longer than I should, just to let my skin heal up. Hair wasn't my entire identity, but it was a part of it. It was a very noticeable part. Anything neck-up is a gigantic part of how one is percieved.
I know that as soon as someone gets to know me, they'll like me. This is because I like to help, I'm considerate of others, and I'm honest. I've never had a problem getting along with people. I just don't like jumping this damned hurdle. I hate having to talk about it with people by turning it into a joke.
Would anyone here tell a black person with vitiligo that there's nothing to feel bad about? Would you tell them that anyone that can't see it as awesome is an ass? Would you tell them that "dalmatian is beautiful?" Just because a problem is purely aesthetic, it doesn't mean that there is no problem or that it can be rationalized away. We are an aesthetic world. Everything from bugs to birds to cats to humans judge based on appearance. I'm not saying that everyone's criteria is the same, but I am saying that most beings of the same species have a common, instinctual set of criteria that may or may not change over time. Bugs like symmetry. Birds like bright colors. Cats like shiny, fluffy, thick fur. Humans (for the most part) like hair on the head (among other things). I'm not saying that this means baldness is looked down on, but I am saying that it's not preferred.
One last point I'd like to make, and I invite anyone to dispute me on this with a well versed argument: I like tacos a whole lot, but I haven't joined a website. I love animals above most else, but I haven't joined a website for that either. I see on this site quite often, people constantly proclaiming how much they love being bald. It actually appears to be overly asserted. My first thought in any case of over-assertion is, "Thou doth protest too much." My second thought is, "Could Body Integrity Identity Disorder apply to shaving your head?" I mean, I LOVE to look at hot guys, but I don't constantly exclaim it on the gay site I do happen to belong to. The fact is that this is a support site. SUPPORT. For people who are down, in question, or in denial about their baldness. If there really is any benefit to not having hair on the head, please do explain, using as many words as possible so nothing is left to the imagination.
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One last point I'd like to make, and I invite anyone to dispute me on this with a well versed argument: I like tacos a whole lot, but I haven't joined a website. I love animals above most else, but I haven't joined a website for that either. I see on this site quite often, people constantly proclaiming how much they love being bald. It actually appears to be overly asserted. My first thought in any case of over-assertion is, "Thou doth protest too much." My second thought is, "Could Body Integrity Identity Disorder apply to shaving your head?" I mean, I LOVE to look at hot guys, but I don't constantly exclaim it on the gay site I do happen to belong to. The fact is that this is a support site. SUPPORT. For people who are down, in question, or in denial about their baldness. If there really is any benefit to not having hair on the head, please do explain, using as many words as possible so nothing is left to the imagination.
Hey bro...you're right...I don't go around on other websites saying "I love this or that"...
but the truth is I love my bald head and I have ALWAYS thought it was a very clean masculine look and considered it that..."a look"..ever since I could remember..
I'M bald by choice bro...have chosen to have a hairless head for 15 years because I think it works better with MY looks...and I think it does on a LOT of dudes...
there is nothing but your body features to rely on...nothin' to hide behind and I like what that looks like and what is represents...
I think a dude can look more handsome bald than with hair...not always but alot of times..
I posted these pics to show you why I think I look better bald (and most people , and wife agree)..
the first pic is the last weekend I had hair, you see a full head of it..but I couldn't WAIT to be bald again and love when I got back to ME!
Sorry you're not able to see how good a bald head can make a dude look and feel..
maybe one day for ya bro O0..
THAT'S why I'm here hailin' the bald dome...because I feel it is a great look and can make a dude not bald by HIS choice see that he'll look great and even better at times with his head shaved smooth...
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fkk136%2Fbaldandre08%2Fbeforeandafter.jpg&hash=60958a0431a07abe16604bee3a6406251d913100)
but that's just MY opinion! ;)
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You look MUCH better bald andre!
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You look MUCH better bald andre!
Thanks bro..
I can live with THAT! ;)
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If I could have a full head of hair I'd take it.
The fact that I don't doesn't destroy me as a person though.
I wore a system to try and hide it. Never did feel right. Never.
