Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => To be or not be...Bald => Topic started by: speedracer on November 03, 2007, 03:03:22 AM
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Hi everyone.
As a recently (one year) divorced balding man (32) out on the dating scene, I've had nothing but problems. I was hoping for some advice. I usually stay buzzcut, but I tried shaving completely a week ago. While I found it sorta liberating, I looked like an idiot. My ears really stick out, and I'm just generally unattractive I guess. By my dating success, I'd have a hard time finding fault with that logic. I do the online thing, since I don't drink, and bars are usless for me as alcohol and I have issues. Once I show up on a date the demeanor of the women change dramatically at first sight. I'm buzzcut in my online profile and state my haircolor as black. I get few responses from like women so I've only been out on about 5 dates. Every single one of them tanked based on my appearance. Two were attractive, two overweight, and one only had one hand. They all really dug my personality, but well... it is what it is I guess. No prospects... nothing. Since all this, I don't even want to go outside anymore. Much less hang out with friends who have wives, girlfriends, etc... Hell I can't even stand to see my sisters who wonder why I appear upset sometimes because I feel so lonely, it's embarrassing. Should I shave anyway? :/O
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Hey bro, if you're balding, I think you should shave. Though, it would be hard to tell without seeing a picture of you. The main thing is to get your confidence up. Regardless of how good you look, your confidence is going to be the key in you meeting and attracting women. If you think you're ugly, women will think you're ugly. You have to think that you're the sh*t.
Remember that dating is like sales - it's a numbers game. The more successful pitches that you make the more likely that you'll book a sale.
P.S. Welcome to Sly Bald Guys!
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Hey bro, if you're balding, I think you should shave. Though, it would be hard to tell without seeing a picture of you. The main thing is to get your confidence up. Regardless of how good you look, your confidence is going to be the key in you meeting and attracting women. If you think you're ugly, women will think you're ugly. You have to think that you're the sh*t.
Remember that dating is like sales - it's a numbers game. The more successful pitches that you make the more likely that you'll book a sale.
P.S. Welcome to Sly Bald Guys!
Pic is up. That is my usual. Thanks for the welcome.
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Hey man i think you should shave it and if you if you don't care for it grow it back....but you should try and keep it shaved for a month to get a good feel for it. I agree with Tyler about the confidence. Ever since i shaved my head my confidence has gone up and i never thought shaving my head could do that. I was one of those people that look like crap with hair i and knew it everyday and it sucked knowing i looked bad. So take the dive and shave it off is my vote O0
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First off, welcome Speedracer, great to have you here. Tyler and Rulon have it right bro, dating is all about the confidence. If you read up on various threads you will see that a great many guys were in your place and that their confidence soared after taking the leap. If things aren't working for you now, then at least try the sly for a month or so, you can always grow it back. And don't be so critical of yourself. We all have flaws and because they are OURS, they seem bigger to us than to others. A slick and shiny dome will draw far more attention to your eyes and face anyway. Go for it man, give yourself a chance.
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Welcome, Speedracer. Glad to have you on the forum. I think you ought to give the shaving a little more time. It can be a boost to your self confidence in addition to the liberating feeling. So, why not just give it 30 days and experiment with various facial hair looks and just see what happens. I'll bet you'll be surprised at the result. Like Tyler said...It's all in the confidence. Go for it Bro. O0
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Welcome Speedracer ... The other guys have already given you some great advice.
Consider shaving your head again and going with a goatee or soul patch, instead of the full beard. Give it 30 days and/or 10 dates before deciding against it.
Sounds like you have a great personality and that's more important than anything. Project your confidence when meeting new prospective women. That will go further than any hair style.
I'm willing to bet that out of the 10 dates, you'll meet 1 that you end up dating further ...
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Welcome Speedracer.
I don't see where the troll is in your avatar. ???
Anyway, you being recently divorced I can see where some of the feelings are coming from. You probably still have a trace of the rejection feeling just from the divorce that happened almost a year ago, its no that uncommon bro. Listen, first drop the online dating thing, you might get lucky but you need to get that face to face meetings down. Just conversations, get use to speaking and not stumbling. You don't have to go to bars, walk around your local wally world and if you see a hot chick or any chick checking something out, go check something next to her and start up a convo about what she is looking at. Book stores are also a good place. Once you get use to BSing again, it will get easier.
I also think you need to talk to your sisters, let them know whats going on. They know alot more non-bar places to meet women than you do, and could know a few people to set you up with.
It gets easier, but you have to get out of the house to meet people!!
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Hey SpeedRacer,
Welcome to the family.
