Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => To be or not be...Bald => Topic started by: ChrisInVegas on May 13, 2007, 12:46:19 AM
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First, let me say I love my husband dearly...thinning hair and all...but would love to finally see him take the plunge. Second, I looked, but didn't see a whole lot of women posting on here, so if it's typically not kosher, I'm sorry...I'm just really needing some advice as to how to tactfully get him to give up what's quickly becoming the "hair ghost". I won't be offended in the slightest, should this be a guys only thing, and I need to see myself to the door...honest!
So, for anyone willing to give some advice, here goes. I've always loved the look of a clean shaven head and have tried to hint to him for years, but I got an immediate "shooshing" every time I made a suggestion. Recently, I've decided to approach the subject again, when I found this website. I had him read a few posts and he didn't turn and run with his eyes closed and fingers in his ears, so maybe he's actually entertaining it? Please Lord, let it be so! I've tried explaining that if he doesn't like it (after giving it a chance, of course) worst-case scenario is it's only temporary and will grow back.
Any other guys out there who were in this position? Wife wanted it--you didn't? Anyone have any other ideas? In the end, I know he'll be happier, but he's been a hair perfectionist his whole life and he hates that it's getting so thin--he can't even look at pictures of himself without a slight cringe. It's almost like he's developed somewhat of a Sampson complex, though, and it bothers me that it bothers him!
Your thoughts on making this easier for both of us?
Thanks a million!
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Chris, welcome to Sly Bald Guys! You've come to the right place and you're very welcome here.
I'm thinking there's two ways you can go about it, but some of the other guys will probably add to it.
You could go the honesty route that you've been trying and ask him to do what we suggest most guys do; try it out for 30 days. At the end of 30 days he can then see how he likes it.
The other route is entice him with something sexy. Maybe let him shave you somewhere, or something else he'd like to do, if he'll let you shave his head. (Sorry if that's too forward)
P.S. I was in Vegas this week.
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Welcome to the Forum,all i can say is you have a lucky husband with such a caring wife.
Half the battle is won with you wanting him to shave it off,usually the resistance is from the wife.
Let him know how much you would find him attractive with it shaved & talk about it in everyday life but dont ram it down his throat or he wont do it on principle.
Hope all goes well & things turn out for you
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Welcome to the SBG forum ChrisInVegas, of course you are welcome here. I agree with Tyler, I also think that you should show him the before and after pics, in the gallery, there are some amazeing transformations there. There is also a thread on before and after shaveing your head, with pics that I don't think are in the gallery.
Maybe you can also point out to him all the famous people who choose to shave their heads, and lastly read the threads on the pros and cons of shaving your head.
Well that's just my two cents anyway, I hope it works out for you, keep us posted.
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Welcome ChrisInVegas, you're always welcome at SBG. It is a very supportive and informative bunch. I am bald by choice, meaning if I didn't shave my head daily I would have a full head of hair. So I can't speak to the issues of thinning hair and the stress that goes with it. I do know that I love the SLY look and my wife loves it too. I would think with your encouragement and support your husband would give it a try. As Tyler mentioned, have him give it the 30 day test. Best of luck and keep us posted on the progress. 8)
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Wait until he's sleeping and then shave it for him! O0
J/K... welcome to Sly Bald Guys ChrisInVegas! I really don't have much to add to what the others have already said except for this:
If he's a "Hair Perfectionist", sit him down and talk with him... no man should cringe when they look at pictures of themselves! Let him know that shaving his head is a big step, but it allows a man to take back control... and if he still wants to be a perfectionist, then wait until he shaves his head and feels stubble... he'll be running back to get his razor to get smooth again!
If the above doesn't make any sense, that's because I haven't had my morning coffee yet...
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Hi Chris....
I spent a lot of time in Vegas...brother played golf at UNLV and he & his wife as well as my parents all live in the Summerlin area.
YOU ROCK! To echo Ian's sentiments, your husband is lucky to have such a compassionate wife on the topic of hair. I hope you have your husband read my little story (sorry about it being a long post)....
I have MPB (male pattern baldness) and knew the "hair horseshoe" was a look I would be sporting in the future. I used to have wavy/curly blonde hair that looked pretty damn good and was comfortable with the fact I'd lose it someday. I was already married to an incredible woman; our love for each other is unequivocal. When the topic of hair came up, I used to tell people "Well, I look good from the neck down" (I am a runner and always have keep myself in pretty decent shape 6' tall, 200 lbs).
