Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => General Discussion => Topic started by: Tucker-54 on June 19, 2008, 05:40:25 PM
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Okay guys heres the deal.
Ever since january I've been really good friends with a girl. We REALLY hit it off. :@` I'm training for a military/ Law Enforcement career. And she has been doing ballet since she was 3. She was looking to tone up for her upcoming performance. I took her rockclimbing, to the gym and cycling classes, walking the dogs, hiking, running, biking, always something new, exciting, and different. We really started to fall for each other, well at least I fell for her. She ended up losing about 10 pounds of fat, and looks AMAZING. We would hang out maybe 3 days a week, and usually we spent friday nights with eachother at someones house wathcing a movie or some sort of romantic activity. We both met, and get along with, each others parents. And it seemed like she really liked me. I got along with her friends well, and we went to a few concerts and events together. There was just one thing holding us back from a relationship, her ex. She is still attached (she claims its love, but she is just attached/lust) to a guy she dated about a year ago. I've asked her, and she said they don't have a sexual relationship anymore, and are just friends, but she still "loves" him. well I told her i was the type of guy willing to wait for the right girl, which i am. I thought she was the right girl. We talked about summer coming up, and how much we'd see eachother, and all the things we'd do (like hanging out, get your minds out of the gutters ;D). We even planned a possible vacation to Europe when we graduate next year. I even sat through her ballet performance AND bought her her favorite flowers which made her cry.
Well she is a pretty popular girl, well at least has ALOT of friends, so I knew she would be busy this summer. All of our friends told me that she and I were going to hang out alot and I was planning to ask her out sometime soon. It has been one week of summer, and it seems as if she doesn't even want to be my friend anymore..... I try to call her and make plans but its always "lets just play it by ear". She's always SUPER busy, and always out with someone. Its not a bad thing, its just that it seems she's unwilling to make plans with me. She keeps bailing last minute on the plans we do make, like when she says she's going to come to spinning class (which i go to cuz she likes it), but then last second she cancels... And Whats worse now is that I'll try to make plans on a day i know she is free and it's always "well i have no plans. I'll do something with you if im not doing something with somebody else. my life is an open book". It seems like i've become a "backup plan" for when she's bored or has no one else.... It bugs because we both got along SOO well. We both are alike in so many ways, and she is exactly the type of girl I can see myself marrying...
I don't think I've done anything wrong. I'm just being the sweet me. I bought her flowers, got on her parents good side. got along with her friends. always paid for everything. always let her have the final say. always made sure she was comfortable and everything was ok. She knows I'm always here for her, and I've been there to comfort her when she was feeling really depressed and down. I;ve talked to my friend and they have no clue what happend. She got along really well with all my friends too. Everyone honestly thought we were going to be the big couple of this year....
I want your guy's help/opinion/anything will help at this time. I'm a military brat, i don't usually share an opinion, especially on feelings. But with this it's different. She is/was really special to me and I really have no clue what happened... :-\ :-\
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Hey Tucker,
Good to meet you, bro. Anyway, I think you may have got friend-zoned. It seems like she currently considers you a friend, and not anything more. Breaking out of the "friend zone" isn't easy, but it can definitely be done. Basically, she needs to know how you feel, and more importantly, how strongly you feel. You might be thinking, "but I don't want to scare her off". That's the tough part. You have to take that risk and let her know how you feel. I wish I had better/easier advice for you, but that's all I have.
Good luck bro!
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Thanks BJR,
I've gotten that advice from a few of my friends. I actually did tell her how i felt a few months back. I told her how strongly i felt about her, and how badly i wanted to be in a relationship with her. She said she strongly liked me, but not quite what i felt.
It just seems that she is starting to ignore me. Like today, she wouldn't even tell me what she was doing, which is a first. She's always been really open to me and everything. We tell eachother everything.
Anyway, it seems she doesn't even want to be friends? IDK!
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You poor kid...... sounds like ya got it bad!!!! :@`
Really though, it sounds like maybe the pressure to go further has turned her away as she's not ready for a new relationship yet?
Have you actually told her you have "feelings" for her? Let her know how you feel -- put the ball in her court and see what happens....
If she doesn't want to move forward with a romantic relationship with you....
Then man up and just let it go. Life's too short to waste.
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and then start hitting on her friends :px
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Hmmm. I think maybe you should just give her some space then. I know that's tough and probably the last thing you want to do, but I would give her some space, and see how she reacts. It's a tough situation man, wish I could give you some more solid advice.
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Tucker, long time no chat. In all honesty, I think you might have been too nice of a guy (as strange as that may seem). She took advantage of the fact "Hey, Tucker will always be there for me, I'll go do something else this Friday night" (or whatever event was at hand). Trust me, I've been there.
Women are odd creatures, proceed with caution....you might end up marrying one.
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My advice would be to move on. Don't be a dick or call and let her know you're moving on. Just move on. My guess it that you'll still see her around and she'll notice that she's no longer on the pedestal that she was once on. It sounds like she knows what kind of guy you are and once she sees this she might decide to re-engage with you. If she doesn't, at least you've moved on.
I know this sounds cold, but you've put it out there and she hasn't taken it.
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as painful as it may be, move on! Give her plenty of space; you never know.
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My guess would be to much - to fast. I agree with Tyler kind of: Give her the impression that you have moved on. Don't make her think that you're not interested, just that you're busy too.
If she is interested in you, she will start "playing it by ear" with you instead of without you. Stay cool, don't be a jerk and be yourself, nobody can be you like you can.
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hey tucker: as a happily married sly guy... i enjoy hearing stories from my single friends, co-workers, & my fellow chrome domes. like the other brothers have stated... move on. as much as it hurts.... move on. whatever U do... move on.
let her call U. U have already stated your feelings 4 her & U didn't get the response U wanted. if she does.... "like" U than she will eventually come around. in the meantime... move on. good luck & keep us posted on your situation. remember that everything will B okay. O0
WARHAWK O0
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Tucker, Put the ball in her court. Show her you are desirable to more women than just her. And hit BaldRob up for some advice!
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I'm with Warhawk - I am so happy I am happily married. All that stuff gets complicated!
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Tucker, Put the ball in her court. Show her you are desirable to more women than just her. And hit BaldRob up for some advice!
i'm anxious 2 hear the advice from R sly single brothers like baldrob & champ007. baldrob? champ? we need your input...
