Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => To be or not be...Bald => Topic started by: nomorehtworry on December 01, 2015, 10:03:36 PM
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Sorry for the lengthy post...but here is my story: :-[
I have always had thin hair. When I was about 19, people would ask me if I was losing my hair. That in turn started me obsessing over possible hair loss. I wish “Sly” was popular back then, or I would have seen that as a solution. Instead, when I was 24, I had 3 small hair transplant procedures that the doctor/crook told me would “thicken” the center part of my scalp (because I parted my hair in the center at the time.) Not too long after I had the procedures, I realized they were a mistake. Instead of being afraid of people seeing my scalp through thin hair, I was now terrified that people would see bumps and plugs through thin hair. In addition to the small bumps on my head I have three short scars on the back of my head (longest is about 4 inches.) Last year I had hairs transplanted into the scars by a reputable surgeon, which filled in nicely and made them less obvious. I have also been using Propecia, which I am slowly weaning myself off of. I didn’t have any major side effects but I don’t want to be messing with my hormones any longer.
Over the past 22 years I have struggled with anxiety and depression because of these surgeries. 14 years ago I began to see a therapist for about 2-3 years, and started taking an anti-depressant and began to feel normal again. For the next 12 years I was fine, then just last October I relapsed. I began seeing another therapist a few weeks ago, who now diagnosed that my depression was not a chemical imbalance, but a psychological one due to prior self-image issues/ low self esteem and is manifesting itself in the hair transplant.
My greatest fear is that I lose all my hair and will have my past mistakes clearly visible. Even though I can have the hair grafts removed, I feel ashamed and humiliated-to the point where I have become suicidal. My therapist said that I should confront the fear and shave my head. Doing so will take away all of the power. Last week I told a close friend of mine what was going on and what I did. It felt great and liberating but another day or two and I was back in depression.
My friends who were losing their hair have shaved or closely buzzed their heads. I wish I could do the same without my shame being exposed to everyone.
I may not even lose hair, I am 46 and still have all of it-again it’s thin but I never had thick hair to begin with. Since I am going off Propecia there is a chance of me losing any hair retained from the drug, or maybe it didn’t do anything. Either way I have to be prepared for the worst-case scenario and have a plan.
I have read some very positive and encouraging posts on the Sly boards. This community seems so much more welcoming and accepting than any other hair loss forum I have been on. Any advice is appreciated. Anyone who has hair transplant scars and plugs, yet shaves their head, please let me know your experiences. I’m “coming out” to you guys for the first time, so please be gentle. Thank you in advance for any support.
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Welcome! We have had quite a few members as of late that were HT victims, and we appreciate the shared stories. As for you, there are various things to help at least minimize the appearance of the scars. You can see a dermatologist about scar creams, or you can undergo laser therapy, or you can get an SMP (scalp micropigmentation) procedure over the scarred area. That said, if you feel comfortable, post a photo (you can always remove it, or if you don't post one, it's OK. That said, we're here to help, good luck!
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Great post...and great advice from harry.... But you hit the nail on the proverbial.... Shaving will indeed cause most of your insecurities to go, "take away all of the power" great line...and if there are any lurkers reading this and are trying to find the courage to do it...then this is great advice... You have nothing to fear etc....once done ....its gone and so is all that unnecessary worry....when I finally shaved, it was an amazing feeling of relief... I felt so good, a weight did indeed lift....and like so many....you'll wonder why you let it rule you for so long....no one will die....the sun will rise tomorrow.... And when it does, it'll be the first day of the rest of your worry free life...so get on with it and start enjoying it.
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Sorry to hear of your struggle. I have always had a bit of a problem with self confidence about my appearance. It began when I was a child and became aware that I was carrying more weight and was a lot taller than everyone else. Once I hit 14 the weight went away, but the insecurity was still there, especially when it came to asking out a girl. I still have my moments where I'll ask my wife if she is just saying she likes the Sly look on me. I know she has to get frustrated but thank goodness she understands the insecurity I have. I will agree with geeman that once I shaved my head I did feel more confident then I did with thinning hair.
