Sly Bald Guys Forum

Confidence and Success => Relationships/Dating => Topic started by: babb4214 on January 05, 2009, 10:15:30 AM

Title: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 05, 2009, 10:15:30 AM
hey guys, i've got a story that happened to me just in the last couple of weeks that i need your help with.
I've been dating this girl for about 1.5 years, and i TOTALLY loved her. The bad thing about it was that it was a long distance relationship, hard for anyone but i know they can work. but a few weeks ago she tells me that she's tired of this and she doesn't want to do it anymore, she needed someone around. so i took it like a champ for about a week, talking to other girls, no dates or anything, but just talking. but yesterday i see a picture of her and her new boyfriend, and i was thinking "damn that was fast", but she's like a 10 so it's not exactly hard for her to find any guy she wanted. so i call her up and am talking to her, come to find out that they have been together pretty much SINCE we broke up, they were even hanging out before we broke up....this is what tears me apart fellas....she replaced me just like that, pretty much forgetting about all the love and feelings that we shared...i know she's slept with him already, i cant help but to think about that, and it makes me sick to my stomach, i havent been eating much lately anyways because of the stress from the break up, but now i'm eating virtually NOTHING. I cant sleep anymore, last night i went to bed at midnight and woke up at 5, of course dreaming about her. I'm really not an outgoing guy, i dont just go up to people and talk to them, so i really dont meet new people easily. I dont know guys, i really dont know how to get over her... i want to, because she's over me, even though she says she's not but what ever.... please help guys, i need it!!! :'(
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: bubbadave3 on January 05, 2009, 10:18:43 AM
Right now, I'd recommend that you surround yourself with supportive people, and take it easy for a while. . . soak in a warm bath, drink some good tea or coffee, just whatever it is that you can do to take some down time and relax.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: SBG Math Guy on January 05, 2009, 10:31:12 AM
Ok it looks like you made a wrong investment.  For a relationship to be successful you need both woman and man to invest into it.  She replaced you just like that because you didn’t know her well enough.   You shouldn’t be too sad about it bro because you were not in love with her.  You were in love with who you thought she was.  You are in love with the woman you want her to be. 
She is not the woman you thought she was.   So move on bro.  Forgive yourself and remember there are many good women out there who will not cheat on you, are probably more beautiful than her, and will probably be attracted to you. 
This stuff happens to people very often, and the good news is you will get over it.  Time heals everything.   Just have some patience.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: Mikekoz13 on January 05, 2009, 10:41:41 AM
First.... if she cheated on you in any way then she isn't a "10" at all.

Long distance relationships are hard. That whole"absence makes the heart grow fonder" thing is a bunch of crap. You build a relationship by spending time together and getting to know each other.

Move on my friend....... it's amazing how the attention of the opposite sex will make her seem very insignificant.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 05, 2009, 10:51:28 AM
Babb, you sound just like me about 2 years ago. I was in the exact same boat. (S.S. Despair, anyone?) Trust me on this, you will realize later that this ending will be a major turning point in your life for the better. LDR's work like this: If they work, they really work, like a fairy tale. If they dont, they are a huge soul-sucking ordeal that wastes a lot of time and resources.

If you want to truly get over this ordeal and get on with your life (as she obviously has) then you need to completely sever all ties. Dont call her. Dont talk to her. If she comes back, (IMHO) dont take her back. There will always be that spectre lurking in the recesses of your mind that this will happen again. (as in my case. my ex came back to me, then did the exact same thing again after she swore up and down that it wouldnt.) She made her bed, now she has to lie in it.

After my breakup, I had a life-changing moment. I shaved my head, and got out there. I wasnt looking for anything but a good time (and maybe a little trouble along the way... >:D ) and i ended up meeting my now-wife. (who ended up having to go back to Brazil for a year, but that was an awesome journey in its own. Like i said, LDR's will either be a fairy tale, or a night terror.)

Bottom line, for right now, just chill. get to know yourself. find a place in yourself that your comfortable. Then when youre ready, go out. Let the night(s) take you where they may. Confidence and good times will come back.

