Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => To be or not be...Bald => Topic started by: Jonsey on March 29, 2012, 11:20:31 AM
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Hi, this is my first post here :) (but I did read many of your posts).
I'm a 33 y/o guy, not married.
I've been suffering from hairloss since I was 16 y/o. This means I've been agonizing over my hairloss for most of the years of my life (!).
My hairloss has been very gradual, and mainly diffuse (all over the head), and this is why I can still appear as a guy with (mostely) a full head of hair, by using a sort of a combover together with toppik.
The thing is, I'm tired of these hairloss worries, tired of constantly worrying how my hair looks, tired of worrying my combover has passed the point of looking obvious, tired of all the care I need to give it in the morning to look normal, and tired of agonizing over the continued shedding. Tired of it all !!
I want to shave all my hair, but am afraid.
I'm in a dilema. On the one side, I'm saying if I'll shave my head and look great, that will be the "perfect crime": no more worries of hairloss, and a good look too, the holy grail will be achieved :). But, on the other hand, maybe I won't look good shaved (I have a really oblong face, and quite a big nose).
Since I'm in the dating scene, it's really important for me to look my best, and if with the hair I have today I look better than shaved, then I prefer to keep the hair (and deal with the worries I guess...).
I do understand that shaving my hair might boost my confidence and this could help with the girls too, but I think this will only happen if I'll think (or get honest opinions) that I look good shaved.
One thought that had come into mind is "scalp-micropigmentation" (ala HIS clinic) - this might look better on me than a horseshoe... and if it works well, people will think I shaved from choice which is a bonus for me...
I look at the guys at the university where I do my PhD, and in all honesty, almost all the guys with a shaved head don't look attractive (and it seems none of them did it from choice, they all show the horseshoe pattern). I mean, some people can look attractive with a shaved head (like the actor of the "Hitman" movie, or the "Bald Guyz" male model in the ad on this site), but really many guys don't have the facial features to support a really good look without hair...
If I was married like most of you guys, it would have been a much easier choice for me... but I can't allow myself to scare the girls off by an intimidating or unattractive look.
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hey and welcome. this is the right place to ask for help.
I say you should give it a try, and I promise you will like it.
Most of the guys around were balding, but they've found the way to freedom ( and I promise you this is no bullshit). The only guys out there trying to fool you are those who promise you hair.
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Let's take this from the top (no pun intended):
You have spent half of your life worrying about your hair. This is a tremendous waste of energy and brainpower. A conclusion would be to shave your head and redirect the energy and brainpower to a better use.
You aren't sure you'll look good with a shaved head, but you don't sound convinced that you look good with thinning hair. A good experiment would be to shave your head for 30 days and see if the experience changes your views. If you don't like it, grow your hair back and wait while the thinning continues. In reality, the only opinion that matters is your own - no-one else can give you an "honest" opinion in this case. If you like it and they don't, why would you trust their judgement over yours. If you don't like and they do, would you keep doing something you don't like?
Lastly, why on earth go to the trouble and expense of scalp micro-pigmentation? This will empty your pocket and in the end fool absolutely no-one.
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Use clippers and make it shorter and shorter until you get to a length that you like and stop.
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Thank you for your comments guys :)
The thing is, if I shave my hair, everybody will see how bad my hairloss have become, I'll not be able to fool anybody anymore after that. Moreover, it will take me 6 months at least to grow it back to the state it looks now which allows me to look like I'm not practically bald.
Regarding scalp-pigmentation, are you sure it will fool no one ? I mean I've seen some convincing pictures and testemonials... It is true that it's hard to make it look real in an area on the head that you have no hairs at all, but I've seen some convincing pics of people who had diffuse thinning... But I do agree it will empty my pockets, so I better know what I'm doing...
Btw, this is how I look today:
http://hotornot.com/rate/profile/Someone12
You can choose "more photos" at the bottom of that picture to see more pics of me. Is my combover convincing ? :)
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saw your photo - -not bad - -as Tom said "go shorter and shorter until you find a length you like"
BALD is beautiful and there is not a girl that I know that doesn't like a bald dome on a guy - - -and they love to rub it.
