Sly Bald Guys Forum
New Member Section => Introductions => Topic started by: BaldinBoston on September 26, 2010, 02:13:57 PM
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Hey guys,
I've been checking out the site occasionally over the past few months and I think it's awesome. The support you've shown to guys like me - those who've already "taken the plunge" as well as those who are working up the courage - is really helpful. I'm still in the working up the courage category, but this Wednesday I'm getting rid of the hair.
A little bit about me:
I'm 31, living in Boston with my husband (we've been together for over 9 years but married for just over a year). I began losing my hair in high school - I think I was about 15-16 when it started to thin noticeably. I made the decision to go to Hair Club while I was in college, because at that time I was really struggling with losing my hair at such a young age. I've been going to Hair Club for about eight years now, and while I regret the decision to go that route in the first place, the hair served its purpose to a certain extent through my 20s.
I've been thinking of getting rid of the hair for a couple years now, but I've lacked the courage to do it. I've been establishing myself in my career and have never felt that the time has been right to reveal the fact that I've been bald all along. As many of you have posted, I'm sure there are many who know that it's not my real hair, but I work hard to make it look good (I've also spent a small fortune on this). I haven't received comments about the hair, but I know there are some who suspect it's not my own and are too polite to say anything. Anyway, I'm now at a place in my life when I know I have the confidence and support to free myself of this burden and be proud of being bald. My husband supports my decision to get rid of the hair, which helps a lot. I'm not sure I can commit to fully shaving my head at this point - I think I'll buzz it really short to begin with and see how I feel after a while. Right now, it's about gaining a comfort level with not having a "full head of hair" on my head.
The thing that makes me most nervous is the "big reveal" to all my co-workers, friends, and family. It seems like it'll take months to reveal the new me to all the people I know, especially because most of my family members and many of my friends are in Minnesota, so I won't see many of them for a while. I'm sure I'll get used to showing off the new me within the first couple of weeks, but I'm having some anxiety about it. I actually feel pretty embarassed about everyone knowing I was wearing a glorified toupee, which makes me feel like I need to explain my reasons for why I decided to go to Hair Club in the first place and why I've now decided to embrace my baldness. But - I have no choice but to deal with this initial embarassment and move on.
I'm wondering if any of you have any tips on how to reveal the new me, particularly to co-workers. The people I'm working with right now (I manage many of them) have only known me with the hair, so it's not like they've seen a gradual thinning (in which case shaving my head would be more expected). Again, many of them probably suspect it's not my own hair, but it'll still be a shock to see me bald - and I'm quite bald - pretty much bare on top. I'm thinking of doing a reveal with a picture before going into the office, just to offset some of the reactions and break the ice a bit. Any tips you have for how to reduce the shock and make things a bit less awkward would be appreciated.
Thanks, guys - I'm glad I finally joined the community and posted something!
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Hey Boston! Welcome to the forum! Im afraid i don't have much advice for you as my own situation differs largely from yours, however i can tell you how i intergrated my newly sly dome into the workplace...
I had been working my hair length down through the buzzcuts until eventually i took the plunge and grabbed the razor. When i first walked into work i got reactions, hell i still get reactions! But they are nearly always good ones, or sometimes just simply out of curiosity. The way i handled it was to act like nothing was different and simply reply positively to the comments of my collegues, in time everyone got used to the new look and now most people can't even picture me with hair!
Sorry, not all that helpful i know but im sure there are others on this site that can help you take the first step to a more carefree and confident you.
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Welcome to the site Boston!
Sounds like your head is in the right place (pun absolutely intended) and you are ready to "take the plunge".
A few thoughts:
I'm not sure I can commit to fully shaving my head at this point - I think I'll buzz it really short to begin with and see how I feel after a while
That's cool. I buzzed my head for about two decades before I took a razor to it.
But one thing I found to be true -- while there may not be a big difference in length between buzzing and shaving, the difference in feeling is amazing. I'd urge you you to try shaving as soon as you can muster the courage after getting used to the buzz. You will not be disappointed.
The thing that makes me most nervous is the "big reveal" to all my co-workers, friends, and family
That's natural. Just don't let it stop you. Some will give you positive comments, some may give you negative feedback, but most will just accept it for what it is. Afterwards, you will find that you were worrying about a lot of nothing.
which makes me feel like I need to explain my reasons
You owe no one, I repeat no one, an explanation.
I'm wondering if any of you have any tips on how to reveal the new me, particularly to co-workers.