Promise.   O0
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: Timmay on January 05, 2009, 11:29:48 AM
Babb, SMACK SMACK wake up! Seriously bro.  It was a long distance relationship and you did not mention in your post if you have actually met her in person or not.  The internet is the biggest misconception in this world.  You can be who ever you want to be, on the phone or the net.  If you had the chance to actually meet her in person, I bet you would find out she wasnt what you thought she was.   I guess I may have been speaking out of my zone here because I have never formed a relationship over the internet, well not a relationship like you have with this girl.  I have made alot of friends on here and have actually met several of them.  Even before I met them, I had my doubts.  You have to get a grip of yourself and move on.  Maybe this was your first true love, I dunno, but I do know that there are plenty of available women out there.  You just have to get up off your rear end and go find them. 
Like Mike said, if she cheated on you, she wasnt a 10 to begin with.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: champ007 on January 05, 2009, 11:41:55 AM
Dude, get over it. No woman is worth losing yourself over them.
Life goes on, plenty of fish in the sea, etc. etc. blah blah blah.
Unless your married who cares who she is bangin as long as your getting yours.
Just take it as a lesson and move on. Quit looking for love and look for a quick fix if you know what I mean. It can be very therapeutic!
Pick yourself up and put yourself out there, what do you have to lose?
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PowerOfCheese on January 05, 2009, 01:47:47 PM
You need a new woman fast!

to quote champ
Quote
Quit looking for love and look for a quick fix if you know what I mean. It can be very therapeutic!

That works well most of the time. Its worth a shot. Go to GNC and buy a tub of their mass gainer stuff that mixes with milk. A cup of that stuff is 600-800 calories when mixed with milk. If you're not eating well right now, this can help keep you from shriveling up to nothing while you work this out.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: GASlick on January 05, 2009, 02:28:02 PM
Hate that you're going through this, but life goes on.  I must echo what Koz said:  If she cheated on you, then she is NOT a 10!  Give yourself a couple of days to feel sorry for yourself; then get up, get out and get on with life.

That sounds kind of brutal I know, but life is tough.  We, your SLY brahs, have your back.  Let us know if you need some support, but I think you'll be OK.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 05, 2009, 03:34:01 PM
thanks for all your advice guys, it's helping a little bit. to answer a few questions:
timmJ: yes i've met her, we met in college, right as she was graduating and moving back home, to San Diego where she was from, i'm from Idaho so it's not a quick drive over. Yes we've visited a few times, her coming here and me going there. But i guess this last absense was the last straw for her. The thing that gets me the most is that she's goin on with life all happy like nothing ever happend, totally leaving me out of her thoughts and out of her mind... THATS what gets me. i know i gotta pick myself up, and get out there, but really that's easier said than done. all in all, i really had a lot of feelings for this girl, and i could see a future with her, and now that's all gone. ahh, i'm just going through hell right now, i cant get any of this sh*t ( pardon my language) out of my head, no matter what i try to do!!
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: BaldMark on January 05, 2009, 04:51:17 PM
The fellas are right,  If she can move on so easily and do this to you, she's not even worth giving a second thought too.  It's unfortunate this happened but better now then for it to have happened, when your married or have kids.  She is just going to do this again and again.   A clean break!  Delete her number remove her email addresses so you will lose the urge to contact her.   It's tough, I think we have all been there, but it really does make you a stronger person learning how to pick up the pieces and move on.