WARHAWK O0
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I'm with Warhawk - I am so happy I am happily married. All that stuff gets complicated!
EXACTLY!!! O0
WARHAWK O0
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Tucker, Put the ball in her court. Show her you are desirable to more women than just her. And hit BaldRob up for some advice!
i'm anxious 2 hear the advice from R sly single brothers like baldrob & champ007. baldrob? champ? we need your input...
WARHAWK O0
And Nick! O0
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Tucker, long time no chat. In all honesty, I think you might have been too nice of a guy (as strange as that may seem). She took advantage of the fact "Hey, Tucker will always be there for me, I'll go do something else this Friday night" (or whatever event was at hand). Trust me, I've been there.
Women are odd creatures, proceed with caution....you might end up marrying one.
You are 100% right sir!
Dude you are being too nice man!! You have always been there for her and never left her to wonder and think. I bet that dude she still calims to love is a "bad boy". The whole nice guy thing only goes so far with chicks. You have to leave them thinking about you a little. I used to be the nice guy and let chicks walk all over me. I got cheated on one time by a girl who I was soooo in love with. From that point on I started living for me, not women in my life. I got a girl right now who wants me to grow my hair back..when she starts kicking up about it I tell her to get lost. Its cuz I dont care!! Thats the attitude you need to take. PLease take my advice and read anything by David DeAngelo. It will change the way u talk and deal with women. -
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My advice would be to move on. Don't be a dick or call and let her know you're moving on. Just move on. My guess it that you'll still see her around and she'll notice that she's no longer on the pedestal that she was once on. It sounds like she knows what kind of guy you are and once she sees this she might decide to re-engage with you. If she doesn't, at least you've moved on.
I know this sounds cold, but you've put it out there and she hasn't taken it.
That's exactly how I would handle it. She's taking you for granted. And for what it's worth, I was once in the same position so I know what it feels like.
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Yep bro...she's taking you for granted!
I think she does like you and because you are so available she doesn't feel a challenge or possible drama...
and sorry to say this, at your age it's ingrained you must have drama to have a "real relationship"..you know Laguna Beach or the Hills...girls feed off it and you are only giving her good times and something very comfortable...
not cool when you're young and dating...lame I know...your relationship sounds awesome for most people over ,d@mn this is funny saying this...20!
You probably ARE perfect for each other...but have met too young and at the wrong time on your life bro...
You may get her...but me thinks not right now :(...sorry bro...
but you're a cool, confident dude with a great sense when it comes to hairstyle selection...you should NOT be bummed being as confident as you are..
Just go have fun this summer and check in with her once a week...I'm sure some other hotties will dig your shiny bald head bro! ;)...and stick with the spinning class....hotties love to sweat!
Good luck !
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HA you guys are my heroes.
All your input has helped SOOOO much.
Its all so good I don't know how to thank all you guys.
As for the Ex guy, he IS the total bad-boy...tats and stuffl. What pisses me off with him is that he treats her like, pardon my french, a douche... she's too love drunk to realize it.... ha my friend and I box and always pretend the punching bag is "shawn" >:D maybe one day we'll meet in a dark alley somewhere and I'll give him the marine corps talking I've wanted to give him for a long time. :x!
So here's what I'm planning on doing: Not go for the bfgf stuff. Just be her friend. be there for her but at a distance. not make any moves. call her every once in a while. invite her to hang out but not really care if she comes or not.
One friend gave me advice to give her space and she'll start to miss me and stuff... thats what I'm going to go for.
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So here's what I'm planning on doing: Not go for the bfgf stuff. Just be her friend. be there for her but at a distance. not make any moves. call her every once in a while. invite her to hang out but not really care if she comes or not.
One friend gave me advice to give her space and she'll start to miss me and stuff... thats what I'm going to go for.
Awesome bro...just remember (and this one will be tough), have fun this summer and try to meet some girls if that's what you want to do...but here's the tough part...DO NOT feel like you are cheating on her if you meet a nice little hottie you want to get with...
sounds obvious and ya duh, she's not your girlfriend...but that feeling will kick in...DON'T let it bro!!!!
Now go have some fun bro...and quit wasting your time hanging out with a bunch of bald dudes! ;)
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Dude I'd rather hang with you guys anyday!!!!! ;)
well depends who else is on the menu if you know what I mean.
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Tucker-40, you got some great advice from some of the most righteous dudes on the planet. O0 Take it and make it your own and let us know how it goes.
Many of us have been there.
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WoW!! you guys - I'm totally in awe of y'all, that was some great advice you've given :)
This is just another reason why I love you all so much, for the camaraderie and
support that goes on in this forum.
You are a totally amazing bunch of fellas and I'm so proud to be able to call you my friends.
I know I'm gushing but just, again...wow! :@` :@` :@`
tucker... good luck mate. :)
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Yeah, we're pretty damn cool. 8)
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Sounds like you have the right plan Tucker. We got your back!
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WoW!! you guys - I'm totally in awe of y'all, that was some great advice you've given :)
This is just another reason why I love you all so much, for the camaraderie and
support that goes on in this forum.
You are a totally amazing bunch of fellas and I'm so proud to be able to call you my friends.
I know I'm gushing but just, again...wow! :@` :@` :@`
tucker... good luck mate. :)
Likewise to you and all the guys..
great people, great group! O0 O0 O0
D@mn...and I'm not even drunk!! ;)
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Maybe Ill take the love I've given to her and pour it out on all my brothers (and sister) here on SBG
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friend zone, bro. next time hold off on the flowers and parent smooching and all-expense paid hangouts til after you're already gettin' a piece. otherwise you're setting yourself up for massive disappointment and an empty wallet
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i say do her best friend and send her pictures. but i may not be the best person to give advice right now. ha ha ha ha seriously bro, just let it go.
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Good luck whichever way you decide to go.
My son has Asperger's Syndrome. I'm pretty borderline in this area myself (way beyond the border according to my wife). I find social situations quite stressful at times.
:-\
Don't listen to any relationship advice that I offer.
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Tucker, Put the ball in her court. Show her you are desirable to more women than just her. And hit BaldRob up for some advice!
i'm anxious 2 hear the advice from R sly single brothers like baldrob & champ007. baldrob? champ? we need your input...
