Sly Bald Guys Forum

Confidence and Success => How to Build Confidence => Topic started by: peteman9 on August 08, 2012, 05:24:15 PM

Title: Facing your younger self
Post by: peteman9 on August 08, 2012, 05:24:15 PM
So since I decided to shave my head, I have come to realize that the hardest thing, for me, about adapting to the characteristic of being a bald man is the feeling of not being the same person anymore. I have come to look at my formal self (the one with a head of hair) as a different person who I would compete with! Ever since I lost my hair, I have wanted nothing to do with my old self (my younger self). I didn't wanna talk to people who knew me back then, and I didn't wanna see older pictures of me. Let me explain a little more...

Story 1 --- Recently after I made the huge change and took all my hair off, I went to a party where I saw some old friends from high school I haven't seen in a few years. I was wearing a hat because that was a stage where I wouldn't leave the house without one. I then ran into one of my old friends (girl) from one of my classes and we said an enthusiastic "heyyy!" We weren't best friends but we were definitely more than acquaintances and got along back in the day, so I decided to take this opportunity to show off my new doo. I said "check this out I shaved my head!" As I pulled off my hat to reveal my head, she immediately jumped back and let out a huge over-dramatic gasp. "Ewww! I don't like it! Put the hat back on!"
     This was the end of our conversation and it was certainly a night-spoiler for me. This was the first negative reaction I got and it came out of me presenting myself with complete confidence. Obviously this girl sucks and is outrageously rude and insensitive blah blah blah.
     I started to think about maybe everyone who knew me with hair wants to see me as they remember me. I found myself being much more comfortable wearing my bare head in front of strangers who would have no expectations whatsoever from me.

Story 2 --- I was hanging out with one of my newer friends who has always known me as a bald guy and I decided to show her some old videos that me and my friends did back in college. When she saw me on camera, she said "Whoa you have hair there! You looked good back then."
     
     Again this is my competing image of my younger self that upsets me. The girl in story 1 would not have reacted the way she did if she had met me at a time when I was already bald. The girl in the 2nd story wouldn't have pointed out that the guy with the hair is attractive if it had not been such a contrast from what I look like now.

     My point is that recently becoming a bald man has psychologically created, for me, a separation of my current self and my former self. Yes, obviously we are the same person and deep down nothing has changed.  But when it comes to interacting with other people in this world (besides with my best friends), the 2 are completely different people. I find myself jealous of my former self if I ever hear the smallest thing about my being attractive a long time ago.
     It's kind of like how I felt about the good-looking popular kids back in high school that would get all the attention from the attractive girls. I wanted nothing to do with those girls and I didn't wanna hear anyone talk about how hot those guys were. So I guess I am at this stage right now where I am basing my own attraction on a comparison from younger to older or hair to no hair. But I know that I will have a reconciliation with my younger self and be at peace with the changes, just as when people getting older have to accept their lost youth, energy, and health.

     The purpose of this post is not to evoke reactions like "oh those girls are just biatches, they don't know what they're missing" or "hang in there and you'll see great reactions" or "attractiveness is all about the confidence." I'm not asking for any advice in dealing with situations like this.
    What I really want from you is to share with me these moments of vulnerability that you had in your lives regarding your baldness.

-How did you feel in the early bald days when you looked back at your older pictures?
-How did you feel if people saw your shaved head (not knowing you had MPB) and suggested that you grow your hair out?
-Did you ever have any successful retorts if a girl said something negative about your head?
-When did you become at peace with your changes and love your younger self just as much as your current self? (because yeah, they're the same person!)
-Did you find it easier to be your sly self in front of newer people or people you already know?