I can't say that I love being bald, especially when compared to things like tacos, I do love tacos for sure and here in GA they have some damn good tacos. Fact is though, I like being sly a lot more than I liked having the horseshoe. I like being able to walk walk outside without having the feeling like I should cover up. I think the sly look is slick. I really do. Do I think I'm fooling anyone into thinking I'm not balding? No. Would I sport the sly if I wasn't balding? Again, No. But see....I am balding.
That a simple fact. I can moan and bitch and whine all day. I'd still be balding.
Maybe it's all about turning lemons into sweet sweet lemonade Jodah777.
You can go through life sour or bitter if you wish.
Seem such a needless bad time though. I don't have any answers for you Jodah. It seems simple to me, I wouldn't want to go through life sour and bitter so I don't. I suspect there is no easy answer to your issue. Maybe some postive energy will rub off on you though? There's lots of that here for sure!! :)
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Would anyone here tell a black person with vitiligo that there's nothing to feel bad about? Would you tell them that anyone that can't see it as awesome is an ass? Would you tell them that "dalmatian is beautiful?" Just because a problem is purely aesthetic, it doesn't mean that there is no problem or that it can be rationalized away. We are an aesthetic world.
Find a group of black people with vitiligo and ask them if they were given a choice, which would they rather have -- vitiligo or MPB. I'm betting that the overwhelming majority of them would greatly prefer to have MPB.
Self-pity is not productive, and as long as you insist on wallowing in it and rejecting everything everyone here is trying to say, you can't be helped. You seem determined to resist getting over this problem, so what exactly is it that you expect to get out of this site? Why are you here?
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(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fkk136%2Fbaldandre08%2Fbeforeandafter.jpg&hash=60958a0431a07abe16604bee3a6406251d913100)
Now there's a head that just doesn't look right with hair on it. You look a lot more at ease without it. Kudos to you for figuring that out early on and being ahead of the trend. I wish I could say that I'd have had the guts to shave my full head of hair when nobody else was doing it, but the truth is I probably never would have done it without a big push from Mother Nature.
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I know that as soon as someone gets to know me, they'll like me. This is because I like to help, I'm considerate of others, and I'm honest. I've never had a problem getting along with people. I just don't like jumping this damned hurdle.
I come to this discussion late, but I have read the entire thread and all I have to say is this:
Being a bald man is not simply about the lack of hair. Think on that carefully and remember it.
Lots of people (myself included) have CHOSEN to shave our heads. Yes, I am what is termed "Bald By Choice" (or BBC). Yes, thats right, I CAN grow a full head of curly red hair, but I choose to do what others feel they are forced to do.
Though I would argue that almost EVERY bald man is BBC. Have ANY of you gone FULLY bald and not had to shave ANY of the remaining hair off your heads? Any Alopecia Totalis sufferers out there? No? Then you have joined a group of very diverse men who have all chosen to take our own appearances into our own hands and CHOSEN to remove your hair voluntarily.
This group is made up of men who have chosen to be masters of their own destinies (at least where hair fashion is concerned). And I respect and love every one of them for it.
Seriously, dude. It's ALL about your perspective. You don't seem to see the clean, sharp, charismatic, confident you.
You seem to see "the guy with no hair". So long as that is the case, you'll never accept yourself for who you are.
You are a man who CHOOSES to shave his head, instead of a man who allows himself to be victimized by nature. It's not a "hurdle" it's a simple choice. EXACTLY the same as ANY man, anywhere who chooses ANY hairstyle to flatter him in any stage of life, you have chosen the SLY look. It is a statement. "I will decide to look like this!". Just like I have personally chosen to be a tattooed and pierced man. You have chosen to be a SLY Guy. O0
You COULD choose to let whatever hair you naturally grow, to come in, in whatever pattern you would naturally grow it. You COULD choose to grow it and stretch it and comb it over and under and around and lie to yourself about who you are naturally. You COULD choose to be false to yourself and the world around you.
But you have chosen to say "No. This is me, my choice. I will remove my hair and become myself".
