Sly Bald Guys Forum
Confidence and Success => Relationships/Dating => Topic started by: The Baron on July 14, 2012, 01:33:43 AM
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I'm 40 years old and still single. Most people my age are already married and have families. The pool of available women in my age range is much smaller. Most of those women will already have children. As a result, they will be more selective. They wouldn't want just anyone to be around their kids.
There is also the fact that I have never had a girlfriend or even been on a single date. Yes, I am a 40 year old virgin. How do you tell a woman something like that? Surely she would find out eventually. The subject of past relationships would come up in conversation at some point. How does a man explain that to a woman he is dating? How would she react? Would she be creeped out? Would she laugh at me? Would she think that I was less of a man? Would she dump me? I would think that it would be a deal breaker for most women. Male virgins are considered to be losers in our society. Some people believe that male virgins of a certain age have mental problems. Some women may consider them to be damaged goods and refuse to date them.
I could lie about it. However, that would be wrong. It also wouldn't work for very long. You can't keep a secret that big forever. Women are not stupid. If I didn't tell her, she would be able to figure it out on her own. Then what? Would she be angry at me for not being honest? Would she leave me? After all, there are plenty of "real men" out there. Most women want a strong, confident and experienced man. A man with swagger who knows how to handle a woman. These facts have effected my though process. My whole mindset is different from the average man. I have gotten to a point in my life where I can't even imagine having a girlfriend or wife. It doesn't seem like a realistic goal. It seems out of reach. What do you think? What would she think? Does she have a right to know?
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if you never had a relationship, you will not be able to figure it out just by asking someone. You simply have to live it . If you know how to pick her, she will understand.
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As a result, they will be more selective. They wouldn't want just anyone to be around their kids.
I don't blame them. Perhaps you should work on being the type of person that anyone would like to be around and have around their children?
The rest of your post doesn't make much sense because you've already acknowledged that women in your age group are looking for more than a stud. Do you really think that they'll care that you're not a Don Juan that's been busy collecting conquests?
It sounds like you're targeting teenybopper to young 20-somethings who value all the wrong things rather than a mature woman looking for a quality partner.
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Baron,
Just curious...why did you choose not to date?
You can start at 40...gotta start somewhere.
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Baron,
Just curious...why did you choose not to date?
You can start at 40...gotta start somewhere.
Hello JasonR,
I didn't choose not to date. It just worked out that way. I have been shy my whole life. I think it has a lot to do with being bullied as a child. I was bullied by classmates and by my own brothers. My brothers were much worse. My mother was married twice. I was the only child from her second marriage. My brothers hated my father. When my father left, I was the target. It's very difficult to be confident when everyone around you thinks that you are garbage. :'(
When I started to lose my hair, the situation got progressively worse. Yes, you can start dating at 40. However, it will not be easy. Women like to talk. They also like to ask questions. Especially when they are dating a man. They want to know everything about him. I mean everything. His job, life goals, interests, past girlfriends or wives and yes, sexual history. It would be an issue. A very big issue. A potential deal breaker for some. Many women would consider this a serious problem. Women can be very judgemental and dismissive.
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Is that you George Costanza?? :/O
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I'm incredibly shy as well and didn't start dating until my early thirties. I didn't have the same parental and sibling problems as you but I am gay so my big problem (other than shyness) was fear of getting my a** kicked. I'm proud to say now that I've been with my current boyfriend for just over two years.
If you're worried about being judged, look at it this way: If they're do shallow that they'll judge you by your past rather than what you can offer, they're not worthy of your attention. If a woman (or guy) is worth having your past won't be an issue.
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Perhaps you're putting too much emphasis on dating. What are your hobbies? Are there opportunities to leverage your interests to join groups of similarly-interested people? Some of those folks will be married, naturally, but you'll be more comfortable developing conversation skills. And there are likely to be single people too - and once you get to know them, if you're interested, suggest going out for a cup of coffee or maybe meeting for lunch. You'll have the advantage of them already knowing something about you. And if they say no, just move on to the next. Not everyone is going to be compatible for interested.