     Sorry about the length of this post, I'm really not good at being concise. I have just read so much (particularly from the older members of SBG) about your current positive outlooks on being bald. Really, it is very admirable and I hope to be as proud about being bald as you are some day. But I really am interested in hearing more of your struggles with your self identity in the early balding/bald days.
     There's no doubt that for every one of you, it has been a rocky road in the whole process because....let's be real: going bald is a huge milestone in your life. Whether its effect on you is positive or negative, it is a major change that effects every aspect of your life! There's no way you can just be fully haired one day, the next day bald, and then immediately you've accepted it. It's all a huge process and I'm very interested in hearing more about your early stages. If you don't feel like posting on this post and wanna send a more private message, feel free to do so!
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Frontier Guy on August 08, 2012, 06:44:43 PM
Hi Pete, I'm glad you posted because it will provide a good conversation for a lot of guys who have had similar experiences.

I'm not one of them, but I'll barge in anyway. I think age has a lot to do with how easy it is to accept the change to bald. Decades of life experiences provide a huge cauldron for us (more seasoned) to draw upon as various situations present themselves. My MPB really didn't begin to appear until my early 50s, and even last year I received regular compliments about my silvery hair. In fact, one group of younger friends nicknamed me The Silver Fox.

But I saw the recession coming and I was ready for a change. Other things were happening in my life which indicated a total transformation was necessary. So within a month I went from "contemporary older man" style to sly. Indeed there were some comments, but more were just questions about why.

I've lived long enough and through a few emotional turmoils that I've developed enough self-esteem to know that I'm OK just as I am. Opinions from others are just that. Their opinions. They're welcome to them, but don't expect me to take it personally.

As for comparing the "bald me" to the "hairier me" - they are just different album covers to the same music. Some may think I'm different ... but I know I'm not.

I am still surprised occasionally when I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, or touch my head when deep in thought. So it goes.

I think the flaw in Story 1 may have been the unexpected reveal. My success has been just being "bald" - anyone can see it coming and it's no surprise. Your enthusiasm - which I appreciate - may have been too intense a disclosure for her. No big deal.

Story #2 - that's her opinion. I wasn't there so I can't gauge the inflection as to whether it was more "comment" or "disapproval."

But doesn't this really come back to where you are today, and where you're going tomorrow?

* Bald is better than Balding.

* People you meet now will not know the "previous" you (unless you bring out the video)

* And, finally, although I'm biased because I support guys who are Sly, you are a good looking guy.

You may not want to hear it, but I think you may be giving this particular issue too much emotional weight in your life. Leave off the hat. Stand bald and tall. Smile and laugh. Who is not gonna like and admire that guy?
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Hingatao on August 08, 2012, 08:55:32 PM
Frankly, I think I look better now than I did before and I have wholeheartedly embraced the "new" me  since Day 1 and I have received nothing but compliments about how I look sly. (Except from my sister, who thinks I should let my hair grow back.) the only way I would go back to a previous look would be if I could go all the way back to age 18.
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Razor X on August 08, 2012, 09:05:58 PM
Everyone's appearance changes over time, and in most cases the changes are not what we would pick if given a choice. You have to let go of yesterday; all any of us can do is try and look the best we can with what God gave us to work with.

It can take a long time to get used to being without hair. Hang in there; you look fine and things will get better.
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Acme on August 08, 2012, 09:16:13 PM
Frontierguy had a great response!

I just did it last year at 44 and it wasn't at a critical stage.  It was receding and thining but I still had some mileage left.  I wanted to give it a try before it got worse because like Frontier said, bald is better than balding.  So I went from full hair to no hair all at once and it turned out I loved it.  It has been a year this month and I haven't had any negative reactions except from my mother initially.

I had high anxiety for about 2 weeks and after that, I was ok with seeing people who knew me the old way.  Sometimes, they don't even realize they have never seen me bald.

