Sly Bald Guys Forum
New Member Section => Introductions => Topic started by: Jack21 on October 24, 2010, 07:18:27 PM
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I just shaved my head after almost 5 years of concealers and then a hair piece. I feel so incredibly liberated. The problem is that I am a school teacher, and I know just how mean kids can be, having been a juvenile jerk when I was their age. I just have to realize that if they don't like it, its their problem not mine. I could not take living a lie anymore. Its funny b/c I spent 4 years in the army when I still had hair and used to shave it regularly. After the army I felt like I had to conceal my thinning hair. Well, enough is enough. I am embarking on a new life of being the real me.
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Congratulations. And don't worry about the reactions of your students; I'm sure they'll all view it as a huge improvement.
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Thanks, man.
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Congratulations Jack. Well done! Glad you could join us. O0
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welcome to the right place!
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Thanks, guys. I just uploaded a pic and I can't believe how much stubble there is already. I shaved it this morning. I guess its going to be something I need to do in the AM before work.
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Way to go, Jack!!
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi804.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fyy325%2Fchrome235%2Fthumbs_up.jpg&hash=419c30a8c9385e4663460d9cdde1fdadb9a34766)
- Cap'n Noodles -
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Congratulations on your decision to shave it all off. I'm sure you won't regret it ...
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Welcome to SBGs!!! 8)
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Man! This place is rocks. Thanks for all the welcomes. Now for the fun part - my first day of facing the world as a bald guy in civilian life.
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Looks good, the students are going to like it too. And the benefit for others is that the young men in your care will have a good example of how to treat mpb the smart way.
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You look great and welcome to "SLY BALD GUYS"
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Congrats on taking a big step!
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Welcome to the group.
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Welcome and congrats on doing the right thing! 8)
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Well, what can I say? The sky didn't fall on my head or the earth gape open to swallow me up, but today has been pretty rough. The jokes, stares, laughs, and straight up insults that I got today rank right up there with the first week of boot camp - except then everyone had their heads shaved. This is the path that I have chosen, however, and no matter how tough I will not stray from it. People get used to anything eventually.
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This is the path that I have chosen, however, and no matter how tough I will not stray from it. People get used to anything eventually.
O0 That is a great attitude--it is, in the final analysis, your comfort being who and what you are and how you present yourself to the world.
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Thank you for your words of encouragement. All of you have been very helpful in getting me through this fist day. It should be all downhill from here.
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Jack you look great. Nice job taking the plunge.
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Best "hair-style" choice ever, mate ! Well-done & welcome to the "gang" .
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Good job. The first sly appearance can be rough, as you experienced today, but when you feel good about yourself all the other comments start being insignificant.
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Well, what can I say? The sky didn't fall on my head or the earth gape open to swallow me up, but today has been pretty rough. The jokes, stares, laughs, and straight up insults that I got today rank right up there with the first week of boot camp - except then everyone had their heads shaved. This is the path that I have chosen, however, and no matter how tough I will not stray from it. People get used to anything eventually.
In a few days all the '' teasing'' will stop,thats all it is. You look great so keep it sly and proud. 8)
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Being bald is amazing, I am sure you will love it. But yes stubble comes back very fast! O0
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I swear by everything holy that two hours after shaving my head with a Mach 3 there was already dark shadow. It was freaky- like watching those plants whose growth is shown in fast forward on nature shows. Getting rid of shadow completely is not something I'm going to obsess about though. I spent the past 5 years obsessing with paint, powder, and then a rug. This is about freedom and authenticity for me. A little shadow is not the end of the world, but the amazing run I was able to go on today was like being reborn. Because of all the stuff in my hair I hadn't been able to go on a real, all out, long, sweaty run in ages. Then I came home and did some weight training, pouring sweat. Finally I got into a real shower. A real shower! It was like heaven. For years I haven't been able to take long, hot, real showers and really get my head and face clean. Right now I feel like a million dollars. Instead of spending my life in misery just so I could look "presentable" at work, I can now look forward every day at work to my runs and workouts. Exercise has been the real lofe of my life for as long as I can remember, but with that stuff in my hair I was highly restricted - I could barely let myself break a sweat. Now I can get back into all the things that I used to love - running, weight training, boxing. I am so excited about getting back into boxing I can't even begin to explain. This is like a day of rebirth for me.
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And, thank you all for your support. You guys have been a great support. I cannot thank you enough.
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Did you shave with the grain or against it? 2 hours seems pretty fast to already have a dark shadow unless you didnt feel hair still. But hair does grow back very fast.
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I did not shave against the grain. I don't shave my face against the grain as I get bad ingrown hairs. That would go some way towards explaining it - that and it was a bit longer than two hours. I woke up at nine, looked at my rug sitting on the counter, threw it in the trash, and then took a clippers to my head w/o a guard. After that I shaved forward and down, not going against the grain. By the time I took the picture it was yesterday afternoon. It must have been more like 5 or 6 hours than 2 now that I think about it. It was still shocking though, but I am a guy who has to shave again in the evening if I am going out. Why is it that we baldies always seem to have so much hair on our faces? I have the worst of both worlds. I am of Italian and Jewish heritage. I don't mean to offend anyone. I am proud of my heritage even if it did give me a hairy face and a bald head.
Did you shave with the grain or against it? 2 hours seems pretty fast to already have a dark shadow unless you didnt feel hair still. But hair does grow back very fast.
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wow, I had no idea you were a teacher as well, Jack. Okay, both our experiences will be VERY similar. Many on staff still want me to "grow" my hair back. They still think it was my hair. I'm glad today's over so I can get on with being ME.
I wasn;t able to go back to taekwondo in the summer becaus eof my plans to get my system. Now that's it's over and done with I can work towards my black belt again. My system is still on my dresser top. I look at it and think of the horrible $800.00 learning experience. We will come out stronger because of this. O0
cheers
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That is pretty uncanny. Yeah, one of the worst things is both students and fellow teachers telling me to just grow it back (b/c obviously I can't). I know that we will come out stronger because of this - and save a whole lot of money. I am not a money obsessed guy, but those rugs were damned expensive and were making it hard for me to make ends meet. Its great that we can now get back to those activities we love but were prevented from doing b/c of the rugs. If you haven't gone for a good long run yet, I'm telling you it was bliss. I can't wait to get back into the boxing ring this Saturday. I don't have any illusions about being any good anymore - too old and slow, but I don't care. I just want to get in there and hit the bag for a couple of hours. I can't believe what I sacrificed to stay looking "acceptable" in that terrible toupee. I was hoping that at least someone would say "Good for you for getting rid of the toupee. Jack", but nobody did. Anyway, I'm trying to stay focused on the positives of which there are many.
wow, I had no idea you were a teacher as well, Jack. Okay, both our experiences will be VERY similar. Many on staff still want me to "grow" my hair back. They still think it was my hair. I'm glad today's over so I can get on with being ME.
I wasn;t able to go back to taekwondo in the summer becaus eof my plans to get my system. Now that's it's over and done with I can work towards my black belt again. My system is still on my dresser top. I look at it and think of the horrible $800.00 learning experience. We will come out stronger because of this. O0
cheers
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I will say that at first I did not shave my head against the grain either. When I first stared shaving my face I would go with the grain on my face then on my neck against the grain and after a while I had to stop going against the grain on my neck and was able to go against the grain on my face. I have to say I think it took me a week or two to start going against the grain but I would not have it any other way. It gets super smooth and I have not had any problems with ingrown hairs so maybe you should try it but that is up to you.
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I have....sorry...used to have very curly hair. This can cause very bad ingrown hairs when you shave against the grain. In the army I had to shave against the grain and the bumps under my neck got a little better over the years but never went away. It took about a month for all the bumps to finally go away. I really want a smooth, slick scalp but I don't think thats in the cards for me. I really don't want a scalp covered in big red bumps. I'll give it a shot when I next have some vacation time. For now I'm just going to do the best that I can.
I will say that at first I did not shave my head against the grain either. When I first stared shaving my face I would go with the grain on my face then on my neck against the grain and after a while I had to stop going against the grain on my neck and was able to go against the grain on my face. I have to say I think it took me a week or two to start going against the grain but I would not have it any other way. It gets super smooth and I have not had any problems with ingrown hairs so maybe you should try it but that is up to you.
