Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => To be or not be...Bald => Topic started by: Standgeblase on May 29, 2008, 08:29:03 PM
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Basically, I am twenty and my hair is extremely thin at the top. Hair used to be my "look" but now I'm just in a depression. I'm living abroad from all close friends,and when I left I had really nice long hair. Nine months later, I have bald patches and such. I'm extremely stressed out and I shaved my head very closely,and got tons of horrible reactions. It's nearly making me suicidal, and I can't leave my apartment now. I wouldn't mind being bald at 25 or so, since I know a lot of woman that dig it then, but at twenty, everyone is staring at it every five seconds and I just hate myself. Now I'm going nuts over being bald, 5'8'', money, the girl I'm seeing (she said she liked it short, but I dunno. Girls still have hit on me, but I fear once it REALLY starts going, no girl in my age range will like me), and anything else trivial. I had extremely low self-esteem in middle school, felt great about myself in high school, and now I'm back to my angsty thirteen year old roots. I used to have a nice, confident smile, but I haven't seen it in a long time. I feel like a bat. A hairless one.
Douchey,yes, but I had a lot of girls chasing me,and even though I receive postive attention(alongside a few bad, where each one felt like Satan had just pissed on my heart), I feel like bitin a bullet.
I like the slick bald + emo glasses look, but I just don't have the balls to do it right now. Everyone can see my insecurities, and I don't know how to get rid of them. I'm away from close friends, so they don't know, and I just need some bald brotha love (straight, not gay, but my gay buddy likes his men bald. Confidence booster..?)
Okay, hopefully I'll read this message - if I haven't strangled myself with my mouse pad.
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No one is going to stare at you if you shave your head -- or if they do it will be because they like it. You might as well give shaving a try -- you couldn't possibly be any unhappier afterwards than you are now. I'd consider seeking some professional help about the depression and self-esteem issues. At 20 years old, this should be the most care-free time of your life. Hair is really not that important; I think there's something deeper than that going on that needs to be addressed.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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Yeah, I moved away due to the depression and all, and I accomplished a lot of stuff a lot of people would never do, but this sudden shock messed up my good mentality of two years. bleh. Confidence was going well for a while, but there has to be some deeply rooted problem, I know...
And the thing is: 20 years old, and it waaaaaaaas carefree, but now it's the worst time ever.
Thanks a lot for the quick response!
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Welcome to Sly Bald Guys.
What was it about hair that was your look? It's ok to change and make a shaved head your look.
I'm confused, did you shave and get horrible reactions or mostly positive? I rarely hear of someone getting a majority of negative reactions. Usually the reactions are positive and or no reaction.
If you're abroad, take this as an opportunity to grow while you're away from your friends. Rock the shaved head and when you get back to your friends tell them how much everyone liked it abroad. You're living an experience that many 20 year olds can't afford to do. Take advantage of it and don't worry about your hair.
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I'm going through a similar thing, mate. From when I was about 10 or 11 all I ever wanted was to be like my father (what kid doesn't?) so I grew my hair long, and as soon as I could grow proper facial hair at about the age of 15 I grew myself a goatee. Got myself a Harley and away I went.
At the age of 20 my hair's already receding and I have a bald patch up top, which looks stupid with my hair pulled back over it.
No need to be depressed about it, mate. I was feeling pretty down about it myself, but after having looked around this website and seen a load of the pictures on here of bald guys, I can honestly say that every picture I've seen makes each guy look pretty damned cool. I'm feeling a lot more confident about it now.
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hey bud,
i'm 23, and i started balding at about 18-19. it WAS definately noticeable, but i didn't get the guts to shave it until recently. i was also devastated at the fact that i was balding. in high school, i was a varsity pitcher from freshman year on, had offers from several colleges, and got my share of the cheerleaders and whatnot. i had semi-long hair that i LOVED. then it all started falling out. i didnt' know what to do. i spent hundreds of dollars on rogaine, vitamins that promised hair growth, and shampoos. i was a mess. i couldn't go anywhere without wearing a hat. EVER. my hat was my security blanket. i finally said F$%$ and shaved it short with an electric razor a year ago. now i'm completely shaved. there's nothing you can do about it. really you just have to accept it and understand that you would not want friends/girlfriends who are that superficial that they love you only because of your appearance. noone like that is really worth associating with. be yourself and embrace all the things about yourself that are great, they're there with or without hair my friend. i too understand your depressive state about hairloss, i was there. liberate yourself with a mach 3 and show it off to your friends/family. you can never have your hair back fully, but you can have your sense of self-worth back- FULLY! God bless brother, and talk to your family about your feelings, you need to get them out. life is worth way much more than superficial things like hair.
