Sly Bald Guys Forum
Confidence and Success => Relationships/Dating => Topic started by: dieseldan04 on April 10, 2008, 06:40:58 AM
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In Feb. I re-married a lady I had previously been married to for a year. Last night she told me that she was leaving again and I found out that she had been having an affair for several weeks. She had a history of mental problems and I knew that, but I honestly believed she was sincere this time. I feel like a total loser for having her take advantage of me ( she was just in it for money ) and I am just totally torn apart. We hadn't been arguing or anything, but she had alot of bills and she resented the fact that I wanted her to work and help out. Since she has a masters in nursing the potential for her to help financially was there. She told me that she had plans to leave and then would come get her things in 10 days when she could get her new man to bring a truck and help her. Now, I am stuck with her in the house which is all torn up and I have to look at her face and I want to vomit because she is such an evil liar. The police said I had to give her a reasonable amount of time to get out and I said I would give her 72 hours. I have been up all night and have to work in another hour and I don't want to go through this for several more days. I have owned the house in my name only for 12 years and I am wondering what my rights are. She doesn't work so she has nothing better to do than be a bitch to me and play games. Any ideas????????
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Not to discourage you or anything bro....but here in Indiana....she has all the rights to be there as much as you do. Say for instance, if I had come to your house for a party, and I ended up passing out on couch. When I left in the morning, even if I left my socks there or something, I have all the right to enter your house and get that, whether you are home or not. Say that I leave my shoes at your house. I can come in, take what ever I want...and leave my shoes, you cant charge me for taking anything out of your house, because my shoes in your house, show that I belong there. As long as my shoes or anything item that I own and that I had actually left there, I could actually live there. I know this sounds far fetched...but there was an instance a few months ago where something like that actually happened...and the reviewed the laws concerning that sort of thing and they are in a battle to get it changed.
As for your situation, I really dont know what to say for you. It would be nice if you could just toss her out. If she has a man, why doesnt she go and just stay at his house? Or is he married too? Its a tough situation to say the least...but I will be praying for your sanity bro.
Timmay!
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Dan, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I don't have any words of experience to share with you, but you have to try to stay positive. Take care of yourself. Get legal assistance. Turn to loving family members or close friends for support (your SLY brothers). Pray.
Max
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Dan,
Sorry to hear about your situation. That sucks.
I don't know what your rights are, but I'm make certain that the stuff that is removed is only her stuff. I'd think any court of law would side with you in this case. As painful as it may be, make certain you are there when her new dude is there to assist in getting HER stuff out of the house. Also, I'd call a friend to make certain that he/she witness what is removed. As painful as it is, I do hope for a clean separation. It truly sounds like you're better off with her out of your life.
I hope kids are not involved.
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Thanks Schro,
She has her 9 year-old daughter here, but that is her problem. The police officer is a long time friend of mine with whom I had worked for 12 years as well as sold a car to in my current business. He told her several times when he was here to quit bothering me and to shut up. He agreed with me that she can't just take her own sweet time in moving and thought that I was being more than reasonable. She has bi-polar disorder and OCD and is totally irrational to deal with. Being a nurse, she has been medicating herself for quite a while and needs major help. She told me that she wasn't going to act like that this time and I believed her. I am going to contact my attorney this morning to see is I can have her removed, as she has bragged in the past that she knows enough to kill me and make it look like an accident, etc........ She claims that she was joking, but I just don't trust her at all. Interestingly enough, I had 2 of my dogs die both times when we were married and she was planning to move out and they both died from internal bloating and bleeding within hours of acting totally normal.
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Yeah, I know it hurts now, but I think you realize you're definitely better off without her.
Contacting your attorney is probably a good move. Having a cop as a buddy is a definite bonus.
Sorry about the dog story....maybe she should be fitted for a pair of cement shoes. $@y
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Dan, that is tough. Very sorry to hear about it. Sounds like you still have your head on straight though. Hang tough, and make sure you don't do anything you'll regret later.
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I was very sorry to read this - sounds a very unpleasant lady. Someone who, in the long term, it sounds like you'd be better off without. Hope things pick up soon.
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Dan,
Having been through a VERY nasty divorce myself, the best advice I can give is to get yourself a really good divorce lawyer right away. Don't skimp ... find the best. He (or she) may tell you to keep the mental illness issues quiet, as the state doesn't want to end up supporting her (as opposed to you) and that could increase any payments you get stuck with.
With such a short marriage, though, I can't imagine they'd hit you with alimony.
Best of luck, and sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation.
Andrew
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Hey Dan,
My heart goes out to you bro and I will definitely pray for you and this situation.
Good move getting an attorney. Be sure and document her threats and any other statements she has made. Lock up any valuables you can and don't trust her for a second. I'd eat out till she's gone too!
This situation will pass bro and you have learned from it. Just remember that we only grow stronger through adversity! ;)
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Hey Dan,
We haven't really become acquainted yet. Welcome to SBG !
