Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => To be or not be...Bald => Topic started by: sadwithouthair on October 03, 2014, 03:31:26 PM
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Hey guys, I frequent a lot on other hairloss forums and I stumbled across this site. You guys all seem very nice and supportive so I need some advice.
I'm almost 27 years old with diffuse un-patterned alopecia. Basically my hair is thinning everywhere, including my sides, and my hairline has remained the same (NW0). This all started about 7 or 8 years ago when I began Accutane treatment for cystic acne. My derm at the time said hair loss is a common side effect and my hair should go back to normal after treatment, but it did not. over the years its become worse. Fast forward to today and I don't have much hair in my front and I've been using concealers for the past few years. They worked great at first and gave me a few more years of a head of hair, but the charade is coming to an end as my hair loss has progressed.
Lately I've been very depressed, with extremely low self-esteem, no confidence, and it is affecting my relationships and my life in general. I haven't left the house all week except for work. Hair loss is always on my mind from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep. I plan my life around how I will manage my hair. Its horrible, its really changed my personality and who I am. The thing is I am not really an attractive person, so I feel like I NEED hair to look decent. I've always had self-image issues and the hairloss is compounding it in the worst way possible. I feel like if I shave my head I will be even more dissatisfied with my looks and it won't solve anything. I'm even so desperate that I've began researching hair systems, aka modern-day toupees, and some look really good. But deep down I know thats not going to solve anything in the long term. But I am seriously considering it..
I notice a lot of posters here are older men (and you guys all look great bald!) but as a single 27 year old I can't fit myself in that image. None of my friends are bald. I have some friends who are younger than me and being bald will make me look like their dad when we're together. I go to clubs often and I see a sea of guys with full heads of hair, and I start feeling depressed and inadequate. Im rambling now, I don't really know what the point of this is, other than me just venting my frustrations.
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Yes, at your age, hair might seem like a very important thing. I have a full head of hair but prefer the bald look. Lucky for you, buzzed or bald hairstyles are popular. There is no denying you are losing alot of hair. I guess when you get my age you just don't care if someone doesn't like my shaved head. I think a short buzz would look better, and work toward shaving.
Do you see guys with a shaved head and like it? It is an accepted hairstyle now. The key is to own it and be confident.
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Believe it or not, sir, but I had far less than you when I was your age. You are not by any means the first man to experience hairloss in his twenties.
All I can tell you is that it will only be an issue or a problem if you allow it to be. I am completely serious. From my experience, unless they are extremely shallow, most women (even those who imagine their perfect mate as having a full head of hair) will not care or notice what is going on up there any more than they would your eye color if you do not come off as self conscious about it.
Be yourself, get out of your house and enjoy life.
Glad you joined us here.
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What we have we don't want and what we don't have we seem to want. Ever notice that? People with straight hair curl it those with curly hair straighten it. Guys with full heads of hair shave it off or even have it laser-ed off permanently. As someone said if you can't fix it feature it. Make the most of what you have or don't have.
Hair loss always on your mind it won't be if you shave it off and have a nice bald head. Nothing wrong with that, you don't need hair give it a try. You can grow it back its not a permanent option.
Try it you'll like it. :)
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I struggled with hair loss at a young age, too. I first started noticing it at 17 and it slowly progressed. I obsessed and stressed over it for many years. It did leave me depressed a lot and I had a lot of the same feelings you have. I tried to focus my mind on other things so not to think about it. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.
At about 35 I finally had enough and got a crew cut. That was a turning point for me. I stopped worrying about my hair and felt liberated. As I continued to bald, I just buzzed it shorter and shorter. I eventually got to razor shaving my head.
It was a long path for me. I wish shaved heads were in style when I was a young guy. I wished I had buzzed it sooner. You don 't have to be great looking to shave your head. Buzze d or shaved bald is a better look than balding for everyone. I encourage you to do it. What's the worst thing that can happen? You don't like it? You can always grow it back.
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Thanks for the encouraging words guys. Its what I need to hear. Sadly its easier said than done. I think its going to be a long road to acceptance for me, but at least I'm on that road. When I do finally shave, I don't think I will have the option of growing it back if I don't like it. Since I've been using concealers I need my hair to be a certain length to pull it off, and anything shorter just looks atrocious. So once I shave I have to stick with it, which makes it harder to pull the trigger. To be honest other parts of my life aren't going too well either and the hairloss is tipping me over the edge into a quarter life crisis! :px
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Question for you guys - did you guys develop your confidence in your looks immediately after shaving, or was it something you had to work towards over time? I am asking because I see a lot of posts regarding improved confidence once shaving, but I don't see that happening for me. At least not right away. I fear my already low confidence will plummet to rock bottom.
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Confidence in MY looks? I never have been anything close to handsome, so I got past that long before my hair started abandoning my scalp.