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I was always the guy that would be known for his hair. It was either crazily spiked, or long and shiny. Many girls hated the long hair, but I loved it, and it made me. I was extremely proud until it got too hard to handle, so I shortened it and was notified via everyone that I had a huge bald spot. Everyday. It tore me apart. I just think I'm nearly insane? Not sure. I would go to therapy, but I don't think it'd work well in Germany. They think Americans are insane for talking to a stranger about deep feelings, etc. The last thing I want to do is spend money on Rogaine, and I want to accept this fact of life as my dad and brother have (well, my big bro was also nearly in tears when his thin hair was brought up, so maybe he's still in progress, or on this site).
Oh and thanks for welcoming! I was nearly in a panic attack when I wrote it. Hello everyone, I'm the insane, spoiled ass twenty year old who met reality in the form of a bald spot. :@`
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It sounds like me you were known as the guy that had the balls to push the edge and have different hair than your typical guy. Grab your balls and show everyone how bad ass a shaved head can be. Like every challenge and situation in life, it's what you make of it.
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It sounds like me you were known as the guy that had the balls to push the edge and have different hair than your typical guy. Grab your balls and show everyone how bad ass a shaved head can be. Like every challenge and situation in life, it's what you make of it.
Aaaah I like that! I think I will pop back into California like that this August! I'd do it sooner, but I have a lil girl that may or may not be fake (damn French) and I want a lil insured-action before I go! Shallow, eh? O0 Maybe to break it off, since I'll have to despite how much I like her, I'll shave my head.
Wow lotta responses here. Hope everyone's doing fine! Thanks again.
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Aaaah I like that! I think I will pop back into California like that this August! I'd do it sooner, but I have a lil girl that may or may not be fake (damn French) and I want a lil insured-action before I go! Shallow, eh? O0 Maybe to break it off, since I'll have to despite how much I like her, I'll shave my head.
Wow lotta responses here. Hope everyone's doing fine! Thanks again.
Where in Cali?
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ALRIGHT! Let me help you out here my man. I had long hair, it was all one length down to the middle of my shoulder blades. It had a natural wave to it and my wife "hated" it because it was prettier than hers. The reason I grew my hair long was to be different. People knew me and remembered me because of my long hair. Women would want to brush it and run their fingers through it. It was great.
Two years ago, after being a longhair for ten years, I felt the urge again to be different. Time for a radical change. I SHAVED MY HEAD!!!! Now I am the guy that is known for and remembered as the guy with the shaved head. Women, and the occasional guy(not sure how I feel about that-but I am secure in my manhood so it doesn't really bother me) , want to rub my head and can't believe how great it is. IT IS ALL IN YOUR ATTITUDE! O:O Yes, people may ask why and yes some people are not going to like it, but it's HAIR! It's not YOU!
Hope you can take something from my story and help you get through this tough time. Let me know if I can do anything to help you out man. peace
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Great Post Gaslick...
For me it was the realization at about 19 years old I was going bald. I had great hair in High School but it caught up to me in college. I tried to cover it up for a while, then buzzed it close. It wasn't until going completly smooth that I regained the confidence I was missing.
I was always confident with hair, no problem with the ladies and my social life was great. Once I started loosing my hair nothing changed other than my confidence. I wore bandanas a lot to cover it up.
now I hardly ever wear a cap or bandana I like being smooth, Its been smooth for about 5 years and I can say it is worth it. Takes 5 min to shave in the shower...no more hair spray, gels, barber visits...
Don't worry Standgeblase life starts at Bald!
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First of all man, it's not the end of the world. Most of the guys on here started thinning in their late teens/early 20's and dealt with some of the issues you're going through. However, once we realized that there are more important things in life to worry about than hair, or lack of it, it doesn't seem like such a big deal to shave it. I kinda liked Tyler's advice for you - discover your inner badass, shave it off, and accept it. I get all kinds of positive reactions from coworkers, classmates, friends, and family to this day and I've been SLY for over a year now. Life goes by so fast now and you never know what obstacles you might have to face in the future. What better way to overcome your obstacle with baldness than to embrace it, accept it, shave that dome, and be happy with what you do have.
