3 months bald -no one seems to like it (but me)

[brannon67]

If you like it, that's all that matters. Looks really good though.

[chrisphilly123]

dude, i can think of dozens of dudes who would love to look THAT GOOD without hair.

So for years i was uncomfortable with and tried to hide the fact that my hair was thinning. Never went outside without a hat, every mirror reminded me to check if my remaining hair would cover the light areas...

Three months ago, i finally shaved it. I told my wife a few weeks beforehand, so the shock wouldn't be that big for her. When we met (15 yrs ago) i had longish hair, the last years it was cut 'normal' short. She did tell me sometimes (even long before my balding really showed of), she has a thing for bald men.
But as things got real, she was very reluctant. Although i told her, that i would need her support with this decision, to become/stay confident with being bald, she barely could make me the smallest compliment since i shaved. So i showed her pictures from right before and after to compare, and she even agreed it looks much better now. Still, i don't feel supported by her in that regard. Only when i let it grow out for a week or longer, i get a positive comment about it.

Other people like family, coworkers and friends haven't been very supportive, too. I don't get called names all the time, but there also hasn't been any positive comment so far. Very few people tried to be friendly by calling me brave, but nobody said it would look attractive, or masculine, or cool, or anything nice. The most common reactions were silence and questioning why. Because of that, i still wear a hat most of the time. I only feel comfortable without it, when i am around strangers who don't know me at all or not for very long.
I know, what matters is only how i like it and i should show my head no matter what. But i am still working on my confidence, having the feeling everybody dislikes my appearance doesn't help with that.

Despite all that, i really like being bald. I love the feeling and how it looks. And i honestly don't understand how unsupportive people are. Mostly, i don't get how my wife doesn't seem to be attracted by me being bald. I know, my head is big and has some dents, but does it really look that bad? I find it suits me quite well.

[slybeard]

Thank you all for your friendly words and advice. I trimmed the beard a bit, which makes the grey hairs less visible, it looks cleaner and nicer now, i think.

As for the head, right now my hair has grown out for 3 weeks. Mainly because my wife still can't handle my clean shaved look.  She still begs me to keep some stubble. Wants at least the length when it starts to get soft to touch, although she also said the smooth skin would feel nice too. She says it was too suddenly, too soon, cannot adapt to me having no hair, but it has been almost half a year since my first headshave. So why doesn't she try to get used to it, when she even said it would feel nice and look objectivly better? And i very clearly told her how unpleasant the grown out balding look feels for me.
Additionally, she now dislikes the beard too   "not kissing-friendly" ...suggested something like an amish-beard, which i don't like at all.
(to clear that up, she "still loves me an finds me generally atrractive")

So i don't know what to do. Letting it grow makes me feel bad, shaving it stops her being attracted to me...

You are a good looking guy without hair, so it is the change she objects to.  I suspect she has not adjusted because you have not consistently kept it shaved.  At this point, I suggest you go back to the buzz length she likes.  Keep it buzzed at the minimum length she likes frequently so it does not grow much between times (at least weekly, I suggest twice per week, so there is no noticeable change).  Then, after about a month or more, go to a slightly shorter buzz.  (Note that if the clippers do not have small adjustments, you can by more guards between the ones they normally come with).  Do not even mention that it is a shorter buzz.  Maintain the new length until you feel comfortable with taking the next step (you will have to be the judge of this).  By doing this you are giving her time to adjust gradually.  Keep the beard as short as she likes it, so there is not too much change going on.  After acceptance of a razor shaved head, you can consider a longer beard using the reverse process.  Good luck with it.

[Semi-Sly]

Thank you all for your friendly words and advice. I trimmed the beard a bit, which makes the grey hairs less visible, it looks cleaner and nicer now, i think.

As for the head, right now my hair has grown out for 3 weeks. Mainly because my wife still can't handle my clean shaved look.  She still begs me to keep some stubble. Wants at least the length when it starts to get soft to touch, although she also said the smooth skin would feel nice too. She says it was too suddenly, too soon, cannot adapt to me having no hair, but it has been almost half a year since my first headshave. So why doesn't she try to get used to it, when she even said it would feel nice and look objectivly better? And i very clearly told her how unpleasant the grown out balding look feels for me.
Additionally, she now dislikes the beard too   "not kissing-friendly" ...suggested something like an amish-beard, which i don't like at all.
(to clear that up, she "still loves me an finds me generally atrractive")

So i don't know what to do. Letting it grow makes me feel bad, shaving it stops her being attracted to me...