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Oh shoot I did not know that. Well then yea that is the best you can do and you really do not have to do that. Yea that kind of changes it, hopefully later you will be able to but not for now. What kind of razor were you using at the time?
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Jack, it's been great to read your posts today. I never went the hairpiece route but I can imagine how fantastic it must have felt to toss it today. Great idea to ditch it and look forward instead of back. As a relatively new - almost 6 months now - headshaver myself, I salute you for taking the risk and getting a whole new outlook on appearances. Enjoy it man, it's a great feeling!
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Troy, thanks a lot man. I really appreciate that. Its been a rough couple of days, but I refuse to ever go back to a toupee or putting junk in my hair. As long as I was a fake I could never truly be self confident. Now I me an ugly SOB but at least I am the real me. Thanks again, bro.
Jack, it's been great to read your posts today. I never went the hairpiece route but I can imagine how fantastic it must have felt to toss it today. Great idea to ditch it and look forward instead of back. As a relatively new - almost 6 months now - headshaver myself, I salute you for taking the risk and getting a whole new outlook on appearances. Enjoy it man, it's a great feeling!
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Jack, first off, welcome and congrats on your decision.
As a teacher, I think your choice to ditch the rug can set as an example to your students.
Be comfortable in your own skin (literally), be proud of who you are, and if people are unaccepting of your appearance (which is BS), it's their loss, not yours.
Rock On!
Schro
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What's odd is that my fellow female teachers have made a much bigger deal about it than my students. Obviously the kids are still trying to adjust to the change and because they're young change can be very unsettling so I understand. I am having a harder time understanding why my coworkers, adults who should have some tact, are saying such horrible things. I mean when someone says "Why on earth would you do that to yourself? Did you lose your mind?" how can you really respond? I am just telling myself that with the passage of time people will get used to it - maybe more like 60 or 90 days in my case rather than 30 - but they'll get used to it.
Jack, first off, welcome and congrats on your decision.
As a teacher, I think your choice to ditch the rug can set as an example to your students.
Be comfortable in your own skin (literally), be proud of who you are, and if people are unaccepting of your appearance (which is BS), it's their loss, not yours.
Rock On!
Schro
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"Why on earth would you do that to yourself? Did you lose your mind?" how can you really respond?"
I would respond with...."No I lost my mind when I spent tons of money on some fake hair to pretend I'm something I'm not."
A lot of the negativity you are getting is because people hate change. Anything around them that disrupts the norm is uncomfortable. Along with that is the jealousy factor. Almost everyone has something about themselves they want to change (lose weight, stop smoking, etc.), yet most do nothing. The fact that you took charge and did something causes a bit of envy.
They resent the fact you did something they don't have the guts to do.
It looks great on you man and it sounds like you love it already, so don't let anyone tell you different. Congratulations.
BTW...what ages do you teach? This really could be a great teaching moment regarding the lengths people will go to in order to "fit in" and how silly it is.
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Rob,
Thanks for the feedback. I understand what you are saying about change and the reaction of people to it. I think that this holds especially true for kids (I teach ages 15-18) who are still trying to establish an identity for themselves. Its actually quite pathetic the lengths to which I went to "fit in" and feel like I looked presentable or appropriate. It took control of my whole life. I loved shaving my head when I was in my late teens and early twenties and despite the fact that people close to me were telling me that I looked frightening or intimidating or just plain bad, I really didn't care and kept doing it. I shaved my head right before college graduation. My father was furious at me. I just laughed. I was so confident back then and for almost the next ten years. Somewhere along the way enough people said enough negative things to the point that I felt that balding was ugly and shaving my head was just unacceptable. This is the first place ever since the army that I have gotten any support. It is very much appreciated.
"Why on earth would you do that to yourself? Did you lose your mind?" how can you really respond?"
I would respond with...."No I lost my mind when I spent tons of money on some fake hair to pretend I'm something I'm not."
A lot of the negativity you are getting is because people hate change. Anything around them that disrupts the norm is uncomfortable. Along with that is the jealousy factor. Almost everyone has something about themselves they want to change (lose weight, stop smoking, etc.), yet most do nothing. The fact that you took charge and did something causes a bit of envy.
They resent the fact you did something they don't have the guts to do.
It looks great on you man and it sounds like you love it already, so don't let anyone tell you different. Congratulations.
BTW...what ages do you teach? This really could be a great teaching moment regarding the lengths people will go to in order to "fit in" and how silly it is.
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Your colleagues are certainly some of the most rude people I've heard of from any guy on this forum. Obviously you have the right idea to ignore them--they will ultimately calm down when they see their "opinions" aren't highly regarded or obeyed. But the age group you teach reminded me of one of the reasons I decided I'd never get stuck w/ a horseshoe--a Spanish teacher who for whatever reason had a bad horseshoe, dressed in a fashion we students found weird, and who had other unfortunate problems. Someone came up with a nickname, "Harry Toiletseat" and it stuck. I remembered Harry as I dumped the combover. But considering the number of young guys who come to this site with real concerns on handling early onset mpb, I think you are probably setting a good example for one or more of the students you come in contact with and for that alone it's worth the effort to brush off the tactless comments. I did think that if one of the women has the slightest "hint" of a mustache, you might say how good it looks on her. And if any of the older women are displaying any androgenic hairloss--tell them about the "piece" you no longer use and offer it to them. Of course you can't do that w/o serious jeopardy for "harassment" but it's fun to think about.
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I'm not usually one to be too crude or blunt, but RE: your coworkers:
F--- 'em.
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It has really taken me by surprise. I mean I expected some negative feedback, but not this. I would never in a million years say the kinds of things that people are saying to me. The fact that you still remember your Spanish teacher and his haircut etc. is significant though. It shows just how deep an impression a teacher can make whether positive or negative on his/her students.
Well, all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep on moving forward. To be perfectly honest, however, if I had known just how horrendous the reaction would be I would have kept wearing that stupid rug. As uncomfortable and horrible as it was, as much as I loathed and detested it, at least I didn't have to go through this. Being able to weather the occasional joke is one thing. Having to hear a student say that they will be transferring out of my class b/c of the way I look would make even the strongest man's knees buckle a little, and I've been hearing these kinds of things over and over and over for three days now. It has really got me to the point where I do not want to come back tomorrow and have to face another salvo of insults.
This is a very sad commentary on the community in which I work. I had pretty much made up my mind not to return for the next academic year. Now I am definitely leaving - provided I can actually make it that long. I knew this place was comprised of highly superficial people but I never knew that it could ever be THIS bad!
Your colleagues are certainly some of the most rude people I've heard of from any guy on this forum. Obviously you have the right idea to ignore them--they will ultimately calm down when they see their "opinions" aren't highly regarded or obeyed. But the age group you teach reminded me of one of the reasons I decided I'd never get stuck w/ a horseshoe--a Spanish teacher who for whatever reason had a bad horseshoe, dressed in a fashion we students found weird, and who had other unfortunate problems. Someone came up with a nickname, "Harry Toiletseat" and it stuck. I remembered Harry as I dumped the combover. But considering the number of young guys who come to this site with real concerns on handling early onset mpb, I think you are probably setting a good example for one or more of the students you come in contact with and for that alone it's worth the effort to brush off the tactless comments. I did think that if one of the women has the slightest "hint" of a mustache, you might say how good it looks on her. And if any of the older women are displaying any androgenic hairloss--tell them about the "piece" you no longer use and offer it to them. Of course you can't do that w/o serious jeopardy for "harassment" but it's fun to think about.
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Jack , the sly look do you like it ? It sounds like you do , if so then you just have to ignore these harsh and stupid remarks. Granted it may not be easy but in short time this will stop. You just got to hang in there.
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Wow, I am really surprised your coworkers are saying these things because, based on your profile picture, you look like a completely "normal" sly guy. In other words, if I were to see you on the street I probably wouldn't think twice about the fact that you have a shaved head.
A funny thing happened to me today. I saw a sly guy that I had a class with a few years ago before I started to lose my hair, and until today, I didn't even realize he was sly! I talked to the guy dozens of times and never once thought "wow, he is balding and shaves his head." It just goes to show that the VAST majority of people don't even think about our sly heads as much as we do.