As time went by, I got tired of having someone else cut my haid because I felt I was getting robbed. So I bought a Wahl Professional clippers and my wife began cutting my hair (saved a lot of $$ over the years). As time went by, we went from a #4 attachment to a #3, and #2 for the past two years (1/2" length I believe). She had no problem with it and (what hair I had) looked fine.
Last Halloween, we hosted a couples' costume party. We went as Sonny and Cher and two of our dearest friends came as "Deal or No Deal". Towards the end of the evening when everyone was pretty liquored up, "Howie Mandel" and I switched wigs. He put on the Sonny wig and I wore the skin wig. After I put it on, another guy said "Hey Schro, you look like...Schro". That was a hysterical comment, but also pretty telling. That's when I really began seriously considering shaving my head and stumbled upon this website.
I told my wife that I was planning on shaving my head and planned on waiting until after the holidays to do it. Well, prior to New Year's 2007, I was shaving my head with a #1 setting. I got a ton of compliments and enjoyed the look. On New Year's Day, I was getting ready for my morning run. Prior to running, I got the razor out and shaved my head without a guard. I enjoyed the look and feeling and couldn't wait to finish the run and shave it all off. When I got home, I showered up and got out the Headblade and went to work. I was almost laughing as I was doing it. That first shave took almost 20 minutes as I wanted to make certain I didn't chop my head to bits. When I was finished, I thought it looked great, but was still a little unsure of the look. My kids thought it looked awesome and I have received countless comments on my bold transformation.
Unfortunately, my wife is not enamoured with it, but she supports it given that I love it. One side benefit of shaving my head is the fact I suffered from an extremely painful hereditary scalp condition (sores, embedded dandruff, pretty gross stuff). Well, it has completely gone since I've taken to shaving my head. For that reason alone, I plan on being sly the rest of my life.
Since going SLY, my self-image has skyrocketed. I love my sly look. I used to reach for a baseball hat whenever I was out of the house. Now, I rarely wear a hat (except wide brimmed hats when I'm golfing). At the rick of sounding corny, going sly is an empowering feeling.
If your husband is open to the idea, I would recommend gradually cutting it shorter to get used to the idea (#3, #2, ...). Maybe buy a Wahl Professional (cheaper than getting it cut by a barber). When he's ready to make the plunge, go with the HeadBlade razor. I'd cruise their website www.headblade.com and check out the "how to shave" video. It's very helpful. Also, their HeadSlick shave cream is awesome.
Feel free to email me (or your husband) if you have any questions.
Good Luck,
Schro
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Welcome CIV. I don't have too much to add to what the other guys have said. But I do agree with the straight up honest route. If he is worrying about it it's only going to get worse especially if he is a "hair perfectionist." I would just sit him down and tell him to really think about what he is letting bother him so much. Let him know that it's nature and there is nothing he can really do about it unless he wants to go through hell trying transplants and all that other crazy stuff out there. Tell him he should just embrace it and get on enjoying life with, what seems to me, a wonderful wife. Trust me, if you can get him to just try it once I know he will never go back. Good luck and keep us posted.
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Welcome Chrisin Vegas, always glad to have another supportive and caring person join us. Like GBORN I too am bald by choice and can't address the thinning issue. I can address the fact that being sly allows a person the freedom to be who there really are and your husband should not have to spend his life being uncomfortable with himself. He needs to know he is very fortunate is having a caring wife who would readily support his decision to free himself from the worry of his hair. Perhaps he is one of those men who can best reach this decision by going in stages. As schro mentioned, clipping it down in increments can help many men to reach the ultimate decision that smooth and slick is actually the best way to be. Best of luck to both of you.
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Thank you all for the advice...and for not giving me the boot! I'm feelin' the love, guys. This is a much better hair club, that's for sure!
I'll work on him...slowly but surely! At this point though, I'm in favor of sleep-sabotage....JUST KIDDING!
Maybe I'll slip him the Mother's Day card....or the pouty lip....boy, chicks are vicious, aren't they? >:D We talked about it last night and he said he'd only do it if he got to keep his sideburns--such a kidder (I hope!).
I think I'll upload a pic of him when he's not looking, so you all can evaluate and address him directly...HA...that'll get-r-done (or me sleeping on the couch for the week).
Thanks again...speak to ya soon!