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Post a photo and the we can evaluate the situation - - -
BALD is beautiful and there is not a girl that I know that doesn't like a bald dome on a guy - - -and they love to rub it.
I did post a link to a bunch of my photos at my former post :)
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I found your photo - -thanks
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I'm not sure I like the idea of cutting it shorter and not totally shaved.
The reason is, once I start to cut it shorter, the "combover hairs" will have to go. At this point I will look severly balding. I hate this look. I want a smooth look. Plus if it's not totally shaved then I will keep agonizing over the continued shedding. I want to rid myself completely from thinking about hair for the rest of my life. Otherwise why should I change anything at all ?
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Sounds like you're ready then.
As already suggested, take the 30 Day Challenge. You've got nothing to lose but your insecurities.
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Jonsey, welcome to the forum. You sound like your very tired of dealing with the futile routine of making your hair look like more than it is. I really don't know how some guys can go through all that trouble to make their mpb look better, when in actuality what your doing is fooling yourself, and most of the time no one else.
The most simple and honest solution, and one I've always felt and followed myself, is to take it down. Whether it's gradually buzzing it to a comfortable length with clippers, like a few of the bro's have suggested, or shaving it all off.
I would try the buzz first to see how you like it. It's a known fact that just doing this will make you feel neater and more in control, and it makes a difference.
I think it's better to take control of the situation. Stand tall and proud, be honest with yourself and all those around you. You'll soon find out it shows, in new found confidence. Then you will be able to deal with other things more freely.
Give it a shot. we're sure you'll like it. O0
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No woman will ever say 'I wish you still had that combover', I'm afraid that it is obvious from your photo. I worried that when I shaved down people would see how much I was balding... They already could and they commended my choice!
If you're on the dating scene, it's important that people can see 'you' straight up, and if they see a guy who's obviously hiding his hairloss, then they'll wonder what else you're hiding. Good luck with the shave brother, we're all here to help.
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Welcome aboard.
Go to the St. Baldricks site and find an event in your area. You can raise money for pediatric cancer research and get your head shaved at the same time.
Try it for 30 days and you'll be a free man with no worries.
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but I can't allow myself to scare the girls off by an intimidating or unattractive look.
Well, you're a "balding" guy, like a whole lot of us here. And unless you're the first, think about this--how many of the girls come on with a, "Oh, that thinning hair really turns me on?" And, if you go to the beach, pool or whatever all the work spreading the thinning mop out goes out with the tide! Balding never, but never reverses--so hide it in plain sight, shave it off.
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You have nothing to lose by at least buzzing it down to give you a better idea of what the "sly" you will look like. I buzzed my hair yesterday for the first time to prepare me for my shaved head, and I'm actually pretty pleased with the results. Back in my hair days, I never wore it short, and only started cutting it short when I noticed I was losing it. The truth is, like many guys have said on this site, if you have mpb, than its just a matter of time before the tide of hair rolls out. Better get used to it now and embrace your new look! You're lucky that you're dealing with this in your thirties. There's loads of bald guys in their thirties, but very few bald 21 year olds!
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The thing is, if I shave my hair, everybody will see how bad my hairloss have become, I'll not be able to fool anybody anymore after that. Moreover, it will take me 6 months at least to grow it back to the state it looks now which allows me to look like I'm not practically bald.
You have to come to terms with the fact that sooner or later much, if not most, of your bare scalp is going to be visible to everybody. You can either let Mother Nature do it for you -- and she does a slow and sloppy job, BTW -- or you can take control of the situation yourself and get it over with. While it can be scary to go with the second approach, you'll immediately feel better when you've done it.
Most people tend to want to hang on to their hair for as long as possible but all this really does is prolong the agony. In the long run, is it really going to matter if you get to have (some) hair for an extra year or two, especially if you've reached the point where it no longer looks very good? There comes a point where you just have to man up and do what needs to be done.
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Welcome to the Forum!
Let's see...... thinning hair with Topix that you've worried about for over half your life... OR..... a nice , smooth, shaved head, no worries about bald spots or Topix, AND a LOT of women that love bald men.....not balding men.
Gee...... wonder what I would pick.