Yet at the same time you seem to be choosing to see yourself (consciously or subconsciously) as lacking or missing something that many others have (a full head of hair). But what you fail to realize is that you aren't lacking or missing anything other than the faith in and respect for your own choice to be a proud head shaving man.
I would Invite you, I would entreat you, I would challenge you to really, truly, DEEPLY accept, and love yourself for your own courage and your own choice in your appearance and for basing it not just on the word and approval of others (you refer often to the opinions of others). But to understand and to accept and to respect your own choices.
Damn it bro, you CHOOSE to shave your head EVERY time you touch razor to scalp. Show the courage of your convictions! Hair is just hair for f**k sake! it's not oxygen! It's not food! It's not essential to life. You are and can be a complete, whole, powerful, beautiful person with or without it.
But YOU have to accept it... For real.
I don't mean to be rude in any way. But you really seem to be in serious need of some self love and true self acceptance.
You've come to the right place for support. But, in the end, it's really up to you.
And Andre: "Yes, much much better bald."
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Andre: no question that you are better bald.
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Andre: Yep, you were meant to be bald....you look much better without the hair!
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I think Andre looked Okay with his hair, but I agree that you look GREAT bald.
Jodah, man. It sounds like you're really hurting. In my own personal experience I have found that honest people trust others, thieves assume others steal, and insecure people assume others are insecure as well.
While I can't speak for others, I can do the next best thing and assume that when a man says something he means it. But for myself, I had plenty of hair and I took it all off. And I love it. At this point in time it almost seems useless to try and tell you much of anything, though. If I tell you that you look good, will you assume I am lying to make you feel better? Or perhaps I am telling you that YOU look good so that I PERSONALLY can feel good about my own look?
I don't know what to tell you if you think we're phony here, man. I'm not, and I can tell that a great number of the other guys here aren't either. But if you're not willing to take anything we say at face value, I don't know what on earth WE'RE supposed to do or write to change that. Just like your self-loathing, WE can't do anything about you distrust of people.
You've got an issue with being bald, fine. I have an issue with an auto-immune disease. Wanna talk about what's fair? I truly, honestly don't know what you want. You say you have tons of support. You say your social life isn't lacking. You say your identity wasn't found in your hair. You say people tell you that you look great, and you do. The only thing that you mention that gives you any trouble is sensitivity and bumps. There's threads all over about these things if you want some help with it. You could also start your own topic looking for help in these things. I'm SURE there are other head shavers experiencing your difficulties. But the attitude you give off sometimes seems like there's more to the story than trouble with a shaving ritual.
If I didn't care, I wouldn't have posted, Jodah. I am making myself late to work because I wanted to put down my thoughts for you. It would be nice if you could read my words with an open mind...
Peace,
J. Digory
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Thanks all you guys for the "nod" on the bald noggin'..
even though I'm always pretty confident on my choice...
kudos are always nice to hear! O0
I really hope you all feel the same about your bald headed appearance!8)
Good lookin' group we got here! ;)
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BaldAndre, you do look much better bald than with hair.You looked ok with hair but the hair actually made you look older.The bald look makes you look younger and more macho.May I ask how old you are? I'm 51 and people tell me I look younger with the buzz cut than I did with the hairpiece.
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BaldAndre, you do look much better bald than with hair.You looked ok with hair but the hair actually made you look older.The bald look makes you look younger and more macho.May I ask how old you are? I'm 51 and people tell me I look younger with the buzz cut than I did with the hairpiece.
41...thanks for the props! O0
Bald is the fountain of youth brutha!
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Like an demonic clock, my emotions have run out of gas. I am bipolar. That's how it goes for me. Every now and again, I feel the weight of the world crushing me. I have a lot of problems in life that I can't really figure out, so I usually end up feeling bad about the things I understand all too well. I would like to thank the (mostly) encouraging people here for positive support. I write a lot of things on this site because it lingers in my head. My goal in this is to have someone prove me wrong. (Or at least make a point.)