I was very fortunate to have had some great men in my life who went bald without ever letting it bother them or get in their way. Their examples set my mind up to accept what was happening up there and move on to more important things - not that I did not go through a few weeks of anxiety when the baldness first became seriously visible in my early twenties.
Going smooth was just something I wanted to try for me. I was tired of the horseshoe style. I really have enjoyed it. Getting compliments was an added bonus.
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When I initially shaved, my confidence went to an all-time high. I no longer had to be concerned with the way
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I started balding at 26. It wasn't as bad for me to adjust like most because I grew up in the Michael Jordan era where quite a few guys were shaving. I did wear hats for a while and would flip-flop between a bald fade and a bald head. By the time I turned 35 I started razor shaving and haven't looked back.
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I started balding in my mid 20's and I'm now I'm my mid 40's and have now decided to accept my baldness, I used to worry about losing my hair but now I'm not bothered by it.
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My situation has been quite similar to yours, which you can read a few posts down in this thread. The strange thing 'we' do is idealizing having hair. But when I looked at my own hair at some point, similar to yours, I asked myself the question: "Is this hair really a strong aspect of my looks? Something worth missing? Obviously the answer is "no". It sounds a bit harsh, but at this moment your hair doesn't look great either. It is a rather common hair look (another thing we do is idealizing and over-valuating the hairstyle of others), but it is not great. So why hold on to that so firmly? Buzzing it short - or shaving it off completely - will make you look a bit different, not worse. In most cases it actually makes guys look much better. After buzzing it short for the first tim, I immediately felt more stylish, 'cleaned up' and bad-ass for taking control again. I always belonged to the majority of men saying that the look wouldn't suit me. You will get used to it and it will feel like getting rid of a burden on your shoulders. Besides people noticing a change in your appearance, they will notice how easy-going, relieved and relaxed you are even more. Go for it :)
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Before shaving my head, I knew that growing back my hair would not be an option for me because my hair just did not look good. As soon as I did it (buzzed), I knew it was an improvement and I felt so much better. I was not confident in the way that I felt "now I am a handsome man," because, let's face it, a haircut is not going to make that happen. But buzzing my head and looking in the mirror (which I tried to avoid before) allowed me to accept myself and a bald guy. This was me and I liked it much more than the balding me.
The road of feeling crappy about balding and doing nothing about it was long for me, but once I buzzed my head, the road of accepting myself as a bald man and feeling confident that the world was not over es a short one. I got there almost immediately.
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Or maybe someone can just slap some sense into me and make me get over my vanity!
Maybe this will:
http://hairlossbaldwin.com/what-women-really-think-about-bald-men/ (http://hairlossbaldwin.com/what-women-really-think-about-bald-men/)
Is from a member's (Hairloss BaldWin) blog, really great read and good links to youtube videos, I strongly recommend the reading. It will put things in a completely new perspective, I guarantee.
I know is a really hard thing to go through, but stay strong!
Good luck O0
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Or maybe someone can just slap some sense into me and make me get over my vanity!
Maybe this will:
http://hairlossbaldwin.com/what-women-really-think-about-bald-men/ (http://hairlossbaldwin.com/what-women-really-think-about-bald-men/)
Is from a member's (Hairloss BaldWin) blog, really great read and good links to youtube videos, I strongly recommend the reading. It will put things in a completely new perspective, I guarantee.
I know is a really hard thing to go through, but stay strong!
Good luck O0
oh man, you can't be serious. the least thing helping a young balding man are these forum threads and studies about women and their opinion on bald guys. this is just ridiculous, especially the videos where a BALD guy is asking women how they feel about dating a bald guy, hilarious lol. has it never occurred to you that their opinion is biased when a bald guy is standing next to them and that they would feel incredibly uncomfortable telling the truth? think about it.
the next problem with these studies or forum polls is that you never know how these women who say they find bald guys attractive actually look like. and that plays a huge factor, because most of the time, these women would settle for anyone OR they would not suit your personal taste in women 9 out of 10 times.
don't get me wrong, bald guys can and do get laid. but you have to have other positive features and i found out that working out (you don't have to be a body builder) and eating clean, getting a slight tan and stubble, dressing nicely is a must in order to score. because confidence isn't everything as some say. they say it like confidence was some kind of magic potion that seduces every living female human being on this planet. i hope you get what i mean.
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Im 29 and was losing hair from the front. Shaving it all was the best thing ive done. Confidence skyrocketed and the mrs absolutely loves it!
i hated it when i always had to combover and hide it only for it to show again when its windy.... now i am free and getting looks from women even when they have their fellas around am a total stud lol
First post btw.