As for your coworkers, I would say that you just have a sour batch of people. Maybe transferring schools would be good if it is a convenient option; But I definitely wouldn't leave your job based solely on the fact that some people don't like your sly head. If you started at a new place where people only know you with a shaved head, I guarantee that no one would say a word.
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It has really taken me by surprise. I mean I expected some negative feedback, but not this. I would never in a million years say the kinds of things that people are saying to me.
Well, all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep on moving forward.
Having to hear a student say that they will be transferring out of my class b/c of the way I look would make even the strongest man's knees buckle a little, and I've been hearing these kinds of things over and over and over for three days now. It has really got me to the point where I do not want to come back tomorrow and have to face another salvo of insults.
This is a very sad commentary on the community in which I work. I had pretty much made up my mind not to return for the next academic year. Now I am definitely leaving - provided I can actually make it that long. I knew this place was comprised of highly superficial people but I never knew that it could ever be THIS bad!
Jack,
It's easy for me to sit back and give you advice in this situation, but honestly, you have to stand your ground. These people are clearly intimidating you for no good reason; there is absolutely nothing wrong with your choice of haircut. You look completely professional. Judging by your comments over the last few days, it's easy to see that these negative remarks are causing you significant strife. This constitutes harrassment, IMO, and you are entitled to live your life as you see fit. These co-workers of yours (presumably educators as well) really need to zip their pieholes, open their narrow minds, and get a life. And the kid who wants to transfer out of your class? That's totally ludicrous. Any administrator who would even entertain that notion, let alone allow a student to transfer classes over a teacher's haircut, is idiotic and setting a precedent that has the potential to explode into utter chaos.
Please don't let these petty people undermine your confidence or make you regret your decision for one millisecond. Hold your head high and proud. Shaving your head makes you feel good about yourself. You have to do what makes YOU happy. Life is way too short to have it any other way.
j
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Im curious if you are teaching in some sort of private school or a school out in an isolated ex-urban or suburban area ? or is it some sort of upscale area with lots of self-absorbed, self-centered people (the other teachers I mean ) ?
I have found that older people and many women, lets say over 45 or 50 just have that generational negativity of a bald man and therefore see it as some sort of unwanted condition that one would never do intentionally. Plus these people likely were fooled with your rug into believing it was real, thick, fantastic hair to die for that was your pride and joy and also theirs vicariously. Meaning their husbands are likely sporting MPB horseshoe cuts far too long for todays styles and the wives pity their sorry lot and that they are stuck married to a defective bald man (crazy but thats how some people still feel). So of course it does not compute in their minds that a young guy with such great "hair" would actually CHOOSE to be a defective bald man !
I tend to over analyze maybe but you just have to explain you really didnt have this prized hair at all, just an illusion of it (like their hair extensions for example) and it was causing scalp problems so you removed it and shaved what was naturally left. Then emphasize as MOST MEN DO THESE DAYS. Tell them there are many guys actually shaving off full heads of hair too because it is in style and very comfortable and considered handsome.
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Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I do in fact teach at a very exclusive private school that serves the children of the absolute wealthiest and most privileged families in the city of Houston. You can imagine that it is comprised of highly superficial and highly materialistic spoiled kids with such a sense of entitlement that it makes a guy like me of a working class background sick to my stomach on the best of days. I drive out in my little Honda and see these 16 year olds driving out of the same parking lot in their brand new Mercedes and Porsches. As long as I have been here I have felt HORRIBLY out of place. The reaction to my shaved head just confirms every negative notion I entertained about this place. I am going to see this through until the end of the school year in June. I am reeling from the punches but I am still on my feet. I'll get through this. Thank all of you again for your support and encouragement.
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highly superficial and highly materialistic spoiled kids with such a sense of entitlement that it makes a guy like me of a working class background sick to my stomach on the best of days
Just remember, almost all of these kids come from families who only left share cropping a generation or two ago--Houston is NOT an old money town that's why it has to flash and show off. In another generation at most if not these kids themselves, not knowing the value of life, much less money, nor the worth of real work, will be back where their parents and grandparents were. My father told me long ago that you must remember at all times whether you are a mouse among kings or a king among mice--Jack, wear that crown proudly.
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It sounds to me like the spoiled students can't deal with anything that challenges their perfect little world. Glad you have stepped up to the plate and showed them that a man is a lot tougher than what they're dishing out. My only advice is to keep it up and don't give them any satisfaction by changing what you want to do. Kids like the ones you describe are used to getting their way and know how to turn on the ugly if their world gets dealt a blow that they can't sass their way out of. Hang in there, buddy. You've got a lot of support in here when you need it.
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Thanks again for the encouragement and support. I would have had a MUCH harder time getting through this first week without all the support from you all. I almost got a compliment today. I had a kid say "I think I'm sort of getting used to it". Hell, I'll take what I can get.
It sounds to me like the spoiled students can't deal with anything that challenges their perfect little world. Glad you have stepped up to the plate and showed them that a man is a lot tougher than what they're dishing out. My only advice is to keep it up and don't give them any satisfaction by changing what you want to do. Kids like the ones you describe are used to getting their way and know how to turn on the ugly if their world gets dealt a blow that they can't sass their way out of. Hang in there, buddy. You've got a lot of support in here when you need it.
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I am happy to hear you had a better day. I expect many of the teachers there are also just as self-absorbed as the students and their parents or are trying to be that way to fit in. Your next step is to extoll the vitures of a shaved head and challenge the kids to try it. A revolution always starts with one new idea and with one person...meaning you have to act like your true self and display how you really enjoy your shaved head. Tell them about how you shaved while in the army and loved it. Now that it is in style you are embracing your favorite haircut again and that they should try it too. When questioned just say "Its my favorite haircut".
Also if this school makes you unhappy you must make plans to move on in any case. Dont stay too long in a job you hate, life is too short. Make plans...
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Did you ever find out what bothered the one student so much that they wanted to transfer from the class? Boy/girl? Still amazes me why it would bother them so.
Anyway..after your description of the school and students....from one working class dude to another....Don't you dare give them the satisfaction of making you feel bad about your decision!!!! :x! These kids will get reality checks of their own soon enough when they step out into the real world. Keep fightin the good fight....because priviledged or not, i'm sure lots of these kids need a positive role model in their lives just like an under-priviledged kid...some maybe more!! You could be the guy that teaches them to look at things (and people) in a better light than they do now.
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Jack,
It's easy for me to sit back and give you advice in this situation, but honestly, you have to stand your ground. These people are clearly intimidating you for no good reason; there is absolutely nothing wrong with your choice of haircut. You look completely professional. Judging by your comments over the last few days, it's easy to see that these negative remarks are causing you significant strife. This constitutes harrassment, IMO, and you are entitled to live your life as you see fit. These co-workers of yours (presumably educators as well) really need to zip their pieholes, open their narrow minds, and get a life. And the kid who wants to transfer out of your class? That's totally ludicrous. Any administrator who would even entertain that notion, let alone allow a student to transfer classes over a teacher's haircut, is idiotic and setting a precedent that has the potential to explode into utter chaos.
Please don't let these petty people undermine your confidence or make you regret your decision for one millisecond. Hold your head high and proud. Shaving your head makes you feel good about yourself. You have to do what makes YOU happy. Life is way too short to have it any other way.
j
Jack, you rock the look, so don't buckle under all of the negativity... we have your back. I have to agree with J.J.'s comments. Even though you work in a private school, I am sure they must have a harassment policy. These days every employer seems to have one. One slight hint at a lawsuit ought to make the administration tremble. Not that you would want to take it to that level, but what you have been experiencing is BS. I can't imagine how stupid some of these 'adults' must be. These days you have to be extremely careful what you say. It goes to show you that education does not translate into common sense OR decency. I really enjoyed reading about your new found hair free freedom. It's extremely liberating to be sure, so stay strong.
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Yeah, the kid told me that she couldn't look at me like this. I'm serious as a heart attack. Can you imagine someone telling you that they could no longer work in the same office with you b/c of the way you look? It isn't a lot of fun. This whole thing just has me wanting to go back to the army, but that really isn't an option anymore. I'm too old and banged up. I'd end up in a damn office somewhere which would be even worse than this b/c at least here I get to leave this job everyday.
