Sly Bald Guys Forum
Head Shaving, Grooming & Care => Miscellaneous => Topic started by: Daneighty6 on June 29, 2012, 12:45:26 PM
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Hi there Guys,
I've recently joined your site as a few of my google searches kept frequently bringing me here.
Well heres my story (quite long,sorry), Im 26 from the UK and I'm extremely paranoid about my forehead (the shape,width, how it fits with the rest of my face and body etc..)
I never used to be, I was always pretty bubbly and confident. it was since year 8 of secondary school when a boy in my class stated "you have a huge forehead" everybody laughed... everyone except me that is, and from then on up until leaving in year 11 I was known as "forehead" much to my dislike.
After that i started college, I grew my hair long and curly and wore a beanie/cap all the time (no longer got called forehead :D), I got a fair amount of attention of girls and had a pretty good time at college.
I left college had a few jobs in administration/customer services where of course i couldn't wear my hat, which would do my head in on windy/rainy days.
well I guess probably most of that is irrelevant but i thought I'd give you a bit of background story.
Well to cut things short I'm now starting to go thin around the front and have started to recede to the left and right of the front of my hairline, and i don't know what to do? I don't have a job anymore (even if i did I doubt i would be able to hold it down for long as if anyone were to say anything to me i would freak and either fight or flight) and try my hardest to avoid going out because of the way i feel about my self.
I went to the doctors because i was hoping they would be able to give me a forehead reduction but they wont and the doctor thought i may be suffering from BDD I looked up the symptoms and they suit me down to a T.
The doctor suggested me getting a haircut which i did but did not like so i buzzed it to number 3 but i dislike this just as much. I would like to just shave it off completely and be free of the hassle and worry but i don't think it would suit me I have heart shaped face so my chin and jaw are pretty narrow in comparison to my wide forehead and i cant even grow proper facial hair yet (will that ever come :( ), I will try put up a picture of me with my hair buzzed if i can figure it out.
I'm going back to the doctors in a little over a week to see what help I can get for BDD
I don't know what i want from joining this site, I guess I just needed to talk to someone about it.
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Welcome to SBG, Dan! It's good you joined us, the guys in here offer a lot of moral support, and not only when it comes to shaving your head.
Judging from your picture and your explanation, I guess there's a chance you might be suffering from BDD. But since most people have something they don't like about themselves, it could also be an other self-confidence issue.
Yes, your forehead is wider than your chin, but it's by no means a deformed head/forehead. I initially didn't like my oblong face and wanted a round face, and I have a friend who feels his head is extremely round and would like my face shape. And you have a heart shaped face, and that's perfectly fine. Everyone's unique. Remember you're already gifted for having a face that is symmetrical and in proportion.
By shaving your head, you will be taking away the 'frame' around your face. The positive thing about this: you won't have a defined forehead anymore since the shaved head creates or takes away certain optical illusions. So maybe you might like a shaved head after all. Since your hair is already fairly short, you should just give it a try. If you don't like it, your hair will be back in no time.
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hi and welcome. sorry for not reading your whole post.
shave it off, don't worry about the shape.
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Welcome, Dan. I hope you listen to kdusk's words and advice, because I couldn't have said it better myself.
No one has a perfectly shaped anything. If we did, we'd all be boring cookie-cutter clones. Remember that anyone who makes fun of your looks is someone who has their own self-confidence issues. Misery loves company, after all. Try not to take such inept words and opinions to heart. Life's too short for it.
I think going clean-shaven would look good on you, and it would remove any effect that your receding hairline is having on your face. Like kdusk also said, your hair will be back in a flash, if you don't like it. I can't imagine why you wouldn't. ;)
If you have any questions or anything else, this is a great community, so feel free.
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Thanks for the words of advice guys, I don't know what it is exactly but i cant even look people in the eye without a hat on for the fear they will say something negative, or if somebody has said something already then i can not bring my self to hold my head up while around them. :'( It really gets me down, that and the fact I act the way i do because of it.
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Dude there's nothing wrong with your forehead AT ALL. And I'm not just saying that. Your forehead probably looks bigger to you because you are receding.