Just do it. No explanations. No apologies. No quibbling. Just walk in with your head held high and act like your usual self. You'll might get a wide range of reactions, but so what?
I'm thinking of doing a reveal with a picture before going into the office
You could do that if it'd make you feel better. But to me, that's making apologies about something that you have no need to apologize for.
But what it all comes down to, is to do what you want, and what's best for you. Except for your husband, you don't owe anybody else anything. It's your head, your life. Not theirs.
P.S. Congrats on your first anniversary.
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Welcome to the Forum BB! Youare wheere many have been. Booted Bear gave great advice.
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Wow, I wasn't expecting such quick responses. I appreciate the advice! I'll keep you posted on how things go - I'm planning on taking a couple days off to get my dome ready for the reveal (so there's no redness, etc.) and to get used to it myself. I'm know it'll get easier to deal with the reactions with time - you've all made that clear. Despite feeling nervous/anxious, I am looking forward to the freedom and not having to deal with the endless process of trying to make this hair look good. I might be obsessed with touching my bald head for a while, since I haven't really been able to do that for years. Ahh, the simple pleasures!
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welcome! Pull the rug and come up with a new style and go shorter over time. Ignore the co-workers.
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BaldinBoston,
First of all, Welcome to the SBG forum.
Secondly, we've ALL been there, bro. Sitting on that fence is a real beyatch, ain't it?!
Rest assured, there are many of us here that know EXACTLY what you are going through. Likewise, there are also many guys, such as yourself, who want desperately to take that final "sly" step, but are hesistant due to possible, "unfavorable" reactions from family, friends, co-workers, etc.
The REALITY is that, for many, their new look is embraced by acceptance from the reactions they feared the most.
Will everyone approve? Probably not. But I'm willing to bet there are many other aspects of your life that doesn't meet the approval of everyone else anyway. That's NORMAL. All of us struggle for some form of approval in some aspect of our lives, on a DAILY basis - whether we realize it or not!
But if you truly believe in the choices, and the decisions you have made in the past (and the ones you will make in the future),and are happy with those choices, that's what counts!
Recently, I replied to a post from a new member in a situation very similar to your own.
Click the link below to read that post:
http://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=13666.msg222616#msg222616
Hopefully, it will put things in perspective for you. The two short video segments you will see there are by the owner and moderator of the SBG forum -Tyler Smith.
The videos have been instrumental to many in helping them dealing with all aspects of hair loss, including the decision to go "BBC"(Bald By Choice).
No doubt that as the other members log on, they will see your post as well, and will offer their own advice and suggestions to help you, as well.
If you ever have questions about ANYTHING, feel free to post them up on the board and we will assist you in any way we can in getting the answers you need.
You may want to check out the FAQ section on the main forum page as well. Many categories of questions, covering a variety of subject matters, are listed there for your convenience.
Once again, Welcome to SBG. Glad to see you made it.
- Cap'n Noodles -
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I might be obsessed with touching my bald head for a while, since I haven't really been able to do that for years. Ahh, the simple pleasures!
This pleasure does not abate. The feeling of rubbing a newly-shaved pate (or having it rubbed) is one of life's great pleasures, and, at least for me, it never seems to get old.
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Welcome to the forum, BiB! Glad you could join us. O0
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Hello and welcome!
Yeah, the first reaction is a little nerve-racking, but I and almost everyone else in this forum will tell you the reactions will be close to 100% positive or indifferent.
As for giving an explanation to why you shaved/buzzed your head, listen to Booted Bear's advice.
It gets much easier over time. Back when I first started shaving and people would inquire I said things like, "I thought it would be a good summer haircut" or "I figured I would give it a shot to see how it looked". Now, slightly over a year later, I have no qualms about telling people I'm losing my hair and shaving it looks better than any other haircut I can have. One of my favorite lines after the question is "I don't really want to look like George Costanza." I mean, if you have dark hair and light skin you will have a shadow. Anyone who isn't braindead will know you have MPB. Just accept that part.
Just give buzzing a try and once you get used to your new look shave it smooth! You won't regret it.
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Welcome aboard Sister if i interpreted your OP correctly. my only advise about the reveal.
is to treat it like a band-aid get what is there off and move on as you have said. as others have said you need not explain a thing. the simplest answer is i wanted too. as you are the boss they should not have a direct problem anyway. the other way you can go is at a meeting after the work is done but before they leave make a simple pull off reveal for shock value and to let everyone know at once. simply go "this is me" and ripe it off if a rug if not a rug simply say the next day you see me dont be surprised and leave it at that.