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oh man, you can't be serious. the least thing helping a young balding man are these forum threads and studies about women and their opinion on bald guys. this is just ridiculous, especially the videos where a BALD guy is asking women how they feel about dating a bald guy, hilarious lol. has it never occurred to you that their opinion is biased when a bald guy is standing next to them and that they would feel incredibly uncomfortable telling the truth? think about it.
the next problem with these studies or forum polls is that you never know how these women who say they find bald guys attractive actually look like. and that plays a huge factor, because most of the time, these women would settle for anyone OR they would not suit your personal taste in women 9 out of 10 times.
don't get me wrong, bald guys can and do get laid. but you have to have other positive features and i found out that working out (you don't have to be a body builder) and eating clean, getting a slight tan and stubble, dressing nicely is a must in order to score. because confidence isn't everything as some say. they say it like confidence was some kind of magic potion that seduces every living female human being on this planet. i hope you get what i mean.
This is so off base that I want to throw up !*u%e
Women don't care about your hair style...PERIOD! Instead they care about confidence and knowing that you will be able to take care of them, but you have to know how to communicate this to them. Does it help to be in shape and dress nicely, yes, it does. But just because you are buff and have on nice clothes doesn't mean girls are going to give a sh*t about you.
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Im 29 and was losing hair from the front. Shaving it all was the best thing ive done. Confidence skyrocketed and the mrs absolutely loves it!
i hated it when i always had to combover and hide it only for it to show again when its windy.... now i am free and getting looks from women even when they have their fellas around am a total stud lol
First post btw.
Welcome to the group! When you get a chance, post an intro in our Introductions section and post a photo when you get a chance!
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Thanks for all the comments guys. Still haven't shaved, but I know I will in the very near future. I'm building up some confidence towards that day. Right now I'm just trying to overcome my depression and once I feel better I will have enough confidence to do it. What is hard for me to accept is the fact that my hair loss is drug induced. I feel like I did this to myself from taking accutane (it used to be a powerful chemo drug when first introduced!) So I feel I'm not suppose to look this way. I've been on message boards reading other people with the same reaction and there is no cure for it. Nothing I can do now.. Slowly trying to accept it. Thanks again for the encouraging words.
By the way.. Lots of talk about women not caring about a guys hair. What about other guys? I happen to be gay, and as we all know males are very visual in terms of attraction, compared to females who are more attracted to attitude and confidence. So I feel this is a big disadvantage for me trying to date. Right now I don't even try to date because I'm too insecure.
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Oh come on! Ever been to a leather bar? A young guy with a shaved head has to beat them off with a stick!!!!!
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Trust me, a gay man with a shaved head is very much in demand ... provided he is confident in himself.
It really has nothing to do with being gay or not gay ... potential partners, regardless of gender, are attracted to others who generally are well groomed, confident, and fun to be with.
Once you stop worrying about your hair you can move on to enjoying everything else.
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Oh come on! Ever been to a leather bar? A young guy with a shaved head has to beat them off with a stick!!!!!
LOL! No I have not, its not really my scene. But I guess I will have to go soon :x!
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I took accutane for 6 months about....6 years ago. Man, time flies. I'm 25 now. My hair started thinning right around when I took accutane (I had no idea it could cause hairloss so I didn't connect the two at first), and it hasn't stopped. It's slowed down a lot in the last year or two, but the damage is done. I'm a solid NW3, crown is thinning too, diffuse over the top.
It sucks real bad, having your hair taken from you like that. When I'm 40? fine, go for it mother nature. But early 20's? I liked having hair, this is supposed to be the prime of your life after all.
Going with a tight buzz is the best option (full shave somewhere down the line once your used to the buzz to see how it looks). You really don't have any other option, toupee's are a lie you don't want to live with, there's no medical reversing of the loss, and you and I aren't good candidates for hair transplants.
My confidence went way up after shaving. It's very freeing, might be counter intuitive, but when you shave there is nothing left to be self conscious about. You literally shave it off. Plus the tight buzz looks a lot cleaner, sharper. You look better with it then with longer, uneven, pathetic hair. The buzz is strong.
And by the way, I'm pretty sure a lot of gay dudes like bald heads, just like a lot of women like bald heads. Everyone has their preferences, you just gotta find someone who prefers you.
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oh man, you can't be serious. the least thing helping a young balding man are these forum threads and studies about women and their opinion on bald guys. this is just ridiculous, especially the videos where a BALD guy is asking women how they feel about dating a bald guy, hilarious lol. has it never occurred to you that their opinion is biased when a bald guy is standing next to them and that they would feel incredibly uncomfortable telling the truth? think about it.
the next problem with these studies or forum polls is that you never know how these women who say they find bald guys attractive actually look like. and that plays a huge factor, because most of the time, these women would settle for anyone OR they would not suit your personal taste in women 9 out of 10 times.
don't get me wrong, bald guys can and do get laid. but you have to have other positive features and i found out that working out (you don't have to be a body builder) and eating clean, getting a slight tan and stubble, dressing nicely is a must in order to score. because confidence isn't everything as some say. they say it like confidence was some kind of magic potion that seduces every living female human being on this planet. i hope you get what i mean.