The fact that I am looking at ways to escape this place just because I yanked a cheap rug and shaved my head is ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous!
Did you ever find out what bothered the one student so much that they wanted to transfer from the class? Boy/girl? Still amazes me why it would bother them so.
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I almost got a compliment today. I had a kid say "I think I'm sort of getting used to it". Hell, I'll take what I can get.
That's a good start. Now, if I could just get wifey to move that far--talk about tough! :D
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sounds like that kid's going to have a lot of problems when she gets out into the real world, if she can't accept a shaved head!!! :o
You look great: very professional and extremely smart, in your avatar. Keep positive, bro, and welcome O0
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Welcome Jack. And this, too, shall pass
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I went to watch some football with my father today. I got there, he saw me and immediatedely said "Why the hell would you do something so stupid? You look horrible!" Talk about a support network, ha? I just walked out without saying a word, got in my car, and came home.
Insulted by my coworkers, by my students, by my own father! This has just turned into a nightmare. Maybe I should have timed this transition better, but it had to happen sooner or later. The worst part is that I can't just buckle down and do my job because my job neccesitates interaction with my students who have just completely shut off. I was even ignored at a Subway by a coworker yesterday when I went to get a sandwhich. I said hello and she didn't even respond. Maybe she didn't recognize me. This is all very hard to believe. It seems like some sort of bad dream.
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I just had something of an epiphany in the shower. What I was doing in essence for the five + years that I was using concealers and then a hair piece was LYING to people. This reaction that I am getting is the reaction of people who are very upset at having been lied to for years. I cannot play the victim here. I made the choice - albeit that I felt forced to fit an image that was no longer me - to put that junk in my hair. I made the choice to wear a hair piece and thereby lie to the world about what I really look like. I hated putting stuff in my hair and absolutely LOATHED wearing a rug but I did it. This is really the only way I can make sense of the explosive reaction to my going SLY. People don't like being lied to and I'm feeling the blow back.
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I've never heard of anybody getting so many negative reactions before. Spouses and family members typically are slow to get on board, but friends and colleagues are usually supportive or at least polite enough not to say anything. Students are usually very enthusiastic about this sort of thing. Your experience is very much the exception and not the rule.
All I can say is, stick to your guns at all costs. Don't empower others to bully you into doing what they think you should do. You'll lose a lot of self respect and confidence if you cave in. If you persevere, eventually everyone else will have no choice but to accept it.
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What I was doing in essence for the five + years that I was using concealers and then a hair piece was LYING to people. This reaction that I am getting is the reaction of people who are very upset at having been lied to for years. I cannot play the victim here. People don't like being lied to and I'm feeling the blow back.
Sorry Jack, but can't let you shoulder the "blame" for this turn of events. These people are behaving badly.
If concealers and hair systems are lies...then what about: people who dye their hair, people who wear contact lenses, people who wear dentures and veneers, people who've had liposuction...all liars, too???
Said it before, and I'll say it again: You've done absolutely nothing wrong, including the concealers and the hair piece, and especially not the headshave.
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Rajor X and JJ,
Thanks for the words of encouragement. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive. I shaved my head regularly when I was in college and the army. There were always people who said the same kinds of things that I've been getting over the course of the past week, but I just blew it off. I didn't care what they said. I liked it. I felt like it was me. I'm letting the insults get to me more than I should. I do still kind of feel like I was deceiving people and that they're pissed off as a consequence.
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Rajor X and JJ,
Thanks for the words of encouragement. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive. I shaved my head regularly when I was in college and the army. There were always people who said the same kinds of things that I've been getting over the course of the past week, but I just blew it off. I didn't care what they said. I liked it. I felt like it was me. I'm letting the insults get to me more than I should. I do still kind of feel like I was deceiving people and that they're pissed off as a consequence.
Don't focus on the negative, Jack. You know what you like, and you've gotta know that you look good.
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I think at this point you just have to respond to all negative comments with "Hey, i love it and it's my head!" Like stated before, anyone who truly cares about you will deep down make a turn around when they see that you are happier with yourself.....given some time. Stay as positive as possible and let that energy exude to everyone else. The problem is no longer yours...you shaved that away....the problem now is them and they will have to deal with that themselves. The look really does suit you man....you look good.
Also...theory on the female student....she may have had a crush on you and such a major change hit her hard!! :'( She will live.
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You've had a tough time, but I sense that you know you can't go back, part of the "you can't step into the same stream twice" thing. Once everyone realizes that you're going to do what's right for you, what you want, not what they want you to be--they'll come around. It obviously is going to take some time--but you've done harder things and you'll do this too. Anyone who's done IDF can handle this.
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Jack,
I'm sorry everyone around you is being so rude about the change you've made. At the private school I work at there was a lady who said flat out to my face "You were more handsome before." I had to laugh at that because there is zero validity to her comment. People do not like change that happens in their environment. One student, on my first day of shaving, said to me with a big smile on her face. "You know I was FINALLY getting used to seeing you with hair and then you go and shave it off again, no I have to get used to this look." She's a grade 6 student. My situation is a little bit different because last year everyone saw me with a buzzed head, and it was only over the summer that I "grew" it out. So most are quickly readjusting their senses to seeing me as I was last year, not the last few months. That being said, Jack. Just because some people do not like change gives them no right to place judement on YOU! AS I told a naysayer, "My head, my rules." Private schools are tough because there is a lot of privilege there. We'll get through this year together, bro.
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sometimes I think some people, especially women for some reason, would really rather see a guy with a comb-over, or a rug, or using drugs to regrow their hair than see them happy. I think a lot of people feel put out because a SLY guy is facing things and dealing with them in a way that those other people wouldnt dare to try.
You are showing that you are following your own mind, and most folk prefer to be dealing with 'sheep', who follow the norm and down stray out of line.
Stick with it. I'm sorry you are having to many negative reactions though.
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"My head, my rules."
Words to live by!
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Well, we'll just have to wait and see what joys await me this week. I am really going to have to hold my head up and not flinch at all in the face of the insults and jokes. I can show no weakness. I have had to endure things that at the time I thought unendurable. I have had to put on a brave face in the past in order to not let others lose heart. This time I have to put on a brave face to blunt the force of the ridicule. If those dishing out the jokes and insults smell blood, I'm dead in the water.
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Well, we'll just have to wait and see what joys await me this week. I am really going to have to hold my head up and not flinch at all in the face of the insults and jokes. I can show no weakness. I have had to endure things that at the time I thought unendurable. I have had to put on a brave face in the past in order to not let others lose heart. This time I have to put on a brave face to blunt the force of the ridicule. If those dishing out the jokes and insults smell blood, I'm dead in the water.
You've dealt with serious attacks, this is nothing. Put your game face and dome on, ramp up the humor and you'll be fine.
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Well, It would appear that everyone hoped that I would miraculously reappear at work today with my "hair" grown back.
Seeing me shaved again seems to have people even more upset than when I first showed up shaved headed last week.
"Why on earth would you do that to yourself again? Have you lost your mind"
I tried replying to one of these "Whys" with something like "I was going for a diabolical look" to which I got the answer:
"You don't look like the devil. You just look like an idiot!"
No way really to know how to come back from that one.
I spoke to my mother who said "They should just learn how to deal with it. I had lots of ugly teachers". That's a well meaning mother for you.
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"They should just learn how to deal with it. I had lots of ugly teachers".
She must be quite a lady-- O0, great sense of humor.
And of course she's right! Your move to sly has been very unusual--generally it is the mothers and wives who have the problem w/ it--your Mother is more "with it" than your Father.
Listen to your Mother--she's right.
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I made a thread on here a while back expressing my concern about being a young bald guy and the way people react towards/treat you...people on this site aren't willing to acknowledge that in some cases an extreme bias exists towards bald people and that it can have a huge affect on your life. Sure, it may be the problem of the mean people who dish out the prejudice but that doesn't make it any easier on the part of the bald recipients who get treated poorly because of something they can't control. This thread just helps prove my point and it sucks to hear such a story.