There was a great post by a guy who had shaved his head after a hair transplant. I did a quick search but couldn't find it. Maybe someone else remembers who it was, and you could send a private message to that person and ask them about their experience.
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Sorry about your issues associated with your thin hair and the transplants. There have been a number of guys here that suffered the same treatment by hair transplant doctors. My suggestion is to do as the therapist suggested and shave, conquer the fear head on so to speak. Harry had some good comments about taking care of the scars.
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Hi,
I feel for you. I was also a hair transplant victim. Since having a full head of hair wasn’t possible for me I’ve always wanted to have a short/shaved haircut. The donor scars on the back of my head wouldn’t allow it though. Please take a look at my thread and my progress http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=26647.0 (http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=26647.0) I decided that I was done being a victim so I shaved it all off, but that left me with horrible plug scars. I almost panicked and felt like a freak. I tried all kinds of concealers and foundations before trying micro pigmentation. I think the results are fantastic.
I hope you will find a solution to your issue. Life is too short, don’t suffer from your old mistakes.
Good Luck!
Swiss
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I am sorry this is hitting you so hard.
I really do like the advice your therapist gave. The best way to get past the anxiety is simply to get rid of what is causing it. Once it is gone, it can't have control over you.
I am glad you joined us here.
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SlySwiss, you were the poster that I was referring to.
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;-)
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@buddah I think that's a little harsh tbh. He clearly says they are his mistakes. Hair loss is really tough on some people. I think you need to lighten up a tad.
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@buddah I think that's a little harsh tbh. He clearly says they are his mistakes. Hair loss is really tough on some people. I think you need to lighten up a tad.
Agreed, jbrit.
You and I might have some of the same friends, Buddha, and we should know not to belittle the troubles of anyone else or what is true for them. We each just need to be looking for progress, not perfection.
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That's why I included the disclaimer regarding opinions. I just happened to read this thread after hearing about the mass shooting in San Bernardino so begging your pardon if I'm a little weary of the victimhood of the receding hairline when there are 14 dead and 17 wounded in that incident and the world is quickly becoming an insane asylum taken over by the inmates. Bigger fish to fry I guess. I'll make the effort to be a nicer guy and I'll start by deleting my earlier post but my mind has not been changed.
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We all have our own struggles, our own fears, and our own anxieties. Our own struggles are not lessened by the fact that our world is full of tragedies every day, in the U.S. and in other countries around the world.
My heart goes out to the victims of gun violence in the US, and I can also identify with a man who is struggling to deal with hair loss or an eating disorder or any other thing which causes him to struggle.
None of us are helped by being told that our struggles are less than others have to deal with. Just like being told that there are starving children in other countries never made me hungry for broccoli when I was a kid.
This entire board is full of "first world problems." We come here to deal with issues like the shape of our heads or how to get rid of shaving bumps, not to be told that our male pattern baldness (or anxiety, or clinical depression, etc.) is nothing compared to the suffering of the victims of terrorism or the tragedy of innocent black men being killed by the police in our own country, or any other legitimate tragedy.
Apples and oranges, friend.
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With apologies to the OP...I see this has turned in the wrong direction. Therefore this thread is going to be locked.
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After talking to the members, and with the OP. I have unlocked this thread. My apologies to the OP. Feel free to carry on with discussion and/or photos.
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Thank you to all the posters who have offered support. To @Buddha I agree that I am not a "victim" in the truest sense. I realize now that that was a poor word choice and I did not intend to put myself in the same category as victims of mass murder/terrorism/war and the like.
I am attaching photos to this post that show the scars on the back and bumps on my scalp that I have been hiding. Please understand that although it looks like I have all my hair, it has been gradually thinning over the years and since I am weaning myself off of Propecia, any gains from the drug will be lost.
I accept that I will most likely lose my hair, and I'm ok with that. I just want to feel like when I need to shave it all off, it will look presentable and not look odd and scream hair transplant.