WARHAWK O0
Sorry about being late for this but here ya go.....
W#p <------ Thats what you have been thus far, her whipping boy.
Don't tell her how you feel about her, thats just giving her assurance.
Quit spending money on her, if you ain't getting any give your money to a homless person, you will get more satisfaction from it!
Why does she still bang her ex (and she is banging him...trust me), because he rejected her as a person and it drives her crazy, she thinks if she keeps giving it to him he will like her :/O He is the smart one!
What he isn't giving her you are... so time to become unavailable. Don't call her, don't intiate anything. If she calls play her... put her off a but tell her maybe later and to try you back.
Let her invite you to dinner of lunch, when your done eating excuse yourself to the restroom, then walk near the table and say, I'll meet you outside and stiff her with the tab!
You have to show her that your time is vaulable and she should respect you more than her ex.
If she has feelings for you she will change, if not then find some action and you will quickly see that its not worth the bother. Don't ever try to win someones affection, its not gonna happen or you will be doing it the rest of your life... either way you lose!
There are plenty.... PLENTY of hot chicks out there, go order up a few >:D
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i say do her best friend and send her pictures. but i may not be the best person to give advice right now. ha ha ha ha seriously bro, just let it go.
thats "F"ing funny, but anyway...
you have got to freeze her out(move on) like Tyler said if you freeze her out and she comes back then maybe there's something to work with and quit being the "nice"guy it doesn't work bro', you can be nice but have a back bone. women need to have a chalange and a "nice" guy isn't a challange. Brother I have been there before I WAS the "nice" guy and it got me nowhere. I'm not saying that you have to be an A-hole but don't be to dang easy.
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Great advice here guys! I agree with Magnababe too, proud to be hangin with ya'all.... and bro whatever you do... DO NOT CHASE HER! It just makes you appear desperate and Im thinking you got put into the "friends" category... and once we put you there its reallllly tough to get out.
So my advice is do not call her or ask her out again, let her come to you and make her beg this time if she does come around, until then suck it up and move on!
Good luck and if its meant to be it will be.
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Thanks guys (and girls)
Yeah so I talked to her tonight and she said I was "smothering". She said it was too much of me texting her 24-7, which BTW she would text me and I would talk, and talk, and talk.....
Yeah, she said that just friends for now and if it's meant to be it will work its way out.
Also, I think she is just over reacting to school being out...
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Thanks guys (and girls)
Yeah so I talked to her tonight and she said I was "smothering". She said it was too much of me texting her 24-7, which BTW she would text me and I would talk, and talk, and talk.....
Yeah, she said that just friends for now and if it's meant to be it will work its way out.
Also, I think she is just over reacting to school being out...
she said you are smothering?????
I have one word for ya....
NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Women are impossible to figure out. :/O I think all women have multiple personalities. Some days they want Mr. Sensitive mushy guy and some days they want a macho guy. So I always try to be a little a both without going to far in either direction. It hasn't worked yet but maybe it will someday. ;D
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Women are impossible to figure out. :/O I think all women have multiple personalities. Some days they want Mr. Sensitive mushy guy and some days they want a macho guy. So I always try to be a little a both without going to far in either direction. It hasn't worked yet but maybe it will someday. ;D
I think youre right DanDan, I know personally for myself and alot of other women we dont like men we can push around.. we like to have to work for it just like you guys do... and remember..."whatever one chases runs away", thats true for both sexes. D!u!
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[ and remember..."whatever one chases runs away", thats true for both sexes. D!u!
......but thats what makes it so much fun ;-)
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She ended up losing about 10 pounds of fat, and looks AMAZING.
There was just one thing holding us back from a relationship, her ex. She is still attached (she claims its love, but she is just attached/lust) to a guy she dated about a year ago. I've asked her, and she said they don't have a sexual relationship anymore, and are just friends, but she still "loves" him.
Dude, these are the 2 things in your original post that raise the most red flags for me. Please keep in mind that I'm among the older people writing in this forum. That should raise a couple of issues, like: people have changed in the years since I've been on the dating market, or, I've never met this particular girl so how can I make judgements about her.
There may be others and they probably all are true so be prepared to disregard what I say as total bs. But I am relating the reality of what I have seen and experienced while "in the market".
Item #1: The fat issue. I would have to wonder if she got dumped by the ex because he lived his romantic life by the "no fat chicks" rule. This may be important. If he dumped her she clearly has unfinished business with him and it could run from "I'll get back in shape and show that a$$hole what he got rid of" to "oh God, I am so miserable without him, I'll do whatever he wants just so I can be Mrs. so and so and have all his babies....." This issue with the body fat could have happened before and she is living he vengeful life, taking it out on every guy she can. I kinda doubt this one but I've seen it before and it's toxic. Don't get any on ya!
Item #2: "She still loves him." She said it, not me. Clearly this is a DANGER sign in big red letters. Don't ignore this. It will undoubtedly be the undoing of any relationship that gets forced with this girl. Even if you pursue from a distance or play coy and stand back and wait for her to see what a good guy you really are are you really ready to spend your time at the office wondering why she's not answering her cell phone? And she has given you more than ample warning that she will be thinking about the ex whenever she has a little down time.
Based on my own experience both in the dating world and in police work I would say that the best thing to do as far as this girl is concerned is to put down your expectations of ever having a happy life with this one and back away from them. I say this for two reasons. Based on what I've seen and experienced any relationship that any guy but her ex has with her stands a high probability of a rapid crash and burn scenario at the end of it. (Picture yourself in the green room at the Jerry Springer show). And because you are going into law enforcement, dude, you need to have your wits about you at all times on the job. You cannot afford to be wondering if she's being faithful to you while you are on the midnight shift too far from home to do a drive-by to see who's car is sitting in your garage. (I put it that way to be a gentleman). I would do some major distance from this chick and when I see her number on my caller id I would hide in my closet.
Remember the old adage about the guy who found the frozen rattlesnake, took it home, nursed it back to health, only to have it bite him. When he asked the snake how he could do such a thing the snake replied "I'm a snake, that's what I do". You can't change anybody, that's a job for the shrinks. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Find a woman that you can be HAPPY with, not one that you know is gonna stress you out every chance she gets.