Dating is a pain late in life. And I've heard all sorts of odd stories about online dating.
Maybe taking a night class in something you've always wanted to do might help to find new faces to mingle with. Or else volunteer work, an exercise class or gym, or [don't shoot me] church/ synagogue/ temple/ mosque/ meditation hall.
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Dude..first off from a guy's perspective you look just like all of us, not a troll or hideous...
"Dating" sucks...especially if it's not casual..if it's a quest...that's pressure and you're already setting yourself up..
Tyler is right, BALD is better than balding...period...
Dont go the full monty and shave your face clean at the same time though ( the facial hair will give your looks an edge)..
Look at it this way bro...what if those "5" were just lame girls that were just too superfical anyways...
Don't give up bro...it's been said forever but there are a lot of fish in the sea..and you will find someone that digs YOU...especailly with a shiny head! O0
Welcome and hang in there bro!
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Hey SpeedRacer,
[don't shoot me] church/ synagogue/ temple/ mosque/ meditation hall.
Hey Speedracer ... Padre has acutally hit on a good one! Go someplace where more people with common backgrounds and interest are. Try volunteering with some charitable organizations too, such as Habitat, Big Brothers, Homeless Shelters, Jaycees ... etc
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Thanks for the replies everyone. About some of the advice I've been given...
I do get out. I'm a hardcore fitness fanatic and frequent the gym... a lot. Triathlon training, and weightlifting. That's where I go and what I do. Run all the races I can. I do climbing gyms also. Will prolly do a REI adventure trip to Australia in the spring, groups of like 12 or so. I also am an avid reader, so I can be found at the bookstore quite a bit. While I'm big into spitituality, I have probs with organized religion, so meeting places of the sort are out. I was thinking of taking some classes in philosophy/anthropology at the University though as I classify myself as humanistic. A yoga class maybe? Habitat for humanity... that's a good idea. Thanks.
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When I was studying philosophy and theology at the university, there were plenty of women looking to make study groups. Were I up for dating, it would have been a smorgasbord.
And yoga classes are usually filled with healthy vegetarian flexible women.
(I'm celibate, NOT dead!)
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Confidence , attitude, and personality those are the keys. I'm as big and ugly as it gets, but it does not stop me from getting mine, and I don't date ugly beotches.(well maybe one) Ty hit it on the head its like sales, go make the presentation. A sly dome is a good way to break the ice if you show off that confidence that it brings you. You will make the sale. O:O
Keep your sly head up and go for it brother. O0
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speedracer....1st of all welcome 2 the sly fraternity. as U can C....this site has some quality members. U have received some gr8 advice so i won't add anything else. it is up 2 u.... 2 take this advice & used it. i hope that u can have the courage 2 do the deed & get a quality razor & make that dome smooooth. i promise u that if u keep it for the 30 day trial that u will decide 2 keep it. anyways....u take care & keep us posted in your road 2 slyness. O0
WARHAWK O0
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(I'm celibate, NOT dead!)
That is awesome Padre!
:*)) :*)) :*)) :*))
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Speedracer, Welcome! I can't add much; the fellas have given you some great ideas. But definitely shave the head, and keep it clean for at least a month. It can give you a world of confidence, but you can't just do it once and stop. Good luck, and let us know how you get along.
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Howdy Speed!
Glad you decided to join us here at Sly Bald Guys. After reading your intro and other comments, I have to agree with what the other slickdomed dudes have said....go for the full headshave. You don't seem to have severe balding, but the shiny smooth dome is going to get you a lot of attention from the ladies....I think we can all attest to that.
You have to stop beating yourself up about your looks: you are NOT unattractive. The buzz looks fine, but I bet you'll look pretty studly if you shaved your head bald and kept a goatee. Obviously, you keep your body in good condition as a fitness fanatic, so the cleanshaven dome will be a natural complement to your active lifestyle.
I know it might seem like there are no prospects out there (believe me, I can relate) but you have to just stay cool, calm, and collected. Everybody has some dry spells...and you're only 32...you've got your whole life ahead of you. You have to resist the temptation to give up; instead of staying home and hiding....take your Sly self out there and let everybody see what a great guy you are.
You've got a lot going for you, Speed; you're young, you're healthy, you're educated, you're outgoing...you're FREE. Take advantage of that freedom. Decide what you really want out of life and then GO GET IT.....that's what to do.
Take care,
jj
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Hey welcome Speedracer,
Not much I can add to what's already been said but I can tell you - from your pic & your posts, you don't look (or sound) like an unattractive guy. Quite the reverse in fact. The totally shaved head will give you that edge over the competition. Stick with it for a while & see how it goes.