I do have enough to be unhappy about, but it usually bottlenecks into / is set off by MPB. Just when I think I'm on top of the mountain, or at least out of the rain, the other shoe drops and a trap-door opens beneath me. I do not claim to have life worse than anybody else. Worse is an opinion. However, everybody understands "bad". "Bad" is what you feel when there isn't enough good. Regardless of what a problem is, if there isn't enough good to balance it out, the resulting emotion is "bad". I wake up every day without enjoying it. I am alive for the ridiculous and unfounded hope of a better tomorrow. The daily burden of a life without joy is rather taxing; it leads to my mind revisiting dark hallways and haunted rooms.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this.... Until I find something good in my life, something worth waking up for, I will (every now and again) post some angry, unresolved issues on this site. I will never enjoy being bald, for it has been a dread that I've always known would come to fruition, even as a little kid. As such is true, I will always ponder the unasked questions in my mind. I will always think beyond the answers I get in life. I will always question the accepted wisdom. I'm never content to be miserable and not question why.
One thought that nobody really touched is something I will form into a question; Does it not make sense that I miss my hair? (Paraplegics walk in their dreams, I have hair in mine.) (To dissolve any ignorant responses, I'm not comparing the two, I'm talking about one's true identity existing in dreams.)
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Yeah, it makes sense to miss your hair. You're not wrong for your feelings, Jodah. My experiences are very different from yours so I am just trying to understand even a little bit of what you are experiencing. I can completely understand the "bad" you're talking about...I guess when things are bad for me with very little hope I tend to feel some apathy. It's not the same as depression...I just stop caring.
Anyway, I really do hope you find peace and happiness. As far as I am personally concerned, you're always free to rant and rave as much as you like. I just wasn't sure what you expected from us is all. As for my end, I am the type of friend that would gladly bounce ideas back and forth with you, but I don't think I am up to the task of proving anyone wrong.
Perhaps this is a dumb thing to say, but I'm going to say it anyway. If you are ever considering suicide tell someone that can help you out, man. You already know you're a likable guy and people really do care for you. Don't go breaking all those hearts and ours too!
I easily get freaked out when people box me in...I get spooked and feel threatened. Sometimes people seem to think I can just stop feeling that way but I honestly can't. I wish I could wave a wand and tell you to stop having anxiety over your hair, but I can't. And while I can tell people to back up off me a little bit, you can't tell your hair to come back. Not trying to make you feel worse...I just have diarrhea of the brain after 14 hours of work.
Here's to more GOOD to balance out the bad in our lives!
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I doesn't make sense to miss your hair if it's going to make you miserable. ;)
Do I miss having a full head of hair...sure. Big deal.
You need to work on dwelling on the positives in your life, not focus on things you cannot change and that make you upset or angry. :)
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Like an demonic clock, my emotions have run out of gas. I am bipolar. That's how it goes for me. Every now and again, I feel the weight of the world crushing me. I have a lot of problems in life that I can't really figure out, so I usually end up feeling bad about the things I understand all too well. I would like to thank the (mostly) encouraging people here for positive support. I write a lot of things on this site because it lingers in my head. My goal in this is to have someone prove me wrong. (Or at least make a point.)
I do have enough to be unhappy about, but it usually bottlenecks into / is set off by MPB. Just when I think I'm on top of the mountain, or at least out of the rain, the other shoe drops and a trap-door opens beneath me. I do not claim to have life worse than anybody else. Worse is an opinion. However, everybody understands "bad". "Bad" is what you feel when there isn't enough good. Regardless of what a problem is, if there isn't enough good to balance it out, the resulting emotion is "bad". I wake up every day without enjoying it. I am alive for the ridiculous and unfounded hope of a better tomorrow. The daily burden of a life without joy is rather taxing; it leads to my mind revisiting dark hallways and haunted rooms.
I guess what I'm trying to say is this.... Until I find something good in my life, something worth waking up for, I will (every now and again) post some angry, unresolved issues on this site. I will never enjoy being bald, for it has been a dread that I've always known would come to fruition, even as a little kid. As such is true, I will always ponder the unasked questions in my mind. I will always think beyond the answers I get in life. I will always question the accepted wisdom. I'm never content to be miserable and not question why.