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A lot of great posts on here, can't hurt to add another one.
I was in your exact same position 5 years ago Stand. I was 19, in college, and completely bald. I was suicidal at the time and look back and can't believe how much of my life I wasted worrying about nothing at all.
People really don't care about you shaving your head or being bald at 20. They do care when you get all sad and complain about your hairloss around them and act like its the end of the world. That was my mistake. Its been said a thousand times here but, its all about confidence. Build up your confidence over time, dont worry about making a huge personality change overnight. Eat right, hit the weights, and get your smile back.
Trust me, one day you'll look in the mirror and realize how much you enjoy being Sly. It sounds far fetched right now and you might doubt that it'll ever happen to you. But you will, and its the most liberating thing in the world. Best of luck.
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sounds like good advice!
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I'm extremely stressed out and I shaved my head very closely,and got tons of horrible reactions. It's nearly making me suicidal, and I can't leave my apartment now.
Douchey,yes, but I had a lot of girls chasing me,and even though I receive postive attention(alongside a few bad, where each one felt like Satan had just pissed on my heart), I feel like bitin a bullet.
I like the slick bald + emo glasses look, but I just don't have the balls to do it right now. Everyone can see my insecurities, and I don't know how to get rid of them.
Okay, hopefully I'll read this message - if I haven't strangled myself with my mouse pad.
Being that depressed really sux for sure :-[ -- although everyone in their teens and twenties gets there sometimes for one reason or another.
Is there anyone you can talk to? Counselor at school? Help line? Psychotherapist? etc etc etc
PM or email me if you want to get some further ideas -- I'm a social worker/psychologist
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You could do the Hair Replacement thing and spend mega dollars and still not be happy. The choice is your but do not be ashamed of shaving the head. You may just like it
>:D
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I was in your boat to my friend, but I did it, and although every reaction wasn't always great, the majority have been fine. And as far as the ladies, don't worry bro, you don't need a girl who is that attached to hair. And besides, plenty of girls dig a shaved head, so I wouldn't even sweat that part. It took me a while to realize it, but once I did, it made life so much better.
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Hey guys, I'm new to this site, and I thought this would be a perfect time to chime in with the virgin post.
I can relate to all of the posts in here, and I want to say that I'm very impressed with what Tyler has done in creating this site; a true motivation.
I saw my first hair go down the drain at age 16, and now at 23, I said goodbye, and I'm going sly.
I've battled with the depression on balding - what will my friends say? will i be the same person? It's tough, but as many guys have already said so well, it comes down to your confidence and how you view yourself. Being a lurker on this site has definitely helped me to build that confidence, and I thought it was about time to pay my respects.
Standgeblase, if there's anything I can say, I would tell you that I believe we are the way we are supposed to be. The reason may not be clear at first, but it will make itself known soon enough. You may be meant to be that support for someone that ends up going through similar struggles. Hang in there, buddy. There's light at the end of the tunnel. and it's gleaming from all our heads!!
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I am sorry about your bad experience with going bald at 20, and i hope the mouse cord doesn't get you.
I am 21 and i shaved my head when i was 20, and at first I too had a hard time leaving the house. Hair used to be my thing too. But I can tell you that if you shave it, and walk tall with your head up high, all the looks that you will be getting with be those of admiration. Two weeks after I shaved my head, I went into a local bar with a few of my female friends and was eye f%^$@d by every girl in the bar. >:D
Those bad feeling will go away when you show that you are proud that you are bald. I say the best thing that you can do is accept it and embrace it.
The worst that can happen is somebody that is jealous will call you Mr Clean.
Then again look at how proud he is.
Hope that I could be a help.
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Hey guys, I'm new to this site, and I thought this would be a perfect time to chime in with the virgin post.
I can relate to all of the posts in here, and I want to say that I'm very impressed with what Tyler has done in creating this site; a true motivation.
I saw my first hair go down the drain at age 16, and now at 23, I said goodbye, and I'm going sly.
I've battled with the depression on balding - what will my friends say? will i be the same person? It's tough, but as many guys have already said so well, it comes down to your confidence and how you view yourself. Being a lurker on this site has definitely helped me to build that confidence, and I thought it was about time to pay my respects.