Looks aren't everything.  Her appearance may have been a 10. But what she did lowers her to SCUM.  Some girls are weird.  I went out with this chick she broke up with her boyfriend 5 days before we started going out this instantly sent off warning bells.  Things were going fine then we broke after a few months and within a week after the breakup i ran into her with her new boyfriend.   Funny thing is I know i'm better then the new guy!  So don't sweat it. You know your better then him too.  Who knows you might end up marrying a beauty like PeripheralxMvmnt did.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: samoanseb8 on January 05, 2009, 06:49:56 PM
Mate,
          I've been in the exact same situation. I know what she was thinking, and not to take her side at all, but If she was a 10 looks wise, she is going to have guys hitting on her every day. It's was only going to be a matter of time before this happened. I agree with the other people posting saying that you built her up too much in your mind to be your perfect match. Perception in the mind is very powerful, after all, it is the very root of our existence! In other words she is only what you make her out in your mind to be. If you refuse to believe that she would cheat on you, you probably gave her a little too much credit and weren't open to the possibility of it actually happening which is why it hurt so much. It sux man because I know the exact sick to the stomach heartache you are feeling. I tend to be a little more analytical when it comes to girls and it has helped me guage personalities of a person and it has helped me in the dating world. Looks don't mean squat if they don't have the personality type that best suits yours, and is often the exact opposite to yours. So keep your head up dude, it passes...and the more girls you talk to, the better your chances right!? It's a numbers game my man, so crawl back out of your shell and go chase some tail!
 
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: Ghost1988 on January 05, 2009, 08:31:32 PM
Babb, you sound just like me about 2 years ago. I was in the exact same boat. (S.S. Despair, anyone?) Trust me on this, you will realize later that this ending will be a major turning point in your life for the better. LDR's work like this: If they work, they really work, like a fairy tale. If they dont, they are a huge soul-sucking ordeal that wastes a lot of time and resources.

If you want to truly get over this ordeal and get on with your life (as she obviously has) then you need to completely sever all ties. Dont call her. Dont talk to her. If she comes back, (IMHO) dont take her back. There will always be that spectre lurking in the recesses of your mind that this will happen again. (as in my case. my ex came back to me, then did the exact same thing again after she swore up and down that it wouldnt.) She made her bed, now she has to lie in it.

After my breakup, I had a life-changing moment. I shaved my head, and got out there. I wasnt looking for anything but a good time (and maybe a little trouble along the way... >:D ) and i ended up meeting my now-wife. (who ended up having to go back to Brazil for a year, but that was an awesome journey in its own. Like i said, LDR's will either be a fairy tale, or a night terror.)

Bottom line, for right now, just chill. get to know yourself. find a place in yourself that your comfortable. Then when youre ready, go out. Let the night(s) take you where they may. Confidence and good times will come back.

Promise.   O0


ide listen to peripheral. you got a sexy lil wife there man haha. with all due respect  O0. but anyways........

samoanseb, ive been in this EXACT situation except mine was for 2 years and i ended up moving so she left me. it was one of the hardest things ive had to deal with. then i started losing my hair and forgot about her haha. in fact i never wanted to see her again cuz i figured shed give me a hardtime about the hairloss lol.

hairloss does come in handy afteral. lol
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: warhawk on January 05, 2009, 11:46:46 PM
hey babb:  1st of all... i'm going 2 pray 4 U during this emotional time.  it's heartbreaking when one's "heart" is  broken.  however... what doesn't "kill" U will make U stronger.    in the meantime... delete her number, email address, photos, etc because this will B the 1st step towards recovery.  also... stay "busy" & active & surround yourself with positive people.
 
when U R "ready"... start going out on dates.  U don't have 2 start a serious relationship or look 4 love...just go out & have fun.  keep us posted & remember your sly brothers R here 4 U.  take care, brah.  remember... U will become a stronger person once U begin that 1st step. 

WARHAWK O0
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 06, 2009, 06:21:20 AM
I tend to be a little more analytical when it comes to girls and it has helped me guage personalities of a person and it has helped me in the dating world.

man, if i only had that quality, it would have saved me a lot of headaches and heartaches. haha   O0
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: TANK25 on January 06, 2009, 08:32:38 AM
I just got out of a two year relationship 4months ago.The best thing I could tell you.Stay busy bro,I enjoy working out,so I started working out like a mad man.Take your time and play the field.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 06, 2009, 09:18:25 AM
thanks for all of your support fellas, i really appreciate it, it's helping too! here's an update:

well i ended up calling her yesterday evening, ( yeah i know stupid move right?) well it didn't turn out to be so stupid. i actually think i needed final closure on things, and that's what i got. I mean, yesterday, i was having a million CRAZY thoughts going through my head, one of which was me leaving everything i have here and moving down there to be with her, if she would do that. i was going nuts! Thankfully, she told me everything was too late, that she had moved on and she wanted me to move on too. She said she didn't love me the way she used to. which is understandable... i mean i think you guys are right when you said that in my head i made her something that i wanted when she really wasn't. I have to keep thinking about the bad things about her/our relationship, because while i was in it, i was pretty unhappy too, and the bad outweighed the good in this case. i guess there was a reason why i didn't move down to San Diego in the first place, maybe it was because i didn't love her like i thought i did, i dont know but there was a reason why i didnt.