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Wow your husband is lucky. I can't add much to what has already been said, but you might want to try a virtual head shave. The site http://www.baldlygo.com/ will take a regular picture you upload to them and photoshop it to give you an idea what your husband would look like shaved. Good luck!
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Hi and welcome. This is from a female perspective. You are a good looking well-groomed woman and the way you speak about his hair perfection he may be interested at looking at his appearance as well. From the guys here, I feel the confidence once they have taken charge and shaved. The guys here take pride in the overall package - dressing better, eating and exercising plus they are intelligent, funny and caring. Maybe if your husband gets to know (and feel comfortable with) the guys here he may start buzzing it then eventually shave it. How old is he? What is his work environment? Good luck.
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Welcome Chris. I was in the same position as your husband for 34 years. I was starting to loose my hair when my wife and I first met (back in 1972). We dated 3 years, and were married in 1975. I'm fortunate to have a very loving wife who married me for being me, not for my hair. Well over the years my thinning hair turned into male pattern baldness. As it progressed, I kept letting the parted side grow longer and longer so I could do combovers. Then I would use the strongest hair spray I could find to cement it all in place. Wind was my worst enemy - I would try to position my head so that the combover would not get blown off. My wife always told me it would actually look better if I just left the top bald. I can remember telling her on several occasions that if I had just one hair left I would let it grow to be 100 yards long and then arrange it all over my head.
Finally, I came to my senses in July of '06 (at age 59) and stopped the combovers. I had a little stubble here and there on top, so I shaved the top daily but left the remaining hair on the sides long enough to comb. Big shock - nobody really cared if I was bald on top. The dog and cat still liked me, my friends still liked me, and my wife and grown children still loved me. The only problem with just shaving the top was that I would get one side lower than the other. So the next day, I would try to compensate by shaving the other side lower so things would look even. Well, you guessed it - I would mess that up too, so that each side kept getting lower and lower :). Thank heavens, 2 weeks ago, at age 60, I said enough is enough and shaved it all off. Talk about a liberating, comfortable feeling - after experiencing it, I would shave my head even if I had a full head of thick hair!
Little I can add Chris, other than echoing what others have said - ask you husband to try it for 30 days. If, after that time, it is not for him, he can let it grow back.
Darrell
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Thanks for the reply, Darrell...all this talk of liberation makes me want to take the plunge myself........almost! ;)
Browny - I've noticed that about the overall vibe from the crowd--there's an air of confidence, and not cocky confidence either, which is so refreshing.
My husband is a clinical admin. and runs a doc's office. Nothing wrong with being clean shaven in that environment! He's 34. His younger bro has already gone sly, so I'm not sure why he's still hesitant. He (bro) started losing his hair at 17 and he knows nature will be taking care of that for him too, sooner or later.
Here's the hubby. This was last year and it's gotten a bit thinner since.
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fa568.ac-images.myspacecdn.com%2F01417%2F76%2F54%2F1417374567_l.jpg&hash=87e50e4bc852623e6789dde0314537dbcefd3e50)
not the best example of his melon, but you get the general idea
Here's his bro
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.easysite.com%2FSiteData%2FNoyesFamily%2FEasySitePicture_292420.jpg%3Fid%3D1201915&hash=0203f63f20de357838387a141effd110ac169e22)
I talked to his brother today about it at lunch and he said there's no going back...he'd never have hair again, even if it was a full head. It's just really hard talking to him about it--last thing I want my husband to think is that I don't like the way he looks now, so it's a very touchy subject.
Maybe get him liquored? Seems to work when I present the "honey-do" list ;D
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Maybe get him liquored? Seems to work when I present the "honey-do" list ;D
That would work on most of us!
I have a younger brother that is much thinner than I am and I'm trying to get him to shave as well, so I know how touchy of a subject it is. Maybe you could get his brother to make a bet with your hubby and if he loses he has to shave his head. A couple of guys here have ended up sly going that route.
Though, deep down, I think that honesty might work the best. Tell him that you would find it really sexy if he buzzed his hair down. Get him to take baby steps. You seem really cool and fun, so try to make the idea fun and not serious.
If that's your son he's holding, Happy Mother's Day!