Standgeblase, if there's anything I can say, I would tell you that I believe we are the way we are supposed to be. The reason may not be clear at first, but it will make itself known soon enough. You may be meant to be that support for someone that ends up going through similar struggles. Hang in there, buddy. There's light at the end of the tunnel. and it's gleaming from all our heads!!
Great post bro! Welcome to Sly Bald Guys!
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Ditto on Tyler's comments time2shine O0 That was a well spoken support that more guys need to heed. And welcome to SBG. When you get a chance post up in the Introduction section so more members can greet you.
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Stan, it's time to man up, grab ya' sac, (like Tyler said) and get your blade of choice out and shave it all off. Don't turn it inward and let this get you depressed, that is BS.
Listen to some of the words these young bro's have said (great post time2shine). They've gone through it and got through it, just like you will. But you gotta shave that dome, man!
You're missing out on a whole new dimension of life.
Give it a shot for thirty days, I bet you will wish you had done it sooner. O0
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Hey guys, I'm new to this site, and I thought this would be a perfect time to chime in with the virgin post.
I can relate to all of the posts in here, and I want to say that I'm very impressed with what Tyler has done in creating this site; a true motivation.
I saw my first hair go down the drain at age 16, and now at 23, I said goodbye, and I'm going sly.
I've battled with the depression on balding - what will my friends say? will i be the same person? It's tough, but as many guys have already said so well, it comes down to your confidence and how you view yourself. Being a lurker on this site has definitely helped me to build that confidence, and I thought it was about time to pay my respects.
Standgeblase, if there's anything I can say, I would tell you that I believe we are the way we are supposed to be. The reason may not be clear at first, but it will make itself known soon enough. You may be meant to be that support for someone that ends up going through similar struggles. Hang in there, buddy. There's light at the end of the tunnel. and it's gleaming from all our heads!!
Welcome bro!
Glad you dig this site.kinda makes you fel like having a slick bald head IS the only way to be....
cool that is! O:O
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Ditto on Tyler's comments time2shine O0 That was a well spoken support that more guys need to heed. And welcome to SBG. When you get a chance post up in the Introduction section so more members can greet you.
Thanks for the welcome guys. I put up a post on the intro section. Looking forward to being part of the site.
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Being that depressed really sux for sure :-[ -- although everyone in their teens and twenties gets there sometimes for one reason or another.
Is there anyone you can talk to? Counselor at school? Help line? Psychotherapist? etc etc etc
PM or email me if you want to get some further ideas -- I'm a social worker/psychologist
Yeah, it's really hard living in Germany since there are not too many therapists and such that speak English, and I hear that's not a common practice here since they think it's odd to speak to a stranger about your problems. Right now my mind is a decent mindset since it's shaved pretty short and I've got my little French girl to keep some confidence. But when I go back to California, I think it'll be a problem, since I'll be missing said girl and friends, but I'll just go to my university's counseling place. Have to keep my mind straight since I'll be working my ass off (which would have caused my hair to fall out, anyway) for the next few years!
Thanks a lot to everyone in this topic, it really cheered me up. I need all the support I can get! Can't wait to buy a Headblade :D
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I've posted this on other threads. But Lemme share a little story about my vain little sister that totally changed and revolutionized my view of self-consciousness.
I'll let you make the application:
She was so worried about looking silly in people's sight that she wouldn't embark on learning cooool stuff like skiing, surfing, skating....all kinds of stuff. She didn't want to look like a "beginner." One time we went to the mountains as a family. I already knew how to ski, but Micky didn't want to join the fun for the above reasons. I heard my dad tell her---and it really stuck with me. He said, "Micky, c'mon, honey....you're not that important to these people."
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I've posted this on other threads. But Lemme share a little story about my vain little sister that totally changed and revolutionized my view of self-consciousness.
I'll let you make the application:
She was so worried about looking silly in people's sight that she wouldn't embark on learning cooool stuff like skiing, surfing, skating....all kinds of stuff. She didn't want to look like a "beginner." One time we went to the mountains as a family. I already knew how to ski, but Micky didn't want to join the fun for the above reasons. I heard my dad tell her---and it really stuck with me. He said, "Micky, c'mon, honey....you're not that important to these people."