anyways, i'm doing a little better now, thanks to you guys. It's still a little tough and things still run through my head, but it's not quite as bad. it's hard forgetting her email and phone number when i've been writing it a ton of times over the last year. but i'm trying tho. If you guys have any more advice, i'd definately love to have it!
thanks again sly bros.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: warhawk on January 06, 2009, 09:24:45 AM
hey babb:  thanks 4 the update.  i'm glad that U R getting better.  just remember... your brothers in sly R here 4 U anytime.  it sounds like your getting 2 B okay.  take care & stay busy. O0

WARHAWK O0
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PowerOfCheese on January 06, 2009, 09:46:28 AM
Hang in there man. There will definitely be highs and lows. One minute you'll be okay and the next your head will be spinning. It seems to be part of the process and gets easier and easier over time.

Try to turn the energy your generating into something positive for yourself. When it happened to me I spent even more time at the driving range crushing golf balls and at night, every time she popped into my head I'd drop down and do push ups. Needless to say, I did A LOT of push ups. That being said, finding a new girlie was first on the list and made the biggest difference.

Everyone is different but for me, having some kind of physical outlet was so much more productive than sitting and stewing. Before I knew it I was buff, had an improved golf game and more than one girlfriend. Bouncing back strong is good for the soul and you'll end up being proud of yourself.

You can do it man. 
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 06, 2009, 09:53:58 AM
thanks for all of your support fellas, i really appreciate it, it's helping too! here's an update:

well i ended up calling her yesterday evening, ( yeah i know stupid move right?) well it didn't turn out to be so stupid. i actually think i needed final closure on things, and that's what i got. I mean, yesterday, i was having a million CRAZY thoughts going through my head, one of which was me leaving everything i have here and moving down there to be with her, if she would do that. i was going nuts! Thankfully, she told me everything was too late, that she had moved on and she wanted me to move on too. She said she didn't love me the way she used to. which is understandable... i mean i think you guys are right when you said that in my head i made her something that i wanted when she really wasn't. I have to keep thinking about the bad things about her/our relationship, because while i was in it, i was pretty unhappy too, and the bad outweighed the good in this case. i guess there was a reason why i didn't move down to San Diego in the first place, maybe it was because i didn't love her like i thought i did, i dont know but there was a reason why i didnt.

anyways, i'm doing a little better now, thanks to you guys. It's still a little tough and things still run through my head, but it's not quite as bad. it's hard forgetting her email and phone number when i've been writing it a ton of times over the last year. but i'm trying tho. If you guys have any more advice, i'd definately love to have it!
thanks again sly bros.

glad to hear its getting better for ya! like cheese said, focus that energy somewhere else. soon enough youll be out there breaking hearts in no time.  >:D
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: capthappy8p on January 12, 2009, 08:12:54 PM
yeh man glad to hear everything turned out alright. yeh just listen to ur sly bros they are right... when things go sour with me and a girl i just sever the connections and move on and dont look back....

Youll find someone soon just go out and have fun, and if your a little insecure drink some curage juice!!! that of course goes if ur of age lol  :D
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: jrob on January 13, 2009, 06:33:18 AM
I know it is really hard. Been there and have done that. I would think about what I could have done different in the past.

However, I realized maybe they were not the right one for me. As time passes, you will feel better and look for the right one. Your ex-girlfriend may be a 10 in looks, but I rather have a 10 in personality and a warm heart.