But I'm a crusty old fart and I may be wrong. Keep us posted.
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Thanks guys (and girls)
Yeah so I talked to her tonight and she said I was "smothering". She said it was too much of me texting her 24-7, which BTW she would text me and I would talk, and talk, and talk.....
Yeah, she said that just friends for now and if it's meant to be it will work its way out.
Also, I think she is just over reacting to school being out...
Like Nomad said if she said that....dont ever talk to her again. You have to act like you got it going on and could care less about her existence. Like my dad always told me about dealing with women. " You got to act like your thing is 2 inches around women.......2 inches from the floor"
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Remember the old adage about the guy who found the frozen rattlesnake, took it home, nursed it back to health, only to have it bite him. When he asked the snake how he could do such a thing the snake replied "I'm a snake, that's what I do". You can't change anybody, that's a job for the shrinks. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Find a woman that you can be HAPPY with, not one that you know is gonna stress you out every chance she gets.
But I'm a crusty old fart and I may be wrong. Keep us posted.
buddha and Dan, Your guy's helped alot. I think you are both right. I'm just going to give up on her. It's going to be hard, I know it, becuase every time she calls I get the butterflies and she makes everything seem okay. I think that's why she is such a hit with other guys. I'm going to stop communications on my end to her, but if she wants to say Hi or hang out, she can. I think this type of girl could be a good friend but maybe not relationship material yet. I think she needs herself to grow up, and when she realizes that a$$hole guys get you nowhere, she'll realize the mistake she made. She talks about wanting a family and a wonderful husband and a nice house.......... yeah with the guy's she associates her self with (besides me), thats not going to happen. She just wants to be a free spirit right now and I;m going to let her....... her loss.
Thanks again for all your help and support
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Tuck, when a woman says that she wants to be "friends" with a guy that means she has absolutely no interest in anything to do with that particular man's loins.
I wouldn't answer my phone if I had any idea that the person on the other end of the line was her other than to tell her to "eff" off. And I definitely wouldn't "hang out" with anyone, man or woman, who had shown me that kind of "love". This chick is not relationship material and she seems not to qualify as a friend, either. But you gotta do what is right for you, my man, I just hope that it doesn't turn out to be a frozen rattler.
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Yeah thanks buddha.
Hey guys what do you think of this:
should I send her the URL to this thread???!!!
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what does her mom look like? that would really piss her off. >:D
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haha, no I don't want to make enemies...her mom is actually really sweet. Like I still really want to be friends with her cuz she makes me feel good. she makes everything seem alright. I think thats why i fell for her
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ok here goes some brutal honesty:
DUDE SHE IS TREATING YOU LIKE HER DOORMAT. SHE KNOWS THAT YOU WILL BE THERE WAITING AND SHE THINKS IT IS A GAME. ONLY PROBLEM IS, YOU ARE GONNA BE THE ONE TO LOSE AT HER GAME. SERIOUSLY LITTLE BRO. YOU ARE YOUNG, GET THE HELL OVER THIS CHICK. SHE REALLY AIN'T WORTH THE STRESS. AFTER SHE SEES THAT YOU MOVED ON AND ARE HAPPY, MAYBE SHE WILL COME BACK. MAYBE NOT. BUT WHO THE HELL CARES ? YOU WILL HAVE MOVED ON AND WILL BE HAPPY. DON'T WAIT AROUND FOR TEN YEARS LIKE I DID. GO BE HAPPY NOW BRO. YOU DESERVE IT. THE LONGER YOU LET HER GET AWAY WITH TRAMPLING ON YOUR HEART, THE HARDER SHE WILL STOMP. PLEASE BRO, GO BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
wow, i just made myself feel better. cool, i hope you listen tucker.
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I'm listening.... All your guy's input is sooo important.
It's just soo hard tho. When your feelings get attached to someone its hard to break the bond... especially when she makes me feel like #1... I mean she "says" she appreciates my friendship and blah blah blah mooshymooshy and i really WANT to believe her cuz of how I feel and I think thats whats F---ing me up right now is that my mind wants me to be done, but my heart doens't :-[
I do appreciate all the input, its really helping. this thing is just tooooo complicated for simple ol me.
ALSO: she says that its just a phaze since summer has just started. Not a phaze for her, but for me. During school we hung outall the time but since theres no school she's hanging out with all the people she couldn't.
She says she doesn't want a relationship and she wants to be free, which in my thinking means she wants to be able to hook up with any guy she wants, and thats really uncool to me.
Theres definitely pros and cons of being with her, even being her friend...
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dude, i totally understand. my wife of ten years left a couple weeks ago for an ex boyfriend from before we met. i know how hard it is to let go. it will get better. i hope.
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Hey Bro,
I didn't read all the replies, but as hard as it is to hear you gotta move on.
When you meet someone that you fall head over heals over it can't be one sided. When you meet the right one, you will both feel the same way.
Trust me dude, you gotta suffer some heart breaks before you get the girl of your dreams. I have been exactley where you are now, and trust me, no matter what you say, do or don't do, she will not be yours. She sees you more like a friend then anything else, and you don't want someone who doesn't want you back. It's not worth the effort.
Good Luck Bro and when the right one comes along, she will be as crazy about you as you are about her and everything will flow just right.
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originally posted by pburke
dude, i totally understand. my wife of ten years left a couple weeks ago for an ex boyfriend from before we met. i know how hard it is to let go. it will get better. i hope.
Oh Man, I didn't see this. Sorry Bro.
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I can't really add much to what's already been said except to say that you deserve better than a "friend" like this. Always remember that and don't ever be a doormat for anyone.
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hey bro,
Listen, i've been there A LOT of times, where she's all you think about, you dont care about hanging out with other chicks OR even your best buddies. Even if you do hang out with your buddies, you're thinking about her..... i've been there.
Let me share something with you. I'm sure it's been said here before. Yes, you need to get over her, that's nothing new, and that's the hardest thing about this whole deal. but the ONLY way to do that, is GET RID of every contact you have with her. Delete her number from your cell phone, if you talk to her online, BLOCK her. DONT call her and DONT text her. It'll be hard for the first few days, but i guaruntee you, you'll get over her. If you COMPLETELY dissapear to her, she will definately be wondering where you are at and what you are doing if you cut off all contact with her all of a sudden. You need to find other things you enjoy WITHOUT HER, if you aren't happy by yourself, you cant be happy with someone else.