It's just a different look and some people will like it and some people won't.  Women change their look all the time and it's not always for the better.  But a guy doesn't dare give the reaction those 2 women gave you.
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: peteman9 on August 08, 2012, 10:39:23 PM
I know, how often does a guy tell a girl she is fat and should lose wait? I think it's just think it's common courtesy to try and make someone feel better about themselves with positive reinforcement. I guess we gotta just get that from ourselves
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: wonderer on August 08, 2012, 11:07:13 PM
Younger me had long hair and was often mistaken for a "you are such a pretty little girl" kind of stupid  comments(even from my neighbours  @c3   ),in fact my parents often refused to get me to the friggin haircut so i developed phobia from cutting my hair -now they are paying for their acts    ;) no more mister fluffy long-haired guy !   O0
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: wonderer on August 08, 2012, 11:13:25 PM
So to make a long story short nobody really accepted me with a long hair and they don't accept me with no hair and they wont accept me anyway so why bother  :/O
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: wonderer on August 08, 2012, 11:26:45 PM
I know that I know noting and everybody around me would say you the same thing about me ;that is -that i know noting so i will refer to scientific studies www.uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Hair
I need to find somebody to teach me English language but until then i will continue to live in illusion that i can use written English -o i am blessed with my ignorance ! O:)
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: waine on August 09, 2012, 12:06:42 AM
Hey there Pete, and welcome...

I will admit, shaving bald at your age and finding yourself in the social situations that a youngster finds themselves in is different to a man in his thirties or forties who shaves bald.  The difference is you are still looking for a mate, but a settled man is not, so there is no fear for the settled man that he won’t find a girl because he is bald.

Having said that, consider the following:

There are many stories here of younger men who have found a beautiful companion while bald.  Why should your case be different?

In your scenarios you speak of one girl you knew in the past.  Naturally she will compare you to the impression she had of you when you had hair.  A girl who never saw you with hair will perceive you as having always been bald and will accept your look as you are in the present.  Try to meet new girls in new social environments so they see you as you are now.

You are already balding and your solution is to go Sly.  That was very important to you.  Friends and girls must accept you for the person that you are in the “here and now”.

Look at all the photos of bald men on this site.  As you see them is your first impression of them.  So many look “normal” in fact many look quite handsome.  They are all from different backgrounds; many are in very good standing in terms of careers and social lives.  What does that tell you?  Is tells you that in this day and age, we have evolved to the point that a bald man is just the same as any other man, only with a different “hairstyle”.

It is all one big mental shift.  If I look at your profile pic, I see a good looking young man, not a “bald” man.  “Hair doeth not maketh the man”.  Personality, a sense of humour, confidence, values and manners make a man!

Live in the now, accept your new life style and you will see, it will all pan out for the good in the end...

Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: wonderer on August 09, 2012, 12:13:43 AM
Listen to Waine bro he is completely right and on the point (unlike me ) !No need to despair about hair ....when we are on hair topic I (for one)am allergic to hair therefore hair is EVIL she make me sick !
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Beardman on August 09, 2012, 03:27:58 AM
I must say I don't think I have honestly ever heard anyone say anything negative about my slyness (although I have a terrible memory problem). I have had several people ask me why, and 1 person whose interaction I would like to share with you all, because I think it is the closest thing I can think of to negativity I have had to deal with, and it honestly left me dumbfounded (I always like to have lots of prepared retorts, but this one genuinely got me).

So, Friday night I did my normal run into the supermarket to grab a snack to share with my local roleplaying group and bumped into an old friend from high school that I haven't seen in about a year or so. We still talk on Facebook every now and again and he had clearly seen the pics of the new sly me. After we had finished our greetings and pleasantries he lifted up the corner of my beanie (It is winter here, and was a pretty cold night) to check out my dome, and made a kind of shocked exclamation. Then ask when why I hadn't grown my hair back yet (or something along those lines). I was shocked. No one had ever said anything like that before to me... Then when I finally stumbled out with something along the lines of 'this is the way I like it now' he then made a retort about how it was time I shaved of my beard now... too which I told him, that wasn't ever going to happen at which point our respective friends had come back to obviously see what was up, and we said our good byes.

Other then that I have not had anything negative said about my sly new self, and even have my foreman buzz cutting his hair back to almost nothing again (he stopped because his partner doesn't like it short).

