Sly Bald Guys Forum
Various Non-Bald Discussions => General Discussion => Topic started by: Mikekoz13 on January 22, 2010, 01:52:25 PM
-
....... writing a book about being the Dad of a son with special needs.
As many of you know, my son was diagnosed with a rare and serious condition as an infant. Fron the moment the doctors spoke to us until this very day, our lives were changed forever.
Over the last 12 years we, as a Family, have dealt with so many problems emotions and challenges.
I remember the total feeling of helplessness as the Man of the Family when all this started. It took me years to come to grips with many things.
I know there are many books out there similar to this but I'm not so sure that there are many telling the story from a Dad's perspectiive.
I've been thinking about this for months. Last night as I watched my son run across the wrestling mat for his match.... all the thoughts and feelings of the last 12 years, for some reason, came rushing back to me...... almost like my life flashing before my eyes. I felt at that moment that I had to do this.
This would be OUR story from my perspective. It would include the terrors, fears, and stories of a regular guy and his Family dealing with a tragedy. I have literally dozens and dozens of stories from the last 12 years about the challenges, triumphs, and tears my Family has faced.
My motivations for wanting to do this include wanting to get information out to other men on how to deal with these types of things, I want some type of history for my son as he gets older, I would love to help other Families that have children diagnosed with the same condition, and I feel like the many lessons we've learned over the years are absolutely invaluable to any Family.
Nobody else knows about this yet and I'm not really sure why I'm posting this here but I just felt the need.
-
Go for it. Books that tell these personal histories are important. Most immediately, my wife & I are reading a book by a doctor who has manic depressive disorder because we needed to know more about the disease that recently took our friend's life. Write it Mike, it's hard work from what I hear, but it can and will be useful to people to experience this type of problem.
-
That's what this board is for.
I think that's a wonderful idea. I'm sure your efforts will be welcomed by those families dealing with similar kids. You possibly would touch those not in similar circumstances also. It could teach people the art of dealing with those challenged with unique circumstances.
Good luck. You know we've always got your back.
-
Go for it. Books that tell these personal histories are important. Most immediately, my wife & I are reading a book by a doctor who has manic depressive disorder because we needed to know more about the disease that recently took our friend's life. Write it Mike, it's hard work from what I hear, but it can and will be useful to people to experience this type of problem.
There's no doubt this will be extremely difficult for me because I will have to relive every bad moment. It will be emotionally draining and I will probably have to take many months to complete it because I will need to take breaks from it. I plan on starting an outline in the next week.
Thanks for the encouragement Saint.
-
Koz, in the words of Nike, JUST DO IT!
It may seem like a challenging thing to do now, but the emotional rewards can be so huge! If you need any help, please contact me as I've been fortunate to meet people that have written books and have gone through the process.
The other benefit is that I could see how this could help so many people, even those whose child doesn't have the exact same condition.
I've always wanted to ask my father what his thoughts were when he heard the news of my heart condition and how that condition influenced the way that he decided to raise me. I do know that he decided that he'd never let my condition be an excuse to not do something I wanted to do. That decision alone has allowed me to flourish in ways many would never have expected.
-
Just do it; writing is a great way to self-explore.
-
What a a GREAT idea! It's definitely time Dad's perspective got an airing. Good luck!!
-
Hey... there's dads out there who really need your input! O0
-
hey mike: u know the answer already... now go ahead and get it started. i think it is a tremendous idea that U must make happen. i hope and pray that U will make it a goal that U will accomplish. O0
WARHAWK O0
-
Mike, I think this is something you must do. It is remarkable just how much impact a book, song, or work of art can have on people. You never know, the man you help most may be you.
-
I agree, sounds like a good idea. I am a part time writer. Right now I have 8 stories in various stages of completion. I start with an idea then write out a paragraph or two about it then wait and come back when I am ready. I finished a short story a couple weeks ago that I had been working on for two years, lots of editing, rewriting, deleting, whole sections getting taken out. It may take a couple years to even get a rough draft but start it now because hind sight is 20/20
-
Thank you for sharing this theme.
Yes do it. Writing a book needs time, it becomes a part of your life.
Later when you have finished you held a part of your life in your hand. And it is your lie with your family, your wife and your child.
Writing this book retrieves all lows, but also the highs and how you dealt with lows and highs, the love which flows between you and your wife and your son.
Yes start and try and retry and write.
Best wishes
J
-
definitely do it. It will help others, help you, and be rewarding into the bargain. I'm sure its the right thing to do. 8)
-
Mike, I would be one of the first to purchase the book. IMO this would be a great help to those in your situation. Also, it could be a tool of self healing. My son was quite ill his first two years. I constantly kept the thought that it was somehow my fault. Fortunately, his problem was not that serious and he outgrew his condition. May God be with you and your family. Your a special person to think of others.