I'm wary of the scalp pigmentation route because my hair is turning gray/white quickly and I'm not sure it will look natural. Laser resurfacing on the scars and getting the grafts removed completely are other options I am looking into.
Recently I also confessed to a close friend who is "Sly" and it was liberating. He was totally supportive. Maybe I am making this out to be worse than it is. It's hard to tell where the reality ends and the depression/anxiety take over.
I know that my issues may seem trivial to some of you. I'm just looking for some support from those who've been in my shoes and faced similar issues with hair loss, especially those who have the added weight of a hair transplant.
Again, I appreciate all your help and advice.
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I had similar HT scars/bumps. I first had 4 sessions of Fraxel laser which smoothed out the bumps. Then had SMP from HIS Hair in all the scars and all over the top just to the front of the hairline within the transplanted hair. Im super happy and shave smooth with 95% of the scars concealed. No one can tell. Don't worry about the color of the SMP ink not matching any growing hair. I do grow to a tight buzz sometimes and it is just on the scalp as background color. It is subtle. The ink is a shade of black but really looks like greyish stubble like anyone would have who shaves their head. It is a fantastic solution for those of us who were insecure and succumbed to the HT industry. I can only speak to HIS hair and not the newer companies now doing it. It works provided the ink is a shade of black. Anyone trying to mix any other color ink risks the tattoo reverting to a primary color one day like blue or green. Shades of black lighter or darker are quite safe to do. It will fade after a couple years in the scarred skin but touchups are fast and inexpensive. I love it. For anyone worried about HT scars this is the perfect solution.
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Hi really feel for you. I am not (was not) in your situation, so I can only understand to a point.
I know that sometimes we fear things that seem so unbelievable, until we actually pass through them. Also, sometimes, we have to experience something that puts our other fears in great proportion.
About two years ago I lost my parter of almost 12 years, and it was both sudden, and unexpected. For quite a while I tried to not let my tragedy change my life, but in time realized that it was killing me. Once I realized that life was changed for me, permanently, forever, it gave me the clarity to realize what I needed to put into perspective.
I stopped letting the small things that were so important to me go, and started looking at the bigger picture. The things that I was holding on to that were keeping me from having a good and happy life.
No, you don't need to experience a tragedy in order to come to that realization. Good therapy can be very helpful in getting over your fear/obsession about your hair or losing it.
Once you finally rid yourself of your hair, and all of the baggage that it carriers with it, you will feel such a weight lifted off of your shoulders.
I wish you the best of luck.
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Thanks everyone you for the support and encouraging words. It’s also nice to know that I am not alone in this.
I think you’re right, the problem is inside my head not what is on the outside. I am creating this huge monster (in my eyes) and letting it take control.
I can understand how some may see this as not a big deal at all. I know some people are in different positions from me and I most certainly do not think that I take precedence over them or anyone for that matter.
Thank you DoberDaddy for sharing your personal tragedy. I know I need to try to keep this hair thing in perspective.
I remember meeting a guy a few years ago who had his head shaved, shiny bald and had a huge scar on the back of his head. The scar was ear to ear and looked like it had stretched as well. It had all of the telltale signs of a hair transplant. Maybe internally it bothered him but that didn’t stop him from being an outgoing person. He didn’t try to cover it up with a wig or hide it in any way.
I know I am making a huge deal out of this more so than probably necessary. That’s the depression taking over. I was always prone to depression, but having this certainly does not help. lol Perhaps this is a test for me to truly accept myself for who I am. I didn’t in the past and paid a price. I know it could be far worse. I attach too much weight to this. On the outside, no one would really care either way.
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I hope you are feeling better now seeing as this is two months on. I have read other guys in your predicament and many decided to just shave off anyway.I think the guy running the UFC is one. I hope sharing your story does some good for any young man worrying about hair loss who happens to come across this thread.What they never tell young men desperate to fight hair loss is you will always need more surgery a big wallet and medication for life.In my humble opinion the whole transplant business is a complete sham. You only have to look on the hair restoration network and see the guys still fighting mother nature even after numerous transplants .