I personally have loved the new sly me ever since I took the plunge and have never looked back, not even once. I hated the old me! I've never admitted that before... but it's true. 20 months ago I looked like a fat, balding, old man, and at the age of 24 that is not a flattering look at all! but since going sly I feel like I have got my youthfulness back, and I actually like the look of myself, and am very happy with myself.

I hope you bring the new and old you together to form a whole again, and embrace the sly together. Don't let other peoples opinions get you down, I agree wholeheartedly with what the other brothers have said before me.
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Razor X on August 09, 2012, 09:36:28 AM
I'd also like to add that I totally understand what it is like to have insecurities about one's appearance. If I were ever to sit down and compile a list of things that I don't like about the way I look, the list would be an extensive one. But baldness is NOT one of the things that would be on the list. We have been conditioned to think that our hair is the most important aspect of our appearances. I am here to tell you that it is not. One day when you are a bit older, you will realize it. Until then, you'll jusr haveto take my word for it.   ;)
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Andrei on August 09, 2012, 02:05:01 PM
Welcome Peter!

I must state that I'm BBC and regarding my age I'm 26 too.
I can understand that it's a great difference between choosing and having to work with something, but it's not the end of the world.
When I started buzzing my hair (no guard) and later shaving, almost all of the people that knew me asked why I did that and, of course, my previous "style" was better.
I was kind of expecting the "Why" questions and a few comments, but I knew that I chose to shave and I'll keep doing it as long as I wish to: it's my choice.

Of course you could chose balding and not to shave, but will that make anything better? I think not. You just have to acknowledge that even if you're suffering from the MPB or just thinning, by shaving you took control and things no longer just happen to you.
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: kalbo on August 09, 2012, 07:58:59 PM
Welcome to the bald brotherhood Peteman. We all go through some insecure phase in our life. What matters is that you know what you want. Stand by with what will bring you happiness.
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: wonderer on August 09, 2012, 11:22:49 PM
Looking god man you should not worry  O0 !....I just can't face my younger self 'couse then i would have to travel back to 2011 when i was 26 and as you know (and lets face it we all learned something from Marty and Doc Marty's girlfriend (what's her name ?)and doc's dog Einstein )if you go back in past you may start singing 'Johnnie Be Good" (and as we all know that's just lame  :/O even in 1950..even now and forever shall be  ) and if i go further in past i might be in situation where my De Lorean is lame because of the fact that all "The real Cowboys" have a "real"horse and they think that even a sight of my De Lorean is unsightly to look at -so you see traveling in past is Lame and that's why the law of physic don't allow us to get embarrassed(that is one of few cool laws of physic and not stupid one like gravity  :/O )
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Beardman on August 10, 2012, 12:12:56 AM
Your broken english makes your jokes all the funnier! But you speak the truth haha
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: wonderer on August 10, 2012, 12:24:58 AM
Beardman-I was a sickly child so i missed out from a lot of my English classes so really you can't blame me   :D
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Beardman on August 10, 2012, 12:30:35 AM
You still manage to communicate clearer then a lot of people these days who speak english as their primary/only language
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: wonderer on August 10, 2012, 12:47:05 AM
Beardman-thank you !Now i must confess  :-[ ,I wasn't "a sickly child " that was a down right lie  :-[ ,back then in my School days i was more with a Lewen (beer) then with my English grammar book ...don't judge me   :-\ (Children -learn on my mistakes/mistake  :*)) I am a liar ,bad one too)  it is a proven fact that lewen is highly addictive (and the color/colour of the can is beautiful  :o , o man I had one in my desk all the time only for a decoration.
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: balddaniel on August 10, 2012, 08:27:14 AM
Peteman,  I myself am BBC my hair is a little thin in the front, but I would rather shave then let it grow out.  I have nothing to worry about.  You are a very good looking young man and should have problem finding the right person for you.  People who give negative remarks are just down right RUDE!
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: alaskandave on August 31, 2012, 05:26:51 AM
I recently decided to not wear my hat at work anymore. The whole reason to wear a hat is to not get hair in things, and I don't have hair. I got so many reactions. I have had my head shaved for years but you would have thought I just did it by the reactions I got. It was the topic of conversation in the break for weeks. I would say the reactions were 50 percent positive and 50 percent negative. I'm at a point in my life were the negative doesn't matter. The only thing that matter is what I think, and the people that are close to me think.
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Frontier Guy on August 31, 2012, 05:35:48 AM
The only thing that matter is what I think, and the people that are close to me think.