One question though...not accusing you of being a troll but I have seen your thread on baldtruth.com and there are inconsistencies. You seem to mention you have a different job in this thread, and in the other thread, you mention how getting a hair transplant was the main cause of your dissatisfaction but you don't even mention that here...I don't get it. http://www.baldtruthtalk.com/showthread.php?t=3451
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cursedforlife........very intresting, Iam waiting for his reply. Started to feel this was an over done sob story. :-\
Also inconsistencies with the time period. Here he is talking about OCT. on other site it is happening in SEPT. ......hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm something fishy here.
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good call cursedforlife . . O0
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hmmmmm :o
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Hmmmm...Good detective work. Me thinks we've been had!
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I was started to think this could not possibly be true myself but didnt want to say anything yet. The story just went too far ... the people here are too kind sometimes.
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I was started to think this could not possibly be true myself but didnt want to say anything yet. The story just went too far ... the people here are too kind sometimes.
I was thinking the same thing. The sort of situation he described has never happened to anyone else here -- ever. Family members can be problematic sometimes, but the general population just doesn't care enough to make that big an issue over someone's choice of haircut.
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Well, at the least, Jack21 should explain himself. My problem is that both Jack & cursedforlife seem to have a deep seated loathing of baldness and that it is so deep seated and ingrained in their minds that they aren't able to perceive what others really think without unconsciously putting their own baldness issues in the way thereby seeing and hearing only negatives when in objective reality it's not negative. If SBG's is here to help guys with the issue of mpb, then we need to listen and reach out, not close off an avenue for them to begin to accept themselves for what they are. It's just my opinion. The "hair restoration industry" earns billions of dollars taking advantage of guys like Jack and cursed, feeding on their issues with baldness, SBG needs to provide at least a chance for them to see it for what it is, just a genetic variation that can and does look good, or at the very least better, than plugs and rugs, with more safety than drugs.
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Well, as I've said before. I'd rather get gamed a few times rather than miss helping out someone who really needs it.
If "jack" is just a troll, it explains the completely off-the-wall story.
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Well, as I've said before. I'd rather get gamed a few times rather than miss helping out someone who really needs it.
If "jack" is just a troll, it explains the completely off-the-wall story.
I agree 100%. There will always be people who take advantage of other people's kindness. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be kind.
I also agree that his story just doesn't add up. I can see getting a few negative comments at first, but not after a couple of weeks. Especially from coworkers he doesn't seem close to in the first place.
I vote "troll." But I have a feeling he does have hair loss issues, just not the ones he has written about.
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You all have been very kind to me and in no way did I mean to deceive anyone.
The fact remains that I have shaved my head but because I did have a hair transplant procedure many years ago when I was young, desperate, and stupid I do have a scar at the back of my head.
I knew that I would find no support from men who were brave enough to shave their heads at the first sign of losing it rather than resorting to pathetic, desperate measures like I did.
I am not a troll. I am a real guy, and I am out of options. I thought that the only thing I could do was to pull off the hair piece and shave my head and to be the real me, scars and all.
Yes, there are inconsistencies in the stories. I did not want to say where I worked on the other forum. The years don't match either. Here's the truth:
I had the HT in Miami in the summer of 2003. I began using concealers when my mother first saw me after the army in the summer of 2002. After the surgery I continued to use concealers until 2008 at which time my hair had become too thin to support the paint and powder. At that point I got a hair system. I wore that system until 2 weeks ago.
I also failed to mention that I tried the shaved head route twice before. Both times I could not handle the reaction and ultimately went back to the hair system.
I hoped that with your support this time I could get through it.
What choice do I really have? I made a terrible, terrible decision that has left a long scar at the back of my head but I can no longer bear to wear a toupee.
I realize that this is not your problem. It is mine. I made the very poor life decisions and now I am paying for it. I wish that I had had the bravery to do what all of you have done 9 years ago instead of going the route of concealers, surgery, rugs.
I apologize to everyone. I thank you all, and apologize from the bottom of my heart for not disclosing the fact that I had a HT 7 years ago. I am very, very sorry. To all who helped me, thank you. To all who feel lied to, I am so very sorry.
You are a great bunch of guys. I wish I had never done something so stupid. The only thing that I can say that I am doing or have done that is positive is to continually post warnings on the hair transplant web site. I have said over and over - do not do this to yourself. Just shave your head.
Sorry, everyone. So very sorry.
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Okay Jack21, now, I for one, just want to see you move forward. The past can't be changed, you can influence, not manage, the future.
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You are a far bigger man than me for even replying, and I appreciate that. I don't know if you realize it but you and others gave me the strength to persevere. My thanks to you and my apologies again.
Okay Jack21, now, I for one, just want to see you move forward. The past can't be changed, you can influence, not manage, the future.
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One last thing. I got this reply to my post on the HT forum:
"your story and journey have saved me from getting a HT. next summer i'm taking the plunge and shaving it"
I am doing my utmost to prevent people from getting sucked in by these docs and the industry that preys on the insecurities of bald/ing men and makes them feel like balding is ugly/undesirable/wrong. I was not as brave as any of you 7 years ago. It has taken me a long, long time to finally let the world see me scars and all.
I am obviously more difficult to look at b/c of the scar, but that is the price that I am paying for my stupidity, desperation, and poor decision making. I am paying the price for looking like a freak b/c I was so desperate to avoid baldness. I believe that's irony.
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One last thing. I got this reply to my post on the HT forum:
"your story and journey have saved me from getting a HT. next summer i'm taking the plunge and shaving it"
Well done--but may I suggest that you pick up the SBG attitude and see if you can find out why he's waiting--mpb doesn't respect time or hairline--why wait?
It has taken me a long, long time to finally let the world see me scars and all.
I am obviously more difficult to look at b/c of the scar,**** I am paying the price for looking like a freak *****
Has anyone ever told you that you really are too hard on yourself?--baldness isn't a defect nor are scars--I've got several--you need to learn that people really do see beyond your immediate physical presence, and if you get control on your attitude on your appearance, they will too.
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Jack, if you are being genuine, we're here to help. Anyone can make mistakes. Man up about the mistakes, and make sure you're clean with us. You'll find any amount of support you need -- all it takes is being up front and honest. You've got nothing to fear here.
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You are both bigger men than I. I will never conceal anything from you guys again.
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Hey Jack, Remember this saying the next time someone comes at you with an ignorant comment at work or at home.
"The mean things they say don't make me feel bad, 'cause I can't lose a friend that I never had"
Stay strong, bro
-Jason
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I knew that I would find no support from men who were brave enough to shave their heads at the first sign of losing it rather than resorting to pathetic, desperate measures like I did.
Well, you were mistaken about that. Some of the members here are in the same boat and some of them can probably advise you about the dermabrasion procedures available to minimize the scarring.
So what's the real deal with respect to how people are currently reacting?
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I am obviously more difficult to look at b/c of the scar, but that is the price that I am paying for my stupidity, desperation, and poor decision making.
Jack, we're all hypersensitive about our own flaws that we perceive to be monumental, while the rest of the world may briefly pause to gaze (that is, if they even notice) but then plods along...oblivious.
Your scar is on the back of your head; so presumably, you have to really work at it (with mirrors) to even see it, right? I was recently involved in the care of a young cancer patient with a highly aggressive tumor that invaded the nasal cavity and resulted in the need to surgically remove the nose, leaving just a large hole in its place. Does that sorta put things in perspective for you?
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That is a very sad tale and yes, it certainly puts things in perspective and makes me feel terrible for dwelling on such superficial things.
I am obviously more difficult to look at b/c of the scar, but that is the price that I am paying for my stupidity, desperation, and poor decision making.
Jack, we're all hypersensitive about our own flaws that we perceive to be monumental, while the rest of the world may briefly pause to gaze (that is, if they even notice) but then plods along...oblivious.
Your scar is on the back of your head; so presumably, you have to really work at it (with mirrors) to even see it, right? I was recently involved in the care of young cancer patient with a highly aggressive tumor that invaded the nasal cavity and resulted in the need to surgically remove the nose, leaving just a large hole in its place. Does that sorta put things in perspective for you?