If you do have BDD, go see someone, and just try shaving your head once. You have absolutely NOTHING to worry about. Although...you might try smiling. :)
And man...I know what it's like to have something that bothers you. We all have something that does. I bet if you shaved your head, got a little bit of sun on your dome, and walked around not ONE person would say a thing.
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Welcome! As all of the posts above say, it's all in your head (no pun intended) I can see you're receding, but your forehead looks ok to me...the buzz cut looks good, but going sly may be just what you need to pick yourself up. Hang in there, stay strong and good luck!
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Welcome to the bald brotherhood Dan. Kdusk is spot on with what he said. Give it a try. The physical aspect is not bad at all, I know you will carry the bald look well but I know the psychological one will be a hurdle since you have BDD. We are all here to support and encourage you.
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Another voice of encouragement here. If you've read a lot of the posts you'll frequently see "I should have done this sooner" and "I'm experiencing an entirely new freedom" and so on. Shaving all the way really is transforming ... and you've got a perfect opportunity to try it.
I think you are giving entirely too much power to other people's opinions and words. Why do they matter? You need to deal with this for yourself. Just imagine the freedom from NOT having to worry about receding hairline or haircuts or keeping everything in place. Life can be so much simpler for the bald (if only the hairy world knew!).
If you haven't already, you may want to search this site for dysmorphic. There are quite a few fellows who dealt with that issue and perhaps there was something in their stories which will ring true with you.
I'm really glad you took the step to join us and share. You'll find a lot of guys here with excellent advice, real world experience, a variety of perspectives, and very good senses of humor. After all, they let me in!
Continue posting as things happen, ask questions, and truly listen to your inner self. You really are a good looking guy and unfortunately you've let some unfortunate words from other people take control. TIme to take it back.
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they used to say that large forehead was an indication of intelligence. To me you look fine whether buzzed or shaved. Shaving actually will give you more self confidence.
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If you haven't already, you may want to search this site for dysmorphic. There are quite a few fellows who dealt with that issue and perhaps there was something in their stories which will ring true with you.
I just did this, there are quite a few who seem to be going through a similar situation to me although be it for different reasons, they all look fine to me.
I am going to go to the counseling/psychiatrist although I cant see it been anymore help then what you guys have been already.
(Kdusk, PaulTheBald,Natedawg,JasonR,sirharry12,kalbo,bennett11 and FrontierGuy thank you for the support and kind words it really means a lot to me.)
I guess I'm kinda hoping they will give me drugs which will make me feel better about myself enough to go out without a hat on, then hopefully when the treatment stops so will my BDD or at least the worse of it.
I have a quick question, How have you guys (if you have ever had to, i doubt it) dealt with a situation where someone insults you about the way you look in general or for been an SBG? detailed examples would be greatly appreciated. O0
BTW Frontierguy, It sure looks beautiful where you are in that photo.
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Misery loves company
What an excellent phrase and how true.
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I think I may have made a little discovery today, I just realized when i look at myself in the mirror or a photo of my self I mainly just look at my forehead/hairline maybe its the fact I'm obsessed with it, however when i look at your pictures i look at your eyes first, and take in your whole face/head.
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Your forehead probably looks bigger to you because you are receding.
Ding, Ding, Ding---the right answer. O0
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I just realized when i look at myself in the mirror or a photo of my self I mainly just look at my forehead/hairline maybe its the fact I'm obsessed with it
Wow ... I think we have a winner, and a personal breakthrough.
I don't know anyone who looks at their photo and immediately thinks, "Oh, I have a great smile." Or nose. Or earlobes. Or eyes, Or forehead. Or eyebrows. Or (fill in the blank). We seem programmed to focus on the negative first (and maybe the positive second.)
So, Dan, I think you've figured it out. You focus on what you perceive as the negative, while we see the positives.
That's first. Second, I'll just restate what was said before - when you shave your head you eliminate the line between forehead and hair which means that will no longer be an issue. There will be nothing to gauge where your forehead begins or ends. You'll look great.