Having a successful relationship is hard enough. Long distance relationships just make it much harder. Be patient and soon enough you will find the right one for you.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 13, 2009, 08:07:17 AM
babb, how has everything been? can we get an update? hope all is well!
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 14, 2009, 01:53:21 AM
Hey bros!
well here's a little update for you guys in case you were wondering, and i thank all of you for your concern, especially peripheral, thanks a lot bro!
anyways, things are getting better. I've gotten rid of most of everything that had to do with her, still a few more things that i have to get rid of, but that'll happen SOON!! I still think about her, that's natural i guess, at least it's not all the time like it was...it's cut WAY down which is good...sometimes i get a little bummed but i'm kind of re-doing my thinking about her and realizing more and more that the BITCH AINT WORTH IT. Why should i be all down and stuff when she had some problems that i really hated about her? Why should i be down about her when she didn't care and just found someone else RIGHT OFF THE BAT?... i shouldn't care, and every day, more and more i'm not caring, which is good and i thank you guys for your encouragement along the way!!
Anyways, when it comes to other ladies, i'm QUITE the shy guy... it sucks... even this last saturday i was out and had a good amount of "courage juice" in me, but still nothin! i mean, i used to know how to talk to girls, but it's like whenever i'm dating a girl for a good length of time, i totally lose my game!! i dont know, i'm kind of a head case when it comes to that... too shy to approach a girl and start a convo....any suggestions other than "nut up and do it" ?
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 14, 2009, 06:43:38 AM
Hey bros!
well here's a little update for you guys in case you were wondering, and i thank all of you for your concern, especially peripheral, thanks a lot bro!
anyways, things are getting better. I've gotten rid of most of everything that had to do with her, still a few more things that i have to get rid of, but that'll happen SOON!! I still think about her, that's natural i guess, at least it's not all the time like it was...it's cut WAY down which is good...sometimes i get a little bummed but i'm kind of re-doing my thinking about her and realizing more and more that the BITCH AINT WORTH IT. Why should i be all down and stuff when she had some problems that i really hated about her? Why should i be down about her when she didn't care and just found someone else RIGHT OFF THE BAT?... i shouldn't care, and every day, more and more i'm not caring, which is good and i thank you guys for your encouragement along the way!!
Anyways, when it comes to other ladies, i'm QUITE the shy guy... it sucks... even this last saturday i was out and had a good amount of "courage juice" in me, but still nothin! i mean, i used to know how to talk to girls, but it's like whenever i'm dating a girl for a good length of time, i totally lose my game!! i dont know, i'm kind of a head case when it comes to that... too shy to approach a girl and start a convo....any suggestions other than "nut up and do it" ?

babb, glad to hear that youre going so well with it! its normal and natural to have sporadic and fleeting thoughts about her, and it goes away over time.

as far as your game, no amount of liquor or fermented yeast will ever replace natural swagger and confidence. You just need some time to get your head back in the game, not just your head. (think about that one if you need to.  >:D )

and yeah, basically, nut up and do it.   ;D
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 14, 2009, 12:14:23 PM
haha, thanks man!
yeah, i'm just a big pussy now a days. i mean, i used to rely on my looks A LOT a few years ago, but now that i'm getting older, i'm starting to realize that i cant do that anymore...it sucks but i guess i'm going to have to get used to it soon or later, hopefully sooner. :/O
anyways, the tough part is going out and meeting new chicks. I'm pretty new to the area and the only people i know here are family, so it's kind of lame. we go out every now and then, but they have gf's and everything, so it's lame for me. AND... this part is my fault... but i'm a PICKY dude... sometimes a little too picky, and i think that's a pretty big downfall, need some advice getting over that too!! anyways, advice is appreciated.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 15, 2009, 10:59:01 AM
Alright guys, i'm about to vent here just a little bit, bear with me.
SO, out of NOWHERE last night, when i'm doing well, i'm laid back, having a brew with a bud, she TEXTS ME... askings "hows everything"....now what kind of BULLSHIT is that? so i proceeded to say "why do you care" and all of that sort of thing...anyways, all in all, she ended up calling me and telling me all this sh*t, and i told her where i was with things. i told her that i got rid of everything that reminds me of her, so i dont have ANYTHING that has to do with her anymore, every picture, song, book, clothing, knick knack, EVERYTHING... was gone... and she's like "how could you do that? how could you get rid of all of those memories?", and i just told her it was too painful for me to remember, i had to do it... anyways, it was SHITTY last night... it's like women can sense that you're starting to do okay for yourself and then they have to make an appearance and screw you up. guys i feel like i'm slippin and little bit, i really dont want to, i F'd up and talked to her, but it's just like even when i got a damn two word text from her my heart started pounding....out of anger and pain both...just from a text. :Xo! i need to get this chick out of sight out of mind....i was doing so well too... damn it.... i told her i dont want her to text me or anything... and i really hope she doesn't, this is sh*t guys, i need help!!!
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: warhawk on January 15, 2009, 11:17:41 AM
i need to get this chick out of sight out of mind....i was doing so well too... damn it.... i told her i dont want her to text me or anything... and i really hope she doesn't, this is sh*t guys, i need help!!!
hey b:  that is exactly right..."out of sight out of mind".  U did well until U answered your phone.  have her # blocked so that U don't have the urge 2 answer.  your doing well  & keep your sly head up.   O0