So very true. Unfortunately it can be difficult to accept for some once you have that mindset that everyone is judging and criticizing. I can say from experience, that it does take time to gain that confidence and 'who cares' attitude. I followed in my brothers footsteps for the longest time and in grade school and again in high school we were known as the shy kids. I was always worried what others thought and how they perceived me. It took some time but now I really don't care what people think about me. I speak my mind, say and do what I want, and I couldn't care less if others out there think. Oh, sure there are still odd times where I think "Oh God, what are they thinking of me?" but they are few and far between.
That change in mentality won't happen overnight. One thing that CAN happen right away is making the decision to go sly. It's just one small step in the process of moving towards the 'who cares' mindset.
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Being that depressed really sux for sure :-[ -- although everyone in their teens and twenties gets there sometimes for one reason or another.
Is there anyone you can talk to? Counselor at school? Help line? Psychotherapist? etc etc etc
PM or email me if you want to get some further ideas -- I'm a social worker/psychologist
Yeah, it's really hard living in Germany since there are not too many therapists and such that speak English, and I hear that's not a common practice here since they think it's odd to speak to a stranger about your problems. Right now my mind is a decent mindset since it's shaved pretty short and I've got my little French girl to keep some confidence. But when I go back to California, I think it'll be a problem, since I'll be missing said girl and friends, but I'll just go to my university's counseling place. Have to keep my mind straight since I'll be working my ass off (which would have caused my hair to fall out, anyway) for the next few years!
Thanks a lot to everyone in this topic, it really cheered me up. I need all the support I can get! Can't wait to buy a Headblade :D
Good on you man.... don't be afraid to talk to someone at your university. We ALL need support sometimes.
What are you taking at said university?
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I remember how much I hated losing my hair when I was in my twenties. Plain and simple, it sucked. I alway felt self conscious and that I was missing out on being attractive to those who I dug. I went the hair unit route and 15 years later, I think it was the wrong choice. It costs a lot, the upkeep stinks, and while it can look really good if you get a good unit and know what you're doing -- you always have the thought in the back of your mind that you're wearing a toupee. I wished a had just had the gumption at your age to say "screw it" and just shaved it off.
Only you can figure out what's best for you -- and I haven't shaved yet -- but am getting very close to doing it.
Best wishes.
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Being that depressed really sux for sure :-[ -- although everyone in their teens and twenties gets there sometimes for one reason or another.
Is there anyone you can talk to? Counselor at school? Help line? Psychotherapist? etc etc etc
PM or email me if you want to get some further ideas -- I'm a social worker/psychologist
Yeah, it's really hard living in Germany since there are not too many therapists and such that speak English, and I hear that's not a common practice here since they think it's odd to speak to a stranger about your problems. Right now my mind is a decent mindset since it's shaved pretty short and I've got my little French girl to keep some confidence. But when I go back to California, I think it'll be a problem, since I'll be missing said girl and friends, but I'll just go to my university's counseling place. Have to keep my mind straight since I'll be working my ass off (which would have caused my hair to fall out, anyway) for the next few years!
Thanks a lot to everyone in this topic, it really cheered me up. I need all the support I can get! Can't wait to buy a Headblade :D
Losing the lady may be tough. My lady friend spent two semesters in the UK and had a tough time losing the guy she had over there. But people back home will love you for who you are, and will not care about the baldness.
It was tough for me to walk around bald at first, but nobody that is worth a damn cares if you are bald, because I would bet that you are a lot more than that.
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chin up man! let me tell you something.
First of all, studies show that people who suffer from depression are usually much more intelligent than the average person. Your mind is working too much on a particular subject, yours being in this case your new look.
No one is going to be able to convince you to be confident, you have to convince yourself. you need to understand that everyone in this world has insecurities about themselves, but some people are able to accept them more than others. Next time you look at someone you think is "judging you", look at them closely and see if you can guess what they are insecure about. i'll bet it is something, whether their eyes are too close together, their nose is too big (thats mine), big chin, crooked teeth, etc....... Just because you are man enough to accept your personal issue, doesn't give them the authority to pass judgement to you. YOU ARE BETTER OFF THAN THEY, if you can do that.
I know more younger people than I (Im 36) who have shaved their heads than I do older. I just shaved mine a few days ago, and I think I'm going to like it. It may take people who are used to seeing you a certain way to get used to it, but they will.
Chin up man! You will be better than O.K. O:O
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I'm sorry I didnt' shave my head years ago bnut i couldn't cause i had those old-style transplants. You're lucky that its acceptable nowadays and this isnt 1980. DOnt lose your confidence. It's IN to be bald.