If she told you that you were smother, that is NOT a good thing at all man.. i dont mean to be a jerk or anything about it, but i have been there and i have learned from it, the hard way... SO... now that you know you're smothering her, cut off all contact with her, and do YOUR OWN thing, for at least the time being...
I would even go as far as turning her down if she asks to hang out with you the first time. dont be mean about it, just say you have plans and you'll hang out another time.... IF YOU MAKE YOURSELF TOO EASY FOR THEM TO GET, THE GAME IS OVER! it really is a big game man, you just have to be a little strategic about it and you'll be fine.
you ever wonder why girls like bad guys and good guys finish last? it's because the "bad" guys have figured out the game, and dont let the girls control the "game"
i'm by no means an expert on this subject, but i do know a few things on it and i've put them into practice and seen the results i was looking for. i hope i helped man, if you have any questions just let me know and i can elaborate more.
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dude, i totally understand. my wife of ten years left a couple weeks ago for an ex boyfriend from before we met. i know how hard it is to let go. it will get better. i hope.
Bro...really?!? I'm Sorry dude!!!
I hate sh!t like that!
Sucks!!!!
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PBurke, I'm really sorry to hear about your wife.... that really sucks. stay strong man.
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dude, i totally understand. my wife of ten years left a couple weeks ago for an ex boyfriend from before we met. i know how hard it is to let go. it will get better. i hope.
Wow that sux donkey private parts. :(
Try to take it day by day for that cute little fella in your avatar pic.
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hey bro,
Listen, i've been there A LOT of times, where she's all you think about, you dont care about hanging out with other chicks OR even your best buddies. Even if you do hang out with your buddies, you're thinking about her..... i've been there.
Babb, you hit the nail on the head with that one. But In my opinion I think what you said is a little extreme. Like she really is a good friend to me and I think disregarding her altogether would be bad... I think I just need a little space to get over the relationship deal and re evaluate things. I can see us being friends for now and if she wises up oneday, maybe she'll come back. I agree with alot of you: I think my timing was just off.
I love how everyone has an opinion and we all agree on most stuff just some people are at the extremes (im not saying you are babb, just in general)
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dude, i totally understand. my wife of ten years left a couple weeks ago for an ex boyfriend from before we met. i know how hard it is to let go. it will get better. i hope.
Wow that sux donkey private parts. :(
Try to take it day by day for that cute little fella in your avatar pic.
thanks guys. yes phsrynk, he and his brother are really keeping me sane right now. gotta do it for them.
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i can see how my opinion may be a little extreme....i'm not saying you shouldnt' want anything to do with her, i would just put everything on the back burner...because she KNOWS that even though you want to hang out as "just friends", you STILL want more, and that could be still smothering... all i would say is dont hold her at a higher priority or anything else when it comes to spending time with her...if she doesn't put in the effort to even a friendship, then why should you? it's a two way street....so if YOU are always calling and always texting....then dont and soon enough, she'll wonder why... she wants your attention, and now that you're giving it to her anytime she wants, it's like no big deal, but take that away and sometimes dont give it to her when she wants, she'll want it even more... i'm telling you it works.
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thanks guys. yes phsrynk, he and his brother are really keeping me sane right now. gotta do it for them.
And they are all that matter right now. They too are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Ok I was debating if I should post this, because alot of people dont agree with this but here I go....
Men and women cannot be friends
It is true. If a guy is being all nice, and sweet, and caring to a girl he ultimatly wants to get in her pants. I dont buy that guys like to hang out with girls to be "friends". There is a flicker in that guy's head that he wants to do her. When a woman tells me that she has guy friends, she just has a bunch of guys that want to give her the root. Some of you may disagree, but I speak from experience, and from most of the men I know.
So Tuck man put this girl on the road. You dont need to be her friend. She is viewing you as a weak man trust me. Get you a nice summer romance goin. Hey once you join the service, you will be overwhelmed with chicks!!! So dont worry about it my bald friend!
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^^^
Some good points. I think that men and women CAN be friends if the man can douse that flicker. It's really unlikely until the man has matured though.
Lotsa teens and twenties nowadays do that so called "friends" thing but in reality they're doin it like bunnies just like always. Friends right now, friends with benefits, friends that I slept with before, friends I might sleep with later, friends my friends slept with, etc etc etc.
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Babb, I agree with your last stuff.
I think i put it before, but what I decided was to give up on the whole relationship deal. I'm not going to text her very much, maybe once or twice a week to see how she is or how she's been (she has diabetes). I'll invite her to exercise or do stuff, but really not care if she comes, and NOT pay for stuff. she can just come along for the ride if she's interested. I'm not going to be mooshy gooshy, sit on the other side of the couch if we watch movies, or keep the arm rest down at the theaters. Its going to be really hard but I'm gonna have to do it.
If she wants me, she can make the moves, sit close to me, call me, ask me to hang out, pay for me...... pretty much if she wants me she's going to have to take on the role of the guy...
lets see how that works. I'm not going to care, as hard as it may be, if she hooks up with other guys.
But the one thing that I wont stop doing is be there for her. Thats just the type of guy I am. I'm always there for any of my friends, and I'd unquestionly take a bullet for any one of them. I'll be there for her, a shoulder to cry on, but be hard to get and not someone to walk on.
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she just has a bunch of guys that want to give her the root.
:*)) ;D :*)) ;D
Ahhhh Nick, LMFAO, I haven't heard that one for a long time.
BTW, I totally agree with your post. I believe that there is always an underlying sexual tension between men and women "friends".
I disagree with Pshrynk, though, about it being a queston of maturity. I believe that this is attributable to the primitive part of the brain, that reptilian area that knows only fight or flight. It is the part of our manly brain that sizes up other men as potential opponents and women as potential mates. This is part of our "survival" mindset that has enabled the species to thrive as it has with, perhaps, questionable results. Saying that this a "maturity" problem is a '90s way of making a man feel ashamed of his most natural responses to the world around him. Screw shame! We are as we were created!
Tuck, you have made it crystal-clear that you are going to hang in there. Good luck with that.