Third, you have a terrific shaped head. No worries there either.
Finally, aren't you ready to give up the worry, frustration, and anger plus the energy involved in dealing with hair issues? As soon as you shave your head you'll immediately feel that sense of freedom - of no longer worrying about "how does it look" and "what if I walk East but the wind is blowing the other direction?"
People who don't know you won't have anything to compare you to - you're just going to be another bald guy, like millions of others around the world (yes, millions). And those who know you - some may say you look great, others may have reservations. Which really doesn't matter - all that you should be concerned about is how you feel.
Try it for 30 days - shaving daily to make it part of your routine and to give others (and yourself) a chance to meet the new you. If after 30 days you're not keen on it, let your hair grow back. But I'm certain that after 30 days you will not want to rejoin the club of "hair obsessive." And please don't even consider transplants and rugs. The sales teams will assure you they are undetectable - I beg to differ. Most are easily identifiable but most people will be too polite to say just how awful they are.
The experience varies for every person. The day I shaved bald I was elated. It was such a sense of release. Then I went out shopping - just the usual stuff like groceries and the hardware store. No one stared or commented or indicated any particular thoughts. That built my confidence and then when I met people whom I knew (pre-bald) it was easy to feel confident and accept their surprise at the change. Very few cared one way or the other, but the few that did care were supportive and encouraging. And a couple of the gals wanted to rub my head - that's a first ever.
Again, welcome. Good luck with your journey. Stick aroundl. Ask questions. And tell us how everything goes for you moving forward.
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Welcome Dan. You will only learn to swim if you are tossed in the pool. Except , by going totally bald, you cannot drown. Drown in your fear, yes, but hey, thats the challenge, the self confrontation issues, and thats what we are here for, to support you. Going Sly is not only about taking it off, its about the attitude that goes with it.
Good luck...
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That's first. Second, I'll just restate what was said before - when you shave your head you eliminate the line between forehead and hair which means that will no longer be an issue. There will be nothing to gauge where your forehead begins or ends. You'll look great.
I get what your saying but i feel if i was to take it off then it would look like the forehead/head above the eyebrows part goes on and on. and would there not be a shadow?
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Yes, there may be a shadow. This was discussed within the last week in another topic - and basically, you are the only one that will be worrying about the shadow.
Do the people around you really have so little going on in their own lives that they spend most of their time worrying about your appearance? I really doubt it.
I think you have the opportunity to fill your own life with many better things than worrying about hair, no hair, shadow, head shape, forehead, etc. Gee, it's exhausting.
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It may seem counter-intuitive, but taking it all off will actually make it look smaller -- not that it's in any way not normal as is.
Besides, it grows back faster than you would think. No sense not giving it a try.
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Gee, it's exhausting.
Yes it is, I lose sleep over it, but i can not get over it, I try, but then i'll catch a glimpse of myself and i don't like what i see.
It's like if you see a particular model of car which you just dont like. theres one called the ssangyong rodius I feel that that car is plain ugly and i dont think i would ever like it. but thats fine its a car. I dont own it like i do my head.
But I have BDD so i guess it is to be expected for me to feel this way about myself. I just hope the doctor can help me.
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Dan, there will be a shadow, but only if you leave it for one day. If you tan your head, the shadow is much less visible.
Come on Dan, I know you are itching to do it. Take the plunge, take any criticism with the pinch of salt it deserves. How else will you know the answers to your own questions?
You will get though any difficulties. Many on SBG have been down the road of uncertainty you are on right now. They all survived with their dignity still intact. Perhaps you may be an encouragement to someone else one day. But you have to walk that path first.
Good luck with your decision.
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There's seriously no legitimate reason for you not to try, Dan. At least once. You will never ever know what could be unless you try, and that goes for anything in life. Step up. Be the man you want to be. You can do it, brotha. O0
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Hey Dan,
Me thinks you just pushed yourself closer to sly by "balderizing" your photo. IMO, you look better bald. Give it a try as this will make you feel better about yourself by trying something new and exciting!