WARHAWK O0
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: time2shine on January 15, 2009, 12:05:00 PM
Women can be emotional mind game artists, dude.  Like Warhawk said, block her number, so you don't fall into her games.  It will be hard, but communication needs to be cut off.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 15, 2009, 12:44:08 PM
you shouldnt have even texted her back dude. you should have just let it go. and i agree with warhawk, block her number. who is she to care about memories and the past when she was so quick to jump ship?  i can guarantee shes trying to weasel her way back in because "she messed up" or because shes wanting familiarity. steady your course straight ahead, and dont look back.

per my humble opinion.  O0
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 16, 2009, 12:07:04 AM
yeah i dont know what it is, even tho she did me wrong, there's still that soft spot for her... i really need to get rid of that, it's my downfall at this point. She cant think that everything is just going to be okay, i'm never going to even be friends with her... i mean, when you are with someone then there comes a point ( i think) that you cant be friends with them because it hurts too much, you want them as something else and you'll never just want them as a friend... with her i guess it was like that.. i wanted her , all of her or nothing at all... i guess i'm left with the latter, but i guess that's the best that can happen right now.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 16, 2009, 06:25:28 AM
well, it sounds to me like youve made up your mind.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 16, 2009, 06:29:50 AM
btw, put up a pic yo!
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PowerOfCheese on January 16, 2009, 07:46:06 AM
yeah! Put up a pic yo.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 16, 2009, 10:38:38 AM
i will do soon
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: Tor on January 16, 2009, 01:01:18 PM
DONT ANSWER ANYYYYYYYYTHING, phone, text, nothing, nada. Jeez man, c'mon.... :Xo! Listen,,,you're just making it worse for yourself, and she's eatin' it up on the other end.......QUIT............. O0
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 16, 2009, 01:46:00 PM
yeah yo! for rizzles.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: jrob on January 20, 2009, 08:25:06 PM
As for the shy part, you may feel more comfortable having someone with you might make it easier to meet them. Otherwise, I would suggest online dating. You can talk to them by email or IM at first and will make it easier. Yes, it can be hard after you get used to someone. Hopefully, you can move forward and everything will work out to your benefit.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 21, 2009, 08:40:37 PM
alright guys, ANOTHER update!!
Well, first of all i have to start off with saying that i am actually pretty angry with myself... i really need to take your guys' advice to heart, because the other day i slipped up....and i'm just pissed at myself for it.
Yeah, she ended up texting me again and blah blah, when it comes down to it, i pretty much just told her how bad i was doing and how i missed her and all that sh*t. It was really stupid of me because that gave her "power" in the situation, but i didn't see that at the time... anyways, she pretty much felt the same way, but today she texted me "i cant talk to you anymore, it's unhealthy for me"... and all i said was "yeah youre right, goodbye." anyways, i want to appologize for not taking your guys advice the first time... i'm stupid when it comes to her i guess. :Xo! but i do feel better, hopefully she's down about everything....she doesn't deserve to be happy.... all i know is i need to get out there and find a girl, probably not to get into a serious relationship with, just to fool around with, except i've got these damn standards and they get in the way haha
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: time2shine on January 22, 2009, 12:43:20 PM
alright guys, ANOTHER update!!
Well, first of all i have to start off with saying that i am actually pretty angry with myself... i really need to take your guys' advice to heart, because the other day i slipped up....and i'm just pissed at myself for it.
Yeah, she ended up texting me again and blah blah, when it comes down to it, i pretty much just told her how bad i was doing and how i missed her and all that sh*t. It was really stupid of me because that gave her "power" in the situation, but i didn't see that at the time... anyways, she pretty much felt the same way, but today she texted me "i cant talk to you anymore, it's unhealthy for me"... and all i said was "yeah youre right, goodbye." anyways, i want to appologize for not taking your guys advice the first time... i'm stupid when it comes to her i guess. :Xo! but i do feel better, hopefully she's down about everything....she doesn't deserve to be happy.... all i know is i need to get out there and find a girl, probably not to get into a serious relationship with, just to fool around with, except i've got these damn standards and they get in the way haha