You are a good looking guy without hair, so it is the change she objects to.  I suspect she has not adjusted because you have not consistently kept it shaved.  At this point, I suggest you go back to the buzz length she likes.  Keep it buzzed at the minimum length she likes frequently so it does not grow much between times (at least weekly, I suggest twice per week, so there is no noticeable change).  Then, after about a month or more, go to a slightly shorter buzz.  (Note that if the clippers do not have small adjustments, you can by more guards between the ones they normally come with).  Do not even mention that it is a shorter buzz.  Maintain the new length until you feel comfortable with taking the next step (you will have to be the judge of this).  By doing this you are giving her time to adjust gradually.  Keep the beard as short as she likes it, so there is not too much change going on.  After acceptance of a razor shaved head, you can consider a longer beard using the reverse process.  Good luck with it.

[Bram 47]

Would I had the dare to have a bald head it looks great i consider to shave soon - you looks wonderful!!

[TheodorusRex]

Dude, with a head like that - I wouldn't dare cover it with hair.   Looks strong & intense...  My Dad's wife is the same way - won't let him keep it shaved.  Personally, I think it's because wives want to keep you as unattractive as possible to other women.  Women love a shaved look.  It's very masculine when you wear it with confidence.

Remember to practice radical self-acceptance. 

[DoberDaddy]

I think you look fine, ignore the "Misopogon" (beard hater).

[KingofSiam]

Hi, I'm a new member to Sly but couldn't resist replying to your post. I went through a simular situation when I first shaved my head. Everybodyworks at work and socially seemed to
compliment my choice and looks. However, my wife and some family members asked why. I just rode it out for a couple of months and now everything is fine. When asked, my wife now likes it, but it took her time to adjust. Once you get some sun on that noggin people will react differently. I've grown my hair back a few times and people have no difference of opinion one way or the other now. So in the end, it's all up to how you feel about your looks. After all, your the one one that matters. And by the way, you've got a handsome look going. Hair is overrated IMHO.

[jimmythomas]

I'm surprised you haven't received a more positive reaction. It looks really good on you, in my opinion. Hit the gym and it'll look even better (and probably more attractive, too).

[lsflipper]

I think sometimes people are afraid of making a big deal out of it. They might be thinking that you are self conscious about it and don't want to say the wrong thing. Just give it time and it's not a big deal to anyone,  not even you. I've been bald for several years and it's just my hair style,  no big deal anymore.

[wndk]

Sorry your wife is not more supportive.  You look great, so I suspect it is more due to the change than the actual look.  Ladies seem to like stability, and when their man makes a change in appearance, it can cause them some insecurity.  They may even think we are trying to make ourselves more attractive in hopes of attraction another woman.  This can all be at a sub-conscience level and they do not even realize it, they just have the bad feelings. 

So give her some time - a lot of guys have said that it took 6 months or more for the mental change to take place with their wives.

Mothers will never like it, and others usually just do not comment.

Well, i agree with this. My family did not supported me too, when my mother saw me when i first shaved, she said "what a horror". Lol. They are just like that. Woman do not like big changes, and they are constantly worried about how other people will think about themselves and their partners. As men, we should be strong and never let this get to us. f**k social approval.

Edit: By the way Fant E, you are looking awesome, if you like, you should maintain it. Your confidence is what matters here.

[bbc2012]

Die Glatze steht Dir sehr gut. Wichtig ist, dass Du dich mit dem rasierten Kopf wohlfühlst.

[Tito Olva]

You look great!  I buzzed my hair for the first time in November and after keeping it buzzed, when she was used to see me without hair, I went all the way and shaved my head.

[TheodorusRex]

Dude - it doesn't look like you've got anything to complain about.   Try practicing radical self acceptance. 

My Dad even told me - "don't worry, it will grow back."  but even then, I knew I had no interest in growing it back.  What's the alternative?   The horse shoe ring of hair?   Blah...  It's called taking control and saying 'no' to negativity.  People have told me they like my head shape - but it took about 3 months to get there.   Baldness chooses you.  Embrace it.  Act like a bad ass and you will be a bad ass.  There is something to the 'fake it till you make it' mentality.  Think of all the great bald actors there are on screen.   Own it or it will end up owning you.  When you do own it - people will respond positively.   

"I'm bald, they won't let me forget it" or "I'm bald alright - I won't let them forget it." 

[wndk]

Dude - it doesn't look like you've got anything to complain about.   Try practicing radical self acceptance. 

My Dad even told me - "don't worry, it will grow back."  but even then, I knew I had no interest in growing it back.  What's the alternative?   The horse shoe ring of hair?   Blah...  It's called taking control and saying 'no' to negativity.  People have told me they like my head shape - but it took about 3 months to get there.   Baldness chooses you.  Embrace it.  Act like a bad ass and you will be a bad ass.  There is something to the 'fake it till you make it' mentality.  Think of all the great bald actors there are on screen.   Own it or it will end up owning you.  When you do own it - people will respond positively.   

"I'm bald, they won't let me forget it" or "I'm bald alright - I won't let them forget it."

Thats the mindset we gotta have. ☝☝