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Tuck...Brother....nononononono!
men and women can be friends but not the way you went about it. you started this off trying to get with her and she knows it. now she's playing you, your the fall back, when she has nothing or no one else to do, she calls her "little buddy" to come and make her feel good and give her something to do. If she ever says any different, she's lying out her a$$. you have got to move on. we may all seem to you to be coming at you rather harsh, but dude it is what it is, gotta be a little harsh sometimes.
I had a girl try to tell me once that I was her friend, I told her that "friends I have, friends I don't need, what I need is a BJ" and I never had to deal with all the BS your going through. sory that just a funny one that did happen to me.
dude just dont let her play you like she is, no matter what you may think or what she might say thats whats happening
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Hi, I do not agree, you should always be nice, in the end u will always end up with a nice person.Over the years i have seen the best and worst people and i know who i would rather be with.Look at people u know the bad boys might get 1 or 2 ladies but the nice guy gets more classy ones, do not sell yourself short, be nice and enjoy every second of your life
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check this link out:
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/85967/dating-secret-exposed-why-nice-guys-finish-last;_ylc=X3oDMTRtc21iZW9sBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEX3MDMjAyMzQzNDQ4OQRrA0RhdGluZyBTZWNyZXQgRXhwb3NlZCAtIFdoeSBOaWNlIEd1eXMgRmluaXNoIExhc3QEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawNkYXRpbmctc2VjcmV0IC1leHBvc2VkIC0gd2h5LW5pY2UgLWd1eXMtZmluaXNoLWxhc3QEenoDYQ-- (http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/85967/dating-secret-exposed-why-nice-guys-finish-last;_ylc=X3oDMTRtc21iZW9sBF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEX3MDMjAyMzQzNDQ4OQRrA0RhdGluZyBTZWNyZXQgRXhwb3NlZCAtIFdoeSBOaWNlIEd1eXMgRmluaXNoIExhc3QEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawNkYXRpbmctc2VjcmV0IC1leHBvc2VkIC0gd2h5LW5pY2UgLWd1eXMtZmluaXNoLWxhc3QEenoDYQ--)
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Thank You birdman. I agree with you completely. In my opinion If I'm always nice, I'll eventually find a nice girl.
I don't want to be a badboy and end up with a wrong girl. Plus, I'm not the typical guy that wants to go around humping every thing that moves.
I want to find the nice right girl, and stick her. I mean stick WITH her. ha
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Thank You birdman. I agree with you completely. In my opinion If I'm always nice, I'll eventually find a nice girl.
I don't want to be a badboy and end up with a wrong girl. Plus, I'm not the typical guy that wants to go around humping every thing that moves.
I want to find the nice right girl, and stick her. I mean stick WITH her. ha
You don't have to be a "bad boy." I don't think anyone is saying that. Just remember that being a nice guy doesn't mean that you have to let people walk all over you.
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To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything - why would she value him? She won't. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.
^^^^^^^^^ I think Thats what I DID.
He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I'd like to go out with you, but if I can't, that's OK -- I'm a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options.
^^^^^ And Thats What I'm GOING to do
Thanks for that site
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and another one:
http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/81390/10-dating-signs-youre-being-needy (http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/81390/10-dating-signs-youre-being-needy)
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that fricking link is making this it hard to read Paulie! Haha Thats why I took that link down earlier! :D
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Thats a good one. I only have two of those symptoms
does that mean I'm only 20% clingy?? haha
That guy is a real-life Hitch except not black
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sorry.
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PBurke...great links man. And sorry to hear about your wife. Stay strong!
Tucker...sounds like you're going to handle this thing just the way it needs to be handled. Rock on!
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Yeah, I think I got it down. Its going to be a rough road but looks like its gotta be done...
Thanks so much guys for all your support!
I didn't expect the topic to get this big!!! ha glad to know I'm loved by someone, even if they're a bunch of old bald guys ::)
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Yeah, I think I got it down. Its going to be a rough road but looks like its gotta be done...
Thanks so much guys for all your support!
I didn't expect the topic to get this big!!! ha glad to know I'm loved by someone, even if they're a bunch of old bald guys ::)
Oh hey now, we're not ALL old! :*))
I know exactly what you're going through bro! I've been there, and not all that long ago. Basically all the advice I would give
the others have already said. One thing that can't be stressed enough though is to just MOVE ON! Yeah that's blunt, but
really, forget her. I wouldn't even bother continuing a friendship until she stops taking you for granted. There are many more
women out there, and listen to that, I said WOMEN, not girls! I'm not saying go for a cougar, although they are great, but I'm
talking about mentality. You need to find someone that has grown up and can actually see things for how they are. Remember,
Age is relative to how you act, and you seem to be with it, so you need to stay away from the 'girls'.
Good luck with it bro!
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ha thanks Jer. Yeah, I think she will be a great woman when she out grows the party
stage of her life. I think I could be the right guy, just not now. She's really into the whole
wam-bam thank you ma'am stage in life, and I'm not into that. I want something deeper.
Maybe one day she'll grow to realize what she lost, and come lookin.
What Dept. do you work for? I'm a Cpl. for the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Explorers.
i'm not a sworn officer but I do get to be a partner and ride along all the time.
I don't get a gun or Taser but anything else is fair game O0
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I work Border Patrol all the way up here in Canada. I work the crossing an hour north of Detroit, and that makes for lots of interesting nights. :popo :x!
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I work Border Patrol all the way up here in Canada. I work the crossing an hour north of Detroit, and that makes for lots of interesting nights. :popo :x!
Nice, now I can sneak into Canada!!! :)
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Men and women cannot be friends
Sorry Nick, but I have gotta disagree also. I have some really cool friends who are women. A couple have hooked me up with some hotties in the past >:D
There are many women out there who wants what another one has, so if they think your taken or see you having a good time I guess it intrigues them, making it easier for you to pick them up.
Its all a game basically, you just gotta know how to play it!!
