Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => To be or not be...Bald => Topic started by: MarkusToe on December 21, 2012, 07:45:39 PM
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Hey Guys, now is the second night I can't get any sleep because I feel so depressed about my hair loss. Even with hair I never have been really happy with my face and my big forehead and when I get bald I fear it will look even bigger. At the moment I can't imagine getting any self-esteem soon and I tell myself things like: when I am bald everyone will notice how unhappy I am with myself and then they will also feel that I am somebody to pity and people will reject me and this will make it even harder to build self-esteem and I feel like I will always have to feel inferior compared to other people - man, I am really depressed. I think the thing is I never have been really happy with myself but I had the hope that different hairstyles will give me a chance to feel better, but when I am bald there is no hope and I will always have to stick with what I've got - hm, I think I am just really anxious and in denial now, because I always had attractive girlfriends which thought I am attractive, but with hair. A the moment I don't know how I could ever accept this, but in the end, what chances do I have?
Maybe you could share some of your experience.
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I've dated women while balding and also while sporting a shaved head, and it hasn't impacted my success with the ladies in the slightest.
It's common to worry that shaving your head bald will cost you in the lady department––but let's face it, women are DAMN observant, and often can spot a balding guy even before he knows he's balding.
And the best part: They don't really care.
In my experience, men judge balding men much more harshly than women judge men who are balding, the same way that women judge other women more harshly than men judge women.
Also, if women, and attractive ones to boot, all decided that men with hairloss were unattractive/not good boyfriends, the balding genes would have been gone from the human race long ago!
As for other depression related issues, I know it is a stereotype to say it, but getting therapy from a good therapist can be a great relief. Don't sit around, do it. It can be really worthwhile to have someone who doesn't know you and won't judge to hear all that you've got to say. Because the guys on this forum can cheer you up, but that won't replace getting real help.
In terms of personal experience with depression and OCD, I'd say stay away from anti-depressants––in my personal experience, I found they made me feel too "meh" or uncaring about life.
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Markus, no room for a pity party here. This is a designated "Pity Party Free Zone."
Your forehead will not appear larger if you shave ... in fact, it will disappear! Hair defines the forehead by providing a visual reference. Once the hair it gone, there is no visual reference and ... no forehead boundary. It's amazing but it's true.
Look around this place -- lots of guys here who shave because they want to, not because they have to. There's something really special about living underneath a smooth scalp. Quite awesome.
You're looking for reasons to make this a continuing problem, instead of seeing the many ways it can be a ongoing success for you.
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MT, welcome to SBG! For guys like you I like to recommend that you just shave it off and give it 30 days. It may seem drastic for you now, but it's like pulling off a band-aid, you just have to do it fast.
<------------BTW, I think my wife is pretty attractive and she won't let me grow out my hair cause she likes the look.
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Welcome mate,
Sorry your not feeling great about your hair loss :(
Honestly shaving does eliminate the massive forehead thing.
I hope you can find peace and be happy!
Cheers
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Hey MarkusToe,
It's good you came here, the fellas in here are all very supportive of each other and they've gotten me through what I though (at that time) was the worst time of my life.
Let me tell you, you're already halfway. You've already accepted that your hair is going AND you came here, which probably means that you've already made a decision on how to cope with your hairloss: by shaving your head and steering away from the poison.
I had the same issues as you: hairloss, combined with feeling inferior to others. The issue here is not so much your hairloss. Your feeling of inferiority was probably there long before your hair started going and there's not much I can do about that. I advise you to look for professional help (therapy, support groups for self-confidence, ...).
About your hair: I think you will look just fine with a shaved head. Your face is pretty balanced (no large or tiny features) and everything looks symmetrical. I admit it will look very different at first sight, but eventually you'll get used (and addicted) to shaving your head. It's just a matter of 'getting used' to something new.
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It is what is in your heart NOT on your head that counts !
Don't concentrate on "gotta have a girlfriend" image.
Concentrate on who you are and your talents and confidence.
Get yourself a very tight Christmas Buzzcut.
Unwrap a new YOU image for the New Year !
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Agree with all the comments that have been made. Shave it off and you will be done with it . ;) 8)
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Thanks for all the support.
KDusk, I think you are totally right - it is not about hairloss - this just brings fears to the top which have always been there. Basically it is agood thing that I can't ignore them anymore - now is the time to deal with them and get rid of them. I can see that now and I'm thankful for that chance. Self defeating beliefs are always there, they only come up when you are upset. Frontier Guy is right - this could be a chance for ongoing success.
Thank you very much all of you and happy holidays O0
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I used to get a lot of comments about my forehead, they went when i shaved my head. You're a good looking guy and a good looking guy who is comfortable bald will do a lot better with girls than someoone holding onto that hair for grim death!!
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Markus, it isn't going to be easy, but you can do this....just stay strong, and just try a shorter haircut for experimenting...if it doesn't work out, you can always grow it back....Good luck to you, man.
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Wise words from the Sly Brotherhood. O0
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Markus, you've got a good bunch of buddies here who have been through this, too.
Take command of your hair.
shave it and call it BBC. You'll look good. My wife was not crazy about it at first, but now she likes it. I'd say ,in the ladies department, any lady who get's hung up over a shaved head, has her own issues. You want omeone else.
Merry Christmas, Enjoy a shaved head for Christmas.
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I've been where you are and all I can say is that you'll start feeling better the moment your hair is all shaved off. And it's true that your forehead will look smaller without a receding hairline to frame it.
Once your hair has receded past a certain point, it's jut not flattering anymore and it really needs to be shaved. You've reached that point. Go shorter in stages if that makes it easier. You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel. Good luck.