Man, sorry to hear that.
Sounds like another case of a lady trying to get power, and once they do, they kick you to the curb.  I had a buddy go through the same thing.
Take care, and enjoy yourself.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 22, 2009, 02:11:16 PM
sounds like you need to break that cell phone homie.  :x!
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 22, 2009, 03:26:59 PM
haha no joke!!! i really need to do that... but on the other hand, i need it to call other hotties, if i ever get the balls enough to talk to them in the first place! :*)) But, although last time should of been, this is the last straw, i'm not responding to ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. no text, no email , not call, NOTHING. This girl in completely and utterly OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER. I just have to go through some of my stuff in storage and get rid of some of her stuff. >:D I just know that i need to man up and start talkin to other chicks, i know that as soon as i start hangin out with one then i wont think about my ex at all, or at least hardly at all. Where did you meet your wife at peripheral? did you meet her through someone else or what? The thing is, i'm new to the area, and the only people i know here are family, no co wokers are my age or anything, so sometimes it's a little difficult for me to just go out and meet people. anyways, thanks for all the replies guys.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: warhawk on January 22, 2009, 05:48:32 PM
I just know that i need to man up and start talkin to other chicks, i know that as soon as i start hangin out with one then i wont think about my ex
that's what i'm talking about!!! O0

WARHAWK O0
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 23, 2009, 06:30:52 AM
haha no joke!!! i really need to do that... but on the other hand, i need it to call other hotties, if i ever get the balls enough to talk to them in the first place! :*)) But, although last time should of been, this is the last straw, i'm not responding to ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. no text, no email , not call, NOTHING. This girl in completely and utterly OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER. I just have to go through some of my stuff in storage and get rid of some of her stuff. >:D I just know that i need to man up and start talkin to other chicks, i know that as soon as i start hangin out with one then i wont think about my ex at all, or at least hardly at all. Where did you meet your wife at peripheral? did you meet her through someone else or what? The thing is, i'm new to the area, and the only people i know here are family, no co wokers are my age or anything, so sometimes it's a little difficult for me to just go out and meet people. anyways, thanks for all the replies guys.

i met my wife at a party at her ex-boyfriends house  >:D  haha. we had never spoken before, but she just came up to me (a lil inebriated) and started rubbing on my head and told me that she loved bald guys. well, as you can see, i didnt let her get away. ( :@`)

as far as who can introduce you, stuff like that, dont rely so heavy on other people to make the connection. if you at least have the gumption and testicular fortitude to approach a girl and talk to her with no introductory buffer, more than likely she will appreciate the (keyword here:) CONFIDENCE that you exude, and she will at least humor you, and might even end up enjoying your presence. and if you feel like you need to be introduced, older co-workers have younger sisters, daughters, etc and family members know people too. you just have to mingle and network.

