Sly Bald Guys Forum
Various Non-Bald Discussions => Jokes => Topic started by: cory_rudy98 on February 05, 2008, 03:19:38 PM
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This is for the jokes that aren't really funny, but they are really corny and somewhat funny.
I have to say that I actually laughed when I heard this joke:
Q - "What's the only animal on Noah's Ark that didn't come in pairs?"
A - "Worms...they came in apples."
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That's like one you'd see on Laffy Taffy
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HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ....ha .................ha..............................ha..............Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh thats bad! LOL
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What do you call a cow 2 legs?
Lean Beef
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what do you call a cow with no legs..?
Ground beef!
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Here's one I would tell my students when I taught 1st grade. It killed with the under 7 year old demographic:
Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
A: Nothing, it just waved :*))
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Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
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3 guys fell in the warm waters of the gulf of mexico. why is it that they did not get wet hair?
because all 3 were sly... 8) 8)
WARHAWK O0
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Two guys at University of Kentucky were outside the school doing a project the professor had instructed them to do. They had to outside and measure the hieght of the flag pole that was outside. An IU student was sitting on the bank of the Ohio River looking across watching these two students trying to figure out a way to measure this flag pole. Many attempts failed as one tried to climb the pole. Finally the IU student hollers over at the UK students and tells them he has a better idea. He told them they should just lay the pole down and measure it that way. The UK students holler back ....You dont know what you are talking about ...the Prof. told us to measure the Height..not the WIDTH!.........
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"Has the deer got any dough?"
"Yeh, two bucks" yuk yuk yuk
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Friar Tuck walks up to Robin Hood and says, "Where are your buccaneers?"
Robin Hood says, "Under my bucking hat!"
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Q: What did the big casket say to the little casket?
A: Is that you coughin'?
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Things you dont say to a Mortician when business is slow...
Kinda dead around here isnt it?
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I really like the ocean waved one.
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Q:What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A:Nothing, you have already told her twice.
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Oh JDOG!! Politically incorrect but very funny!
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Two guys walk into a bar...............
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Two guys walk into a bar...............
What, the second one didn't see the first one do it?
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Two guys walk into a bar...............
What, the second one didn't see the first one do it?
They were blind...
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They were blind...
A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, ''All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine.'' The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command.
The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, ''It's no good, I'll have to do it,'' and yells, ''ALLLEEE OOOP!'' really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.
The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, ''Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?'' The trainer replies, ''Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND
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A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man,
standing alone. She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him.
"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself.. It reflects the things I like
most -- cars and men. what's your name?" she asked.
He said, "Bob Titsenbeer >:D
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True story from Orange County, California:
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no - he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back - and they run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. X lives there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.
The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find: the police car, lights still flashing.
This true story was told by the driver at his first AA meeting, according to the newspaper account.
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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper replies, "What? Steve?"
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True story from Orange County, California:
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no - he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back - and they run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. X lives there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.
The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find: the police car, lights still flashing.
This true story was told by the driver at his first AA meeting, according to the newspaper account.
Tony I'm not calling you a liar but this "story" sounds awfully familiar to another story that Ben Affleck recounts in the movie Good Will Hunting.
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While fishing off the Florida coast, a Yankee tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old guy standing on the shore, the Yankee shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!"
Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the old guy said. "The sharks got 'em."
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this one's for all the Harley guys out there:
What do fat chicks and Japanese motorcycles have in common?
They're both fun to ride until your friends see you on them........ ;)
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Things you dont say to a Mortician when business is slow...
Kinda dead around here isnt it?
People are dying to do business with you.
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whats black and white black and white black and white and read all over???
A newspaper....
bada bada bing!!!!!!!!!!!!
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whats black and white black and white black and white and read all over???
A newspaper....
bada bada bing!!!!!!!!!!!!
What's black and white and "red" all over?
NOT a newspaper.....bada bada bing!!!!!
Take a guess. What ya think?
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Prolly Timmj rolling down a hill in his red and whites after getting the sh*t beat out of him for making an appearence....
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whats long and hard and filled with seamen ? a submarine ! what goes in long , cold n hard , and comes out shorter warm n gooey ? a tootsie roll in your pocket ! :*))
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Pork..youre too much
lol
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What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck. :-X
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What does a frog wear on St. Patrick's day?
Nothing
Bumper sticker......If you're going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream!
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Two ladies are sitting on opposite sides of the river fishing one evening. The sun is going down and it is starting to get dark. The blonde lady realizes that the brunette has been catching fish all day, and the blonde hasn't caught one.
So the blonde yells over to the brunette "Hey, I see you have been catching fish all day and I haven't caught one. What is your secret?" The brunette sits there for a bit and replies "I think it must be that the current over here is less than where you are." The blonde sits and thinks for a bit about that then shouts back "How bout I come over on your side and try to catch some?"
The brunette realizes she has caught plenty of fish for herself and replies "Sure that would be fine, you just want to swim over here?" The blonde sits for a minute and remembers she can't swim. "Well, I can't swim, so how do you think I can get over there?" The brunette yells back "I tell you what, I will trun on my flashlight since it's dark enough, and you just walk across on the beam." The blonde packs her stuff up and stands up ready to go, then all of a sudden she throws her stuff down and angrily yells back "Heck no! I know you brunettes don't like us blondes. I will get halfway across the river and you will turn the light off!"
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What's the hardest thing in the world????
Putting it in soft!! :*))
Confucius Say: Seven Day Honeymoon make whole weak!! :*))
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Tony I'm not calling you a liar but this "story" sounds awfully familiar to another story that Ben Affleck recounts in the movie Good Will Hunting.
According to Snopes, that story has been circulating since 1978 in one form or another. http://www.snopes.com/autos/law/copcar.asp
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Q: Do you know where you go to see pre-historic cattle?
A: At the moo-seum :*))
Laffy Taffy Special and one of my favorites
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Wow I don't know how I just found this thread but I do have to say,"those were some of the worst jokes I have ever heard!! *big grin"
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Geography of a woman
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa-half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30 a woman is like Europe-well developed and open to trade, especially for something of real value.
Between 31 and 35 a woman is like Spain-very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like Greece-gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50 a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past..
Between 51 and 60 a woman is like Israel-has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70 a woman is like Canada-cool, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70 she becomes Tibet-widely beautiful with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages....an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
The geography of a man
Between 1 and 80 a man is like Iran-ruled by nuts.
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The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"
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Confucius says...
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
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What`s the best way too eat a chicken ?
Put one leg around each ear . :P
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Why was the legless man run out of town ??
He had no visible means of support ..