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HI. My thought would be remove the Hair Club hair on a long weekend or vacation. Then go ahead and shave it smooth immediately. You will love it and that eliminates all the questions and many will not necessarily figure out the old hair was fake. Meaning if you show up with a MPB buzzcut it becomes obvious the hair was fake. But if you come in smoothly shaved, with little shadow, you can say it was thinning, and you were tired of the work of covering it up and so many guys are shaved now you just wanted to try it.
Maybe see if your partner wants to shave his head at the same time for support ?
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Welcome to SBG.
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Hi there and welcome! Sounds good that you're almost ready: but take it from me, as soon as you do the deed you won't regret it. O0
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Sometimes we make things more complicated than they really are. If it's what you want, just do it. How you reveal to friends/family/coworkers, etc, is not really a factor. When they see you, they'll know! ;) Their opinions are not your problem. You don't need to ease them into it (I make an exception for significant other and children - not a bad idea if you think there is an emotional component for them - I announced that I was doing it the day before so they'd know it was coming.). It's what you think that counts. If you own it, all the other stuff is just noise.
Relax, and have fun with it!
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Welcome, you're going to love the freedom. We've had a couple of guys who recently ditched the dead animal and are enjoying the freedom from the tyranny of rug and rug vendors, not even counting the cash savings!
Don't get too caught up in the "reaction" business, many of us found that the comments were relatively few at work and no where near what we had anticipated, and the comments we did get were complimentary and supportive. Also, and this is nice, the compliments keep coming--they really do.
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Welcome to SBGs!!! 8)
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I might be obsessed with touching my bald head for a while, since I haven't really been able to do that for years. Ahh, the simple pleasures!
This pleasure does not abate. The feeling of rubbing a newly-shaved pate (or having it rubbed) is one of life's great pleasures, and, at least for me, it never seems to get old.
I second what Bear said! And welcome aboard!!
(and "howdy!" to a relative neighbor!! I'm about 50 miles west of you in Fitchburg!)
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Welcome to SBG!
There really is nothing to be nervous about. Just do what you like and everything will be fine. 8)
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Welcome to Sly Bald Guys from another GSG brother.
Cheers,
SimplyRed
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Do you remember your first date?? First time you started a game?? First job?? Man, SHAVE it and GO with it...It Shall be fun...I promise! O:O
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I thought about your dilemma for a bit and can understand the urge to give the coworkers a preview of what you're going to look like next time they see you. If that is most comfortable for you, go for it. I think we should each approach tough personal situations in our own way. Personally, I probably wouldn't go that route as I'd feel I was giving away some of my personal power. I remember once when I shaved off my bushy brown beard and showed up for work without it. For awhile, no one said anything and I wondered if they even noticed. After a few hours, I got a few 'did you shave your beard' comments. Bottom line is I think one's personal appearance is more important to themselves (as it should be) and others aren't too concerned about it. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
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I'm on my 27th day of shaving my head, and those first few days of the "reveal" to friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc., were the most anxiety-producing for me, for sure--I think it is natural to feel some apprehension about the reactions.
However, being past that, I can say, honestly--it wasn't nearly the big traumatic deal I thought it would be. Overwhelmingly, reactions were less "big" than I thought they would be, and overwhelmingly, they've been accepting and very positive. Many people have told me they really like it.
Honestly, I think most people secretly admire us for having the balls to make such a big radical change in our appearance (bigger and more radical for some than others, big for me because I still had a pretty good head of hair), because it's something nearly everyone has some insecurity about--it's easier to stay with what's known and comfortable and therefore "safe" even if we're not totally happy about it.
I have never in my life felt happier or more confident about my appearance than I have since shaving my head (and that's something I never would have anticipated). It took me a couple of weeks to get totally used to the new look and over the nervousness of everyone seeing it for the first time, but now, I am no longer wary of catching glimpses of myself in the mirror. And that, for me, is a new thing, because I've always had issues about how I look.
I think it's totally about taking charge and being proactive about something that is bothering you, as opposed to continuing to be controlled by it, and by the perceived and imagined opinions of others, which really don't matter and in some cases don't even exist.
So do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel comfortable, but it's kind of like jumping into a pool--the faster you go in, the faster the water will feel great and you'll be enjoying yourself.