This is so off base that I want to throw up !*u%e
Women don't care about your hair style...PERIOD! Instead they care about confidence and knowing that you will be able to take care of them, but you have to know how to communicate this to them. Does it help to be in shape and dress nicely, yes, it does. But just because you are buff and have on nice clothes doesn't mean girls are going to give a sh*t about you.
+1
"bald guys can and do get laid" ? Jeez... You make us sound like a different breed!
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Right now I don't even try to date because I'm too insecure.
And that is why you fail. Please look up the Self-Fullfilling Prophecy. You are sabotaging yourself.
Who gets the most attention? The guy who's out there in the middle of the room, smiling, laughing and chatting it up, or the guy standing by himself in the corner looking down and avoiding eye contact?
Disregarding your incorrect stereotype of what gay men are looking for, it's how you carry yourself that will make all the difference. Not what you have or do not have on your head.
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Right now I don't even try to date because I'm too insecure.
And that is why you fail. Please look up the Self-Fullfilling Prophecy. You are sabotaging yourself.
Who gets the most attention? The guy who's out there in the middle of the room, smiling, laughing and chatting it up, or the guy standing by himself in the corner looking down and avoiding eye contact?
Disregarding your incorrect stereotype of what gay men are looking for, it's how you carry yourself that will make all the difference. Not what you have or do not have on your head.
You're right on the money SlyBear! Attitude is what it's all about.
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You asked if the confidence came immediately after shaving. The answer for me was YES. Like most guys who shaved their head, I wished I had done it sooner. There is nothing worse than a "balding" head. It doesn't matter what the face looks like, or the shape of the head...a shaved head looks better than one with remnants of hair. People are more apt to be critical of a balding head or a bad hair-do than they will of a neatly shaven head. Grow some type of facial hair to make it a totally new look, or if you already have some, step it up a notch. You have nothing to lose. If you are already feeling low self esteem, you owe it to yourself to make a bold move and feel the surprising rush of confidence.
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Hey, Sad, I know where you're coming from. I started losing my hair at the end of high school, altho until my early 20s it was just a receding hairline. It took me forever to decide to shave my head, but I'm glad that I did. I think that you'll be glad too. As a fellow gay man, I can assure you that many/most gay men consider the shaved-head look hot. You shouldn't have any problems attracting someone, altho you need to build up your self-confidence. Sometimes we make too much of sexual attractiveness and neglect more fulfilling relationships (don't ask me how I know that!).
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Hello guys! Just wanted to give you guys an update on me. I finally did it! Cut off all my hair with a #0 grade and couldn’t be happier.
I decided that I will not allow my hair to bring me down in 2015. For NYE I was invited to an big formal party with all my friends. I was debating about not going because my hair looked so awful. Thats when I decided that I had enough and went and buzzed off all my hair. And shockingly I liked the way it looked! I got complements saying that I looked bad-ass with my beard and I had a nice shaped head. I even got someones number that night. All the fear and worry was mostly in my head. The best part is that I am no longer OCD over my hair. No more trying to make it look decent with concealers. No more staring at mirrors, no more rogaine or fancy shampoos. I love the freedom and my mind can now focus on better things that actually matter.
Thanks for all the support guys and happy new year!
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congratulations Sad welcome to the club post some pics if your comfertable
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Congratulations, SWH, and Happy New Year to you also.
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Congratulations! You have made a wise decision and I'm sure that you will be much happier now that you won't be constantly worrying about how your hair looked. I am glad for you younger members that shaved heads are much more acceptable now than they were back when I started losing my hair in my early twenties during the early 1980's.
I think back now about all the pity parties I held for myself because I was losing my hair to a natural genetic process that I had inherited from both sides of my family and I feel so ashamed. Especially when I see a commercial for St. Judes Children's' Hospital. There's one child after another, boys and girls alike, who have lost their hair as a result of the treatments they are receiving to try to save their lives. Some have lost even more than their hair (amputations) and those dear kids aren't sitting there whining about losing their hair.
We could all learn a lot from watching children!
Oracle (Jim)
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Congratulations, you've made the right choice!
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Good to hear that the experience was such a positive one for you.
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Hello Sad,
That's a great story. Enjoy the freedom from worrying about hair loss. Time to change your handle to something other than Sadwithout Hair!
And Jim is so right. Losing one's hair is such a small "problem" given what some people have to go through in life.
Happy New Year!
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I love the freedom and my mind can now focus on better things that actually matter.
What an excellent statement. I wish more guys could have that outlook and understand how liberating going smooth can be.
Congratulations on taking control, sir!
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Gret story. Welcome to Sly Bald Guys.
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Told ya!
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Good to hear you finally took control of your situation and have a better outlook on things. Good on you mate!