Precisely. It's your life to live.
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Slyfive on August 31, 2012, 10:39:45 PM
Hi Pete, although I am very happy with who I am now, and the way I look as a bald man, I still find it difficult to reconcile the two images, and have had similar issues with friends, but one thing I have found is that the friends who really care about me, made jokes, then realised it was a good change for me and left it at that. This doesn't mean that I find it easy, or wasn't affected by the jokes, but the people who matter, accept me for who I am. I still get nervous whenever I'm going to see someone who I havent seen since I went sly, not because I need their validation, but because I don't want to have to explain myself, or be compared to my old self by them.

To be frank, I used to be kind of a 'pretty boy' longish hair and no beard, and now I am bald, bearded, and wear glasses 100% of the time. I am actually almost unrecognisable, but the person who matters the most to me, my partner, still loves me and finds me attractive all the same. She didn't fall in love with a bald beardy guy, but she loves it, and this fits really well with FG's comment that it's a "different cover for the same album", what difference does the cover make when its the music that you love

So I guess to summarise, yes I find it difficult sometimes, and the comparisons to my prior self get to me a little, but not because I don't like current me, because I want people to see me not analyse me retrospectively.

I'll post a picture so you can see the extent of the change compared to my avatar.

Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: BBC56 on September 01, 2012, 04:44:17 AM
I think that there is another point to be made here.  The reaction to your choice of the sly look is just a symptom.  The young ladies in question were completely insensitive to behave the way they did - they forgot that we are all entitled to our opinions, but we all should be expected to consider others when expressing opinions.  Their feelings about your baldness were more important to them than your own feelings.  It may be how they felt at the time but it is YOUR head and YOUR baldness.  Take ownership of what is yours - be sly if you wish because it is yours. 
And there are lots of women who will care for you despite or because you are sly.  I think too many people are too egocentric these days and have forgotten how to consider others.  Go find a woman who cares about YOU, not your hair.  They are out there!  Make one of them your life partner and someday you will look back at these events as irrelevant.
I cheated in my transition to sly, because I shaved my head for short periods over many years before I made the commitment to be and stay sly.  So, my transition from my "younger self" to my curent self wasn't so abrupt.  All I can tell you is I wish I had committed to the sly look when I was your age.
 I don't have superficial friends - I really care about the friends that I have and they for me.  Only one or two of my close friends were bothered by my shaved head, and they have adapted because they actually care about me, not my hair.  True friends are people who like, trust and respect each other.  They didn't respect you, therefore you shouldn't trust them, and there is no basis for true friendship.  Stick with your true friends!  These ladies just taught you one way to spot who isn't a true friend.  And stick with being sly if you want to, because it is your life, your body and your look.
And the best comeback is to laugh it off - no reason to meet their insensitiity with more insensitivity.  If they really want to be with you they will come back and apologize.  Otherwise you have lost nothing by losing the chance to have a relationship with them.  The loss is theirs.
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: theman on October 09, 2012, 06:16:09 PM
I have enjoyed reading this.  It is a older thread, but interesting.  I am going to leave it as this .  We all change as time goes on.  We become older , wiser, and age like fine wine if we take care of ourselves.  We in alot of ways get better with age so enjoy it and the pain in joints that comes with it.   ;D
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: nola44 on October 09, 2012, 07:00:06 PM
I can say that younger ladies, 30 and under, are still immature and can be harsh with their comments and looks. I can remember when I was in my 20's how I would react towards someone who was bald. I was immature back then and didn't know any better. Now, I'm in my 40's and I don't even flench when I see someone who is bald. I guess with age, I became wiser. It still doesn't make it any easier for the younger guys who are sly.
I am definitely not confident with my appearance now (not sly yet) and I know once I do it, I will struggle with the confidence thing for a while. Hopefully it will not drag out and I will accept the look, as well as my friends and family.