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Jonsey,
You've gotten some great advice, but the decision is yours. Consider the relief you'll experience after eliminating the main source of agony for you now. While it seems like a huge step, and it is, the transition will be over quickly and then you can enjoy your freedom. I'd be willing to bet that your luck with the ladies will only get better, too ...
Andrew
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Jonsey
The answer is quite clear and you have really reached this decision yourself. Shave your head now and enjoy the freedom. Stick with the 30 day rule and you will be new man. You'll be fighting off the ladies.
Roger
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The thing is, if I shave my hair, everybody will see how bad my hairloss have become, I'll not be able to fool anybody anymore after that. Moreover, it will take me 6 months at least to grow it back to the state it looks now which allows me to look like I'm not practically bald.
Hi Jonsey,
I can't help but notice that you refer, in your posts to "fooling" people about how much hair you have. "Fooling" is a gentler way of saying that you are intentionally lying to everyone around you on a daily basis. You aren't being honest with others, or yourself. That fact comes out, whether you know it or not, in everything you do. If you aren't self confident, it shows.
You are having anxiety about the state of your hair and your hair loss.
Why not be honest? You have been balding for half your life. You have committed years and years to maintaining the illusion (lie) that you are not balding. Sooner or later, nature will not give you the option of continuing to "fool" people.
You cannot control the loss of some of your hair, nature is in control of that. You are going to lose some , if not most of your hair. But you CAN be in controll of whether you have ANY hair. If you CHOOSE to take it off, them YOU are in control of your appearance. If you let nature slowly take it from you, it is LOST. Make sense?
Why be a victim of nature? Why not take control of your own appearance and literally REMOVE the lie you are showing the world day after day? Simple addition by subtraction. Rather than continuing to be a "man going bald" you can choose, like so many of us to be "a man who shaves his head".
Make this choice for yourself, not others. Who do YOU want to be? The honest, confident, happy guy with the shaved head? or the self-conscious balding guy, always worried and preoccupied with whether or not you are "fooling" people?
I say, shave it and own it. Be confident in your choice and yourself as the master of your fate. Men and especially women say time and again that Confidence and self respect are the things that are attractive and that truly matter. You can't have much of either if you are constantly concerned that people are going to notice that you are losing your hair. You are here talking to us about it, because you want to be free of the burden that is your hair loss.
let's say, hypothetically, that you continue "fooling" people. You meet a nice girl you like. Are you going to be able to relax, be yourself and get comfortable with the weight of your hair loss hanging over you? Or are you going to be nervous about whether or not she notices it? And even if she doesn't at first, at some point, as you get closer, she will find out about it anyway. Why not just take it off and be a bold, decisive and above all honest guy who has come to terms with the realities of nature and chosen to take control of his situation.
Shaving your head is simple, inexpensive, clean, honest answer to a problem that has been plaguing you for years.
Just my two-cents. Best of luck in whatever you choose to do.
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I'd say all you need to do is look at Vash's excellent outlook above, and then the very pretty woman on his arm. The man knows who he is, and that is what is attractive to the ladies.
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VASH!!! Spreading common sense and encouragement everywhere he goes!!!
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Thanks for all your support guys, you've helped me go over the last psychological hurdle...
and I did it !!!!!!
It's not 100% shaved with a razor, but it's the closest shave I could get with my barber's hair cutting machine...
I feel like the weight of 16 (balding) years has been removed from my shoulders. I literally feel lighter when I walk outside ! :)
Here is a "before" pic:
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.myg.co.il%2Fuploads%2Fphpx6QvWL.jpg&hash=7d3e6ca52e1794ad9cf3eb13e216b7429434c093)
And here is the "after":
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.myg.co.il%2Fuploads%2Fphp6t8gU1.jpg&hash=7dd8881e91c085f5f929f9cd56d58447ffb2cf3f)
A question that immediately came into mind: "why haven't I done this before ?"... :(
First comment I received from a female coworker and friend of mine who saw the "after pic": "why on earth does a man with hair shaves his head ??", to which I elegantly replied "I'm just tired of dealing with hair", to which she replied "I wish I could shave mine too...". :)
Now what should I do with all the toppik and dermmatch that I have ? donate, or throw to the garbage ?