Good luck & post up often O0
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Shaving makes me feel good everytime I do it.
I know that at the gym I go to there are a lot of good looking woman working on themselves just like the guys are, so maybe there are some there that you could get to know, or get to know some of them a little better. Might work out for you in the long run.
Your pic looks good, try shaving for a while.
Good Luck
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Hey Speedracer, I can't add very much here as all the bro's have pretty much covered it very well. The key is to get out there!, I think the worst thing you can do is just stay in and feel down about yourself.
You say you're into fitness and physical actitvity, that's a total positive. I think an organized class such as yoga or a similar type of class would be great.
As champ says, hit the bookstore; whnever I'm there, I can't get over how many possible chances for easy convo there are. Give it a shot.
As far as your looks, you look fine just like the rest of us. I think you should try different looks with your facial hair and see what look you like best. I'm a big fan of the goatee; looks great with the shaved dome.
So give it a try for a month or so, do some experimenting and I bet you will come to love the look.
One thing you can't do is give up, that is not a solution. Stand up sly and confident, be yourself, and I bet you will see how people pick up on it.
Good luck and let us know how you are doing.
Joe
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You look totally normal to me + your head looks small enough for shaving (wish mine was that small haha). I can't say just do it since I haven't done it myself either but nowadays I'm keeping the hair buzzed and getting used to the idea of balding. I too have a feeling that I will look like a giant dick once I have to completely shave my head, so I can relate to you in that aspect.
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The solution is you need to develop inner confidence, not superficial confidence because of your outside appearance. by pointing out how your ears look you are only proving that what is on your outside determines how you feel about yourself, not your thoughts, feelings, and personality. And if you act that way in the dating scene women sense your insecurity and don't want to go out with guys like that.
Ladies want a guy who is sure of himself, and the way to achieve that is inner confidence.
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hey speedracer, you should just bic your head and be smooth, then you will pick up the ladies,
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Just don't try too hard: just be yourself, and with that shaved dome you'll be all the more confident and confidence is attractive. If you just go to the gym and work on yourself and not be over impatient, I'm sure the ladies will soon take an interest. 8)
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If something is holding you back it is not your hairline, ears, or anything else about your appearance, but your interpretation of what is happening. Perhaps you are letting a few bad experiences from dating effect your own perception of yourself.
A lot of people find dating very frustrating because they immediately blame the reason a date did not work on their own appearance. When in fact your appearance is only one of a number of factors in finding someone that you can get along with.
Some people fit and some people don't. An attractive woman that blew you off may end up with someone who is not attractive at all. I am sure you have seen this before. And a girl that you click with may be totally turned off by a guy who is younger, taller, richer and with a full head of hair.
And when you do click with someone it is like magic it just works. If you went out with 100 attractive women for sure a few of them will want to sleep with you, marry you, be your girlfriend etc. the other 90% or so will all be bad experiences. That is just the way dating is.
Also you will never know what the real reason behind the women that it doesn't work out with is. Maybe you look exactly like a guy that did something really bad to her. Maybe she has a boyfriend and are just weighing her options. Maybe she really only likes really skinny chinese boys who wear glasses and plaid shirts. Maybe she is gay and is trying to be straight but really wants to go back to her female girlfriend. Maybe she had an abortion last week and is mentally destroyed. Maybe a nasty STD just started to show its symptoms a few minutes before she came out to see you. ((I usually imagine this one and it helps me laugh about rejection)). But you certainly should not blame anything on your appearance when in fact you look fine.
Also you can't really expect to find much from a few dates. 5 dates is nothing especially from online. My experience is I need to go on a minimum of 10 dates to find one where there is mutual attraction. And you may even need to do more. Try to make the best out of the bad dates, but keep the time and expenses short.
And in the interim some will stand you up, not call you back, be moody, fickle, cancel at the last minute, get you all worked up and back out etc. For me this is how it has always been with or without hair.
Try reading a few books on dating. Understanding more about the whole dating process will help you take some of the pressure off of yourself. I have read a few, and would strongly recommend "How to Succeed With Women".
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Great post JustColorado!
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Great post JustColorado!
got me talked into going on a few dates. and i am married. damn good post bro.
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Great post JustColorado!
got me talked into going on a few dates. and i am married. damn good post bro.
Me too..... Definetly get out as everyone says but don't give up on the online thing, myspace, chatrooms etc... that is how I met my wife.
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I'm with nomad!
I really believe if your inside is not confident then the outside shows it!
I am far from being a handsome dude but man I try to portray that I am great looking!
Shave it and grab some confidence!
Everyone here can help!!!Don't give up ! O0 O0