My biggest fear are the looks I will get from ladies I do not know. Being married, that should not matter but for some reason it does. I guess my take is your wife should love you and be attracted to you no matter what but getting positive responses from strangers would help in building confidence.
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: theman on October 09, 2012, 07:36:48 PM
Not knowing alot about you.  I would guess that you have a slight self confidence problem which I feel that one time or another in our lives we all  have had questions.  But if you want to you can over come this.  The members on this board are very understanding trust me have been through some of there own questions in life.  We are with ya. 
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Slyfive on October 10, 2012, 01:42:23 AM
Theman it's awesome to see you contributing so actively so soon, you are already giving valuable advice and I've really been enjoying your posts, good stuff!

@Nola Theman is right, with a bit of help you have the power to overcome, you seem realistic in that it may not be the easiest thing in the world, but trust me when I say, when you've done it, it will be a non-problem... it will be you, and it will be awesome
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: theman on October 11, 2012, 11:07:01 AM
Theman it's awesome to see you contributing so actively so soon, you are already giving valuable advice and I've really been enjoying your posts, good stuff!

@Nola Theman is right, with a bit of help you have the power to overcome, you seem realistic in that it may not be the easiest thing in the world, but trust me when I say, when you've done it, it will be a non-problem... it will be you, and it will be awesome
You are so very kind Slyfive, Thank You.  I have been Sly for several years now, and went through some of the same problem when I first became sly.  And  in some respects I found I was my own worst enemy.  My insecuritys were felt by others, and when I became a I AM COOL person , and walked with confidance and acted with confidance  problems were gone.  I watched Telly S. lol. 

Thanks again.  Have a Great Day.
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Slyfive on October 12, 2012, 07:53:02 PM
With a moustache that good, you could only be a cool person!
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: theman on October 13, 2012, 04:33:40 PM
With a moustache that good, you could only be a cool person!
Thank you again  :) the older you get the more hair you get LOL,  Think it might be a hormone thing LOL.  I can remember when I was a youngen at 21 the stash wasn't that bad and I had to have it in lawenforcement to LOOK OLDER !  Lol.  But I found when you are out in the cold investigating a accident , helped hold the snot off your lips.  To tell you the truth always wanted one like Sam Elliots. And they could enclude the voice LOL.

Thanks, again and have a Great Day !
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: theman on October 26, 2012, 03:14:33 PM
Got tired of looking at the topic of I feel so down.  I am sure all of us have up's and downs in life , lord only know's I have .  But life goes on, never thought I would live this long  ;D ;D but I can remember when I wanted to look like Elvis, Vince Edwards, (Ben Casey MD)   ;D ;D That there was a big mistake.  I was so concerned about the hair on my scull cap looking good and worried about it , that I could have used the time dating, and going after the ladies !  LMAO. 

But when you get old and facing your Younger Self, you can look back and LYAO !!!   ;) 8)  Because it is all good.  You  came into this world and  with little hair, and gonna go out with ( sure hope I get to shave before I vaporlock !  With a clean head )  And dern proud of it ! 

Thank ya for the time.  Have a Great Day !
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: TunaSkin on November 02, 2012, 11:52:59 PM
First of all, Peteman, I know you didn't want to hear this but don't worry about those girl's reactions. It's nothing. My own experience has taught me that women (and men for that matter) think much less about our appearance than we do ourselves. That is to say, it's really only as big of a deal as you let it be. Don't give their words any power and they have none.