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KDusk, I think you are totally right - it is not about hairloss - this just brings fears to the top which have always been there. Basically it is agood thing that I can't ignore them anymore - now is the time to deal with them and get rid of them. I can see that now and I'm thankful for that chance. Self defeating beliefs are always there, they only come up when you are upset.
You're well on your way to handling this problem. One quote I like is, "There is more felicity on the far side of baldness than young men can possibly imagine."
If you'd like to, read the following article, you'll probably find a lot of what's been troubling you discussed in it.
http://men.webmd.com/features/going-bald-all-your-head
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I have to agree with isleepinthebuff you are a good looking guy and think you should at least try a short buzz and see how you like it.
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Markus, I would say buzz it shorter and shorter or shave it all off. I had a lot of the same problems you had. Not feeling good about myself at all, worrying if my thinning hair was going to be a problem for me my whole life. I have since shaved my head and I feel more confident all the time. I too had a high forehead when I was able to grow hair.
I would say first off you need to stop the comparisons to other people, YOU ARE YOU no one else. Give the slick dome a try, you might like it. Not sure if you can grow a beard but give the bald and bearded look a try. As others have said you are a good looking dude, you just gotta find your way out of this rut you are in.
Lastly, feelings like this never last forever and trust me, it will get better with time. Good luck bro.
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saintc, that's a great article, already feel more confident about going bald - on my drivers license photo I do have quite short hair and I like the look - https://www.evernote.com/shard/s1/sh/b868a7d3-544c-4cbb-b6f2-f236a2916fb8/a19708f63099f9e194c8b52a8e520bdd
but doesn't one look much different being bald then with a short haircut?
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and thanks for all that support - I really feel a lot better now and all of you are looking great bald! O0
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but doesn't one look much different being bald then with a short haircut?
Yes. And that's exactly the point. You'll look much better.
You'll also be amazed at how different (and fantastic) it feels.
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MarkusToe, judging from your profile picture, I'd say that you'll have no issue sporting a shaved head. You have a well shaped head just for that purpose––be lucky, a lot of bald guys don't! Your ear shape is good and it appears you have a good jaw as well.
Ultimately, I won't order you what to do one way or another, but what I will say is that it's an indication that you're leaning towards a shaved head just by your presence here on this forum.
The key is not seeing shaving your head as saving face or as a "last resort." See it instead as an opportunity to better yourself and move on from hair loss. Not having to think about my thinning hair when I look in the mirror anymore is a great, palpable and daily relief in my life.
And when you shave your head, reward yourself!
By shaving your head you're creating an entirely new physical image for your life––research what types of clothes to buy to appear more dapper, perhaps start working out. See the shaved head not as a loss but rather as a transition to further adulthood.
This can and should be a transformative experience.
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Further, don't see shaving your head as a sad thing. Don't lament the loss of your hair. Instead, see the advantages:
1) No longer worrying about rain ruining your illusion of hair.
2) Being able to shower or swim worry free, diving into the ocean or pools or lakes without stringy, limp hair.
3) Feeling younger again.
4) Having a style that YOU control and you have command over, like when you had good hair.
5) Demonstrating to women that you're aware of your hair loss and it isn't an issue––nobody likes someone who can't move on or is stuck on something in the past.
6) Choosing a style that, fortunate for newly balding men, is now socially acceptable and even encouraged for men facing hair loss.
7) Freeing yourself from enslavement to false hope through "proven" hair loss "cures" like Rogaine and Propecia.
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and thanks for all that support - I really feel a lot better now and all of you are looking great bald! O0
I found all the profile pictures of guys happy with bald heads that was such an encouragement for becoming BBC.
Now I'm bald too, and I love it. Shaving my had is fun every morning.
Had an extended shave for Christmas day to be sure it was extra smooth. I love rubbing the smooth dome.
Hope yo'll make the switch shortly.
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thank you benlen, this is a really great forum and your support is really moving (can I say that?) I feel so much more confident and are starting to look forward to my new "hairstyle". I will keep you updated!
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Hi Markus, the fact that you, and countless others, myself included, are forced to confront underlying issues when facing hairloss, is a difficult, but potentially game-changing situation. This reality check gives you the opportunity to better your self-image, as the external often helps to trigger deep emotions internally.
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Take it slow man, get used to it. I think you would benefit from the siodes and back being shorter and buzzed as at the mo they make the top seem thinner (been there and done that)
Take the sides shorter, then once used to that buzz down to a 2, 1, 0 then sly
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Markus, you've gotten some GREAT advice in this thread. I agree with ISleepInTheBuff: take it in stages. Go to your barber and get successively shorter buzzcuts on top with the sides and back shorter and faded into the top. Eventually--probably in 2 or 3 haircuts or so--you hair will be short enough on top where the sides and back will need to be taken to the skin. At this point, you'll be able to see exactly what you'd look like with a shaved head. Assuming you like the look (and I think you will) from there you'll be comfortable enough to either buy a cheap pair of clippers and start giving yourself clipper shaves, or just go all way and use lather and a razor.
The thing to keep in mind is that the more hair you have, the more you call attention to the fact that you're thinning and/or receding. Lots of guys that are losing their hair assume that growing it longer will make it less obvious--I know I did for a period of time. The point of no return for me was when I noticed in photos that I had a lot of thinning in the crown area (my longer hair made it incredibly pronounced) and that my hairline on top sat well behind my hairline on the sides.
I think you're going to be AMAZED at how much happier and more confident you are once you get rid of your hair. Seriously, it'll feel like a giant weight has been lifted from your shoulders.