As for your situation; I was just gonna say; get a lawyer, file for divorce, on grounds of adultery; and dont look back. Sounds like you have the process going.
It's tough being involved with a person with 'problems' -- and it sounds like she has a lot of them. Try to remain compassionate, but stick to your guns as well. You can be compassionate and forgiving, but that doesn't mean you have to be a doormat. I agree that if she has this new man; he's the one who should be taking care of her.
All the best,
John
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Geez Dan, sorry to hear about all of this. It is really sad that your ex is not able to utilize her professional knowledge to get the help she needs. but that is often the case with these conditions. Andrew and the other bros have hit the nail right on the head. Get a very good divorce attorney and protect yourself and your investment.
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Wow dude, horrible situation....
wish I had some great answers...all I can say is vent here and that may help get you through it....
and you will, keep that in mind through all this cr@p!
Hang in there bud!
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Dan,in the future never get involved with anyone who has Bipolar illness.They are never going to change. I've observed a few people like that and some of them are even nuts when they are taking their medication,let alone when they don't take it. You could never fully trust them because they are sick people. And they will definitely drag you down with them.Sorry you had to learn the hard way with this one and good luck to you hoping your dilemma ends soon.
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dan: all i gotta say is that i'm very sorry 2 hear about your devastating story. i don't have any words of experience 2 tell U but i am praying 4 U during this difficult time. like andrew stated... get the best lawyer & don't look back. again... sorry 2 hear 'bout your situation. i hope & pray that U remain positive & mentally healthy during this difficult time. take care & GOD bless.
WARHAWK O0
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Dan, that's harsh. Take the lawyer advice to heart and know that we're all here to help you get through this!
Dan,in the future never get involved with anyone who has Bipolar illness.They are never going to change.
Dude, don't go ragging on all people with BP because of a few bad apples. I have a number of friends suffering with this illness and most are great people.
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You're right Bootedbear, generalizations are generally wrong, in general.
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Dan, sorry to hear about this situation bro. Never had to, and hopefully will never have to, go through something like that. So I really don't know what to say man. But I hope it all works out for you and if you need to vent just pm me bro.
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Dan, I'm really sorry to hear about your wife. We're here for you bro!
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Dan, Just to echo what others have said, We're here for you if you need anything...just ask.
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Thanks to everyone for your support!
I am doing pretty well with it all. After not sleeping at all Wed. night, I had a great day yesterday. I worked 12.5 hours, sold 2 cars, got the divorce papers filed and she had her parents drive 100 miles to get here and got all moved out by 10:45 last night. It was nice to have my house back and to be rid of her clutter. With her OCD, she was a compulsive shopper and packrat and my house was just jammed with all of her excess things. She couldn't have her German Sheperd, so she left her here and she and I are having a good time. I started a job at a different car dealership in town 2 days prior to this and my new employers have been quite impressed that I have performed at a high level and not missed any work despite going through this. I think my move to a job with better pay made her more envious of me! She has a great education but couldn't get a job here anymore because of her flighty behavior.
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dan: it's good 2 know that U R doing better. remember... we always got your back here in the sly fraternity. i'll keep ya in my prayers.O0
WARHAWK O0
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Dan I'm glad your gettin on with this and don't let it ever get you out of it, I know I have had my own hell with ex's it sucks brother but we're here for ya.
Iwas worried that you'd have to go through this and then have to worry about Timmy leaving his shoes in your house and coming steeling all your stuff and or just hanging out when ever. I'm sorry i couldn't resist adding a little comic relief. I know this sucks but keep your head up .
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then have to worry about Timmy leaving his shoes in your house and coming steeling all your stuff and or just hanging out when ever.
:*)) :*))
WARHAWK O0
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Well there is one thing for sure...I will never leave my red and whites anywhere....you can count on that..
Timmay
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Did you change your locks yet?
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Good idea there booted....Yes change those locks....for sure!
Timmay
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Did you change your locks yet?
bootedbear: that's some useful advice. O0
WARHAWK O0
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Changed the locks earlier this evening. ;D
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O0
Wise move.
My partner learned that lesson the hard way when he split with his ex-wife. One day when he was at work, she came back and wiped him out.
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Glad things have improved a bit. You might want to start looking at what you will do when she asks to come back again, which I think she might do, given her history.
Changing the locks was a good thing. When my 80 year old mother died, I was advised by the hospice people to change her locks immediately as they said people start coming to see what they can get their hands on. I did it and was one of the best moves I made, as people did start going to her house to try and get in. She had given keys out to many people so they could come in anytime to help her.
Best of luck.
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Things have been going well. I have been selling lots of cars and my parents bought one from me last weekend and gave me one of their vehicles. I think that was a reward for staying away from my soon to be ex because they never did like her. I love the car, it is a 1994 Plymouth Duster 2-door that they bought new and I always wanted. It only has 43,000 miles on it and it is one of the most special gifts I have ever received. I got rid of a manipulative pain in the a$$ and got a great ride! ;D