Just my two cents.
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Baron.....I am roughly the same age as you (just turned 40 more than a week ago). I've been married twice (three if you count my annulled marriage from 1992)....This last marriage, which ended in March, was to a woman with two children. The children were very accepting of me from the start because: a) I didn't try to REPLACE their fathers, I was just their father when they were home, and b) No matter how much a woman loves you, until she marries you, her kid(s) will come first...as it should be. I was the "nerd" in school, to be honest, I don't think I had any real friends until I took up bowling at 14 and then I got less defensive when people cracked jokes or picked on me..... Anyway though, despite being the picked-on "nerd" in school, once people got to know me and I didn't get defensive I started making plenty of friends, many of whom I keep in contact with via Facebook, e-mail, etc. This "nerd" managed to find love many times and got married thrice. Getting back to your situation..Believe it or not, many women would be happy to find a man who still has his virginity, but do you think perhaps your standards for women are too high, maybe? Confidence can lead to a lot of good things, but patience may be the most important thing especially in the game of love. What you have to do is love yourself before you can love someone else. Even if the woman has kids, you still can make it work...it may be a harder road, especially if the kids are older, but it can be done with the right attitude. I could go on and on, but I want to leave you with two things to think about 1. Don't let your past dominate your present so much that it destroys your future, and 2. Losers make excuses, winners make it happen...which one are you? Good luck, take care and God Bless!
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I would suggest counseling/therapy from a good counselor or psychologist. I think it can and will help you tremendously. I have seen a therapist for some family and relationship issues I had, and it helped tremendously.
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I would suggest counseling/therapy from a good counselor or psychologist.
I'll second that. Nothing wrong with obtaining some professional assistance.
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I never dated in high school and not in college until my senior year. No relationships until married several years later to a gal from a blind date.
I was shy but had a number of friends.
I believe you lack a lot of self confidence and dwell on issues that are not that important at your age with regard to relationships. You don't have to wear you concerns on your sleeves. No need to lie but you have no need to broadcast your history. Gals at that age frankly are likely more interested in other aspects of a relationship than sex, something you have a fixation on. Relax and get on with it and get involved in activities that interactions with others that included women - things happen naturally.
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Baron.... for a guy that has never dated, you seem to think you know a lot about women. Maybe you should quit analyzing, stop thinking you "know" women when you have virtually no experience with them (by your own admission), and just go out and have a good time and get to REALLY "know" women.
You may be on the wrong Forum for the issues you're looking to resolve.
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Hey Baron,
Just like to say, that I am a 25 yo Virgin, never dated yadda yadda. My main reason for never being is a relationship is that I was not very confident in high school/University and by the time I hit Uni I stopped exercising and eating properly and put on the pounds, that and I was already starting to struggle with my MPB (was balding since I was about 14). I used to always think, what girl my age would want to date a fat balding 19-20 year old guy etc, etc. But since I started my apprenticeship last year I've been turning my life around and shredded most of my weight now and have gone sly. I am starting to notice a bit more interest from the fairer sex, and feeling a lot more self confidence that I never had before. And now I think I am finally happy enough with myself and in the right frame of mind, that when that next girl catches my attention I am ready to have a crack at this whole relationship thing.
I think you really need to take a look at yourself (like I did) and try and find what it is that you think the ladies aren't interested in (you will find that it is really what you are not actually happy with) and try to rectify the problems. If you are able to do that, you will feel so much better with yourself, and that will rub off on the fairer sex too.
What everyone before me has said is very true. I hope that you heed their advice and that in the near future you will be at the same stage that I am, and find yourself a nice lady.
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I'm starting to think that women aren't worthy of me. How's that for confidence? Why do I think this way? It's very simple. If I were dating or in a relationship with a woman, I would treat her with dignity and respect. In other words, I would treat her like a human being. Frankly, that's more than what most women want or deserve. I'm a nice guy. Most women don't like nice guys. Nice guys finish last.