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Hey Dan, the photoshopped pic already looks better. You will look even better after the razor has taken all of them dead follicles off... Trust me...I am a baldie...
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I do want to do it but I'm scared, I don't want to look any worse then i do all-ready. I tried to "photo shop" my profile pic to see what id look like SBG style, its a pretty crude attempt but i thought id share it with you. Can I expect it to look something like this?
That looks like a good attempt at creating a valid photoshop version of what you would look like bald. I think it looks close to what it would look like in real life.
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I think I've pushed myself closer too O0, but I don't really like It either at the same time :-\.
But to be honest my real profile pic is a little more flattering then real life... OK a lot more, the thinning is worse then the pic would suggest, especially if i put my head down. Which i tend to do a lot. :-[
I think i should try gaining a few pounds and growing my hair a little to see what happens, plus i think if i was to perhaps shave it in the winter then i would at least have an excuse to wear a beanie hat if i didn't like it and for not having a tan on it if i do lol.
Its nearly summer now (but remember I live in the UK and we don't get that many days for tanning :*)))
If I don't do it until winter can i still be a member here? you guys are really great!! :) I wish the general public and my friends where i live were less judgmental and more like you guys.
Hey Dan, the photoshopped pic already looks better. You will look even better after the razor has taken all of them dead follicles off... Trust me...I am a baldie...
Huh? dead follicles?
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Hi Daneighty: JUST SHAVE IT OFF!!! and just be free and liberated. Embrace what mother nature has given U. Don't mean to be blunt and state the facts. The sly life gets better each and every day. Just ask anyone of us and we will tell U the same. Keep us posted to your road 2 slyness. Good luck in whatever U decide to do.
WARHAWK O0
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Just do it. You'll look similar to the photoshopped photo and that looks A-OK.
I think i should try gaining a few pounds
You can gain weight after you shave ... no need to delay.
have an excuse to wear a beanie hat if i didn't like it and for not having a tan
Don't fabricate excuses ...
If I don't do it until winter can i still be a member here? you guys are really great!!
I don't speak for anyone else, but as far as I'm concerned you are always welcome.
But seriously ... push yourself a bit. Take a chance at improving your life ... permanently!
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Dan, you don't want to wait until winter, because then you wont be able to show off the new you then! It is winter here in the land down under, and I am pretty much living in my beanie. I wish I could take it off and show the world.
Also, if you think you want to shave your head, there is no time like the present! As everyone has said already, you will look great sly and there is no need to put on any extra weight or get a tan first, all that will come with time.
I think shaving your head is the best thing you can do for yourself. But keeping in touch with us until you decide to take the plunge will be the next best thing. So you are more then welcome to hang around and chat from now until eternity mwahaha >:D
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I don't know maybe I'm having a bad day, I had to go on a course today as part of my looking for work. I was talking to a few of the guys there and i felt pretty confident because i was wearing my hat. but i thought to myself "I want to feel that confident without my hat" so I went to the toilet as i needed it but also to look in the mirror at my head. I take of my hat and look in the mirror and all i see is a ring round my forehead from my hat and my hairline/head shape looked huge no matter how far away from the mirror i got. Its things like this which is stopping me. I don't want to have my head on show and look or feel like an idiot.
I really need to get a job but i want one were i can were a hat, but then i don't want to hide anymore so its difficult.
If i don't feel confident and i have to go in a room full of people I get hot and sweaty I would have beads of sweat running down my forehead which would just draw more attention to it.
I want to know what the doctor says as well before i make any decisions, If i clean shave it now it may make it harder for the doctor or whoever to see how far along in MPB I am and what medication if any i could try, also I want to work on my confidence issues as I don't have the right level of confidence or attitude to go about clean shaven like that.
I feel a lot like this guy accept i am not coming to terms with it :http://www.baldtruthtalk.com/showthread.php?t=7437 sorry to link to another site. is it ok to do that?
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Dan, part of going Sly is the change of attitude about you. If you do it, there is no turning back for a few months while it grows. (If you decide to stay sly) You are immediately forced to accept your new look, and then the self confidence grows as you know that you have no option but to deal with A, your own self criticism and B, the reaction of others.