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As I mentioned in my mea culpa post, this is not the first time that I have shaved my head and tried to make a go of it only to succumb to pressure and end up back in a rug. Everything that I listed as having been said to me was in fact said - HOWEVER - I conflated the three incidences. Some of those things listed were said to me the last time I shaved and came in to work and not this time.
I think people are coming around this time now b/c I did not back down, grow out what hair I have and spray a bunch of crap in my hair. And, I am standing my ground proud in my baldness b/c of the support that I got from you all.
I don't deserve a place among brave men like you, but you men helped me.
I really don't require dermabrasion or anything like that b/c there is no scarring at the front or on top of my head. I just have the scar at the back. The top just looks like 5 o' clock shadow.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I don't deserve it. I did not disclose a number of important factors.
I knew that I would find no support from men who were brave enough to shave their heads at the first sign of losing it rather than resorting to pathetic, desperate measures like I did.
Well, you were mistaken about that. Some of the members here are in the same boat and some of them can probably advise you about the dermabrasion procedures available to minimize the scarring.
So what's the real deal with respect to how people are currently reacting?
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Just keep positive. The guys on here are a great bunch, and they'll try to help as much as possible. Glad you've 'come clean', and now we can all take you seriously again. You just have to keep going and eventually those folk who complained about your hair will get fed up. Becomming 'SLY' doesnt happen overnight: it takes a while for some people to fully accept that you are doing what you want to do.
O0
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Thank you very much, Rob.
I am very sorry for not having disclosed all that I should have from the get go. I didn't believe that I would find any support here because I had taken the coward's course when I had the surgery (which was a total failure anyway). Today has been better as I am starting to embrace my shaved head and I think it shows. That and people are simply getting used to it. Nobody has made any negative remarks in a couple of days. Last week the fear and insecurity was visible in me making me easy prey. I only see things getting better and better as I come to like the way I really look. I am optimistic.
Just keep positive. The guys on here are a great bunch, and they'll try to help as much as possible. Glad you've 'come clean', and now we can all take you seriously again. You just have to keep going and eventually those folk who complained about your hair will get fed up. Becomming 'SLY' doesnt happen overnight: it takes a while for some people to fully accept that you are doing what you want to do.
O0
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That is a very sad tale and yes, it certainly puts things in perspective and makes me feel terrible for dwelling on such superficial things.
Jack, you missed the point. My intent was not to make you feel terrible; I merely wanted to remind you that, in the grand scheme of things, you have a lot going for you: you're young, healthy, intelligent, gainfully employed, and a lot happier (admit it!) since you ditched the subterfuge and embraced your natural look. Try to move on now. :)
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Jack,
You're gotten some great advice from the guys in this turbulent thread. You've come clean with us, so don't look back. Embrace your decision to stop lying to the world with all of the cover-ups and look forward to the opportunities that are ahead. Many of us on the site have been through similar stages you've gone through, but we've moved on and celebrated the freedom we have now. I know you will eventually wish you'd done this earlier. It takes some longer than others, but it will happen.
Don't look back ...
Andrew
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JJ & Andrew,
Thank you both for your kind words of encouragement. I have a friend who told me something that they say in AA; "You're only as sick as your secrets". I have held in so many secrets for so long that it is frightening to open up. That rug was a metaphorical locked door which I have now flung open. It is horrible for me to come face to face with the real me and not the false persona which I for so long wore. Authenticity is something which I have to relearn to embrace.
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OK Jack I will give you the benefit of the doubt here. I also had HT and have multiple scars. I have had a laser used in the donor area to flatten it all out. Next Im going to have micro tattooing done in the scars to simulate the look of hair stubble. I do this because I do want to always be able to be smooth or clipper shaved all over. I leave the back a bit longer than stubble now to sort of conceal the scars. If you want to hear more PM me.
But if you have just one long incision scar you may not even need any of this. I do it because my scars are quite extensive and remind of a time when I was young and horribly insecure. It has been a great life lesson for me that I gave myself and apparently was meant to give myself. I have grown immensely from that point in my life.
Back then we didnt have the Internet and the ability to mass communicate and support each other as we do now. Google Hair Replication from Artistry Concepts in FL. There is a whole industry grown out of guys who had HT and now want shaved heads...you are not the only one.
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Hello I have followed your posts over the last couple of days;
I have just done the same thing and removed my rug after 21 years 6 days ago.
I am looking at the long term benefits. I am struggling a little at the moment but I can see some light.
The metaphor about secrets is a good one.
And yes I wish I new then what I no now about the hair replacement industry I would have just gone bald and been happy.
I actually went in to have the dreaded scalp reduction surgery back in the early nineties as a replacement option (That is where they cut skin out of the bald area of the head and stich it together) , I had had enough of the Rug back then. Thankfully I was talked out of it but I got a hard sell. I think that has been out-lawed these days.I have seen what some people have ended up looking like after and it was horrendous the scaring that occured. I was at least happy that I stuck with the rug than going down that path.
Stay strong Mick
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I really didn't know that anyone else on here had had a hair transplant procedure. I do just have the one long scar at the back. The donor area (the front) doesn't look unusual when it it is cut as short as it is. I have of course looked into EVERYTHING over the years including Artistry Concepts. It looks like the guy runs a quality operation and knows what he's doing. The thing is I feel like having what they call an ACMH (or something like that) would be for me just another way of hiding. I am not saying that about you. It is just that - as is probably obvious- my issues go beyond my bald head. I HAVE to learn to accept it as is. Of course the prospect is enticing, but that is exactly what I said about the HT 7 years ago, and have regretted that decision from the minute I walked out of the dr's office.
But that's me. I hope that if/when you do get it done it works out for you. Hell, if I weren't a school teacher I'd love to get all kinds of crazy tribal tats on my head. Unless I end up in mixed martial arts though that isn't going to happen.
Hello I have followed your posts over the last couple of days;
I have just done the same thing and removed my rug after 21 years 6 days ago.
I am looking at the long term benefits. I am struggling a little at the moment but I can see some light.
The metaphor about secrets is a good one.
And yes I wish I new then what I no now about the hair replacement industry I would have just gone bald and been happy.
I actually went in to have the dreaded scalp reduction surgery back in the early nineties as a replacement option (That is where they cut skin out of the bald area of the head and stich it together) , I had had enough of the Rug back then. Thankfully I was talked out of it but I got a hard sell. I think that has been out-lawed these days.I have seen what some people have ended up looking like after and it was horrendous the scaring that occured. I was at least happy that I stuck with the rug than going down that path.
Stay strong Mick
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Oops! Sorry. I replied to chgo but quoted Mick's entry.
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I just shaved my head after almost 5 years of concealers and then a hair piece. I feel so incredibly liberated. The problem is that I am a school teacher, and I know just how mean kids can be, having been a juvenile jerk when I was their age. I just have to realize that if they don't like it, its their problem not mine. I could not take living a lie anymore. Its funny b/c I spent 4 years in the army when I still had hair and used to shave it regularly. After the army I felt like I had to conceal my thinning hair. Well, enough is enough. I am embarking on a new life of being the real me.
Your dome looks good. Your kids will prolly think you are cool for doing it. CONGRATS!!!! O0
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another one here with the old-style transplants. e-mail me at m45922@aol.com if u wish to discuss.
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Firstly, I must say that it took a lot of guts for you to take off a hair piece and shave your head after so many years.
Fortunately you never went through with the procedure and don't have bad scars. It must be quite an experience coming face to face with the real you after so long. I know that it has been for me. Every time I look in the mirror - which is actually not very often at all as I am not constantly fussing and obsessing about my "hair - I get a bit of a shock. For a split second I think that I am looking at someone else. I oscillate emotionally. My confidence goes up and down. Last night I was very, very down until I read two posts from guys on here. They pulled me out of a bit of a tailspin.
It takes time, and I cannot rely on a website for support. I must make peace with who I am and how I look or the remainder of my life will be absolutely miserable. My attitude must change. I am not quite sure how to go about doing that, but I know that this cannot go on in this manner.
Hello I have followed your posts over the last couple of days;
I have just done the same thing and removed my rug after 21 years 6 days ago.
I am looking at the long term benefits. I am struggling a little at the moment but I can see some light.
The metaphor about secrets is a good one.