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I did it! Today was the big day - the hair is gone and I feel free. No one has seen me yet, including my husband. I have the fan blowing on me right now and the fact that I can feel it on my scalp is great. The first shower without the hair (in years) was also awesome. Though I have yet to show off my new look, I'm feeling good about it. I don't think I look bad without the hair, which helps - and once I'm past the big reveal, I think I'll be really happy. Just the fact that I don't have to spend hours on my hair each week is very exciting. I'll keep you all posted on how things are going - I won't be going back to work until next week, but will be seeing some friends over the weekend, so they're the test group. Thank you all for your support!
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try to post a pic when you can.
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Congrats on your big step. Looking back, most of say "What the hell was I so worried about?", but most of us probably also remember how hard it was to get to that point. You've taken a big step; be proud of it. And of your new look.
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Good to hear O0
Be great to see a pic when you've the time.
Goood luck with the reveal, though I'm sure you won't need it 8)
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I just posted a pic! :o As you can see, I have some hair visible. It would hardly be a stretch for me to go totally sly, but I'm going to stick with this for now. At this point, it's about letting go of the facade and embracing my baldness.
I've never been particularly photogenic, but at least you can see that I went through with it!
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Your big smile says it all. Good for you for taking the big step! Glad you are part of the group here. Enjoy your newfound freedom.
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Very nice! :@` I'm sure you'll only get compliments for your new look.
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good job!
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Great! Enjoy it! O0
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You look very good. I cant imagine what you looked like with a big pile of fake hair on your head. This is so much more contemporary. Dont hestiate to buzz/shave off the back/sides. It will feel even better and look excellent.
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Welcome to SBG's forum. Congrats on ditching the fake hair hat! O0
I'm sure you're enjoying the new found freedom, feels great doesn't it?
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Nice job, enjoy being free. Mind if I ask a question? :/O :/O What did you do with the "dead animal?"
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Thanks, guys - I'm loving the bald thing so far. I've had a few days to live with it and my husband took it shorter than it is in the pic - to a 1 guard. My hair is light, so it's hardly visible. I may just go for the full sly look eventually, but I like the way it looks right now. I'll post an updated pic sometime soon. I'll be going to work tomorrow, the first time since I had the hair removed. I did send a pic giving everyone at work a preview, and I posted a new profile pic on Facebook, which has definitely reduced the anxiety. Many of my coworkers, family, and friends have seen me now and I've gotten only great positive comments so far (as many of you suggested would happen). I'm really not very nervous about the real life "reveal" now, so for me the preview reveal was a good thing and I'd recommend it to others. My husband and I went shopping and out for dinner and drinks yesterday and I felt great!
Whew...what a relief. Still a little anxiety, but more than anything I feel free. I also love the 5 minute shower...already saving so much time and energy.
Saintc - my hair stylist threw it in the trash! I do have to say that my hair was not terrible - I've seen some other guys who go to HCM who clearly don't put the time or care required into the process. It truly is a grueling, expensive, frustrating process. BUT - and I don't know if people are being sincere or not - most of my coworkers and friends say they never suspected it wasn't my hair. Event my smart ass friends who would love to tease me about something like this! I guess I'll never know if it actually really fooled anyone. All I care about now is not having to worry about whether it is or not. Thanks for all your support , guys! I'm happy and proud to be part of SBGs now!
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show us a pic of how you looked with the HCM hair style.
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Way to go, Boston!
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This is a pic of me with the hair, chgobuzzbald ...
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whether this is my imagination or not, I don't know, but your pic with the buzzed hair looks so much more 'real' than the one with the fake hair, and I mean that sincerely: it's a vast improvement IMO O0
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SO much better sly! So much!
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You had too much hair for it to be natural from that pic in my opinion. No one's hair is really that thick and with a low and straight line of hair growing out of your forehead. I do think though that since it was blond fake hair less people would realize it was fake. The reason why is that most people opt for fake dark hair which somehow seems less natural from guys I see that still have it. I have one friend who has had it for like 15 years and sometimes allows for a bit of gray mixed with the dark brown. He changes the look of it with long hair at the front hiding the "edge". Also he dyes his goatee dark brown to match. But most times it just looks blantantly fake and he knows it. But he is a bit overweight, out of shape so this is his one piece of "youth" he can cling to even though everyone knows he is insecure and clinging to his fake hair. Im very happy you went natural and you look very good bald and I hope you will try shaving smooth very soon. You will love it. Oddly with the fake hair you look like a young Chuck Norris somehow... not something to aspire to IMO :D