If I can share, photos also do me more justice than what I look like in real life. You will notice I always place pics of myself in black and white as I want to try and hide my face skin tone, which is a little "reddish" . So I, and many here, can relate to many of your fears.
Again, I want to emphasize, do the deed and deal with the "perceived" ridicule later. You will find that the "ridicule" you perceived was actually completely unjustified.
Keep thinking, keep reading, but make a decision. Sometimes sitting on the fence does nothing more than fry your brain...
BTW, “dead follicles” is another name for hair. That’s exactly what hair is, “dead cells.” It is amazing that the little hair you have can take such a stronghold on not only your life but millions of other men, worldwide.
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@waine ... Very well stated.
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Dan, What is your girlfriend's reaction when you show her the balderized photos? Show your friends/family as well. Take a poll and you will find a majority will give you a "thumbs up". Don't make this a complicated production but rather a simple procedure. You have our support here and if you don't like it, your hair will grow back ! Some of us on this site don't have that option any more ;) ! !
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Do this tomorrow...
Wake up. Hop in the shower IMMEDIATELY with a razor and shaving cream. Shave your head. Get out of the shower...throw some sunscreen on...and go get some sun and interact with some people.
You will be liberated of your fears after that...
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@ Stasiu - She says "you look fine to me either way" but I'm sure shes only saying that to avoid hurting my feelings, I really don't know why shes with me.. well since i buzzed it. I'd hate her to dislike it really and not say anything.
as for the friends well one is pretty supportive, one is a rite git when it comes to taking the piss (although im supportive to him as hes had bad stuff going on in his life before) I know i will get a negative reaction from him guaranteed. then theres two more who used to be gits for taking the piss but have matured a little so as to them im unsure.
As for my mum, well I'm unsure because she knows how i feel so the reaction may be biased as she would also not want to hurt my feelings, yet she told me over the phone "Oh Danny.... You'd look like a leukemia patient... your too skinny" but then said "well I suppose you could give it a go"
I will be bald eventually so i wont have the option to grow it back either, I don't want to be one of those guys with a horse shoe you guys speak so highly of.
@JasonR - You also make it sound extremely tempting and simple but in my mind it isn't.
I seriously believe if you guys new me in real life then you would perhaps advise me against doing it, My head goes round at the top above the ears, similar to Jason Statham's (My profile pic does not show this well) however i don't have his body,his rugged jawline or his fame and money.
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Do you know why it sounds so simple Dan? Because it really is mate! From that "balderized" photo of yourself I think you will look great. It doesn't matter what your body type or social standing is, there are many guys from walks of life with every body shape rocking out the sly look and pulling it off, so I have no reason to believe you wont be able to do the same!
I think the reason your girlfriend and mum seem to be so stand offish is because they can't imagine you without hair. Just like you probably can't, I know I couldn't picture what I would look like. When I looked in the mirror after I was finished I was amazed at how I looked compared to the image I had in my mind and I am sure you will be the same.
As a side note: I just went and googled Jason Statham, and found this list http://www.baldcelebrity.com/tag/jason-statham (http://www.baldcelebrity.com/tag/jason-statham) now if you look at #2 on that list, I wouldn't have a clue how he is, apparently some famous guy... but he doesn't have that rugged jawline or anything special (from what I can see in the image) going for him, and he is #2 on the list. So I don't see why you can't pull it off.
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Dan, I am saying this without bias, based on the pic you posted, you really carry the bald look well. No need to be afraid or worry. You will do just fine.
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Hi guys i'm back.
still feel exactly the same :-[ ive been given many different pills, cittalopram, fluoxetine and im on mirtazapine atm. none of them make me feel even the tiniest bit different.
i was seriously considering getting Hair replacement therapy, (where they take plugs) but i've decided against this, 1 the cost is way too much, 2 ive read horror stories.
i really need to do something though http://forum.hishairclinic.com i think maybe this would be my best option now. what do you think?
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I did due to extensive hair transplant scars. HIS results on display in my profile pic.