One thought that nobody really touched is something I will form into a question; Does it not make sense that I miss my hair? (Paraplegics walk in their dreams, I have hair in mine.) (To dissolve any ignorant responses, I'm not comparing the two, I'm talking about one's true identity existing in dreams.)
tough one bro...you do have issues...
and it's not your hair...
hang in there and hang out here...
at least you can see a bunch of other bald heads staring back at you and you know you are NOT the only bald person in this world! ;)
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bald is like the most popular hair style on the planet O0
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Kojack- I sure would love to dwell on positives. I've yet to find any that don't involve saying things like, "At least I'm not on fire." The word "not" makes that a literally (not figuratively) negative statement. A negative cannot count as a positive, so I'm lacking.
BaldAndre- Yep. The hair isn't the issue. That's just what it comes out as. Although sometimes it is an issue, just not nearly the predominant one.
JDigory- Suicidal thoughts have been a gigantic part of my life. I have a scar on my wrist, I've been on meds that made me worse, I've been on drugs that numbed the pain, I've had enough conversations on life to write a book, I spent 3 awful days in a looney bin, and I'm always on guard looking for the next horrible thing about to haunt my life. So, nothing you say could ever make me feel worse. Brain diarrhea is better than brain constipation. I always value what people have to say.
I have another question to anybody who would like to answer.... What makes getting up in the morning worth it for you? I get up feeling sleepy and cranky, dreading the day to come. What about y'all? I know it's not a bald question, but I'd still like to know what kind of mental fuel people run on.
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What gets me up in the morning?
Each day is a new opportunity to make a difference, do my best and help someone that needs help.
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I don't look forward to anything when I wake up lol. I get up, I go to the gym, I have about an hour break, and then I work for 9 hours (well 1 hour lunch). Then I go to bed and do it all over again.
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I have another question to anybody who would like to answer.... What makes getting up in the morning worth it for you? I get up feeling sleepy and cranky, dreading the day to come. What about y'all? I know it's not a bald question, but I'd still like to know what kind of mental fuel people run on.
Hmmm, that's a tough one...
different stages brought (bring) different reasons why..
in the teens some thing different than 20's, then the 30's something different and so on..
big thing though..be it a party, vacation cool weekend...you need something to look forward to...
always...whatever that may be...
You mean comin' to SBG isn't enough for you, even with all these handsome bald headed bro's? ;)
Just kiddin'...hang tough! O0
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Kojack- I sure would love to dwell on positives. I've yet to find any that don't involve saying things like, "At least I'm not on fire." The word "not" makes that a literally (not figuratively) negative statement. A negative cannot count as a positive, so I'm lacking.
BaldAndre- Yep. The hair isn't the issue. That's just what it comes out as. Although sometimes it is an issue, just not nearly the predominant one.
JDigory- Suicidal thoughts have been a gigantic part of my life. I have a scar on my wrist, I've been on meds that made me worse, I've been on drugs that numbed the pain, I've had enough conversations on life to write a book, I spent 3 awful days in a looney bin, and I'm always on guard looking for the next horrible thing about to haunt my life. So, nothing you say could ever make me feel worse. Brain diarrhea is better than brain constipation. I always value what people have to say.
I have another question to anybody who would like to answer.... What makes getting up in the morning worth it for you? I get up feeling sleepy and cranky, dreading the day to come. What about y'all? I know it's not a bald question, but I'd still like to know what kind of mental fuel people run on.
Here's a couple positives for ya. At least people like you. At least you're attractive. Hey, they're small, but I know the first one from your own words and what little I know of you already, and the second one is apparent from your avatar.
Sometimes it's obligation that gets me up. Some of the things that keep me going when things get tough though, are my family and friends. Seriously. Just thinking about seeing them can cheer me up, or get me a little sad (my family is darn near everything to me and they are not in the same state for some reason).
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I have another question to anybody who would like to answer.... What makes getting up in the morning worth it for you? I get up feeling sleepy and cranky, dreading the day to come. What about y'all? I know it's not a bald question, but I'd still like to know what kind of mental fuel people run on.