What most women really want is a bad boy. The kind of man who is rude, crude and has a bad attitude. Cockiness is also a must for most women. They love the confidence, assertiveness and edge of these "Alpha Males". The unruliness and unpredictable behavior of these men excite the women they date. The ladies just can't help themselves. They just love the abuse. They get a thrill out of it. Don't believe me? Have you ever heard of "Fifty Shades of Grey"? It's a best selling novel written by a woman for women. It's about a woman who agrees to be sexually abused and degraded by a man. Needless to say, women love this book. They can't get enough of it. There are also plans for a film version.
Most women would deny this claim. They would tell you that they want a nice guy. However, most of us know that women rarely say what they actually mean. They use a coded language. They will tell you that they like nice guys, but refuse to date them. Why is that? Because nice guys are boring. Their behavior is predictable. Who wants to be in a boring relationship? Sadly, most of these ladies will wind up getting hurt. They will be taken for granted, cheated on and dumped. Once the man finds a prettier girl or just gets tired of her, that's it. She will be discarded like a used tissue. Some of these women will contract an STD. Others will face an unintended pregnancy. Some might even become victims of violence. If that is the kind of man they want, then that is what they deserve.
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Trololol.
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No more "Tolls to the Troll" from me.....I'm getting off this bridge....Good Luck and God Bless to you sir....I AM OUT.
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Please seek professional help, this is not a matter to be solved by strangers on the web. Your world view is extremely warped and you continue to talk as if you 'know' women, evidently from the way you're talking, this is untrue. You are not Mel Gibson, you do not know 'what women want'. It seems that you also don't know what you want, but I hope that you find the strength to find out what you need.
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B$F!g
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I'm starting to think that women aren't worthy of me.
I think I've figured you out, you're finishing up a first year creative writing course and you have an eye on a babe whose name is Miss Ogyny.
Hope you get a decent grade, but you need work on the plot to move up in the paperback novel world. That girl, she's tough, she'll beat you up--and maybe you'll like it. >:D
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I agree Nate.
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I had no idea that this was a groupthink forum. It appears that any dissent is frowned upon. In a pathetic effort to maintain group harmony, you have effectively shut down all critical thinking and debate. That defeats the whole purpose of a forum. A forum is supposed to be a place where dissenting opinion is not only permitted, but encouraged. A forum should be based on a free exchange of ideas. Not mob mentality and mindless conformity.
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I had no idea that this was a groupthink forum. It appears that any dissent is frowned upon. In a pathetic effort to maintain group harmony, you have effectively shut down all critical thinking and debate. That defeats the whole purpose of a forum. A forum is supposed to be a place where dissenting opinion is not only permitted, but encouraged. A forum should be based on a free exchange of ideas. Not mob mentality and mindless conformity.
I think your on the wrong sort of forum though. All you have done is put a downer on things in all your posts. There are other forums out there that deal with the things your on about.
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@NateDawg :*)) :*)) :*)) O0 I really laughed out loud.
I cannot help but agree with BBC Mark.
Sorry Baron, you stepped right into this one...
Two quick questions?
What do you hope to achieve from joining this forum?
I derive pleasure from this forum,
Do you?
:)
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I had no idea that this was a groupthink forum. It appears that any dissent is frowned upon. In a pathetic effort to maintain group harmony, you have effectively shut down all critical thinking and debate. That defeats the whole purpose of a forum. A forum is supposed to be a place where dissenting opinion is not only permitted, but encouraged. A forum should be based on a free exchange of ideas. Not mob mentality and mindless conformity.
I think your on the wrong sort of forum though. All you have done is put a downer on things in all your posts. There are other forums out there that deal with the things your on about.
I think you are right. This forum does not allow people to think for themselves. If you dare to stray from the herd, you will be branded a troll. Some will even post pictures of trolls to drive home their point. I think we can both agree that those people are childish. They are not the sharpest tools in the shed either. They are unable to come up with a legitimate argument or even a rational thought. So they resort to schoolyard tactics. Telling me that I don't belong here is actually a compliment.