Oh, I have been cock-blocked a couple of times though, but looking back it was a good judgement on my friends part >:D
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cock blocking to save a friend is allowed. O0
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Okay guys, UPDATE!
so I jogged to her house (about 3 mi) wednesday morning and she met me and we walked our dogs for at least an hour at a nearby park. It was actually quiet pleasant. On tuesday we talked about the whole relationship thing and how she doesn't want one, so to myself i promised myself not to make any moves toward a relationship. She knows that for now I'm just a close friend, and I think it's working out well. She asked me for some advice (never done that before) and I was actually way looser around her since I'm not trying to impress her. Also, My attitude has totally changed. I don't get all "butthurt" if she can't hang out or if when I invite her to do something she is too busy. I'm just like alright W.e. next time. And I've stopped texting her 24/7. And to my amazement she actually texts me! she usually sends a message when she wakes up and sometimes during the day. I still text her every once in a while but we go for a day or two without talking at all. I think this is good cuz when we see eachother we actually have stuff to catch up on and talk about....
I think its working out for the better. And you never know, when she gets over the "badboy, a$$hole" dating stage in life and wants a real man she'll come looking in my neck of the woods.
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Good for you dude...just have fun and don't over think things...
one way or another they'll work the way you want it to...
be it that you still like and she goes for you OR you end up friends and you find a girl you like better! ;)
Hang tough my bald bro! O0
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Thanks Andre.
you forgot a third option:
We could end up being best friends and she introduces me to one of her good girl friends and gives me a good word O:O
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you forgot a third option:
We could end up being best friends and she introduces me to one of her good girl friends and gives me a good word O:O
Now THERE ya go! O0
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Sweet, good stuff, bro! Glad to hear this! Keep it up
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Thanks Andre.
you forgot a third option:
We could end up being best friends and she introduces me to one of her good girl friends and gives me a good word O:O
And who knows there that could lead !!!!
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Ok, so it seems we exercise alllllll the time, and in the future, I can see that getting kinda boring for her. Like all we ever do together is exercise. not really but alot of the time
What are some activities we could do that wouldn't be percieved as romantic? like watching a movie one on one, i mean we could do that but it would almost be weird... not for me, cuz I'd want to do anything with her no matter what, but from her perspective. It might be kinda weird or awkward to do things normally couples would do.
any ideas?
oh, things that would get me brownie points are good too. always looking for those. I already know that when I get my motorcycle license I'm taking her for a ride. We are both into kinda fun crazy stuff like that. Rock climbing, working out, Active stuff, bike riding, walking dogs, hiking, that sort of deal.
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your just not going to get it are you??????????????
Sorry bro'
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rock climbing is a good one.
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your just not going to get it are you??????????????
Sorry bro'
Tucker, I'd have to agree with Nomad. Reading the posts you've made, you've got it bad for this gal. Despite a pledge to "not want a relationship", this gal totally knows it and is playing you. Trying to find activities to do with her? ???
Major Help with a Girl Issue? g@@4
Here's "Major" Help......try this new activity....putting your line in the water at a different lake and hooking a new one. O0
Sorry if that's a punch in the gut, but it had to be said.
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I hear what you guys are saying. I think that theres so much going on in my life that I like someone to talk to, and she always is there to talk. She makes EVERYTHING feel okay in the end. I Think thats why I like her so much. I'm like a fly to the UV light. She does all this stuff to annoy me or make me want to be done but I just can't.... :-[
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your just not going to get it are you??????????????
Sorry bro'
Major Help with a Girl Issue? g@@4
Here's "Major" Help......try this new activity....putting your line in the water at a different lake and hooking a new one. O0
Sorry if that's a punch in the gut, but it had to be said.
LOL, the problem shro is he casted and ended up in the trees, his line hasn't hit the water yet or we wouldn't be having this dicussion!!!
Tucker, you need to go pickup a chic that you can just knock the bottom out for a few hours. Sounds like your clogged up and its about to run outta your ears, causing you to not see things real clear. You have gotten alot of good advice, hell like 7 pages of it... its like the saying you can lead a horse to water but ya can't make him drink.
I am not saying your gonna forget about this chic, but sexual therapy will at least get the frustration gone.
Remember, there is always some type of lesson in the most difficult things we have to do, thats why they are so hard!!!!
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THE BEST WAY TO GET OVER THE LAST ONE IS TO GET ON TOP OF THE NEXT ONE!!!!!
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Tucker's received a lot of advice on this matter. Whether or not he chooses to follow it is up to him. I know we'd all like to save him a lot time and trouble with this, but sometimes people have to find out for themselves. How many of us followed the advice of a bunch of 30-and 40-year-old somethings when we were 17? I know I didn't. ;)
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Tucker, you need to go pickup a chic that you can just knock the bottom out for a few hours. Sounds like your clogged up and its about to run outta your ears, causing you to not see things real clear.
THAT"S A FACT!!! :*)) :*)) :*)) >:D
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I'm late to the party here but in my experience you can't make a relationship happen. They evolve naturally on their own or not at all. The harder one tries to push into a relationship the less likely it's ever going to happen.
As much as you might care for this person just let things happen naturally and keep your own options open. It would be a real shame to miss out on a great natural relationship because you were too focused on one that might not ever be meant to be.
I have a number of female friends so I know that men and women certainly can be friends. Sometimes that's enough and in some ways better as romantic relationships can become complicated pretty quickly at times.
Take what ya have and, like I said, keep your options open.
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I think what it is is that I don't know people that I can "wam bam thank you ma'am". Ha cuz I'd totally do it. I'm just attached to this girl, but its getting better. I am getting over her. I think that its going so slow is because I'm not interested in anyone else. especially since school is out, there are WAY less chances to meet the female breed. I think maybe instead of finding a replacement to find things to do to get my mind off of her? Because even though I live in SAnta Barbara CAlifornia, the hottie capital of the world second to south beach FL, it doesn't mean that finding someone my age is possible. And I doubt a college girl will go for a guy like me, but ya never know.
And i really DO appreciate all your input. I thnk its helping alot. As alot of you know from experience, its complicated and hard to get over a girl you thought was the right one.
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I think maybe instead of finding a replacement to find things to do to get my mind off of her? Because even though I live in SAnta Barbara CAlifornia, the hottie capital of the world second to south beach FL, it doesn't mean that finding someone my age is possible. And I doubt a college girl will go for a guy like me, but ya never know.
C'mon Tucker...who says she has to be your age? Throw your MAC out there and get some. O0 8)
You can't catch fish if you don't go fishing!!!!