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O0 Dear ChrisInVegas: Welcome aboard. The guys have already given the best advice. I can add only this: convince him that you are serious, honest, and steady in wanting him to shave that noggin, and he probably will. Please remember that he's in pain, which may seem silly to you but means a great deal to a relatively young man who is being forced by genetics to forfeit his image. Perhaps buying him a Fusion razor and some shaving gel will strengthen his resolve to take the inevitable step. As you have read, the majority of men who start shaving never go back. I had the full, enthusiastic support of my wife from the start. I love being bald, up-front honest, and free of "hair anxiety." Bring on the wind, the convertible, and the shine. If he starts shortly, make sure he applies sun screen. Let us know what happens. All best, Professor Melon
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Chris, I just thought of something else.
In between the Mandalay Bay and the Luxor in the Mandalay Place is the Art of Shaving Barber Spa. They offer Head Shaves and Face Shaves. Maybe that would be a gift you could give him.
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Thanks guys....I had that idea too, Tyler. Actually looked into their website and it seemed pretty neat-o. It's just funny that they actually have "barber spas" now. Not sure why, but that just makes me giggle! I was at the grocery store tonight and picked up a HeadBlade, then put it back. I don't want to put too much pressure on, as it might work against me. He's a Leo and I'm a Capricorn so the hard-headedness in our house is legendary. Maybe a little reverse psychology is in order?
And yes...that's our son, Big Jake. Thanks for the Momma Day props too! :)
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My wife is a Leo, so I know what you mean.
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Welcome ChrisInVegas!! Ask your husband to create his own account and asked some questions. Maybe that will help. I think he will look great.
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Chris, I think your husband would look great. It's a hard thing to deal with for some people. What's interesting is that so many people get themselves worked up about losing hair, how it's not fair, what does it say about me... all this worrying and anxiety. And then when they get the courage up and take the plunge, they realize that they were worrying about nothing. They are free, and all of that worrying was a total waste of time. The boost in confidence is hard to describe for those who haven't done it, but it is a powerful thing. Keep us updated as things progress (or recede).
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Welcome Chris! It's great you're so supportive of him. My wife made the comment the other day about growing my hair back. (I'm BBC) Told here not a chance.
The guys have already made some great comments and suggestions, the one thing I can't stress enough, is don't ram it down his throat. That would probably turn him off to the idea completely.
Good luck!
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Welcome Chris to SBG's. Hope we are able to help you and your husband make a decision that works. The support you are providing is commendable. There is a new posting in General Discussions from Tyler that has a an article from "WingmanDaily". Check it out, maybe print it and leave for your husband. Also a good article from the New York times that is posted here on the board.
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Hey Chris...
First off, you seem like a very cool, supportive wife, he's a lucky dude! Like GBORN, I'm bald by choice, so I don't know exactly hoiw it feels to "need" to sport the bald sly look..
I chose to be bald about 12 years ago, to the surprise of my girlfriend (my wife now) at the time...she kinda understood, but thought i'd grow it back eventually...didn't grow it back until right before we got married...after 2 months with hair, she said, "You know what, it's just not YOU with hair, shave it!".... I was bald for my wedding (thankfully) and have been slick and smooth since...when the subject comes up with your husband , remind him, not only balding guys choose it as a lifestyle these days... some dudes with hair WANT to be bald too!
My boss though is young and totally balding and his wife WANTS him to shave it smooth also (for years now), he buzzed it to a #4 once, said he felt sick about it, like he gave up or something...and has actually grown back his faux-comb-over!!!! he's a young dude, in a young industry...with bald by choice dudes all around him daily and he CAN'T do it, so i understand your husband's hesitation...he doesn't want to give in just yet...there is no going back in his book...
Hang in there and maybe suggest it initally as a kind of (and i don't mean this disrespectfully) sexy thing between you and him...maybe offer to do it for him and tell him how much you DO like totally bald men ect...maybe he'll go for it...again,say it respectfully!
Good luck and let us know what happens! O0
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I was at the grocery store tonight and picked up a HeadBlade, then put it back. I don't want to put too much pressure on, as it might work against me. He's a Leo and I'm a Capricorn so the hard-headedness in our house is legendary. Maybe a little reverse psychology is in order?