As someone who feels very fortunate just to be alive, I love seeing what the next day will bring me. I love to find out what new adventures lie ahead. I love to see how I can make a difference.
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Heres a thought, find meaningful study or work that is based on a fun thing you would like, or do like to do. I think your still in school ? Why not find what makes you happy when you are happy and run with it. SO few people seem to find work they really love so why not try to find a career you will or would really love. I walked away from my first career and started a brand new one based on a hobby/fun interest I always had but my ego was too frightened to let me try... Now I cant get enough of it, 7 days a week sometimes, the line between work and hobby has faded away- fun=work, work=fun. Then you will find a part of your mind you have not been to yet and cannot even imagine right now. But you must push the frightened ego aside that holds you back. We all must. It is the most challenging part of being Human.
The ego wants only to survive and hold to whatever is at hand because it is our survival mechanism, no matter how bad our lives are at the moment, the ego says "keep what you have or else you will have less". If you have a chemical imbalance in your brain then take the meds and move on, see what is here for you, see what you can create.
You have not discovered this yet but believe me there are so many guys who are turned on only by bald guys...just like women who only like bald straight guys...one day your baldness will be an asset you will cash in on. At your age I couldnt see that...but I do now. Trust one day you will think and feel differently you just cant see it yet...
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Good lookin' group we got here! ;)
It's a VERY good looking group we got here.
It's why I keep coming back - to perv over all ya pics! lol
with hair you kinda remind me of a sleazy door-to-door salesman, or
someone from a cheesy american soap. No offence! ;)
BA, you are a total hottie bald :@`
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Good lookin' group we got here! ;)
It's a VERY good looking group we got here.
It's why I keep coming back - to perv over all ya pics! lol
with hair you kinda remind me of a sleazy door-to-door salesman, or
someone from a cheesy american soap. No offence! ;)
BA, you are a total hottie bald :@`
Thanks! :@` :@` :@`
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with hair you kinda remind me of a sleazy door-to-door salesman, or
someone from a cheesy american soap. No offence! ;)
Magma, I was thinking Vinny from New Jersey, who was about to get whacked for ratting out the mob. Now he's on the West Coast in the Witness Protection Plan :*))
BA, you don't happen to have any of those WiseGuy suits with the shirts that have the real pointy collars do yuz? :*))
Red
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Heres a thought, find meaningful study or work that is based on a fun thing you would like, or do like to do. I think your still in school ? Why not find what makes you happy when you are happy and run with it. SO few people seem to find work they really love so why not try to find a career you will or would really love. I walked away from my first career and started a brand new one based on a hobby/fun interest I always had but my ego was too frightened to let me try... Now I cant get enough of it, 7 days a week sometimes, the line between work and hobby has faded away- fun=work, work=fun. Then you will find a part of your mind you have not been to yet and cannot even imagine right now. But you must push the frightened ego aside that holds you back. We all must. It is the most challenging part of being Human.
The ego wants only to survive and hold to whatever is at hand because it is our survival mechanism, no matter how bad our lives are at the moment, the ego says "keep what you have or else you will have less". If you have a chemical imbalance in your brain then take the meds and move on, see what is here for you, see what you can create.
You have not discovered this yet but believe me there are so many guys who are turned on only by bald guys...just like women who only like bald straight guys...one day your baldness will be an asset you will cash in on. At your age I couldnt see that...but I do now. Trust one day you will think and feel differently you just cant see it yet...
Great post chgobuzzbald! Welcome to the forum btw
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with hair you kinda remind me of a sleazy door-to-door salesman, or
someone from a cheesy american soap. No offence! ;)
Magma, I was thinking Vinny from New Jersey, who was about to get whacked for ratting out the mob. Now he's on the West Coast in the Witness Protection Plan :*))
BA, you don't happen to have any of those WiseGuy suits with the shirts that have the real pointy collars do yuz? :*))
Well, I have been known to pull out the whole black suit/ black shirt with a silver or white tie...
very sharp...and yea, a bit o' wise guy...
but hey.... I am Italian, it's in my blood! ;)
Red
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I knew it :o
BALDANDRE is even a wiseguy name.