And yes I wish I new then what I no now about the hair replacement industry I would have just gone bald and been happy.
I actually went in to have the dreaded scalp reduction surgery back in the early nineties as a replacement option (That is where they cut skin out of the bald area of the head and stich it together) , I had had enough of the Rug back then. Thankfully I was talked out of it but I got a hard sell. I think that has been out-lawed these days.I have seen what some people have ended up looking like after and it was horrendous the scaring that occured. I was at least happy that I stuck with the rug than going down that path.
Stay strong Mick
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Brother, welcome---and enjoy the way of SLY! You have made the right choice. I used to "sleep" in strange ways, as to not "mess up the do" while I was on call. I suppose I didn't sleep well for 20 years over something as trivial as hair loss. FREEDOM and Happiness awaits you, my friend....if you do not enjoy the new you, it is your own fault.
PS.....looking good, man!
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Even though I regretted getting the Rug
I never had a go at myself because at the time I felt with the information I had it was the best thing for me. I am more annoyed at society for makeing things like baldness a big issue.
So as far as the desicion went do not be to hard on yourself. There are allot of predaters out there trying to suck you in because all they are interested in is themselves and their bank balance
I am the same as far as confidence goes sometimes I feel good sometimes bad sometimes I like it and sometimes I hate it. And I think abou it all the time. But like all things I am hopeing time will heal all my emotional hang ups and I will eventually not even think about it.
And remember what does not kill us MAKES US STRONGER
use this experience to make you a better person
Thanks Mick
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I really don't know why so many people around me over the years cared so much about MY hair or the lack thereof. Nonetheless, the fact remains that I gave into all the pressure to conceal my baldness and play a role that wasn't mine to play. I have always been surrounded by very superficial people I suppose. There is nothing I can do about my family, but maybe my taste in friends and gfs could have been better. We tend to gravitate towards people like ourselves. I must have been just as superficial as the rest of them. Image, image, image. That was everything. Even in the army image often trumped substance. We worship at the idol of the youthful and beautiful. Perhaps it all stems from our fear of aging and imminent death. Many cultures have idealized youth over the millenia, but I do not believe that any culture has ever taken it to the ludicrous extent that 21st century N. America and Western Europe have.
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And remember what does not kill us MAKES US STRONGER
With all due respects to Friedrich Nietzsche, I prefer my cousin's take on it. By way of introduction, she developed severe arthritis in her early thirties and in less than 15 years had numerous surgeries to replace joints frozen as a result of the condition. She soldiers on, and her take is one I think tops Freidrich's, it is:
"What doesn't kill you, sure can piss you off!"
It's a better one by far in my opinion.
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Good call I like it Saintc
How are things Jack
Mick R
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Welcome aboard. Lots of support awaits you here.
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I think that I chose a very bad time to make the decision that I did. I knew what the reaction would be (having tried this twice before) and should have just waited until my contract expired. There is nothing I can do now though.
Good call I like it Saintc
How are things Jack
Mick R
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Ok . Shut up, Jack! People have gotten used to me looking like this. Nobody even seems to care at all anymore. I'm the only one with the issues. This was not a badly timed decision. It was a decision way past due. The rest of the world has embraced me like this and now its time for me to follow suite.
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The rest of the world has embraced me like this and now its time for me to follow suite.
Hear, hear!
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Its kind of amazing. Nobody around me cares at all. There was that initial hock but that has gone. Even my father who called me an f-ing idiot for doing it is in my corner now as well as my mom. Everyone treats me exactly as they did before, I don't exactly have the women chasing after me, but that I know is a matter of confidence. At any rate I have a young son and his well being comes before all else. I have no intention of getting back into the dating game until he is much older - many years from now.
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Hang in there Jack, it's not as bad as it seems, and really should not be such an issue.
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Its kind of amazing. Nobody around me cares at all. There was that initial hock but that has gone. Even my father who called me an f-ing idiot for doing it is in my corner now as well as my mom. Everyone treats me exactly as they did before, I don't exactly have the women chasing after me, but that I know is a matter of confidence. At any rate I have a young son and his well being comes before all else. I have no intention of getting back into the dating game until he is much older - many years from now.
Well, I've got to say I told you so, less than 30 days ago I posted that basically everything would calm down in thirty days and it has. Now you can get on with your life, you've beaten yourself up enough already.
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St.C,
If you had told me on that first day that less than 30 days later nobody would care at all I would never have believed you. It happened though. I'm frankly amazed. That kid who asked to transfer out of my class because she said she couldn't bear the sight of me is back to being just as polite as ever. Nobody's made a joke or asked my why I shaved my head in at least 10 days. Its amazing. People really do adapt fast. Like I said the rest of the world seems to have gotten used to my new look a lot quicker than I have.
The only guy who gives me grief is my best friend Stacey whose had his head shaved since college. He told me I look like a white version of Mario Williams (Mario is not enjoying a lot of support in Houston these days)
Its kind of amazing. Nobody around me cares at all. There was that initial hock but that has gone. Even my father who called me an f-ing idiot for doing it is in my corner now as well as my mom. Everyone treats me exactly as they did before, I don't exactly have the women chasing after me, but that I know is a matter of confidence. At any rate I have a young son and his well being comes before all else. I have no intention of getting back into the dating game until he is much older - many years from now.
Well, I've got to say I told you so, less than 30 days ago I posted that basically everything would calm down in thirty days and it has. Now you can get on with your life, you've beaten yourself up enough already.
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Jack,
As somebody who is taking off the rug too in only in a few weeks, I have been following your story. I'm happy to hear that those around you adjusted so quickly and I have a feeling that you will be right behind them. It was also great to see all the support that you have gotten from all the great guys here. I am not anticipating all that difficult of an adjustment period for those around me or myself, but it has been great to see that even the very tough situations (like yours) are easily conquered with just some time and support. Keep pushing forward.
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Man, these guys really got me through the first couple of weeks. I had practically ZERO support outside of this site. As I've said the people around me have really gotten used to my looking this way. I'm still the one having a bit of a hard time. I'm not crying in the corner, but when I look in the mirror I cringe a little. Time and support are definitely key. The positives to yanking the rug are too many to enumerate. Being able to have a real work out and really sweat is amazing. Being able to take a REAL shower and actually feel clean is bliss. Sleeping is a million times more comfortable. I can jog in the blazing Houston sun and not have to worry about my damn rug and all the glue and tape. You'll most probably also look a lot better. Most pieces are pieces of crap and can be spotted a mile away. Some are good. Mine was. I paid more for high end hair pieces than for rent. I still thought it looked like crap and totally fake but it still takes getting used to. I do have a strong sense though that a month from now I'll have completely forgotten about the whole rug thing and embraced my baldness completely. The world around me has. Now its time for me O0
Jack,
As somebody who is taking off the rug too in only in a few weeks, I have been following your story. I'm happy to hear that those around you adjusted so quickly and I have a feeling that you will be right behind them. It was also great to see all the support that you have gotten from all the great guys here. I am not anticipating all that difficult of an adjustment period for those around me or myself, but it has been great to see that even the very tough situations (like yours) are easily conquered with just some time and support. Keep pushing forward.
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Jack,
I know that I am new and not even sly yet, but there was something I was thinking about.
When you look through all the posts on this form from all the great sly brothers here, have you noticed a big difference between their profile pictures and yours? . . . . .A SMILE! ;D :) 8) It is starting to sound like you are no longer that guy from your original post and picture.
Maybe a profile pic with a smile comes after you feel more comfortable being sly or maybe a profile pic with a smile will HELP you become more comfortable sly. I don't know, but in my humble opinion I think it would be a positive change at some point.
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With all due respect you have to first walk a mile in my shoes to say something like that. Would you like to see why it is not so very easy for me to smile? Below is me in the summer of '07. Loss is not easy. Not when its a loved one, a prized possession, or one's hair. Obviously it hits different people with differing degrees of severity. It hit me hard. Now I've done the only manly thing and shaved my head but I am not going to lie for a minute and say that I didn't prefer having hair.
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi119.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fo155%2Fallonelk%2F2.jpg&hash=bf826977422e79000dbae11bcc5538d59d3e2f8d)
Jack,
I know that I am new and not even sly yet, but there was something I was thinking about.