Quote
This girl in completely and utterly OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER. I just have to go through some of my stuff in storage and get rid of some of her stuff.
no offense, but you said that before dude. saying you will on a forum after the ramparts come down is easy enough. you have to make sure that you are steadfast when it matters, you know?
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: marty22 on January 23, 2009, 06:35:42 AM
take Peripheral's advice.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PowerOfCheese on January 23, 2009, 07:53:38 AM
Yeah, what Periph said.  O0
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 23, 2009, 11:07:28 AM
yeah, periph you give some pretty damn good advice man! for real. anyways, i know i need to be more steadfast when it comes to not talking to her, which i'm definately going to be. i know i should of done that before, which was way stupid of me by the way, but at least it didn't set me back TOO much. i mean, i could be completly down again about it and stuff, but i'm not so it didn't affect me too bad. O0 again, i just have to work on the CONFIDENCE part of going up and talking to girls, the bitch (sorry for the language) took a buch of that from me.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 23, 2009, 11:59:27 AM
it comes in time. just roll with it, and youll know when its back.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: Tyler on January 23, 2009, 03:09:31 PM
it comes in time. just roll with it, and youll know when its back.

Exactly!  Don't get down if you don't succeed in your first attempts.  Rather learn from those and keep going.  Eventually you'll hit a groove and will cause it to rain.  And when it rains, it pours!
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 27, 2009, 01:16:42 PM
hey guys,
just want to say thanks for all of your help. It's helped me along the way. A little update. I haven't spoken or texted or anything with her since last time. and nothing from her which is a good thing!!! i made a list of everything that i DIDN'T like about her and posted it up on my wall so i can read it every day, and just remember that she really wasn't a very good girlfriend. I notice that i am thinking about her less, but sometimes she does pop into my head, but i quickly try and find something else to think about or do. so right now i would say that i'm about 80ish % over her..... i just know that if i start hanging out with another chick that'll make me 100% over her... hahaha

as for the other lady situation, haven't tried anything yet. haven't really gone out and mingled....still need to get that confidence up though...i've been working out pretty hard core for the last 4.5 months, so maybe once i see some more results it will be a confidence boost.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 27, 2009, 01:57:12 PM
youre on the right track. congrats! just give it time.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 29, 2009, 01:20:16 AM
k guys, need a pep talk.... today, i called it almost to the day, she texted me again!!! WTF!?! it was only about her baby blanket that gave me that she wants back...anyways, i held strong, read the text and deleted it. she wrote me an email too saying bullshit like "thank you for being part of my life for a year and a half, i'll cherish the memories we have" blah blah blah...  i deleted that too.... anyways... i got rid of all of the stuff that reminds me of her... i burned the pictures and anything that was burnable, and anything that was breakable i took a hammer to...anyways, i think i'm doing alright with not talking to her and stuff... just why do i feel down? What the hell is my problem? i guess as soon as she get's her blanket, MAYBE she wont talk to me.. hopefully... i'm sending it out tomorrow....anyways i just need a little pep talk about this situation, to stay strong and everything, if you guys could help, i'd appreciate it. :XX
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: PeripheralxMvmnt on January 29, 2009, 06:36:05 AM
send the blanket. move on with your life.


pep talk done.  :*))

haha for real though, it sounds to me like youre on the right track. just dont fret about feeling down, its just part of the process.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: babb4214 on January 29, 2009, 02:39:28 PM
sent it back today... hopefully everything is all said and done with....hopefully i can keep going full steam ahead.... it's funny, by looking at me you wouldnt' think i'm such a pussy.. .hahahha.... looks can be decieving i guess.
Title: Re: way down in the pits, need some advice.
Post by: warhawk on January 29, 2009, 06:55:15 PM
sent it back today... hopefully everything is all said and done with....hopefully i can keep going full steam ahead.... it's funny, by looking at me you wouldnt' think i'm such a pussy.. .hahahha.... looks can be decieving i guess.
hey babb:  i'm glad that ya sent that blanket.  now... U can really move on 2 better things.  it's gonna B a little difficult but we know that U can do it.  B strong & DON'T answer her texts, emails, phone calls, etc......  U will B a stronger & better person if U continue 2 look 4ward. O0

WARHAWK O0