As to the rest of your post, I think back to when I used to have long hair and I think that if I still had a full, thick head of hair I would probably still be rocking the viking look, but I don't and it doesn't bother me. This is me now and I'm of the opinion that the only proper way to deal with yourself is to accept yourself, and that goes for everything. I don't try to hide the fact that I have a shaved head by wearing hats or anything like that. When people ask why I shave my head I tell them the truth- my hair is thinning in the front and a little in the back and I don't like it. It bothered me so I did something about it. I don't believe in trying to hide your appearance either. That's why I have this goofy-ass profile picture on here. This is me. A silly, bald bastard and my happiness isn't dependent on what I think other people think of my lack of hair.

If a girl gives me a negative reaction I don't let it bother me. That just makes my job easier. I don't have to waste 3 months getting to know her before I realize she's shallow and probably not worth knowing. Also, I really don't let too much of my identity get tied up in the fact that I don't have hair. I have other qualities that are attractive, so on the off chance someone does find my baldness unattractive I can still attract them in other ways. Does that make sense? I really don't think it's anything for a mature man to be embarrassed by or ashamed of, it's not like people lose their hair because they eat too much junk fund or spend too much time watching TV. It just happens to some people. Big deal. Should we be embarrassed that we are getting older? Of course not. Everyone is! Constantly! 

If people tell me to grow my hair out I tell them "no". If they ask why I give them the aforementioned reasons. Like I said, this is me. 

Accepting your younger self as much as your current self is a process, but personally I've never had much trouble doing that because I'm a pretty happy guy now, and my younger self made me the man I am today. Here's the thing about self acceptance- you have two choices. Accept yourself or not. The difference is that one is going to make you feel empowered, confident and make you a more likable person and the other is going to make you feel terrible, lower your confidence and probably make you a lot less attractive to everyone around you. The choice is ENTIRELY up to you.

  Good luck, Brother

 
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: theman on November 03, 2012, 12:01:50 AM
First of all, Peteman, I know you didn't want to hear this but don't worry about those girl's reactions. It's nothing. My own experience has taught me that women (and men for that matter) think much less about our appearance than we do ourselves. That is to say, it's really only as big of a deal as you let it be. Don't give their words any power and they have none.

As to the rest of your post, I think back to when I used to have long hair and I think that if I still had a full, thick head of hair I would probably still be rocking the viking look, but I don't and it doesn't bother me. This is me now and I'm of the opinion that the only proper way to deal with yourself is to accept yourself, and that goes for everything. I don't try to hide the fact that I have a shaved head by wearing hats or anything like that. When people ask why I shave my head I tell them the truth- my hair is thinning in the front and a little in the back and I don't like it. It bothered me so I did something about it. I don't believe in trying to hide your appearance either. That's why I have this goofy-ass profile picture on here. This is me. A silly, bald bastard and my happiness isn't dependent on what I think other people think of my lack of hair.

If a girl gives me a negative reaction I don't let it bother me. That just makes my job easier. I don't have to waste 3 months getting to know her before I realize she's shallow and probably not worth knowing. Also, I really don't let too much of my identity get tied up in the fact that I don't have hair. I have other qualities that are attractive, so on the off chance someone does find my baldness unattractive I can still attract them in other ways. Does that make sense? I really don't think it's anything for a mature man to be embarrassed by or ashamed of, it's not like people lose their hair because they eat too much junk fund or spend too much time watching TV. It just happens to some people. Big deal. Should we be embarrassed that we are getting older? Of course not. Everyone is! Constantly! 

If people tell me to grow my hair out I tell them "no". If they ask why I give them the aforementioned reasons. Like I said, this is me. 

Accepting your younger self as much as your current self is a process, but personally I've never had much trouble doing that because I'm a pretty happy guy now, and my younger self made me the man I am today. Here's the thing about self acceptance- you have two choices. Accept yourself or not. The difference is that one is going to make you feel empowered, confident and make you a more likable person and the other is going to make you feel terrible, lower your confidence and probably make you a lot less attractive to everyone around you. The choice is ENTIRELY up to you.

  Good luck, Brother

 
;) 8) O0 Good Post ! 
Title: Re: Facing your younger self
Post by: Frontier Guy on November 03, 2012, 03:54:39 AM
The choice is ENTIRELY up to you.

Succinctly, there it is.