-
Mike,
Writing a book from your perspective, about the trials and ordeals that you and your family have witnessed and overcome would not only help others in similar situations, but it can be cathartic as well. Several of my favorite writers have either written directly about their experience or have used their experiences within their fiction. Everyone has a story. And, it sounds like your story would also impact the reader on an emotional level that would inspire and help others in similar situations.
Writing a book can be tough. But there are a lot of resources out there that can assist you, from the SLY community to many writers groups on the net. Also, writing a book about something so close to your heart can be tough! That my friend is an understatement. So, don't forget to use your friends, family and community to help you through the process.
You posted this because you already know your decision. You need to tell the story. From my own experience, I can tell you that writing, whether it is a short story, novel, or a screenplay, can seem like an overwhelming task. But, when your done..., the reward of knowing you told your story is a feeling that I cannot put into words.
Rich
-
You know Mike, there are a ton of books out there to help women face personal and family issues but far too few for men. Society all to often brands men to be the stereotypical macho, football lovin, beer drinking, strong man who goes out kills the animal and brings it home to skin it, grill it and cook it so to speak. Truth is where our families are concerned we face allot of fears, especially where something like what you have gone through is concerned. But men in general don't know how to deal with it and feel emotionally like an island to them self.
The lessons, the "survival skills" and even the trust in a power higher than yourself were given to you for a reason greater than just your own personal needs. I have a feeling there are allot of men married with families or even single that need to hear and read what you have to say. It's hard to imagine on a deeper level but the pain, difficulties, trials and tragedies we suffer are either a gift full of lessons to strengthen us and teach others or something that will immobilize us and slowly destroy us from the inside out. Seems to me which one it becomes is ours for the choosing. You have chosen the gift. So just go for it. Let those lessons flow from your being into book form. And as you know already you have allot of support out here.
-
Hi Mike as a fellow author and as a father who struggles with so many things on a daily basis (especially lately) - having a resource like that would be priceless for so many men. You're right -- a lot of the self help books out there are focused on relationships and women. There is another 50% of the population that also face immense struggles and we often feel like we're supposed to know what to do, that we're the strong ones, that we can handle it - when the reality is that we're all just people.
As a fellow author -- my suggestion is to draft up the outline of the book and to float that outline to a few of the book publishers who publish that genre of books. They'll have all the resources you will need to facilitate the process. I'm currently putting the last few pages of the last chapter together for a book that will be published in early April. Its a great sense of accomplishment.
-
Guys-
Thanks for all the support and positive comments. I mentioned this to my wife on Friday evening and her reaction kind of surprised me. She didn't get it and I'm not sure why. I explained my reasons for wanting to do it but she doesn't really understand.
I don't have any illusions of getting rich off of a book or showing up on Oprah's reading list. What I envision is helping just one man or family to get through something similar to what we have been through.
I know when my son was diagnosed I became an internet junky looking for information and support. I read many stroies from Mom's but not one, not even ONE, from a Dad's point of view. Papa Don and Hammer both touched on how I felt at the time. The man of the house failing my Family.
I have already started organinzing my thoughts for an outline. I'm obviously not an author and I think that will work to my advantage for a project like this...... because it will probably be a little unpolished so that regular Dad's will be able to relate.
My wife made the comment that you really don't have that much to put in a book. I quickly reminded her of some very simple little things that have happened over the years that were huge triumphs for our son or just brought us a simple laugh to break up a bad day. Things that many parents wouldn't even appreciate. I detected the slightest change in her attitude about the project.... for the better.
I will need her help at times to fill in details and dates so I'm hoping she'll get on board as I go along and she sees what it means to me. She knows better than anyone how the whole thing affected me personally and how it changed me. I think she s worried that remembering so many bad things will take it's toll on me again.
But the time is right for me to do this now. I have a lot of thoughts, stories and even advice to offer. I would never forgive myself if I didn't do this.
I may post occasionally about my progress but I will NOT beat up this Forum with continual stories of how it's proceeding.
Thanks again for the support guys..........
-
I think it is a wonderful idea to write a book with the trials and tribulations and all the good things and thoughts and experiences you have had in the upbringing of your child - - - -It will be an outlet for you to write this and it will help many, many people in the future - - -My grandfather wrote a book about bringing up his four children without a mother(my grandmother was killed in a car accident) and in turn my mother wrote a book also about bringing up her son (me) without a father (my father died of polio when I was four years old) It was more of an outlet for them to get their thoughts on paper as I am sure it will be for you - - - -All the best -Richard - - -