Thank you! :)
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I believe you've been on here before with your pathetic stories, under a different name, nice try. I advise you to get a life, douchebag! :x!
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LOL
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:*))
I thought this thread was doomed, but it's continually becoming hilarious. Happy Friday, everybody!
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@NateDawg, yup, this thread is alight. I am enjoying my Friday immensly thank you very much...
I just hope the SBG :popo don't block Baron, he makes good entertainment...
Dear Baron, Happy Friday!
:px
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My God, that is f**king hilarious. How did you do that?
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My God, that is f**king hilarious. How did you do that?
Meme generators. Horribly addictive and hilarious in the right applications.
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wow this guy really makes me angry.... but then you guys made me laugh, so its all good
let's encourage some dissent :x! ~! B@%d
That ought to do it.
And to the baron, if you're still lingering like a bad case of shingles... if you were looking for a legitimate argument, rational thought, or insight, try looking at every post I have made on one of your threads, in fact, try any of them, this site is full of really smart, insightful and caring dudes, and they have all made legitimate comments in an attempt to help you out. We do not all think alike, or frown upon different views, but we do frown upon someone who is wholly intent on attempting to drag other people in to their wallowing pit of self pity. We're here to help people out of that, why not accept one of the many hands that has offered to help you out of said pit. You may royally pi$$ me off, but I do believe everyone deserves the help they need, so please, at least try and consider the help that has been offered.
God bless
Matt
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wow this guy really makes me angry.... but then you guys made me laugh, so its all good
let's encourage some dissent :x! ~! B@%d
That ought to do it.
And to the baron, if you're still lingering like a bad case of shingles... if you were looking for a legitimate argument, rational thought, or insight, try looking at every post I have made on one of your threads, in fact, try any of them, this site is full of really smart, insightful and caring dudes, and they have all made legitimate comments in an attempt to help you out. We do not all think alike, or frown upon different views, but we do frown upon someone who is wholly intent on attempting to drag other people in to their wallowing pit of self pity. We're here to help people out of that, why not accept one of the many hands that has offered to help you out of said pit. You may royally pi$$ me off, but I do believe everyone deserves the help they need, so please, at least try and consider the help that has been offered.
God bless
Matt
Who should I take advice from? The guy who called me a troll? Or the guy who called me a douchebag? Really Matt, is it ever acceptable to respond to someone like that? You may disagree with me. However, I never resorted to personal attacks. The way those people responded to my posts says more about their character than it does about mine. I might be banned from this site. If I am banned, that is something that I can live with.
Take care Matt
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What most women really want is a bad boy. The kind of man who is rude, crude and has a bad attitude. Cockiness is also a must for most women. They love the confidence, assertiveness and edge of these "Alpha Males". The unruliness and unpredictable behavior of these men excite the women they date. The ladies just can't help themselves.
There is a HUGE chasm between an Alpha Male and a bad boy... what most men find out is that most women don't want the bad boy, especially once they have or want to have kids. What they want is a man who is confident and is comfortable with himself, which is more towards the Alpha Male and further away from the "bad boy"... what they don't want is a little boy who has the self confidence of a limp carrot who thinks they know what women want.
Aside from all the S&M bullcrap in Fifty Shades of Grey (which most women don't want), the women that I've talked to about the book is that they are drawn to the confidence and assertiveness of Christian Grey. He's not an "I'm not sure" or "I don't know" kind of guy...
As far as your issues, if you are bitching and complaining about not dating or having trouble meeting women because they are too selective, maybe you better look in the mirror because there is something about YOU that turns them away. I'm guessing that it has little to do with your lack of dating or sexual history and more to do with your total and utter lack of self confidence that comes across as arrogance.
This is not a "groupthink" forum with the exception that most people that are here are balding and want help or want to help other dealing with balding/baldness. If you take a look through the forum, you will see many differing viewpoints, lifestyles, etc. If you come in here asking for help and then snarkily disregard any advice/opinions that are given, then you can expect to be called out as a troll. My advice to you is that if you wish to remain here and learn from the members here about multiple different thing then you had better stop your current confrontational attitude and listen (read) to when others are trying to be of assistance.