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Hi, there are thousands of women out there, u get a certain type who love the look, good god i can still pull at nearly 60.You do not always get more women sly but them you do get wow. do what the man says go hunting
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I think maybe instead of finding a replacement to find things to do to get my mind off of her? Because even though I live in SAnta Barbara CAlifornia, the hottie capital of the world second to south beach FL, it doesn't mean that finding someone my age is possible. And I doubt a college girl will go for a guy like me, but ya never know.
C'mon Tucker...who says she has to be your age? Throw your MAC out there and get some. O0 8)
You can't catch fish if you don't go fishing!!!!
Very true, and in fact I've never been one to go after my age...
Cougars... :@`
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I tend to usually like girls that are older. Not way older, but just a couple years older.
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OK, of course the girls older than me are WAY hotter, like early 20's and college. but the trick is how do i get them?
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1. confidence
2. don't try to hard
3. conidence
4. be yourself
5. confidence
6. (and most importantly) CONFIDENCE
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OK, of course the girls older than me are WAY hotter, like early 20's and college. but the trick is how do i get them?
Just like fishing young buck. Put some bait (your sly self) on a hook and toss it in the water. If you don't catch any fish, change locations (lakes, parks, etc.). You've already got something that's a babe magnet (that cute little pug dog). Take him for a walk in a crouded area and the girls/laydays will be swarming all over you. O0 8) I can hear it now, "Awh, how cute." "What's it's name?" Now go get'm tiger! O:O
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OK, of course the girls older than me are WAY hotter, like early 20's and college. but the trick is how do i get them?
Just like fishing young buck. Put some bait (your sly self) on a hook and toss it in the water. If you don't catch any fish, change locations (lakes, parks, etc.). You've already got something that's a babe magnet (that cute little pug dog). Take him for a walk in a crouded area and the girls/laydays wil be swarming all over you. O0 8) I can hear it now, "Awh, how cute." "What's it's name?" Now go get'm tiger! O:O
^^ Man knows what hes talkin about! Go get them and do not just stand still (IMHO). :px O:O ::)
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THEDOG!!!!! omg youre a savior. I've taken him to the hot spot called "state street" its the touristy part of santa barbara. he and a bunch of cop :popo friends of mine had just runlike 13 miles on the beach and were grabbing some grub and i had him. we ate outside a restaraunt and seriously like 50 babes walked by and started talking to me. we were all shocked cuz im the shy quiet serious one in our group...
good idea
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Remember the old adage about the guy who found the frozen rattlesnake, took it home, nursed it back to health, only to have it bite him. When he asked the snake how he could do such a thing the snake replied "I'm a snake, that's what I do". You can't change anybody, that's a job for the shrinks. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Find a woman that you can be HAPPY with, not one that you know is gonna stress you out every chance she gets.
But I'm a crusty old fart and I may be wrong. Keep us posted.
I thought that story involved a scorpion crossing a river on a frogs back???? lol
Anyways, to the originator of the post. Stay away from the "friend zone". Stay FAR away.
If you like this girl as much as you say, then you can't be just "friends" with her, and you need to tell her that. You need to tell her that you need to be more than friends, or nothing at all, because you can't allow yourself to go through that kind of pain.
How would you feel if she started seeing someone else? Do you think you could handle that? SHOULD you? Tell her how you feel, and if she doesn't return the feelings, the i have to unfortunately tell you to move on. Otherwise, you have committed yourself to emotional pain.
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What are some activities we could do that wouldn't be percieved as romantic? like watching a movie one on one, i mean we could do that but it would almost be weird... not for me, cuz I'd want to do anything with her no matter what, but from her perspective. It might be kinda weird or awkward to do things normally couples would do.
any ideas?
Go to the movies together (Dutch if that's not too uncomfortable). Sit so you have an empty seat between you and put the popcorn, pop, treats and jackets on the empty seat. Don't make a big deal out of the empty seat. Do just like you would do if you went to the show with a guy friend. If I used to go to the show with a buddy we used to keep an empty seat between us so nobody would get the wrong idea (things were different back then). Then let her wonder why you did that. I can almost guarantee she will ask you why you didn't sit next to her. Tell her that you thought she just wanted to be friends and you didn't want anybody to get the wrong idea. Just in case some single dude in the show wanted to hit on her you didn't want to cock-block.
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Huy buddy, You can get advice on here for just about every situation, because the SBG forum is home to the best people on earth. In my opinion, you're struggling with confidence. confidence is very attractive. You're sly, so you already have an advantage over other guys who aren't. you either need to move on (knowing full well that she is taking advantage of your kindness) or find a summer fling thing, or two, or three, or even more. I am NOT saying go out and beat the guts out of every girl that would let you, but go have fun with them and see where it goes.... If you're not interested with these other girls, they might try to make you interested, in them, and who know where that will take you? but keep in mind, there are ALOT or girls out there just like your little princess that have been damaged emotionally by past relationships. these girls do not need a new relationship right away, and screwing with a girl like that will only make her feel worse, even if she says she wants it.. I've been in the military, and I've been in situations where i feel horrible and fealt like i took advantage, even when the girls come to me. you need to remember that each girl out there was made for somebody, and just as you don't want somebody breaking your girl, they don't want you to break theirs. you gotta respect women, but when they don't reciprocate, you need to respect yourself. I'd suggest going to a christian church, and attending a young adults ministry. you might find your future wife there. you'll know when you meet the right one, because she won't be making you feel this way. And when you do find the one, you should pray together. its not right if you feel comfortable naked around eachother but not comfortable praying with eachother. good luck to you man. keep your head up, cuz if you're lookin down, you will miss out on the girl of your dreams.
Later bro
Ice
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Tucker, SB if FULL oh hotties that you can go after. Just head over to Isla Vista and start throwing down some game. There's enough hot girls there that you could fail 99 time and end up with a hottie on the 100th.
If you really want this chick, stay friends with her, but start dating other girls. People (including women) want what they can't have. The best part is that if you start dating other women and she doesn't end up liking you, you have other women to date. I know this sounds like backwards logic, but I'm trying to spare you crap I went through when I was hooked on a woman as bad as you are now. I did the same thing you did for a whole year and passed up on some great fun because this girl was the "one." It wasn't until I said screw it and started dating other girls that she came crawling after me.
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Any updates Tuck? Did you break ties with that female?