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Now what should I do with all the toppik and dermmatch that I have ? donate, or throw to the garbage ?
Don't lead any other poor guy down that path--but >:D it may be toxic, so take it to a toxic landfill.
You're just a hot shower, and a new blade from total freedom. If you feel that itch, scratch it--if you don't like it after thirty days, and that's extremely doubtful--you can grow out to a buzz in less than a week.
Welcome to the free world!
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Now what should I do with all the toppik and dermmatch that I have ? donate, or throw to the garbage ?
Don't lead any other poor guy down that path--but >:D it may be toxic, so take it to a toxic landfill.
It's not funny, in the last year or so I've been coughing like crazy at nights, at least once evey two-three weeks. Last month the cough didn't stop for two weeks. I went to the doctor who said my lungs sounds good. I stopped using toppik (moved to dermmatch alone) and became better within several days. Then I started using it again and I'm coughing again for a week now !
I really hope I didn't develop some sort of lung silicosis (or asthma) from all these years of breathing toppik dust...
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I love it. It suits you. Good job. Now for 30 days.
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I love it. It suits you. Good job. Now for 30 days.
Thanks for the compliment :)
No need for 30 days. The next time I'll be growing hair again is when they find a cheap cure for baldness (well, it won't be cheaper than a shave, that's for sure :) ).
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It's not funny, in the last year or so I've been coughing like crazy at nights, at least once evey two-three weeks. Last month the cough didn't stop for two weeks. I went to the doctor who said my lungs sounds good. I stopped using toppik (moved to dermmatch alone) and became better within several days. Then I started using it again and I'm coughing again for a week now !
I really hope I didn't develop some sort of lung silicosis (or asthma) from all these years of breathing toppik dust...
Whoa, sorry I sort of said that in jest--but it does make a possible connection--I was thinking more of the dye component. Frankly I never even considered using the stuff, although I put enough hairspray on the combover to contribute to the destruction of the ozone layer! I guess the Toppik stuff could sensitize the body over time and give an allergy type reaction. Well, at least there's no reason to put your health and wallet at risk for that stuff anymore! And, we have yet another good reason to take the blade. Did you ever get caught in the rain with that stuff on your head and have it run down your face and neck?
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Did you ever get caught in the rain with that stuff on your head and have it run down your face and neck?
Never. With toppik on the head, to be outside when it rains without an umbrella, is for me equivalent to stepping outside of a space shuttle without a spacesuit...
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Never. With toppik on the head, to be outside when it rains without an umbrella, is for me equivalent to stepping outside of a space shuttle without a spacesuit...
:*)) :*)) :*))
Well, that's a worry that's behind you!
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It looks great! Congratulations on taking the step to find out. Make sure you give it time because like any other changes we all make it takes time to adjust.
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Welcome and be happy
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CONGRATS ! AWESOME ! BRAVO !
No more rubbing or sprinkling "stupid stuff" on your scalp (who knows the long term affects besides that cough).
30 Days and counting !
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Outstanding and you look great!!! More importntly... you feel great.
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Well said Vash and everyone else. Welcome to SBG. You will feel better now about yourself.
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Thanks guys for all your wise and kind comments :) there's a really supportive community here !
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Good job! Looks terrific! O0
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looks slick. Straight away you look more professional and well kempt!
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looks great man, a huge improvement. It really does suit you. I hope to look at least almost as good with a no guard buzz!
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You made the right decision and it looks great!!! Now it's time to wind-down all of that toppik stress and enjoy your freedom. Take a walk in the rain and let it drip all over your head ...
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A question that immediately came into mind: "why haven't I done this before ?"... :(
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You carry the look well. You will be asking yourself this question again after you shave your head completely bald with a razor.
You can see the weight lifted.
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Hi Jonsey, Welcome! Wow, the "after" look is great. Suits you so well. O0 Hope you'll stay with it. You've a great headshape to show off your new Sly look.
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You look super deluxe - -Now enjoy the freedom that you now have. Bald is wonderful - - -and it looks great on all of us.
Welcome to: - -SLY BALD GUYS
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Have courage shave it