Is he a movie fan? Take him to see Live Free or Die Hard next month and admire Bruce Willis' shaved head. Tell him he would look good like that. :)
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Good idea! The sly look does Mr. Willis such justice... :@`
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So, we just happened to take some pics this weekend, and there was one that even my mom commented on. Without even knowing he and I had been discussing the situation already, when she and I were on the phone, she commented that she couldn't believe how thin his hair had gotten recently, Of course, neither of us would ever bring it up to him that bluntly, but it really bothered me that when he and I were reviewing the pictures ourselves earlier, I could tell this one in particular made him uncomfortable. :(
http://www.easysite.com/SiteData/NoyesFamily/EasySitePicture_504368L.jpg (http://www.easysite.com/SiteData/NoyesFamily/EasySitePicture_504368L.jpg)
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Chris..welcome to SBG's and i admire you for coming here to try to help your hubby out with his balding,he's a lucky man for sure!....i really hope he takes your advice and goes Sly.....after seeing that last pic and being where he is at one time ,all i can say is ..the hair on the top of his head wont be there much longer, i hope he embraces it and lets it go for his sanitys sake.....keep at it! O0
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hey chris. if he won't shave it then run away. i am already bald. j/k my wife looked at the picture and agrees with you. he should shave it. just thought i would let you know that. another lay-days opinion. although she may be biased towards slyness.
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CIV,
You are absolutely right. His head is screaming to be shaved. #3l* How much gel and time does it take for him to get it to stick up like that? I agree with Kajun; that hair won't be there long. Although I never had my hair that long when it was thinning, I had that same thing going on top. I just never wanted to pretend that it wasn't happening, so I kept it short. It didn't take long for it to get progressively worse. I sure hope you are able to get through to him somehow. I'm glad we're here to assist in whatever way we can.
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HA! You all crack me up ;D
I finally told him that my mom made a comment (without knowing we had been discussing it) and he thinks I'm pulling his leg...it was pretty funny!
I finally got him to agree to *consider* it, but he won't even think about doing it until the can take time off work, to get adjusted to it. You watch, the man won't take a vacation all year now!
The last time we talked about it, I bet him that if the Angels won the series, he had to do it....of course, that year they lost, so not only was he bent his team lost, I lost too! Major suckage...
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Hi ChrisInVegas. Just read through your post and the great feedback everyone has given. I can't add much more but I am a newly Sly guy. One of the main things that stick in my mind is the "pictures" comment. I would not let my picture be taken unless I was wearing a hat due to my "lack of hair" for the last 10 years. I did not realize it at the time, but I have missed alot of moments being captured with my 14 year old son that I wish I had for him now. I wouldn't buy the thempark pictures of the log rides or rollercoasters we rode due to the gleam through my hair. Now I like to have my picture taken because I feel more confident in my look. Just thought I'd share, would hate for someone else to look back and realize they missed out on something due to appearance. My whole experience to shaving can be found here http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=1492.0
Good Luck, and welcome to SBG's.
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Hey Chris, sounds like you're getting him to take baby steps and at least consider it.
I have an uncle that is 6'8" and very intimidating that lives in Vegas. Should I send him over? >:D
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Just throwing in my two cents...
Suggestion 1: Get him to trim it to a #1. The poshy stylists that write articles in GQ and Esquire are always recommending that men with thinning/receding hair get it cut really short, since the hairs are supposed to rest against one another or something. But that's just covering it up in a back-handed way. The real purpose of the #1 cut is that it's the first step towards making it slick. It worked out decently for Rudy Guiliani (link: http://www.capcan.org/images/giuliani.jpg (http://www.capcan.org/images/giuliani.jpg)
Suggestion 2: Show him pictures not only of people who have gone sly (Howie Mandel, Bruce Willis, etc), but also pictures of people who are still fighting "the good fight" - Donald Trump, Tony Kornheiser (works for Monday Night Football), and other guys that are woefully rocking the combover. In the end, that's what got me. I knew I could fear people laughing at me for the rest of my life, or just endure people at work razzing me for a week or so when they adjusted to the sly look. In the end, I made the right choice.
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i'm sure many here would kill to have a significant other as supportive as you on this issue, chris. very admirable.
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I'm always late for the party... :Xo!
Hiya ChrisInVegas..welcome to the forum. :)
Hope your hubby get's round to shaving his noggin'.. so much
sexier than a balding bonce!
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Tyler: Does he own a ski mask? >:D
MB: Thanks for the welcome! Glad to see another pro-sly femme :)
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Chris
Any change in your situation. Let us know.
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Tyler: Does he own a ski mask? >:D
MB: Thanks for the welcome! Glad to see another pro-sly femme :)
I'm sure we can find him one...LOL