Is that a rational enough thought or legitimate argument for you??
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Baron (or Bruce whichever you prefer to be called): I want to come forward and apologize-I admit I let my emotions get the best of me and to call you out of your name was inappropriate...I'm going to be man enough to admit I was wrong for calling you out of your name in this thread (and any other thread that I may have done so) However, you confuse me with your posts. In one post you are saying that women will not want you because of your hair loss....but then you do a literal 180 and say that women want to be abused and want "bad boys" Many of these women are in this position not by choice, but because they don't know any better or they can't do any better or they (like you perhaps?) lack the self esteem, finances and/or mental strength to get out of abusive relationships. I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I was mentally abusive to one of my former wives and I was mentally abused by another former wife. I admit many of us got angry, but it still doesn't justify calling you out of your name. Based on your posts, people just don't know what to make of you or your situation. I am a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone that wants someone. I'm assuming you don't have any sisters, nieces or aunts and your mother must have not had a positive impact on your life because you wouldn't want someone to make such a statement about one of your female relatives, right? I'm going to end this by saying that regardless whether or not you accept my apology, I still will continue to pray that you find whatever you're looking for whether it be from this site or wherever and as far as banning you, I'm not a moderator, so I can't make that call. Good luck to you, sir and God Bless!
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Baron
Just be real...
And it will all work out here...
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Baron (or Bruce whichever you prefer to be called): I want to come forward and apologize-I admit I let my emotions get the best of me and to call you out of your name was inappropriate...I'm going to be man enough to admit I was wrong for calling you out of your name in this thread (and any other thread that I may have done so) However, you confuse me with your posts. In one post you are saying that women will not want you because of your hair loss....but then you do a literal 180 and say that women want to be abused and want "bad boys" Many of these women are in this position not by choice, but because they don't know any better or they can't do any better or they, (like you perhaps?) lack the self esteem to get out of abusive relationships. I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I was mentally abusive to one of my former wives and I was mentally abused by another former wife. I admit many of us got angry, but it still doesn't justify calling you out of your name, but based on your posts, people just don't know what to make of you or your situation. I am a firm believer that there is someone out the for everyone that wants someone. I'm assuming you don't have any sisters, nieces or aunts and your mother must have not had a positive impact on your life because you wouldn't want someone to make such a statement about one of your female relatives, right? I'm going to end this by saying that regardless whether or not you accept my apology, I still will continue to pray that you find whatever you're looking for whether it be from this site or wherever and as far as banning you, I'm not a moderator, so I can't make that call. Good luck to you, sir and God Bless!
Hello again sirharry,
Don't worry about it. I know how out of control things can get in forums like this one. I actually stopped reading after the first few insult posts. You just may be the sage of this forum. Yes, my opinions on certain topics tend to shift from time to time. Sometimes I over generalize. Sometimes I'm just thinking out loud or venting. I believe that is the purpose of forums. I admit to having a lack of impulse control at times. Who hasn't been guilty of that?
Take care O0
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Ease in here gently . .
Post a thread about your bald / shaving related stuff first . .
And with pic of course always a help . . . .
b*n!
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Who should I take advice from?
I just looked back through some of your threads/contributions
frontierguy, sirharry, bbcmark, jasonr, bluebriz, and myself offered some polite and constructive responses in "uuugh, why me", that would still apply, we are not out to get at you or offend, but it sometimes comes across that you are on the offensive
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Hey Baron......I can't speak for the other guys, but pretty much I can understand your frustration with women....however don't give up man, there is a woman out there for you....if you want her. Everybody finds their partner in more different ways than I can count.....I'm not an expert on women (I do have 2.5 failed marriages to my credit) but we are willing to help you find a better alternative to your hair loss...that's if you want. Live a little my brother, don't let life pass you by.....Live life, don't let life live you! (coming from another recently turned 40 guy) Take care, I won't give up on you!