When you look through all the posts on this form from all the great sly brothers here, have you noticed a big difference between their profile pictures and yours? . . . . .A SMILE! ;D :) 8) It is starting to sound like you are no longer that guy from your original post and picture.
Maybe a profile pic with a smile comes after you feel more comfortable being sly or maybe a profile pic with a smile will HELP you become more comfortable sly. I don't know, but in my humble opinion I think it would be a positive change at some point.
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and as you can see, I never smile in pictures:
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi119.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fo155%2Fallonelk%2Fathens10.jpg&hash=8eab1248b2dfcfef8f9793b221ae96fe1422dd14)
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Do this for 4 years of your life and then tell me when to smile.
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi119.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fo155%2Fallonelk%2Ftargad2.jpg&hash=797bfcfb3b8fae0cb0370b7842b88b6182adf00b)
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Quite the contrary Jack, you have plenty of reason to smile. You should try it sometime, it does make a difference. O0
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Sorry. Got into a very bad mood there for a while. The smile will come....sooner rather than later I hope.
Quite the contrary Jack, you have plenty of reason to smile. You should try it sometime, it does make a difference. O0
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No worries Jack, but you have now felt the need to apologize on this forum several different times. Might want to think about that one.
And I never told you to smile, I merely offered it as a suggestion that goes hand in hand with a good attitude. There is a big difference and I respect your choice not to.
Walk a mile in your shoes huh? Like so many others here, I have been dealing with profound hair loss for many years (along with other problems, just like you and everybody else). I started losing it at age 20 and by age 22 I had lost so much that drugs, surgeries and concealers weren't even an option for me (a positive only in hindsight). You don't think that was tough?
You posted a bunch of stuff from the past, but I wasn't talking about the past. The smile and a good attitude has to do with the future and you can choose to go that route at any time.
Good luck to you, I really do wish you the best.
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good luck in whatever you do.
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In your earlier posts you went on quite a bit about how you loved shaving your head when you had all the hair to shave...the years in Army... my best advice for you and anyone reading this is to sort of command yourself to let go of and command to leave your mind (life), any and all thoughts of being a victim of anything, anyone, any circumstances, hair loss, illness, bad decisions in the past, this economy, ANYTHING. You will see your reality improve dramatically every day. We are all taught we are "victims" of whatever as we grow up and this tends to color how we experience (create) life. Whenever you have a thought about not having what you want or assuming you will not get what you want, stop, say, I command all encodements of victim based thinking to leave my life NOW. Believe me everything starts to improve in just a few days.
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There is a great deal of insight in what you say. For purposes of clarification I do not feel that I am a victim of anything or anyone. That does not mean that if given the option I would take baldness over hair. I do not dislike baldness. I do not find it unattractive. I think it looks quite virile which is why I would shave my head when I was younger. I understand what you are getting at in terms of attachment to material things and the suffering it causes (if we see hair as a material thing lost like a car or house). I am learning to live with it and the world is learning to live with me bald. To say that every last man on this site, however, if given the choice would opt for baldness is naive. You yourself have been discussing permanent scalp tattooing. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with that. It is simply reality. We long for things we used to have and have lost. Buddha expounded upon this very eloquently millenia ago when discussing the relationship between desire and suffering.
All I was irritated about was this character's giving me advice when he himself has yet to face the world with his head shaved.
In your earlier posts you went on quite a bit about how you loved shaving your head when you had all the hair to shave...the years in Army... my best advice for you and anyone reading this is to sort of command yourself to let go of and command to leave your mind (life), any and all thoughts of being a victim of anything, anyone, any circumstances, hair loss, illness, bad decisions in the past, this economy, ANYTHING. You will see your reality improve dramatically every day. We are all taught we are "victims" of whatever as we grow up and this tends to color how we experience (create) life. Whenever you have a thought about not having what you want or assuming you will not get what you want, stop, say, I command all encodements of victim based thinking to leave my life NOW. Believe me everything starts to improve in just a few days.
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Man, this entire topic is so relevant to me. I just joined SBG and I am not sly yet. 20 years ago I had 4 hair transplants. That was never going to work and I got nothing but a bunch of scars. I have been wearing a hairpiece/toupee for about 17 years now. I know that I am not fooling anyone. Most importantly, I am not even fooling my kids. When my daughter was 7 she asked if I was wearing a wig. I decided that day that I was not going to teach self-loathing to my kids and instead was going to try to teach them something about courage and being yourself. Since then (about a year ago) I have had 4 Active FX laser treatments to the horrible pitting scars in the front of my head (the recipient area), as well as 2 or 3 other laser surgeries to get things looking right as possible. I think I am just about at the place where I can take off the wig and go sly, despite the 4 scars on the back of my head, which I will deal with later. I am scared crapless. I will still have scars in the front of my head and definitely in the back. I am a lawyer and work in a pretty cut-throat area of the law. I deal with clients all day, different courts, other lawyers, judges and administrative assistants. I am not going from balding to sly, but from a full head of "hair" to sly with scars. I am planning to do this around Christmas if everything goes well. It has taken me a long time to get here, and I still don't know if I have the stones for it.Hearing the negative reactions in this post really shook me up. Anyone who has dealt with this, please help.
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I am a lawyer and work in a pretty cut-throat area of the law. I deal with clients all day, different courts, other lawyers, judges and administrative assistants. I am not going from balding to sly, but from a full head of "hair" to sly with scars.
I don't come from the HT scar background or the piece history either, but I am a lawyer who managed a "combover" for several years. Do it--get it behind you and my bet is that it won't have any effect but positive results. As for appearances in court, recently I was called for jury duty--unusual but I sat on a jury. Although the case settled, I came away with a new perspective on our profession in the court room. The attorneys had different takes on their clothes, one was physically challanged and their overall appearance varied tremendously. Did the other jurors comment on any of that, NO. What they picked up on immediately was the preparation and lack of preparation by counsel. So it's not the scars that matter in your practice--that's strictly personal--but as long as you've prepared your case, read and know the depositions, understand the law and present the facts clearly and crisply so that the jurors find the case interesting you will successful.
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write me at m45922@aol. I had tp's 33 years ago and had a lot of work done to clean sh*t up.
marty22
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It looks good on you! Welcome home.
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Man, this entire topic is so relevant to me. I just joined SBG and I am not sly yet. 20 years ago I had 4 hair transplants. That was never going to work and I got nothing but a bunch of scars. I have been wearing a hairpiece/toupee for about 17 years now. I know that I am not fooling anyone. Most importantly, I am not even fooling my kids. When my daughter was 7 she asked if I was wearing a wig. I decided that day that I was not going to teach self-loathing to my kids and instead was going to try to teach them something about courage and being yourself. Since then (about a year ago) I have had 4 Active FX laser treatments to the horrible pitting scars in the front of my head (the recipient area), as well as 2 or 3 other laser surgeries to get things looking right as possible. I think I am just about at the place where I can take off the wig and go sly, despite the 4 scars on the back of my head, which I will deal with later. I am scared crapless. I will still have scars in the front of my head and definitely in the back. I am a lawyer and work in a pretty cut-throat area of the law. I deal with clients all day, different courts, other lawyers, judges and administrative assistants. I am not going from balding to sly, but from a full head of "hair" to sly with scars. I am planning to do this around Christmas if everything goes well. It has taken me a long time to get here, and I still don't know if I have the stones for it.Hearing the negative reactions in this post really shook me up. Anyone who has dealt with this, please help.
As another lawyer on the forum, I went sly and have never regretted it. I don't have the best looking head due to some red birthmarks on one side of my head, but it is not something I worry about. I think the willingness to shave one's head, in and of itself, indicates a confidence that people respond positively to.
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Jack. as a guy trying to get to the point you are at let me tell you, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.
S
eriously, I cannot believe anyone is giving you any negative comments. (I am only on page 4 of the thread and had to register to let you know how great you look).
Trust me when I say, you look better Sly than 95% of the male population that has a full head of hair.
Hang in there- you are good to go. If I could guarantee your results I would be no guard with the Conair 5 minutes after posting this.
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I found this thread moving. I hope you are doing well Jack21.